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IB4OU2
3/7/2006, 06:07 PM
So it was a nice weekend and the wife and I get out and work on the property Saturday and Sunday. The wife's cleaning all the debri out of her garden and calls me over and tells me there's a dead smell coming from under the porch. I looked and did'nt see anything immediate so I told her it might be a dead mouse or something.

Monday morning she gets up and starts the coffee while I take my shower and get ready for work. She comes upstairs and tells me she can smell something dead in the kitchen. Well I went outside and the smell was a lot worse. So I go to work and came home about 5 and pull about four of the boards off the porch to have a look (the smell by then is really bad). My wife gets home about this time and sees me looking under the porch. With her weak stomach she did not offer any help other than stand there disgusted holding her nose. Again I didn't see anything so I change clothes and get a flashlight and start crawling GI Joe style under this huge porch looking for whatever it is.

I crawled all the way under and around the house on belly and elbow in this tight crawl space without seeing anything except spider webs and the occasional bug. I turned around and headed back to the opening only to see a huge fly land just inside. I followed the fly to the corner of the porch just inside the opening and there it was a huge dead black cat. I couldn't reach the cat so I told the wife to get me a hoe. She brings me the hoe and I can barely snag the putrid animal with it. I finally snag it and slowly drag it's maggot infested body to the opening of the porch while on belly and elbows. I pull it close to the opening and then got a big whiff of death.......I started gagging and couldn't stop. This sent my wife into a post haste beeline into the house. I called to her asking her to bring me a trash bag so that I can bury this wretched animal. I bagged the animal while holding my breath for what seemed to be several minutes then carried it out back and buried it.

The End............:(

colleyvillesooner
3/7/2006, 06:10 PM
Not even gonna go there...stinky....cat....

Not. Gonna. Do. It.

Edit: But Yermom will in a sec.

yermom
3/7/2006, 06:12 PM
hoes and smelly *****

this story has it all :D

Jerk
3/7/2006, 06:23 PM
Hey, IB4OU2, do you have a coyote problem? You see, I have this clan of bubbas that work for a trucking company and they like to shoot stuff for ...well, fun, you know, and I was just letting you know that if we could be of service anytime then don't be afraid to ask. Our expertise is without charge, and our skill is...ahem,...without equal if we are sober. You see, I carry an automatic rifle, my boss carries a scoped 30-06, and Jake the backhoe operator, well, he's got a .270. Sometimes we bring along an extra - his name is Jeremy and he carries a Glock .40 and a .243 It only took us 37 shots to kill the last coyote, but mind you, that bastard was running very fast. If you would like us to pay a visit, just let me know when and where and you might want to get the wife and kids at least 5 miles from the property in every direction.

Thanks.

Mjcpr
3/7/2006, 06:25 PM
That's nasty, Steve.

BeetDigger
3/7/2006, 06:59 PM
Mods - please do not do a thread merge with the necrophelia thread. TYIA.

IB4OU2
3/7/2006, 08:20 PM
That's nasty, Steve.

Sorry, just had to tell the story and get it off my mind. I think Iv'e paid my dues for nasty/gross activities for the next five years or so....:(

IB4OU2
3/7/2006, 08:22 PM
Hey, IB4OU2, do you have a coyote problem? You see, I have this clan of bubbas that work for a trucking company and they like to shoot stuff for ...well, fun, you know, and I was just letting you know that if we could be of service anytime then don't be afraid to ask. Our expertise is without charge, and our skill is...ahem,...without equal if we are sober. You see, I carry an automatic rifle, my boss carries a scoped 30-06, and Jake the backhoe operator, well, he's got a .270. Sometimes we bring along an extra - his name is Jeremy and he carries a Glock .40 and a .243 It only took us 37 shots to kill the last coyote, but mind you, that bastard was running very fast. If you would like us to pay a visit, just let me know when and where and you might want to get the wife and kids at least 5 miles from the property in every direction.

Thanks.

I hear them howling nightly but they haven't been a problem for us yet...and I agree the more lead you put in the air the better your chances are for a clean kill......;)

SoonerBorn68
3/7/2006, 08:26 PM
I carry an automatic rifle...

Interesting.

OklahomaTrombone
3/7/2006, 09:09 PM
http://www.funpages.com/pukingpumpkin/pukingpumpkin.jpg

Stanley1
3/7/2006, 09:12 PM
I liked the part about ho's.

Zbird
3/7/2006, 09:14 PM
I crawled all the way under and around the house on belly and elbow in this I bagged the animal while holding my breath for what seemed to be several minutes then carried it out back and buried it.

The End............:(

Dija burn the rake?

Hope its real deep or neighborhood dogs will dig it up and you'll get to enjoy it all over again.

BoogercountySooner
3/7/2006, 09:45 PM
Sorry, just had to tell the story and get it off my mind. I think Iv'e paid my dues for nasty/gross activities for the next five years or so....:(

Close your eyes when you brush your teeth then!;)

Oldnslo
3/7/2006, 10:06 PM
Did you know you can get 5 Arby's sandwiches for $5.95?

Rhino
3/7/2006, 11:12 PM
Hey TopDawg, tell you dead cat story.

12
3/7/2006, 11:54 PM
I heard that if you just lube your finger and then shove the dead cat back under the porch, every thing just clears right up.

GottaHavePride
3/8/2006, 12:09 AM
http://www.funpages.com/pukingpumpkin/pukingpumpkin.jpg

For some reason, Stimpy's "hoarf" noise comes to mind.

crawfish
3/8/2006, 08:57 AM
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0517545160.01._SCMZZZZZZZ_.gif

Mjcpr
3/8/2006, 08:58 AM
If it had been an old pun under there, crawfish would've negged you for it.

:D

GDC
3/8/2006, 09:11 AM
I thought this was going to be another raccoon thread.

Rhino
3/9/2006, 11:04 PM
HEY TOPDAWG, TELL YOUR DEAD CAT STORY!