Yuck

[soonerbrat]

My daughter's soccer team is scheduled to go to a tournament in Albuquerque this weekend. I don't really want to go, so I've been trying to find a ride for my daughter with some of the other parents...so her coach just called me and told me HE CUT OFF THE TIP OF HIS THUMB and he wanted to ride out there with me so he can take his vicodin.

He says he'll pay for the gas money because he gets paid for that...now I feel obligated to go..but damnit, i don't wanna!

[Octavian]

tell him you get half of all his pills

[yermom]

it's not that bad of a drive :)

[william_brasky]

Tell him to thumb a ride.

[soonerbrat]

it's not that bad of a drive :)


it's 8 hours each way. plus i'd have to drive him around albuquerque to the games and stuff.

[OU-HSV]

tell him you get half of all his pills
And he buys the drinks and meals all weekend

[pb4ou]

Take some SO posters and you'll have a blast.

[Octavian]

And he buys the drinks and meals all weekend

maybe some hookers too? ;)

oh wait...its a kids trip

[OU-HSV]

maybe some hookers too? ;)

oh wait...its a kids trip
heh..kids have to sleep sometime right?

[Octavian]

it's 8 hours each way. plus i'd have to drive him around albuquerque to the games and stuff.

yeah that really doesnt sound like very much fun...

you dont have any sick aunts you "need to visit" or anything?

[Octavian]

heh..kids have to sleep sometime right?

I like the way you think :D

[KC//CRIMSON]

I used to resent my parents for not going to my soccer games.

[OU-HSV]

I like the way you think :D
:D Of course if you're married soonerbrat..maybe the hooker idea isn't a good one.

[soonerbrat]

:D Of course if you're married soonerbrat..maybe the hooker idea isn't a good one.



no, i am not married.

and she doesn't resent me for not going to her games. i go to plenty of games..she just wants to go and hang out and have a fun trip with her friends.

[BajaOklahoma]

Have the girls start drinking lots of water now to help combat the side effects of the higher altitude. They really need to play their positions or they will wear out by the half.
The local teams are either very, very good or very, very bad - there is no middle ground.
Trading pins was a big deal at their tournaments the last time we were there.
And it is worth it to ride the tram to the top of Sandia (make reservations).
Dress warm.
And wave to my old house please. I really liked that house.

[soonerbrat]

Have the girls start drinking lots of water now to help combat the side effects of the higher altitude. They really need to play their positions or they will wear out by the half.
The local teams are either very, very good or very, very bad - there is no middle ground.
Trading pins was a big deal at their tournaments the last time we were there.
And it is worth it to ride the tram to the top of Sandia (make reservations).
Dress warm.
And wave to my old house please. I really liked that house.

what's the altitude there?
they are on training nutrition right now so they should be good...coach is pretty strict about their eating habits...when we're on trips he monitors and makes sure they aren't drinking sodas and eating junk food...and if they break the rules they don't play as much..

my daughter plays outside mid most of the time so she's in pretty good condition..hopefully she'll be OK.

[soonerbrat]

oh...and here's to hoping the teams are really bad. our girls were humiliated at the plano tournament last year.

[OU-HSV]

no, i am not married.

and she doesn't resent me for not going to her games. i go to plenty of games..she just wants to go and hang out and have a fun trip with her friends.
Well I'm sure she's gonna have fun...trips like that for kids always rock!

[soonerbrat]

Well I'm sure she's gonna have fun...trips like that for kids always rock!


heck yes! they love staying at the hotels and stuff..big fun. this hotel has a pool but it's out of service, so they have an agreement with a gym across the street for the hotel guests to use the pool and workout equipment..so they'll have a blast.

[usmc-sooner]

it's not that bad of a drive :)

It's 8 hours of suck

through West Texas, and Eastern New Mexico

things don't even get remotely interesting until your about 30 miles outside of Albuquerque.

[mdklatt]

ABQ is the awesome. You can hike up a volcano and stuff.

[OU-HSV]

ABQ is the awesome. You can hike up a volcano and stuff.
Well, she'll be at soccer games..maybe they could move their games close to these volcanoes you speak of.

[usmc-sooner]

he went with the ABQ because he couldn't spell it

:mack:

[soonerbrat]

i've been to ABQ but it's been a long time. I kinda want to go, I kinda don't.

definitely NOT looking forward to 16 hours of driving, but the trip might be kinda fun. I'm sure coach will just take his vicodin and sleep the whole way.

[usmc-sooner]

the only people who live between Amarillo, Tx and Klines Corners, NM are serial killers of Texas Chainsaw purportion.

[GottaHavePride]

La Placita. Little Anita's. Chili Verde goodness.

[proud gonzo]

he went with the ABQ because he couldn't spell it

:mack:
Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop--You know the place.
well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust peachy

Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning
My mother would make me a big bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast

Awww - Big bowl of sauerkraut
Every single mornin
It was drivin' me crazy

I said to my mom
I said "Hey, mom, what's with all the sauerkraut?"
And my dear, sweet mother
She just looked at my like a cow looks at an oncoming train
And she leaned right down next to me
And she said "IT'S GOOD FOR YOU"
And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was twenty six and a half years old

That's when I swore that someday
Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place
Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer
And the towels are oh so fluffy
Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long
And anyone on the street will glady shave your back for a nickel

Wacka wacka doodoo yeah

Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before my dream came true
Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest
To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt
I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize
That's right, a first class one-way ticket to

Albuquerque
Albuquerque

Oh yeah
You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before
And I gotta tell ya, it was really great
Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor
And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time
The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts
And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore
And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out
And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside
And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died
Except for me
You know why?

'Cause I had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position

Ah ha ha ha
Ah ha ha
Ahhhh

So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage
I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days
Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag
And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball
And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel
But finally I arived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn
Where the towels are oh so fluffy
And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna
It's OK, they're clean

Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C
And I turned on the SpectraVision
And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow
That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door

Well now, who could that be?
I say "Who is it?"
No answer
"Who is it?"
There's no answer
"WHO IS IT?"
They're not sayin' anything

So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected
It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril
Oh man, I hate it when I'm right
So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel
And I'm like "Hey, you can't have that"
"That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me"
And he's like "Tough"
And I'm like "Give it"
And he's like "Make me"
And I'm like "'Kay"
So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus
And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows
And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation
Yes indeed, you better believe it
And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook
And twenty seconds later, I heard a farmiliar voice
And you know what it said?
I'll tell you what it said

It said
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"
"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"
"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"

In Albuquerque
Albuquerque

Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel
But I made a a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest
I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice
But first, I decided to buy some donuts

So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop
And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter
And he says "Yeah, what do ya want?"
I said "You got any glazed donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta glazed donuts"
I said "Well, you got any jelly donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta jelly donuts"
I said "You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts"
I said "You got any cinnamon rolls?"
He said "No, we're outta cinnamon rolls"
I said "You got any apple fritters?"
He said "No, we're outta apple fritters"
I said "You got any bear claws?"
He said "Wait a minute, I'll go check"
"No, we're outta bear claws"
I said "Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?"
He says "All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels"
I said "OK, I'll take that"

So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out
And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over
(rabid gnawing sounds)
Oh man, they were just going nuts
They were tearin' me apart
You know, I think it was just about that time that a little ditty started goin' through my head"
I believe it went a little something like this . . .

Doh
Get 'em off me
Get 'em off me
Oh
No, get 'em off, get 'em off
Oh, oh God, oh God
Oh, get 'em off me
Oh, oh God
Ah, (more screaming)

I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face
Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'
Like a constipated weiner dog
And as luck wouls have it, that's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams
Her name was Zelda
She was a caligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches
I'll never forget the first thing she said to me.
She said "Hey, you've got weasels on your face"

That's when I knew it was true love
We were inseperable after that
Aw, we ate together, we bathed together
We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss
The world was our burrito
So we got married and we bought us a house
And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly
Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah

But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me
She said "Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?"
I said "Woah, hold on now, baby"
"I'm just not ready for that kinda commitment"
So we broke up and I never saw her again
But that's just the way things go

In Albuquerque
Albuquerque

Anyway, things really started lookin' upi for me
Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream
That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler
I even made employee of the month after I put that grease fire out with my face
Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that
I was gettin' a lot of attitude

OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot
Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil
When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself
So I, I say to him, I say "Hey, you want me to help you with that?"
And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes
"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw"

So I did

And then he gets all indignant on me
He's like "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic"
Well, that's just great
How was I supposed to know that?
I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud
Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname - Torso-Boy
So what's he complaining about?

Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote
This guy comes up to me on the street and says he hasn't had a bite in three days
Well, I knew what he meant
But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein
And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over
And I'm like "Hey, come on, don'tcha get it?"
But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming
(screaming sounds)
You know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situation
Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?

Anyway, um, um, where was I?
Kinda lost my train of thought

Uh, well, uh, OK
Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it
But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is

I.

hate.

sauerkraut!

That's all I'm really tryin' to say
And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up
And find yourself in an existential quandry
Full of loathing and self-doubt
And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence
At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that
Somewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up universe of ours
There's still a little place called

Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque

I said A (A)
L (L)
B (B)
U (U)
......
Querque (Querque!!!!)

Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque

Albuquerque

[GottaHavePride]

You people see what I have to deal with?

[BajaOklahoma]

The altitude is going to be an issue, but not as much as Denver or Colo Springs...
Albuquerque is at 5300 ft, give or take. It took us 6 months of living there before we became acclimated (sp?). Serious about the extra water. And have enough tylenol for the girls - headaches are one of the first signs of altitude problems. No going up Sandia until after the games - no point in pushing your luck. (We avoided Pike's Peak until after the Colorado Springs tournament was over - it made a couple of the girls ill)
I don't know what tournament you are doing now. We did one in May - good competition, especially from Denver.
It is a big deal just to get in the Plano Labor Day Tournament. It is a very respected tournament with national implications. My daughter's team was one of the top teams in the Lake Highland's Classic League - and we couldn't always get in. Sad when we live just minutes from the fields.
Enjoy this time. My daughter is now in college. I can't tell you how much we miss the other girls and families and games. Six of the girls played together from under 10s through graduation, rare in competitive soccer.
Have fun. And good luck.

[proud gonzo]

You people see what I have to deal with?
hey, that was a relevant post! :O

[OklahomaTrombone]

i've been to ABQ but it's been a long time. I kinda want to go, I kinda don't.

definitely NOT looking forward to 16 hours of driving, but the trip might be kinda fun. I'm sure coach will just take his vicodin and hit on me whole way.


:eek:

[soonerbrat]

thank you :)

my daughter's team actually qualified for OPL this year but the coach decided not to join just yet. the plano tourney was awful..they didn't win a single game :(

[phead903]

Brat,
My daughter's team is playing in the NOKC tourney this year. We haven't played ther before, but have played against some of the OKC clubs in other tourneys - mostly ESC. What can you tell me (if anything) about the competition there? We were at the Tulsa Challenge Cup last fall and ran into a team from Dallas (I think it was the Texans) that handed us our head. We played well against the ODP team from Kansas, then lost to a team from Tulsa (Hurricanes, I think).

[soonerbrat]

phead...

my daughter plays for ESC :)

i'm not sure which teams will be in the NOKC tourney...if you're a gold level team the competition will be pretty stiff...

if you play the silver league, there are some beatable teams.

[soonerbrat]

P.S. all our teams got their heads handed to them in the plano tournament on labor day weekend.

but our girls have won the ft. smith tourney a few times

[crawfish]

You people see what I have to deal with?

PG, you're ALWAYS welcome to insert relevant Weird Al lyrics into any thread.

:)

[n8v_ndn]

Can you pick me up a Lotaburger #2 with green chili? Oh, and 2 Stuckey's Peanut Logs, thanks in advance

[soonerbrat]

Can you pick me up a Lotaburger #2 with green chili? Oh, and 2 Stuckey's Peanut Logs, thanks in advance



no problem!

[Sooner_Bob]

it's 8 hours each way. plus i'd have to drive him around albuquerque to the games and stuff.


What part of ABQ are they playing in?? We lived there for 4 1/2 years and in NW NM and NE AZ for just over 5.


We did the drive from ABQ to OKC for over 9 years (sometimes from farther west even). I hated it at first, but then it got better . . . then towards the end I hated it again.

Just don't expect any decent radio from say Amarillo to ABQ. I really wish I would've had my Sirius receiver back then. :D

[soonerbrat]

What part of ABQ are they playing in?? We lived there for 4 1/2 years and in NW NM and NE AZ for just over 5.


We did the drive from ABQ to OKC for over 9 years (sometimes from farther west even). I hated it at first, but then it got better . . . then towards the end I hated it again.

Just don't expect any decent radio from say Amarillo to ABQ. I really wish I would've had my Sirius receiver back then. :D


i have no idea where the thing is..i have directions to the hotel on my laptop and that's it. and i'm not worried about the music..i've got my ipod and transpod to keep me going!!

[Sooner_Bob]

i have no idea where the thing is..i have directions to the hotel on my laptop and that's it. and i'm not worried about the music..i've got my ipod and transpod to keep me going!!


Well you better give it up . . . cause there are good parts of Albuquerque and bad parts of Albuquerque. Anything south of I-40 would be very suspect IMO. Hopefully you're near Louisiana and I-40. There are a couple of malls and some good eating near there. But you gotta ask a local about Sadie's . . . it's on 4th street (I think it's 4th street) in the south valley. You won't be dissappointed.

[olevetonahill]

why not just say NO ?
tell him to fly then rent a car when he gets there. If he dont like it then he can
GADOCADWI

[soonerbrat]

why not just say NO ?
tell him to fly then rent a car when he gets there. If he dont like it then he can
GADOCADWI


he's not the only reason i'm going now. although with him paying for all the fuel, it will make my life easier. My daughter really wanted me to go. I think she likes me..i mean..as much as a 13 yo can like her mother :D

[proud gonzo]

PG, you're ALWAYS welcome to insert relevant Weird Al lyrics into any thread.

:)

well at least SOMEONE appreciates me :D

[soonerbrat]

well at least SOMEONE appreciates me :D

I appreciate you!

[Sooner Born Sooner Bred]

he's not the only reason i'm going now. although with him paying for all the fuel, it will make my life easier. My daughter really wanted me to go. I think she likes me..i mean..as much as a 13 yo can like her mother :DWhen I was 13, no one even knew I had parents ;)

[soonerbrat]

She's kind of a momma's girl

[BillyBall]

Is the tourny in Bernalillo? They have a sweet complex with a Casino a stone throw away.

[soonerbrat]

Is the tourny in Bernalillo? They have a sweet complex with a Casino a stone throw away.



It's on Carlisle?

a RAdisson?
supposedly a mall and bowling alley and movie theater nearby

[BillyBall]

with a Casino a stone throw away.

Then again, this applies to the majority of the 'burque... Eat Carne Adovada burritos why you are there. They are the greatness.

[GDC]

My daughter's soccer team is scheduled to go to a tournament in Albuquerque this weekend. I don't really want to go, so I've been trying to find a ride for my daughter with some of the other parents...so her coach just called me and told me HE CUT OFF THE TIP OF HIS THUMB and he wanted to ride out there with me so he can take his vicodin.

He says he'll pay for the gas money because he gets paid for that...now I feel obligated to go..but damnit, i don't wanna!

A coaching friend of mine was replacing a 75 pound dumbell on the rack the other day and lost a good half inch off his finger. They even had to grind the bone down to get rid of all the cuticle, or something like that.

[soonerbrat]

YUCK to that, too.


i'm all packed. leaving at 6am. here's to hoping the coach willt ake a double dose of vicodin and sleep the whole way!!

[OklahomaTrombone]

have fun.

[FaninAma]

It's 8 hours of suck

through West Texas, and Eastern New Mexico

things don't even get remotely interesting until your about 30 miles outside of Albuquerque.

So true.

[GDC]

But you gotta ask a local about Sadie's . . . it's on 4th street (I think it's 4th street) in the south valley. You won't be dissappointed.

I second that, and if you have time drive down to the Owl Cafe in San Antonio for the best green chile cheese burger in the world.

[Sooner_Bob]

It's on Carlisle?

a RAdisson?
supposedly a mall and bowling alley and movie theater nearby


Um yeah . . . that's not the world's best location. The movie theater is across I-25 and the mall is way back east on Louisiana. Neither is necessarily what I'd call "nearby".