Things You Will Never Do

[Pieces Hit]

The old adage of "never say never" doesn't apply to this list.

I will start with the obvious:

I will never smash my penis with a sledge hammer.

[OUinFLA]

I'll never sleep with Claudia Schiffer.

dang it

[Pieces Hit]

I will never sit in the dunk tank on the midway at the state fair.

[SOONER44EVER]

I will never cut the tip of my finger off................again.

[Pieces Hit]

I will never own a chain of adult bookstores named after my wife.

[mdklatt]

I will never ask Dean to show me his taint scar.

[VeeJay]

I'll never eat the pasta buffet at Ryan's Steakhouse.

[sooneron]

I will never cheer for texas

[mdklatt]

I'll never eat the pasta buffet at Ryan's Steakhouse.


5...4...3...

[handcrafted]

I will never get the image of pregnant Heidi Klum out of my mind.

That's what I get for agreeing to watch Project Runway with my wife

[Pieces Hit]

I will never get drunk, ride a bicycle to the lake, throw the bike in the lake, wrap chains around my body, put on swim fins, swim as hard as I can to the center of the lake, and drown.

[oumartin]

get crabs again.

[Sooner in Tampa]

Pierce my tongue.

[King Crimson]

order fish sausage soup at a japanese restaurant again.

[Sooner in Tampa]

Get pregnant.

[Sooner in Tampa]

Be a SUC fan.

[mdklatt]

Get pregnant.

Never say never--vasectomies aren't foolproof.

[OU4LIFE]

..jump out of a perfectly good aircraft.

[OU4LIFE]

cheat on my wife.

[Pieces Hit]

I will never add Brokeback Mountain to my DVD collection.

[BeetDigger]

Be a Fear Factor contestant

[Crimson_Balls]

spend over $3,000 for a hooker.

[Pieces Hit]

I will never stalk Phyllis Diller.

[oumartin]

kiss a smoker

[mdklatt]

I will never watch The Village again.

[Pieces Hit]

I will never tell my boss he's a great guy.
Cuz he's not.
He's a lying dick.

[oumartin]

are you self employed? :D

[Mrs. Norm]

Have good luck.

[Pieces Hit]

are you self employed? :DOuch.

I will never market a salad dressing to compete with Newman's Own and give the proceeds to charity.

[King Crimson]

I will never tell my boss he's a great guy.
Cuz he's not.
He's a lying dick.

i think i used to work for that guy.

[Sooner in Tampa]

Never say never--vasectomies aren't foolproof.Yeah, but complete hystorectomies(sp) are :P

[Sooner in Tampa]

Pierce my sac

[Pieces Hit]

I will never bitch slap Hulk Hogan.

[Sooner in Tampa]

Pimp my ride

[skycat]

Two chicks at one time.

[Stanley1]

I'll never "take one up the rear", so to speak.

[mdklatt]

I'll never "take one up the rear", so to speak.

Famous last words.

[Pieces Hit]

I will never shout revolution propoganda thru a megaphone in Chinese.

[TexasLidig8r]

I'll never "take one up the rear", again so to speak.

Repaired.... :D

[Pieces Hit]

I will neva dig up Howard Cosell's corpse, steal his toupee, and wax my neighbor's car with it.

[imjebus]

I will never lie naked in my driveway with a jar of pickles and a bloody spoon..

[Pieces Hit]

I will never shoplift turkeys in my underwear.

[Sooner in Tampa]

I will never vote Democrat

[Pieces Hit]

I will never ask Michael Jackson to watch my kids.

[Sooner in Tampa]

I will never think that Richard Simmons is a sexy hunk of manhood

[VeeJay]

I will never take another shot at George Clooney again.

[Sooner in Tampa]

I will never take my family to Stoolwater for a family summer vacation.

[Pieces Hit]

I will never buy a season pass to Precious Moments Chapel in Carthage, Mo.

[imjebus]

I will never die....