Colorful Metaphors

[Pieces Hit]

"I'm gonna bang you like a screen door in a hurricane."

[Sooner in Tampa]

Busier than a one eyed man at a peep show

[Hamhock]

It's raining like a cow peeing on a flat rock.

[Pieces Hit]

Oops, I stepped on a duck.

[Boomer.....]

Toss you like a trailer in a tornado!

[Pieces Hit]

"That boy's more confused than a porcupine in a balloon factory."

- Jed musing over Jethro while whittling.

[Sooner in Tampa]

Hornier than a three peckered billy goat

[Taxman71]

Madder than a raped ape.

[Taxman71]

Madder than a jap on a kamikazi mission.

[Pieces Hit]

She's built like a brick **** house.

[12]

Hungry as an old hungry thing.

It works for most every other adjective. Go ahead, try it.

He's tall as an old tall thing.
Man, I'm drunk as an old drunk thing.
Wow, that gal is hot as an old hot thing.

See? It is the metaphor for all occasions.

[Mjcpr]

Hungry as an old hungry thing.

It works for most every other adjective. Go ahead, try it.

He's tall as an old tall thing.
Man, I'm drunk as an old drunk thing.
Wow, that gal is hot as an old hot thing.

See? The possibilities are endless.

Endless as an old endless thing?

Hey, you're right!!

[Pieces Hit]

And if frogs had wings they wouldn't bust their *** when they hopped.

[C&CDean]

It's raining like a cow peeing on a flat rock.

Get it right. It's "raining like a 3-****ed cow ****ing on a flat rock."

Colder than a nun's **** with a copper kotex.
Colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra.
Colder than a welldigger's ***.
Hotter than a french whore's **** on Saturday night.
Hotter than satan's crotch.
Tighter than a mouse's ear.

[crawfish]

Some Foghorn Leghorn-ism's:

That boy's just like a tattoo...gets under your skin
That kid's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver.
That womans as cold as a nudist on an iceberg.
Nice girl, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.
As bare as a cooch dancer's midriff.
Boy's like a dead horse - got no get up and go...
That dog's as subtle as a hand grenade in a barrrel of oat meal.
That boy's as strong as an ox, and just about as smart.
The boy's about as sharp as a bowling ball.
I've got this boy as figgity as a bubble dancer with a slow leak.
This is gonna cause more confusion than a mouse in a burlesque show!

[Sooner Born Sooner Bred]

From my grandma, may she rest in peace. Damn she made me laugh. These are the two I can think of off the top of my head.

"He makes my a$s crave a dip of snuff."

"Don't look at me like a calf looking at a new gate."

[Sooner in Tampa]

My favorite of all time

DRUNKER THAN COTTER BROWN!!!!!

[Pieces Hit]

More nervous than a whore in church.

[Sooner Born Sooner Bred]

Oh "She's slower than molasses in the month of January."

[C&CDean]

Spending money like a drunken sailor.

[C&CDean]

Crooked as a whore's dream.

[GDC]

Need some Mercerisms in here like "I'll be on you like a wolverine on a waffle."

[12]

Rudy's like school on Saturdays...

http://www.melaman2.com/cartoons/singles/stills/F/fatalbert2.jpg

[C&CDean]

I'll be on you like stink on ****.

[Pieces Hit]

Naked as a jay bird.

[C&CDean]

Looks like she played goalie on the school dart team.

[Sooner in Tampa]

I'll be on you like white on rice

[Pieces Hit]

Madder than a wet hen.

(I have never seen this but heard it a lot.)

[Sooner in Tampa]

She is so ugly...she could make a train take a dirt road

[C&CDean]

Uglier than 40 miles of dirt road.

She'd puke a dog off a gut wagon.

[Pieces Hit]

And who could forget:

"Busier than a one-armed paper hanger."

[GDC]

"she didn't get hit with the ugly stick, she fell out of the fugly tree and hit every branch on the way down"

[ousoonerfan]

I'll be on you like a dog on a three legged cat.

[C&CDean]

His momma had to tie a steak around his neck so the dog would play with him.

[GDC]

He has to sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink.

[Pieces Hit]

Makes as much sense as a screen door on a submarine.

[Sooner in Tampa]

Busier than a one-legged man at a but kicking contest

[Sooner in Tampa]

He has to sneak up on the hogs to get a breath of air

[Pieces Hit]

Dumber than dirt.

[Sooner Born Sooner Bred]

He could eat corn on the cob through a picket fence.

[Pieces Hit]

Nervous as a Stillwater sheep.

[Sooner in Tampa]

ate a box of rocks for breakfast

[Pieces Hit]

Red on the noodle like a pecker on a poodle.

[handcrafted]

King of the colorful metaphors: R. Lee Ermey (aka Gunny Hartman)

Trouble is, his would be mostly ********** :D

Lemme try one:

You are the lowest form of life on earth. You are not even human ****ing beings. You are nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian ****.

[picasso]

finer than frog hair split four ways.

[Pieces Hit]

Finer than hen's teeth!

(thanks for reminding me)

[picasso]

finer than Liberace's window treatments.

[Pieces Hit]

She got legs all the way up to her neck.

She could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.

She could suck a golf ball thru a garden hose.

[Taxman71]

As hungry as a wolf with 10 pups to feed.

If I ate another bite, I'd be squeelin' like a pig stuck under a fence.

[mdklatt]

Hotter than a goat's *** in a pepper patch.

[Pieces Hit]

That's older than my grampa - and he farts dust.

That's older than my grampa's buckskin rubber.

Crazier than a ****house rat.

[C&CDean]

Drier than a popcorn fart.

[C&CDean]

Old as the hills on grandma's chest - and twice as dry.

[Pieces Hit]

He'd be late for his own funeral.

[phead903]

I'm so broke, I've gotta borrow money to pay attention...

As nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs...

[King Crimson]

feeling lower than a gopher's basement.

happy as an itchy pig scratching up' gainst a hikory fence.

i'd rather bang my **** between two bricks.

[Pieces Hit]

He's so lazy he thought Manual Labor was the President of Mexico.

[PrideTrombone]

Dumber than a sack of hammers.

[mdklatt]

Dumber than a bag of wet hair.

[Pieces Hit]

I gotta **** like a Russian race horse. ?

So hungry I could eat a horse.

He's hung like a horse.

That's a horse of a different color.

Stop horseing around.

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Feel like I been rode hard and put up wet.

[picasso]

I'm so hungry I could eat a frozen dog.

well I go to the kitchen and see if I can find one for ya.

[Pieces Hit]

Indian giver.

[Pieces Hit]

Blue-balled. :( :(

[Sooner Born Sooner Bred]

My uncle said this about my cousin's spending habits.

"He's so tight that if he had to pay to s*** he'd throw up instead."

[Pieces Hit]

He's so tight his *** squeaks when he walks.

[Pieces Hit]

Hotter than a $2 pistol.

[slickdawg]

Too lazy to f*** - my grandad said that about a friend of his

[Sooner in Tampa]

You clean house like old people ****...slow and sloppy

[Pieces Hit]

Eat **** and die.

**** you and the horse you rode in on.

[JPNSKER]

Busier than a one legged cat burying sh%# in the ice

[sooner_born_1960]

If you used "like" or "as", you were using a simile.

[JPNSKER]

He's about a half a bubble off center.

[Pieces Hit]

I wish I had a swing like that in my backyard.

[mdklatt]

I wish I had a swing like that in my backyard.

:confused:

[Pieces Hit]

:confused:You know... when a chick walks by shaking her butt...

[mdklatt]

You know... when a chick walks by shaking her butt...

Oh. :D

[Pieces Hit]

Are you going to the movies??
Well, you were picking your seat!



Hey, there's a letter in your mail box!
(wedgie)

[soonerhubs]

Bump. Roy D Mercer: "I'm tougher than a two dollar steak!"

[handcrafted]

Bump. Now someone 'splain this one to me:

"I'm gonna get it done even if it hairlips the Governor!"

:confused:

[Mjcpr]

Bump. Now someone 'splain this one to me:

"I'm gonna get it done even if it hairlips the Governor!"

:confused:

What they're saying is they'll get the project done even it causes the Governor to have a cleft palette.

Not that hard.

[NormanPride]

That's cruel. I doubt the Governor would appreciate that.

[imjebus]

I like your ***, can I wear it as a hat....

[goodonya]

"Hotter than a whores dream"

"We were so poor we had to cut holes in our pockets to have something to play with"

"Scarce as hens teeth"

[StoopTroup]

She's more loaded than Bevo at the RRSO.

[Sooner in Tampa]

HEH

[pphilfran]

"Make it shine like a diamond in a goat's butt."

[soonerboy_odanorth]

"That boy's got a brain like a bb in a boxcar."

[Lawton4Life]

This is a pretty long thread...but if you use LIKE or AS, it is a SIMILE and not a metaphor. A metaphor is when you say the item IS somthing. Example:

He wanted to help, but his legs were butter = metaphor.

He wanted to help, but his legs were LIKE butter = simile.

/end Nerd

[soonerboy_odanorth]

This is a pretty long thread...but if you use LIKE or AS, it is a SIMILE and not a metaphor. A metaphor is when you say the item IS somthing. Example:

He wanted to help, but his legs were butter = metaphor.

He wanted to help, but his legs were LIKE butter = simile.

/end Nerd

You make a habit of pissin' up trees you gonna get wet. :D

[The Maestro]

I'll be on you like Oprah on a poundcake!

I'll be on you like a hobo on a baloney sandwich!

He's so poor he has to fart just to keep a cent in his pocket!

[Jacie]

As jumpy as a virgin at the prison rodeo.

[C&CDean]

I'm so broke I can't even spend time.

[sanantoniosooner]

I'm so broke I can't even spend time.

Can't even pay attention?

[C&CDean]

Can't even pay attention?

That's the old version. Keep up.

[sanantoniosooner]

"I'm so poor that I can't even remove cash from my wallet and hand it to another individual"

[OUMallen]

She's built like a brick **** house.

I never really understood this one.

[ouwapiti]

hotter'n a freshly f----d fox in a forest fire....alliteration

[Howzit]

Something complicated:

...like separatin' pepper and fly ****.

[Fraggle145]

Hotter than two rats ****ing in a wool sock

Sweating like a whore in church

Sweating like a nun in a dildo factory

[Ike]

One neuron short of a synapse.

[Fraggle145]

that measurement is off by a red c**t hair

[KantoSooner]

as obvious as the balls on a tall dog

[KantoSooner]

as independent as a hog on ice

[MsProudSooner]

He looks like he's been shot at and missed and sh!t at and hit!

[StoopTroup]

Men are like ATMs; once they withdraw, they lose interest.

[StoopTroup]

Friends are like buttcheeks. **** separates them but they always come back together.

[sanantoniosooner]

Stuff is like other stuff, and you can tell by the way they are similar.

[Sooner5030]

shaking like a queer in a hot dog factory.

as wrong as a hard-on poking through a mini-skirt

not that anything is wrong with either.

[SunnySooner]

Oldies but goodies...

Higher than a cat's back.

Colder than a witch's *** wearing a brass bra, doing pushups in the snow.

Kneehigh to a grasshopper.

Nutty as a fruitcake.

Slower than Christmas

If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, it'd be Christmas all frickin' year long.

Other faves...

Twisted as a duck's d***.

He's a few sandwiches shy of a picnic.

His elevator don't go all the way to the top.

I love these! Keep 'em coming!!

[Sooner Born Sooner Bred]

Sweating like Sally Kern at a gay bar.

[Flagstaffsooner]

Hornier than three short midgets...

Hornier than a three balled tomcat...

Busier than a San Diego whore house on Navy pay day...

[Sooner_Tuf]

Slicker than cum on a gold tooth.

Now you're ****ting in tall cotton.

Slicker than snot on a brass door knob.

[ouwasp]

Back when I coached jr high football:

On every play, somebody is the hammer... somebody is the nail...

BE THE HAMMER!!!!!