VeeJay
3/15/2006, 08:57 AM
Any thoughts? Should I send it?
Dear Hiring Manager:
This is the fourth time I have replied to your ad on Monster.com. Did my first three replies get lost? Did your computers go down? In Box full? What’s the problem?
Why do you keep posting the same job four times? I would think that, after the third time, if you haven’t found the right candidate, maybe you should start looking through a recruiter, or someone from inside your company. There must be a problem with morale in your company if no one is qualified to take the position – maybe you aren’t training your people properly. Sexual harassment a problem? What – you have too many hot rockin’ babes there that nobody can get any work done? What - is everyone there a worthless POS? If so, then please consider me. My resume speaks for itself. I’ll come in there and mop up the floor with your undesireable trash. Damned slugs probably shouldn’t have been hired in the first place. Sounds like heads need to be rolled. Right out your front door – which is filthy and needs to be cleaned by the way.
I am looking for a way out of my current miserable place of employment. I mean, this place sucks with a capital S. Why, you ask? My boss is a blasphemous irritable bastard, that’s why. Not only is he not getting any at home, he is a legendary gambler, drunkard, whoremonger, and thief. He yells and dresses people down and it ****es me off! We celebrate wildly when the sumbitch is out of the office. Sometimes I’ll sneak off and play a round of golf in the afternoon just to get him back. I wouldn’t do that at a good place, though. And those are the facts, by God.
If you’ll give me an interview, I’ll dress appropriately, make sure I am not gassy or constipated, and offer a firm handshake to my interviewer(s). How many people can make that statement? Huh? When representing your company, I will not embarrass myself in front of your customers if I can help it. Providing you will pay me at least what I am asking for, and more, if you do the honorable thing.. You get what you pay for. I’m telling you right now, if you lowball someone on their salary, you’re going to get embarrassed in return when it really counts. I assume you are not a cheap company and that you do not want a person in Marketing that’s going to humiliate you and run off your best customers. My dynamic, pleasant personality will assure you that I am the best person available.
If you want to finally come to your senses and do the right thing, bring me in for an interview. Give me a shot. You won’t be sorry. I’ll turn that place around. I expect an immediate up front hiring bonus of 20% of my first year base compensation, a relo package event though I’m not relocating (you’d give it to somebody from outside the area – just asking for what’s rightfully mine), time off for family issues – and there are a few. And I’ll need an American Express Corporate Card – preferably Gold status, and the expense budget is negotiable. But start high.
Call me. Soon. A good person like me will not be in the market for long.
Dear Hiring Manager:
This is the fourth time I have replied to your ad on Monster.com. Did my first three replies get lost? Did your computers go down? In Box full? What’s the problem?
Why do you keep posting the same job four times? I would think that, after the third time, if you haven’t found the right candidate, maybe you should start looking through a recruiter, or someone from inside your company. There must be a problem with morale in your company if no one is qualified to take the position – maybe you aren’t training your people properly. Sexual harassment a problem? What – you have too many hot rockin’ babes there that nobody can get any work done? What - is everyone there a worthless POS? If so, then please consider me. My resume speaks for itself. I’ll come in there and mop up the floor with your undesireable trash. Damned slugs probably shouldn’t have been hired in the first place. Sounds like heads need to be rolled. Right out your front door – which is filthy and needs to be cleaned by the way.
I am looking for a way out of my current miserable place of employment. I mean, this place sucks with a capital S. Why, you ask? My boss is a blasphemous irritable bastard, that’s why. Not only is he not getting any at home, he is a legendary gambler, drunkard, whoremonger, and thief. He yells and dresses people down and it ****es me off! We celebrate wildly when the sumbitch is out of the office. Sometimes I’ll sneak off and play a round of golf in the afternoon just to get him back. I wouldn’t do that at a good place, though. And those are the facts, by God.
If you’ll give me an interview, I’ll dress appropriately, make sure I am not gassy or constipated, and offer a firm handshake to my interviewer(s). How many people can make that statement? Huh? When representing your company, I will not embarrass myself in front of your customers if I can help it. Providing you will pay me at least what I am asking for, and more, if you do the honorable thing.. You get what you pay for. I’m telling you right now, if you lowball someone on their salary, you’re going to get embarrassed in return when it really counts. I assume you are not a cheap company and that you do not want a person in Marketing that’s going to humiliate you and run off your best customers. My dynamic, pleasant personality will assure you that I am the best person available.
If you want to finally come to your senses and do the right thing, bring me in for an interview. Give me a shot. You won’t be sorry. I’ll turn that place around. I expect an immediate up front hiring bonus of 20% of my first year base compensation, a relo package event though I’m not relocating (you’d give it to somebody from outside the area – just asking for what’s rightfully mine), time off for family issues – and there are a few. And I’ll need an American Express Corporate Card – preferably Gold status, and the expense budget is negotiable. But start high.
Call me. Soon. A good person like me will not be in the market for long.