SOONER44EVER
4/7/2006, 04:25 AM
SOUTHERNISMS:
Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.
She fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
She's so stuck up she'd drown in a rainstorm.
It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.
My cow died last night, so I don't need your bull.
He's as country as cornflakes.
This is gooder'n grits.
If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy
it.
I'm 'bout as........ Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of
rocking chairs. Busy as a moth in a mitten. Happy as a clam at high
tide.
Advice for Northerners moving to the South: Save all manner of bacon
grease. You will be instructed on how to use it shortly.
Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean Southerners
can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
If you DO run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab
of a four-wheel pick-up with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be
along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way.
This is what they live for.
You can ask Southerners for directions, but unless you already know the
positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to
find it yourself.
Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is
plural possessive.
Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't
understand you either.
The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's
vocabulary is the adjective "big ol' ," as in "big ol' truck," or "big
ol' boy." "Fixin'" (as in "I'm fixin' to go to the store") is 2nd, and
"Y'all" is 3rd.
As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone directly
in the middle of the road, remember: ALL Southern folks learned to
drive on a John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position
for that vehicle.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" get out of
his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say, or worse
still, that you will ever hear.
Most Southerners do not use turn signals; they ignore those who do. In
fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Southern license
plate, you may rest assured that it was already turned on when the car
was purchased.
If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone
eating.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most
minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local
grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store.
It is just something you're supposed to do.
Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one,
it is positioned directly in front of the house. This is logical,
bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the house and
should, therefore, be prominently displayed.
One last warning but probably the most important one to remember: Be
advised that in the South, "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.
She fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
She's so stuck up she'd drown in a rainstorm.
It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.
My cow died last night, so I don't need your bull.
He's as country as cornflakes.
This is gooder'n grits.
If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy
it.
I'm 'bout as........ Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of
rocking chairs. Busy as a moth in a mitten. Happy as a clam at high
tide.
Advice for Northerners moving to the South: Save all manner of bacon
grease. You will be instructed on how to use it shortly.
Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean Southerners
can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
If you DO run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab
of a four-wheel pick-up with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be
along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way.
This is what they live for.
You can ask Southerners for directions, but unless you already know the
positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to
find it yourself.
Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is
plural possessive.
Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't
understand you either.
The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's
vocabulary is the adjective "big ol' ," as in "big ol' truck," or "big
ol' boy." "Fixin'" (as in "I'm fixin' to go to the store") is 2nd, and
"Y'all" is 3rd.
As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone directly
in the middle of the road, remember: ALL Southern folks learned to
drive on a John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position
for that vehicle.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" get out of
his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say, or worse
still, that you will ever hear.
Most Southerners do not use turn signals; they ignore those who do. In
fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Southern license
plate, you may rest assured that it was already turned on when the car
was purchased.
If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone
eating.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most
minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local
grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store.
It is just something you're supposed to do.
Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one,
it is positioned directly in front of the house. This is logical,
bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the house and
should, therefore, be prominently displayed.
One last warning but probably the most important one to remember: Be
advised that in the South, "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.