Roy D. Mercerisms

[Pieces Hit]

▶👆Roy D. Mercer quotes list👆◀ (http://raboninco.com/4W9G)


Today he said,

"I'll be on you like vaseline on Heath Ledger's chaps."

My all time fave is,

"I'll put a pop knot on you big enough for a calf to suck on."

After all these years he still brings a smile.

[OU-HSV]

There was one where he claimed his wife got blisters from a bad saddle at a horse ranch. Something like this: "She's got blisters where her straddle meets the saddle..if you know what I mean"

[VeeJay]

One of my favorites was when he was talking to the auto parts guy:

"Your damned oil filter done blowed muh car up."
Then, when the auto parts guy told him to come on up there if he wanted to fight:

"What time you get off, sumbitch?"
Then:

"How many of you's up there?"

Later, "You run a sh*tty business, I always thought."

Then when the auto parts guy is steaming and threatening him back, this gem:

"Well, there ain't no use to get all mad about it."

[StoopTroup]

I'll knock a lung loose.

[Widescreen]

Bull Butter!

[Pieces Hit]

How bigaboy are ya?

[Hot Rod]

I'll knock a lung loose.

I'm gonna be on you like ugly on a Baldwin brother.

You're about to git yer dough popped.

I'll be on you like rust on a pump handle.

I'm gonna tear you a new corn chute.

I'll kick yer *** so hard you'll have to clear yer throat to fart.

I'm tougher 'n a two dollar steak.

I'll be on you like a rat on a cheeto.

I'm gonna git a hunk outta you big enough to clog the drain.

I'll tear into you like a hobo into a bologna sandwich.

I'm gonna wipe the floor with ya, then whup yer *** for not gettin' in the corners.

I'll put a popknot on yer head big enough for a calf to suck on.

I'm gonna hit ya so hard, yer kids'll be borned dizzy.

I'll be on you like ugly on a baboon's ***.
.
I'll beat you like pancake batter.

I'm gonna tear into you like a mountain lion into a baby goat.

You're gonna be worse than the alligator was when the lake went dry.

I'll tear into you like a stray dog into an alley dumpster.

I'm gonna kick yer *** so hard you can whistle through yer hemorrhoids.

I'll be on you like Bobby Knight on a point guard.

I'm gonna be on somebody like stink on an Adam Sandler movie

Kick your *** so hard you can cough and fart at the same time

You gonna be laughin' out the other side of your face over there

I'm gonna put a pop knot on your head so big you're gonna need a support garment

I'll be on you like red ants on a spilt snowcone

The fella that's getting ready to dot both your eyes

I was gonna come over there and grab you by the matza balls and wouldn't let go till it thunders

I was getting ready to come over there and box your ears

You ain't bigger than a pop corn fart

I'll jump right square in the middle of ya, stomp a mudhole and stop it dry

I'll be getting on you like a boar hog on a corn cob

She's ready to knock a pop knot on your head big enough to need a birth certificate

I'll whup your *** so fast it'll make your head spin

Kick your *** so hard you'll be able to apply Preparation H with a toothbrush

I'm getting ready to kick somebody's *** so hard you're gonna eat dingleberries in your Cap'N Crunch

I was getting ready to be on you like a cockroach on a HoneyBun

It's gonna be nothing for me to get down there to clean your clock.

You went off like a Roman candle fresh bought.

Get on you like dried gum on a park bench

I'll work somebody a new corn shoot down 'er

Tear into you like a dad gum cordouroy into a hemoroid

I'll be on you like ants on a fish head

Punch you right between the running lights

I'm gonna put a pop knot on your head big enough to have an "umbiblical cord"

Be on somebody like ugly on a baboon's ***

She's gonna be on your chin like melted pizza cheese

My wife was getting ready to tear you up like a mountain lion into a baby goat

I'm gonna be on you like a wet fart on satin undies

I'm gonna beat somebody like a stray dog

I'm gonna tear into somebody like a hobo does a balogna sandwich

I'm getting ready to knock a bunch of pop knots on your head you could navigate with

I'm getting ready to be on you like Old Testament on somebody's ***

Getting ready to put a pop knot on your head big enough to have it's own social security number

I'm getting ready to be on somebody like a **** ant on a bed roll

Look like you ain't bigger than a bar of soap

Me and you getting ready to go to fist city

[Soonrboy]

someone knows how to use a search engine! :)

[Pieces Hit]

Do ya got a squarin off place over thar?

How do I get to where you are?

[Pricetag]

I'll be on you like ugly on Diane Keaton.

[StoopTroup]

I'll knock a lung loose.

I'm gonna be on you like a wet fart on satin undies
You had me at Knock a lung loose.

:eek: :eek: :eek:

[Pieces Hit]

It ain't nothin for me to kick a yankee man's ***.

[StoopTroup]

I'll whoop you like Patton for a dance.

It'll be chitty chitty bang bang when I get down there.

[Hot Rod]

someone knows how to use a search engine! :)

Nah, just had these saved in a text file for a good laugh, but didn't know there would be a thread about it! LOL!

Gotta love Roy D

[StoopTroup]

That's just ripe *ss whoopin size!

Sharon want to see a Taurus and you tried to show her your Probe.

[StoopTroup]

Anyone own a pair of these?

http://www.roydmercer.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000001/RD0316.gif

[Pieces Hit]

It ain't funny!

[OklahomaTuba]

By Gawd.

[OklahomaTuba]

I heard Brent liked to browse the OU boards. Not sure if he has visited this one or not, but I kind of think he had or still does (for the farks mostly)

[Pieces Hit]

I'm fixin to open up a 55 gallon drum of whupass.

[oumartin]

I'm gonna tear you a new corn chute.

I'll kick yer *** so hard you'll have to clear yer throat to fart.

I'm gonna kick yer *** so hard you can whistle through yer hemorrhoids

Kick your *** so hard you'll be able to apply Preparation H with a toothbrush

I'm getting ready to kick somebody's *** so hard you're gonna eat dingleberries in your Cap'N Crunch



:D those made me laugh so hard!!!!!

[picasso]

you guys remember back when he first started he called this old barber and told him he put some kind of lemon calogne in his hair and he was attacked by bees?
the old barber told Roy he was windier than a bagfull of farts.
heh.

[Pieces Hit]

Are you the ol boy that (insert topic)?

Well, I got the right feller then.

[Pieces Hit]

you guys remember back when he first started he called this old barber and told him he put some kind of lemon calogne in his hair and he was attacked by bees?
the old barber told Roy he was windier than a bagfull of farts.
heh."sack full" to be precise.

[Hot Rod]

Oh, I just remembered one...

He was talking to some guy in Texas about a septic tank and told him that he'd put some "popknots on his head in the shape of the wishbone formation". LOL!!!

[handcrafted]

It's really odd to me that everybody doesn't know who Roy D is now. It's amazing how so many people can still get sucked in over the phone. I woulda thought he'd be so famous around here that people would be on their guard. :D

[Pricetag]

you guys remember back when he first started he called this old barber and told him he put some kind of lemon calogne in his hair and he was attacked by bees?
the old barber told Roy he was windier than a bagfull of farts.
heh.
That's the guy who told him he was going to have to go back and tell his friends he got his *** whipped by an old man, wasn't it? He was funny.

My favorite is the one with the ex-Marine who runs the flower shop, and Roy D. calls up saying his dog died from eating some of the flowers. He had that dude sounding psychotic by the end of the call. "Come on down. Just come on down. Come on down."

[Pricetag]

I also have to say, I enjoy Greek Theatre very much, as well.

[bigdsooner]

i'll be on you like thigh fat on a dixie chick

the beirut lebanon bus driver one is great:
im fixin to open up a 55gal drum of *** whoop and pour it all over your beirut ***. ya got a squarin off place out by yer bus barn

[Pricetag]

i'll be on you like thigh fat on a dixie chick

the beirut lebanon bus driver one is great:
im fixin to open up a 55gal drum of *** whoop and pour it all over your beirut ***. ya got a squarin off place out by yer bus barn
I've been sideways with one of those curvy knives.

[apusooner]

i always liked the one where he called goldberg. that one and the bad gas, where his son robbed jerry's restaraunt in wurtherfurd.

[Hot Rod]

That's the guy who told him he was going to have to go back and tell his friends he got his *** whipped by an old man, wasn't it? He was funny.

My favorite is the one with the ex-Marine who runs the flower shop, and Roy D. calls up saying his dog died from eating some of the flowers. He had that dude sounding psychotic by the end of the call. "Come on down. Just come on down. Come on down."

Barber - "I'll just start the headlights on that hearse!"

Roy - "You talk pretty big! You ain't gonna cut me, are ya?"

[Jerk]

"I'll be on you like crabs on Courtney Love"

"I'll knock a knot on your head so big it'll get humped by a bull dog"

[Oldnslo]

True story: The reason I'm on MIX 96 and not on KMOD is that Brent thinks I'm a dick.

Oh, well.

[poon4heisman2006]

To the Navy Recruiter:

"Im gonna come down there and jerk a half hitch in yer ***!"

Good times..

[Oldnslo]

Yes. I'm on the radio. With Dave and Nina on MIX 96 from 7-8 a.m. Wednesday mornings for What's Your Problem Wednesday.

I had initially pitched the idea of an off-kilter "ask a lawyer" show to KMOD. Phil was okay with it. Brent, not so much. Some time later, I got re-acquainted with a former resident of mine (I was an RA at OU) who happened to be operations manager for Cox Radio in Tulsa. He gave me a shot on Mix. It's been a great 2 years, and we're looking for more.

I certainly bear no animosity to either Phil or Brent. Things have very much worked out for the best.

Listen Wednesday mornings! We stream live on the web, too. mix96tulsa.com or check this out (http://mix96tulsa.com/chrisandnina/wednesday.html)

[Sooner Born Sooner Bred]

My favorite was the time the fake fingernail popped off and the dog ate it.

[bigdsooner]

put a popknot on yer head, big enoughto hang a spare tire from.
bowlin ball fungus
the cemetery one is awesome too (employees partying at the site, peeing on it)

[picasso]

Yes. I'm on the radio. With Dave and Nina on MIX 96 from 7-8 a.m. Wednesday mornings for What's Your Problem Wednesday.

I had initially pitched the idea of an off-kilter "ask a lawyer" show to KMOD. Phil was okay with it. Brent, not so much. Some time later, I got re-acquainted with a former resident of mine (I was an RA at OU) who happened to be operations manager for Cox Radio in Tulsa. He gave me a shot on Mix. It's been a great 2 years, and we're looking for more.

I certainly bear no animosity to either Phil or Brent. Things have very much worked out for the best.

Listen Wednesday mornings! We stream live on the web, too. mix96tulsa.com or check this out (http://mix96tulsa.com/chrisandnina/wednesday.html)

I'll listen for ya if I can get up in time.

one of my fav's was when Roy called the photographer in Durant about taking a picture of Raymond's dead prize winning goat. "Can ya kinee make it look like he's running?"

[KC//CRIMSON]

you guys remember back when he first started he called this old barber and told him he put some kind of lemon calogne in his hair and he was attacked by bees?
the old barber told Roy he was windier than a bagfull of farts.
heh.

I still have the very first original Roy D. Mercer CD that he ever put out. They only made like a thousand or so, and back then the only place you could buy it was at O'Reiily Auto Parts.:cool:

[picasso]

I still have the very first original Roy D. Mercer CD that he ever put out. They only made like a thousand or so, and back then the only place you could buy it was at O'Reiily Auto Parts.:cool:
I've got it too bro. has the car dealer call and the Arab McDonald's manager. heh.
"eggs are a very gastric...."

[KC//CRIMSON]

I've got it too bro. has the car dealer call and the Arab McDonald's manager. heh.
"eggs are a very gastric...."

Yep. I think the car dealer is probably one of the best of all times.

"Ya'll just line up down there, cause it's fix'n to be like an all day *** whoop'n!":D

[homerSimpsonsBrain]

...
the cemetery one is awesome too (employees partying at the site, peeing on it)

"Muh aunt edna was real tore up. She saw one of yer boys a peein on uncle chesters tombstone. You know, he was in the K-9 corp and his tombstone is the one with the collie dog on it"

or something like that. Comedy gold....

[Jerk]

Heard this week and it almost made me run off the road:

"I'll be on you like fat on a dixie chick's thigh!"

bwhahahahahaah!

[walkoffsooner]

I'll knock the s--- out of you so fast it will give you a rope burn

[walkoffsooner]

I'll knock the s--- out of you so fast it will give you a rope burn

i made that up but roy can have it

[Sooner24]

That's the guy who told him he was going to have to go back and tell his friends he got his *** whipped by an old man, wasn't it? He was funny.

My favorite is the one with the ex-Marine who runs the flower shop, and Roy D. calls up saying his dog died from eating some of the flowers. He had that dude sounding psychotic by the end of the call. "Come on down. Just come on down. Come on down."

That was little Bon Jovi and he didn't die he was paralized in his rear end and was walking like Chester from Gunsmoke. ;)

[MiccoMacey]

If you were any dumber we could legally use you to test cosmetics.

And oldnslo, I'll listen for you next Wednesday.