View Full Version : Stuff You Wish You Could Say to People
Viking Kitten
4/14/2006, 02:03 PM
So...
This lady calls me office just now. Sounds about 60-70-ish. She's preparing a resouce guide for young women seeking abortion alternatives. There's a part of our Website that could possibly be of help to such an individual. She is seeking permission to list us a resource.
"Bully for you," I think. "List away."
"Great!" she replied. There's just one problem though. That portion of our site is not accessible to anyone using AOL as their browser. In fact, she is an AOL user and needed help pulling it up with IE.
"Ah yes, we're aware of that," I tell her. "It's a compatibility issue. Our Hawaiian-shirt-wearing IT guys have tried to resolve the problem with AOL, but AOL doesn't seem interested in helping, so we just have to rely on the fact that fewer people are using AOL as a browser any more."
"Well... okay," she says, with some trepidation. "I'm just concerned that we'll be excluding a large number of girls who may really need this information."
So... what I wanted to say was... "Look lady. The teenage hussies you're dealing with may not be able to figure out how to keep their legs closed, but I guaran-damn-tee they can figure out use the Internet without going through AOL. AOL is quite literally for dried up ol' grannies like yourself."
Then I imagined the joy my boss would take in saying, "Hey VK. It's alright by me if the door hits you in the a*s on the way out."
So instead I said, "I'll pass along your concerns to the IT Department, ma'am."
Sigh. :twinkies:
Hamhock
4/14/2006, 02:05 PM
Why do you hate unborn babies?
Octavian
4/14/2006, 02:08 PM
shut that baby up or take it outside!!
...this is a restaurant for gawd's sakes
Jimminy Crimson
4/14/2006, 02:10 PM
Why do you hate fresh roasted fetii?
:eek:
jk the sooner fan
4/14/2006, 02:13 PM
there isnt enough bandwidth for the things i'd like to say to others........
Czar Soonerov
4/14/2006, 02:14 PM
Stuff You Wish You Could Say to People :twinkies:
Hey honey, that one's kinda cute. You think she'd be down for a threeway? :twinkies:
Viking Kitten
4/14/2006, 02:15 PM
"Actually dear, size does matter."
BeetDigger
4/14/2006, 02:24 PM
What you want to say:
"Dammit Czar, that's it. I've had it with picking up your dead whores. I'm seeing my lawyer. You're out."
What you say:
"Ok kids, daddy's being a bit messy, let's all pitch in and help him throw away his dead whores."
Czar Soonerov
4/14/2006, 02:24 PM
"wash your junk!" NSFW (http://www.wavlist.com/humor/003/coochie.wav)
Czar Soonerov
4/14/2006, 02:25 PM
"Actually dear, size does matter."
http://www.wavlist.com/humor/003/3inch.wav
Pricetag
4/14/2006, 02:27 PM
shut that baby up or take it outside!!
...this is a restaurant for gawd's sakes
My boy had a fit at a restaurant when he was still a baby. We did the responsible thing and left, but I guess that wasn't good enough for this one SOB, who felt the need to walk up to my wife and smugly "thank" her for taking him outside.
He was lucky I was off getting the car.
Viking Kitten
4/14/2006, 02:30 PM
"Scrubbing Bubbles work hard so you don't have to!"
BlondeSoonerGirl
4/14/2006, 02:33 PM
Must...resist...evil....
TUSooner
4/14/2006, 02:33 PM
You stupid F*&%$#@ %*&&#@ !!!
I want to say that to a whole lot of people every day.
Soonrboy
4/14/2006, 02:34 PM
To some parents: What the **** were you thinking when you decided to have babies? or Ma'am, you have 4 children at this school and each one has a different last name. How about keeping your ****ing legs closed for once before we have to try to teach the 5th one how to read also.
Rant over. Thanks, VK..I feel much b etter.
Howzit
4/14/2006, 02:34 PM
You stupid F*&%$#@ %*&&#@ !!!
I want to say that to a whole lot of people every day.
We're not 'sposed to say that?
King Crimson
4/14/2006, 02:38 PM
scenario: loud person on cellphone (I don't want to know this much about "Matty" or the other idiots in your life):
i'm wearing red colored contact lenses and sunglasses. i pull off the sunglasses and say: "I've come for your cellphone and your soul."
jk the sooner fan
4/14/2006, 02:39 PM
i told a man the other day who was lying thru his teeth to get money we didnt owe him "sir, i'm sorry, but we're all out of free money this week"
idiot
BeetDigger
4/14/2006, 02:52 PM
To the fat people at McDonalds:
"Do you really think you need to super size your order?"
OUinFLA
4/14/2006, 02:58 PM
LEARN TO DRIVE BEFORE YOU MOVE TO FLORIDA!
"The Hornets' owner, players, and coaches all like us better than you"
Viking Kitten
4/14/2006, 03:09 PM
"wash your junk!" NSFW (http://www.wavlist.com/humor/003/coochie.wav)
http://www.wavlist.com/humor/003/3inch.wav
"Try posting links that work next time, a-hole!"
OUstudent4life
4/14/2006, 03:10 PM
I don't care if there's a hailstorm in Tulsa, Gary. It's not in your viewing area, stop, so stop covering up the game score with that damn map.
"Try posting links that work next time, a-hole!"
heh
IB4OU2
4/14/2006, 03:12 PM
"Try posting links that work next time, a-hole!"
Go ahead and say it, Czar won't mind...........:D
Hamhock
4/14/2006, 03:12 PM
I don't care if there's a hailstorm in Tulsa, Gary. It's not in your viewing area, stop, so stop covering up the game score with that damn map.
wurd. and tell people in southern kansas, southwestern missouri and northwestern arkansas to get their own danged tv station.
"Try posting links that work next time, a-hole!"
heh, a-hole is one of hose things you wish you could say to someone. VK has grown up in less than two pages of thread. :eddie:
Osce0la
4/14/2006, 03:14 PM
Welcome home kitty!!!
:(
sooneron
4/14/2006, 03:17 PM
Excuse Mr. Cab Driver, could you please do me and the world a favor and buy some ****ing deodorant!
StoopTroup
4/14/2006, 03:19 PM
F*** Y** Whorn! (While getting a speeding ticket in Texas)
Hey, VK, I did mention I know your boss' boss, right?
Howzit
4/14/2006, 03:50 PM
Hey, VK, I did mention I know your boss' boss, right?
You mean Czar?
:D
"Boomer freakin' Sooner!"
SicEmBaylor
4/14/2006, 04:00 PM
She sounds like some of the people I deal with who work for caritas. I'm pro-life, but I really hate dealing with pro-life advocates.
C&CDean
4/14/2006, 04:08 PM
You know, I do not suffer from this malady. I do not have angst, stress, or pent-up anger. No deep, underlying psychological issues. No need for anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, or anti-anything drugs.
I always say exactly what I think, when I think it. Always have. Probably always will. However, the key is being semi-diplomatic about it. You know, it's an art when you can tell somebody to go **** themselves and they look forward to giving it a whirl. It's not something that can be coached. It's God-given talent, yo.
JohnnyMack
4/14/2006, 04:10 PM
You know, I do not suffer from this malady. I do not have angst, stress, or pent-up anger. No deep, underlying psychological issues. No need for anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, or anti-anything drugs.
I always say exactly what I think, when I think it. Always have. Probably always will. However, the key is being semi-diplomatic about it. You know, it's an art when you can tell somebody to go **** themselves and they look forward to giving it a whirl. It's not something that can be coached. It's God-given talent, yo.
It's true. Just the other day he says, "Hey Mr. Barber, make me look like Odd-Job." See?
Czar Soonerov
4/14/2006, 04:16 PM
"Try posting links that work next time, a-hole!"
http://media.putfile.com/Wash-It <-NSFW
http://media.putfile.com/3inch-38
Viking Kitten
4/14/2006, 04:41 PM
You know, I do not suffer from this malady. I do not have angst, stress, or pent-up anger. No deep, underlying psychological issues. No need for anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, or anti-anything drugs.
I always say exactly what I think, when I think it. Always have. Probably always will. However, the key is being semi-diplomatic about it. You know, it's an art when you can tell somebody to go **** themselves and they look forward to giving it a whirl. It's not something that can be coached. It's God-given talent, yo.
Nah, for me it's always been about self preservation. Like this one time... (at Band Camp) Czar tried to get me to go into a strip club. I was all young and innocent and uncorrupted back then, so I didn't really want to go. We got as far as the door, then I'm all "but I just don't wanna!"
So this really flat-chested stripper is hangin' out by the door and she's all "Whatssa matter honey, you afraid of a little titty?"
And I so wanted to go "Well lady, if I was afraid of a 'little' titty, I guess I'd be terrified of you, huh?"
But I didn't want all her stripper friends to beat me up, so I kept my mouth shut.
I'm not angry about it, I swear.
slickdawg
4/14/2006, 04:46 PM
Were you coerced by the itty bitty titty committee?
Mixer!
4/14/2006, 05:04 PM
"No, just because I live in Stillwater doesn't mean I'm part of the orange armada, you a$$clown."
Sooner_Bob
4/14/2006, 05:07 PM
"No, just because I live in Stillwater doesn't mean I'm part of the orange armada, you a$$clown."
same here . . . .
OUinFLA
4/14/2006, 05:16 PM
No, Cindy Crawford, not again, I just can't. Three times in one night is just about the limit for an old guy like me.
GottaHavePride
4/14/2006, 05:25 PM
"No, just because I live by the StarLite Drive-In doesn't mean I'll help fight the Kodan Armada, you a$$clown."
http://www.technovelgy.com/graphics/content05/americans-army-starfighter.jpg
Tailwind
4/14/2006, 07:18 PM
Turn off your ****ing cell phone while you're in my lobby *******. The 20 people in line behind you would really like to check in sometime today!
BlondeSoonerGirl
4/14/2006, 07:46 PM
Hey, Japanese person up here at work...
...it is not my job to hold the door for you. See, in this country we hold the door open for others just to be nice. Just a gesture of politeness and courtesy. I owe you nothing - got it? One of these days I'm gonna let that door close on you just keep walking.
Rude-san Mcpunk-san.
:mad:
Howzit
4/14/2006, 08:29 PM
Hey, Japanese person up here at work...
...it is not my job to hold the door for you. See, in this country we hold the door open for others just to be nice. Just a gesture of politeness and courtesy. I owe you nothing - got it? One of these days I'm gonna let that door close on you just keep walking.
Rude-san Mcpunk-san.
:mad:
heh. Projects spent with a Japanese company, both here and over there, make your ongoing perspectives funny. HAHA funny. HAHA holding my belly funny.
BlondeSoonerGirl
4/14/2006, 08:31 PM
heh. Projects spent with a Japanese company, both here and over there, make your ongoing perspectives funny. HAHA funny. HAHA holding my belly funny.
Something tells me they don't hold the doors open for one another over there, do they?
MamaMia
4/14/2006, 10:44 PM
I wish I could tell my priest that Notre Dame sucks.
slickdawg
4/14/2006, 10:46 PM
I wish I could tell my priest that Notre Dame sucks.
Gimme his e-mail address, I'll tell him for you.
YWIA
:texan:
BajaOklahoma
4/15/2006, 12:26 AM
I wish I could tell my priest that Notre Dame sucks.
Is he a big football fan? If so, he'll understand.
GulfCoastBamaFan
4/15/2006, 02:09 AM
I'd just picked up my Child #3 from day care. I come up to the 4-way stop, and this f'ing a-hole turns left right in front of me, missing certain death at the hands of my Silverado by mere inches.
Not two minutes later, I'm listening to my daughter babble on and on about how Sophie did this and Molly did that and the light turns green. I start moving and this dude runs the light and comes ROARING through the intersection.
My observant little darling says: "There goes another f'ing a-hole, Daddy!"
Be careful what you say, is what I'm sayin...
LEARN TO DRIVE BEFORE YOU MOVE TO FLORIDA!
and learn to vote while you're at it.
GulfCoastBamaFan
4/15/2006, 02:21 AM
http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e343/Mischief810/recount.jpg
Chuck Bao
4/15/2006, 08:35 AM
To those non-Christians who use "Jesus Christ" as their favorite swear words, I want to say:
"If you really want to swear and make it count, why don't you swear by your own faith. Or, if you have no faith, you could just use some bodily function as a swear word."
And to those who post links to a joke website with a cut-off of Christ dying on the cross with matching outfits from the Wizard of Oz (Scare Crow, Dorthy, Tin Man, Scaredly Lion) and try to defend it by the popularity of the TV show South Park.
"You really want to take the TV show South Park as the moral base of your life?"
soonerboomer93
4/15/2006, 10:28 AM
"I really don't give a **** if you're tv's not working, it doesn't qualify as a special emergency just because the kid's are on spring break and want to watch cartoon's. Why don't you try introducing them to the wonderful world of playing out ****ing side."
i'm saving this for my last day, last straw statement.
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