View Full Version : Sometimes life just sucks
OU4LIFE
3/14/2006, 02:43 PM
We had to put my grandmother in a nursing home this morning. She's been going downhill ever since her stroke about a year ago. Her lucid moments have been getting farther and farther apart, and she's to the point now that she needs care 24-7. She can't really walk on her own and stuff because her equilibrium is so bad. My grandad just can't physically handle helping her when she falls either...cripes, he's freaking 94.
He's not handling it well either, even though he knows it's time. We took her this morning, she cried. They gave her a little test. Like What day is it, how old are you, what season is it, what day of the week, what month, what year. She got 0 correct....it still sucks.
I hope I just go in my sleep before I get that far along ya know?
anyway, your welcome for your afternoon bring-down. I'll stop complaining now.
Okla-homey
3/14/2006, 02:47 PM
We had to put my grandmother in a nursing home this morning. She's been going downhill ever since her stroke about a year ago. Her lucid moments have been getting farther and farther apart, and she's to the point now that she needs care 24-7. She can't really walk on her own and stuff because her equilibrium is so bad. My grandad just can't physically handle helping her when she falls either...cripes, he's freaking 94.
He's not handling it well either, even though he knows it's time. We took her this morning, she cried. They gave her a little test. Like What day is it, how old are you, what season is it, what day of the week, what month, what year. She got 0 correct....it still sucks.
I hope I just go in my sleep before I get that far along ya know?
anyway, your welcome for your afternoon bring-down. I'll stop complaining now.
That is the succ indeed. Anyway grandpa can join her? I know some of these places allow couples to room together. I always felt I could handle anything if the Mrs were along.
Yep, it sucks. My grandmother has been in one for a year as of later this month. It's still a drag to go and visit but I do it every week. As far as I can tell, there isn't anything good about a nursing home. I'm sure if you could afford to pay $10k a month there might be really nice ones out there, but for most of us that's not possible.
Is she going to get to pay for this out of pocket or is she eligible for help? Just curious....
HoserSooner
3/14/2006, 02:49 PM
We had to do the same thing for my grandmother last year. It's not a great thing to have to do, but sometimes you don't have a choice.
usmc-sooner
3/14/2006, 02:49 PM
sorry to hear 4life
That is the succ indeed. Anyway grandpa can join her? I know some of these places allow couples to room together. I always felt I could handle anything if the Mrs were along.
That's a good question, Homey. That might put them into more of an assisted living type situation which, to me, seems a better option.
slickdawg
3/14/2006, 02:52 PM
That is the succ indeed. Anyway grandpa can join her? I know some of these places allow couples to room together. I always felt I could handle anything if the Mrs were along.
Good idea homey - my wife's grandparents got the same room at the home
they were in until they passed last year. that seemed to help both of them.
King Crimson
3/14/2006, 02:52 PM
I'm sorry to hear that. my maternal graddad had a stroke and eventually had to be in a home. and he was just an old farmer who hated being there more than anything in the world, literally. he was used to being outside and going for walks and gardening and such once he got older. being the old coot he was he held out a lot longer than anybody thought (93)....but he died about 5 years ago.
OU4LIFE
3/14/2006, 02:53 PM
No way he'd go, he still goes to work 6 days a week, in the mornings....he's not willing to give up the freedom I'm sure. Can't say I blame him.
It's all out of pocket...but I don't think it's an issue. Nursing homes, and home health care are both crazy....what a racket.
sooner n houston
3/14/2006, 02:54 PM
I can sympathize; my dad who is 88 just had a stroke. He has been losing mobility fast for a year or more. He is to the point that he cannot get out of his power chair without help. My mom, who's also 88, and I have been talking about a nursing home too. God bless.
OU4LIFE
3/14/2006, 02:55 PM
and thanks for the thoughts guys and gals.
much appreciated.
TUSooner
3/14/2006, 02:58 PM
and thanks for the thoughts guys and gals.
much appreciated.
Wish we could do more. :(
yermom
3/14/2006, 03:02 PM
yeah my grandfather is in a very similar state, it really sucks, especially since his wife is fully functional. he's retired TPD and military though, i don't think they are really having to pay for anything
he's a lot younger though, i don't think he's even 70 yet, maybe just barely :(
BlondeSoonerGirl
3/14/2006, 03:03 PM
So sorry, 4LIFE. I really am.
But maybe you could look at it another way: At least you're able to take care of her. You're able to be there when she really needs family. You're lucky enough to be able to see her through the last part of her life. Whether she can tell you or not - she knows.
Hang in there.
*Hugs*
jk the sooner fan
3/14/2006, 03:05 PM
i know how you feel, my grandmother is out in spanish cove in yukon...she's been out there for years, but only in the last year has she gotten to the point where she cant stand or walk, and has to be fed
tough tough tough to see...
Was nursing care in her home not an option?
Jimminy Crimson
3/14/2006, 03:15 PM
i know how you feel, my grandmother is out in spanish cove in yukon...she's been out there for years, but only in the last year has she gotten to the point where she cant stand or walk, and has to be fed
tough tough tough to see...
My best friends grandfather and gma-i-l are at Spanish Cove, as well.
Nice place!
OU4LIFE
3/14/2006, 03:23 PM
Was nursing care in her home not an option?
more than twice the cost.
BlondeSoonerGirl
3/14/2006, 03:28 PM
Hugging you makes me itchy.
OU4LIFE
3/14/2006, 03:32 PM
as well it should.
OU4LIFE
3/14/2006, 03:32 PM
and that's all I have to say about that.
TexasLidig8r
3/14/2006, 03:51 PM
Sorry to hear about the day... I am probably not too far behind in terms of having to make the same decision.
But.. from a blood-thirsty perspective from someone who has sued a few nursing homes in my time... show up at the nursing home at different times of the day.. talk with the staff... show up at lunch, dinner.. let them know you are there and are involved on a very frequent basis.
Geriatric doctors or her general practitioner can sometimes be cajoled into going to the nursing home to "check up on" their patients. Don't be shy to ask.
If the staff knows you and other family members are actively involved, sometimes (and as bad as this sounds).... they are more "cognizant" of those patients.
Sooner_Bob
3/15/2006, 10:24 AM
We had to put my grandmother in a nursing home this morning. She's been going downhill ever since her stroke about a year ago. Her lucid moments have been getting farther and farther apart, and she's to the point now that she needs care 24-7. She can't really walk on her own and stuff because her equilibrium is so bad. My grandad just can't physically handle helping her when she falls either...cripes, he's freaking 94.
He's not handling it well either, even though he knows it's time. We took her this morning, she cried. They gave her a little test. Like What day is it, how old are you, what season is it, what day of the week, what month, what year. She got 0 correct....it still sucks.
I hope I just go in my sleep before I get that far along ya know?
anyway, your welcome for your afternoon bring-down. I'll stop complaining now.
I just saw this man . . . sorry to hear about it.
Norm In Norman
3/15/2006, 10:56 AM
Yeah, sorry about that. My great aunt is in an assisted living center. My grandparents were all dead before I was 2, so she was the closest thing I have. She picked a place that is cheap and I wish to holy hell she didn't. I can't understand what a 94 year old would want to save her money for. She is as healthy as an ox, but can't remember anything most of the time. I feel like if she had more activities to do she woudl be happier AND her mind woudln't have slipped so fast.
Howzit
3/15/2006, 11:26 AM
Aw man, I missed this thread yesterday. Really sorry, that sucks.
As others in the thread, my grandmother is in an assisted living home. About a year ago she informed me she had been kicked out of her bridge group. I asked why and she tells me, "I called my partner a son of a bitch."
Bless her heart.
Sooner_Bob
3/15/2006, 07:28 PM
Aw man, I missed this thread yesterday. Really sorry, that sucks.
As others in the thread, my grandmother is in an assisted living home. About a year ago she informed me she had been kicked out of her bridge group. I asked why and she tells me, "I called my partner a son of a bitch."
Bless her heart.
Like grandmother like grandson . . . . :D
C&CDean
3/15/2006, 07:32 PM
While we're talking about crappy days.......
My brother's FIL was diagnosed with lung, liver, and bone cancer two weeks ago - and died yesterday. Then, later last night my brother calls me and tells me somebody broke into his truck and stole his wallet, CDs, etc.
Talk about a ****ty day.
Spend time with her. Now, not later, cuz you may not have later. You'll regret it if you don't...trust me.
Howzit
3/15/2006, 07:44 PM
Like grandmother like grandson . . . . :D
See? Ain't my fault...it's genetic.
:D
LilSooner
3/15/2006, 07:53 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about this. Once a upon a time I did sales at Alterra which is a assisted living, and for the most part they were really good. Norman being the best.
Still it sucked. I only did it for a little bit, but it was so hard to see these wonderful people being completely ignored by their families.
But it doesn't sound like that will happen to your grandmother.
85Sooner
3/15/2006, 08:11 PM
Sorry to hear that. Just look at the side that allowed you to spend so many years together and the breadth of memories that will never fade.
I keep hearing nursing home and assisted living being used.......aren't these quite different? I'm thinking AL is preferable if you're able. They have more privacy and more freedom. My grandmother is in a nursing home and I would much prefer she be in an AL facility but she just isn't able.
Or am I wrong?
LilSooner
3/15/2006, 08:21 PM
Nope your right. AL's are worlds better. These are for people who can still function. For the most part they have their own little apartments with a staff on hand if they should fall sick.
Nursing homes are sad depressing places where people are unable to care for themselves and must rely on a CNA to take care of them. Which unfortunately the CNA's that I have worked with have been high school burn outs. They also only get paid 7 dollars an hour. So you can see what type of care that they are going to get.
Nope your right. AL's are worlds better. These are for people who can still function. For the most part they have their own little apartments with a staff on hand if they should fall sick.
Nursing homes are sad depressing places where people are unable to care for themselves and must rely on a CNA to take care of them. Which unfortunately the CNA's that I have worked with have been high school burn outs. They also only get paid 7 dollars an hour. So you can see what type of care that they are going to get.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking. That sounds about like the situation at my grandmother's NH......which is probably the situation at most of them unfortunately.
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