Let's have some pun with this 'un

[SteelPanz]

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named ''Amal.'' The other goes to a family inSpain; they name him ''Juan.'' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ''But they are twins-if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.''

Yonk!

[SteelPanz]

A cowboy was walking down the street with his new pet dachshund when a passerby asked him why in the world he would buy such an "uncowboylike" dog.

The cowboy answer, "somebody told me to get along little doggie."

[SteelPanz]

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

[SteelPanz]

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten
different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

[SteelPanz]

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire
in the craft it sank -- proving once and for all that you can't have
your kayak and heat it, too.

[TUSooner]

@ @
[
----

[SteelPanz]

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up
to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

[SteelPanz]

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a
beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

[SteelPanz]

Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other.
One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"

[SteelPanz]

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's novocaine
during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

[Oldnslo]

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

Tame way.

[SteelPanz]

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't
stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

[SteelPanz]

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a
hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and
would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One
afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was
dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly,
he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the
bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink
and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry,"
replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."

[SteelPanz]

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to
eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading
a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly
pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of
the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

[SteelPanz]

GOLD, JAUX! GOLD!

A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating
recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a
teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with
me?" The doctor replies: "It's very simple. Relax, you're two tents."

[SteelPanz]

Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

[SteelPanz]

Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so
they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds.

Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of
God, the rival florist across town thought the competition
was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close.
They ignored him. He asked his mother to go and ask the
friars to get out of business. They ignored her, too.

So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest
and most vicious thug in town, to "persuade" them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd
be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified, the friars did so,
thereby proving that . . .

Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

[SteelPanz]

Gandhi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He also was quite a spiritual person. Even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. Furthermore, due to his diet, he ended up with very bad breath. Thus, he was known as a "Super-calloused, fragile mystic plagued with halitosis".

[crawfish]

A man was on his first tour as a bus driver. The depot manager told him, "all our first-time drivers get the same route", and led him up to a bus with Sesame Street characters painted all over it. This threw him a little, but he shook that off and started the route.

On the first stop, two giggling, chubby girls walked into the bus. The first one giggled, "My name is Patty!". The second one giggled "My name is Patty, too!". They walked to the back of the bus and sat down.

On the second stop, a lone boy walked in. He looked at the driver and said, "My name is Ross, and I'm special. My mom says I'm special, my dad says I'm special, and my grandparents all say I'm special. I'm special, dangit!" He walked to the back of the bus and sat down.

On the third stop, another lone boy got in. He said, with a slight jeer, "Hey, dude. I'm Lester G.". He sat down in the front seat, right behind the driver, took off his shoes and plopped 'em not five inches from the driver's head. He then started to pick at the nasty, smelly inflammations between his toes.

Well, the driver finished his route and headed back to the depot. He walked in to the manager's office and yelled, "I've had enough! I quit".

The manager was taken aback. "Why are you quitting so soon?"

The driver responded, "Let me tell you. two obese Patty's, special Ross, Lester G.'s picking bunyons on a Sesame Street Bus!"

[12]

Dad? Is that you?