View Full Version : Post your really bad yet silly jokes here...
handcrafted
1/11/2006, 04:49 PM
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs. :D
achiro
1/11/2006, 04:59 PM
The difference between a boy mouse and a girl mouse?
Teeny wieney and tiny hiney.
achiro
1/11/2006, 05:00 PM
Whats green slimey and smells like bananas?
Monkey Puke
achiro
1/11/2006, 05:00 PM
Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
to hide in apple trees
achiro
1/11/2006, 05:01 PM
Have you ever seen an elephant in an apple tree?
Works doesn't it.
IB4OU2
1/11/2006, 05:01 PM
GOD BLESS OKLAHOMA GIRLS!
A girl from Oklahoma and a girl from New York were seated side by side on an airplane. The girl from Oklahoma, being friendly and all, said, "So, where y'all from?"
The New York girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence." The girl from Oklahoma sat quietly for a few moments and then replied,
"So, where y'all from, bitch?"
achiro
1/11/2006, 05:01 PM
what can say, I have a six year old at home:D
Do you know what that fleshy part around a vagina is called?
Do you know what that fleshy part around a vagina is called?
A woman.
HAHAHAHAHHHA!! Whoo boy.
skycat
1/11/2006, 05:23 PM
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
OUAndy1807
1/11/2006, 06:17 PM
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
I was about to post that, ****o.
sanantoniosooner
1/11/2006, 06:20 PM
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Jimminy Crimson
1/11/2006, 06:22 PM
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
The joke loses all meaning translated to spanish. :eddie:
proud gonzo
1/11/2006, 06:23 PM
why do ducks have flat feet?
from stomping out forest fires.
why do elephants have flat feet?
from stomping out flaming ducks.
proud gonzo
1/11/2006, 06:24 PM
edit: I remember now.
A Spanish man goes to the United States, and while he is there, he decides that he needs some new socks. So he goes to a department store, finds a saleslady, and says to her, "Quiero comprar unos calcetines, por favor."
The American lady speaks no Spanish, but she figures he must want to buy something, so she shows him a tie. He tells her, "No, no quiero una corbata, quiero comprar unos calcetines."
All she understands is the "No," so she shows him a pair of pants. He responds, "No, no entiendes. Yo quiero calcetines."
Again all she understands is the "No," so, a little frustrated, she shows him a shirt. A little frustrated himself, he responds, "¡No, no, no, y no! Quiero calcetines...para mis pies."
Finally she shows him a pair of socks. Relieved and happy, he exclaims, "¡Eso sí que es!"
To which she responds, "Well, if you could spell it, why didn't you say so?!!"
Czar Soonerov
1/11/2006, 06:26 PM
http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=8771
sanantoniosooner
1/11/2006, 06:26 PM
There's a joke in spanish about the guy who wanted to buy S-O-C-K-S... I remember the punchline but not the joke. :confused:
There's one about feeding chickens also. Don't remember it.
GottaHavePride
1/11/2006, 06:26 PM
Eso, si! Que es?
http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=8771
Shortest thread ever.
Jimminy Crimson
1/11/2006, 06:28 PM
Senior trip to Cancun, we were told by one of the guides or whatnot to shower after swimming in the ocean b/c you could get 'sea fleas'.
A naive girl asked a bus driver if that was true. He almost fell out of his seat (while driving).
I asked him in mexican what was so funny. He thought she asked if you could catch syphillis from swimming in the ocean.
heh
GottaHavePride
1/11/2006, 06:31 PM
Awesome. While we were in Europe on a charter bus, we took the ferry from Dover across the channel. (Chunnel was backed up that day, or something.) Anyway, after we hit France he pulls over at a rest stop to watch the girls' reactions when they see their first-ever squat-terlet.
Jimminy Crimson
1/11/2006, 06:39 PM
Mexican is a language?
...and a food group.
Very versatile! :texan:
proud gonzo
1/11/2006, 06:43 PM
Awesome. While we were in Europe on a charter bus, we took the ferry from Dover across the channel. (Chunnel was backed up that day, or something.) Anyway, after we hit France he pulls over at a rest stop to watch the girls' reactions when they see their first-ever squat-terlet.
he also thought the reactions were funny when the girls discovered there was no toilet paper in the bathroom. hehehehe
mdklatt
1/11/2006, 07:02 PM
Mexican is a language?
Yes.
proud gonzo
1/11/2006, 07:03 PM
kinda like english vs. american
mdklatt
1/11/2006, 07:03 PM
Awesome. While we were in Europe on a charter bus, we took the ferry from Dover across the channel.
How long does it take to switch the steering the wheel from the right side of the bus to the left side?
william_brasky
1/11/2006, 09:11 PM
Knock Knock.
Who's There?
Hoo.
Hoo Who?
salth2o
1/11/2006, 09:27 PM
A duck walked in to a post office and said do you have any soap and the man said no we only sell post cards stamps and envelopes so the duck left. The next day the duck walked into the post office and said do you have any soap and the and the man said no and if you come in here one more time asking for soap I'll nail your beak to this desk. So the duck came in the next day and said do you have any nails, the man no, so the duck said ok do you have any soap.
Kimberlyz4OU
1/11/2006, 10:38 PM
One afternoon a little girl returned home from school and announced that her friend had told her where babies come from. Amused, her mother replied: "Really, sweetie, why don't you tell me all about it?"
The little girl explained: "Well...okay...the Mommy and Daddy take off all of their clothes, and the Daddy's thing sort of stands up, and then the Mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that's how you get babies."
Her Mom shook her head, leaned over to meet her eye to eye and said: "Oh honey, that's sweet, but that's not how you get babies. That's how you get jewelry."
Sorry, I just thought it was really funny! :O
proud gonzo
1/11/2006, 11:04 PM
A duck walked in to a post office and said do you have any soap and the man said no we only sell post cards stamps and envelopes so the duck left. The next day the duck walked into the post office and said do you have any soap and the and the man said no and if you come in here one more time asking for soap I'll nail your beak to this desk. So the duck came in the next day and said do you have any nails, the man no, so the duck said ok do you have any soap.
we need to work on your delivery :D
GottaHavePride
1/11/2006, 11:06 PM
A mother is talking to her three daughters. The first asks "How did I get my name, mommy?" the mother says "The first thing to land on your head after you were born was a rose petal, so we named you Rose." The second daughter asks "so how did I get my name, mommy?" The mother says "The first thing to land on your head after you were born was a violet blossom, so we named you Violet." The third daughter says "Arnhuuuurghfruuuln?" and the second daughter says "Shut up, Cinderblock!"
KC//CRIMSON
1/11/2006, 11:09 PM
When asked his position on Roe vs. Wade, Bush said "I dont care how they get out of New Orleans!":D
handcrafted
1/11/2006, 11:50 PM
When asked his position on Roe vs. Wade, Bush said "I dont care how they get out of New Orleans!":D
Now that is quality. :D
handcrafted
1/11/2006, 11:53 PM
Awesome. While we were in Europe on a charter bus, we took the ferry from Dover across the channel. (Chunnel was backed up that day, or something.) Anyway, after we hit France he pulls over at a rest stop to watch the girls' reactions when they see their first-ever squat-terlet.
Ya know, before I went overseas a few years back, I was warned by more than one person about funky terlets. But I did not encounter any. At least in Holland and Egypt, the terlets are normal. They even have paper. And, they flush better than most Amurrican terlets. Fargin EPA regulations. :mad:
OklahomaTrombone
1/12/2006, 12:02 AM
One afternoon a little girl returned home from school and announced that her friend had told her where babies come from. Amused, her mother replied: "Really, sweetie, why don't you tell me all about it?"
The little girl explained: "Well...okay...the Mommy and Daddy take off all of their clothes, and the Daddy's thing sort of stands up, and then the Mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that's how you get babies."
Her Mom shook her head, leaned over to meet her eye to eye and said: "Oh honey, that's sweet, but that's not how you get babies. That's how you get jewelry."
Sorry, I just thought it was really funny! :O
heh
proud gonzo
1/12/2006, 12:16 AM
a guy gets into the shower and reaches for his shampoo, but he doesn't grab his shampoo, he grabs a penguin. What does he say?
This isn't my shampoo, it's a penguin.
RUSH LIMBAUGH is my clone!
1/12/2006, 12:19 AM
I actually saw this on SO a short while back. Q: What is the capacity of Monica Lewinski's mouth? A: One US Leader
BoomerJack
1/12/2006, 12:26 AM
A man comes home from work one day and finds his girlfriend in the bedroom, packing her clothes in a suitcase.
"What are you doing?" he asks. "Where are you going?"
"I'm going back home to my momma," she says tearfully.
"But why?" the man asks.
"Momma says your a pedophile," she answers.
"Pedophile!" says the man. "That's an awfully big word for an eleven year old."
SoonerAtKU
1/12/2006, 10:42 AM
Anyone who wants to hear a truly awful joke, PM. I just heard it yesterday and there's no way I'm posting it.
BoomerJack
1/12/2006, 01:29 PM
Fast forward in the time machine five years to 2011 in Baghdad, Iraq, Abu Gharib prison:
Four Iraqi politicians and business men walk down a long corridor to the isolated cell where Saddam Hussein is being held, still on trial for war crimes and crimes against humanity. They enter his cell and one says,
"Mr. Hussein, we need to speak with about an urgent matter."
"What would that be," replies Saddam.
"Our country is still in a terrible fix. Despite all the referendums about constitutions, cabinet structure, separation of powers, nothing has been accomplished to set up permanent government. The Sunnis and Shia continue to kill each other and the Kurds are in the north doing their own thing, thumbing their noses at the rest of the country. On top of that the Iranians continue to stick their noses into the mix which confuses matters even more. We want you to come back, take controll of the government and lead our country."
"But why would I want to do that?" replied Saddam. "It's true that sometimes I miss the opulent palaces and homes I used to live in. But I have grown used to this cell. I get three meals a day. Health and dental care. And I also get over 300 channels on satellite TV. HBO is fantastic. Besides, I would have to contend with rebellious generals and fanatical religious leaders. And how about the Americans and British? Won't they object?"
"The Americans and British aren't crazy about the idea but they're at their wits end. They want out but need to leave with someone in control. Another thing. We need to get oil pumping and back on the world market. OPEC has set the price at over $100 US dollars a barrel and we're missing out on making a killing, pardon the pun, in that area. Whaddya say?"
Saddam thinks about it a few minutes. He looks at his visitors and says, "All right, I'll do it!! But only on one condition."
"What's that?" reply the Iraqis.
"This time, no more Mr Nice Guy!!"
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way, unique up on it.
Why don't blind people skydive?
it scares the dogs too much.
oumartin
1/21/2006, 12:58 PM
why was Tigger looking into the toilet?
he was looking for Pooh!
proud gonzo
1/21/2006, 03:58 PM
I'm confused... by "really bad" do you mean really bad or do you mean completely tasteless and politically incorrect? because i have a few of the latter...and i don't want to get yelled at if they're inappropriate for this thread :D
Fast forward in the time machine five years to 2011 in Baghdad, Iraq, Abu Gharib prison:
Four Iraqi politicians and business men walk down a long corridor to the isolated cell where Saddam Hussein is being held, still on trial for war crimes and crimes against humanity. They enter his cell and one says,
"Mr. Hussein, we need to speak with about an urgent matter."
"What would that be," replies Saddam.
"Our country is still in a terrible fix. Despite all the referendums about constitutions, cabinet structure, separation of powers, nothing has been accomplished to set up permanent government. The Sunnis and Shia continue to kill each other and the Kurds are in the north doing their own thing, thumbing their noses at the rest of the country. On top of that the Iranians continue to stick their noses into the mix which confuses matters even more. We want you to come back, take controll of the government and lead our country."
"But why would I want to do that?" replied Saddam. "It's true that sometimes I miss the opulent palaces and homes I used to live in. But I have grown used to this cell. I get three meals a day. Health and dental care. And I also get over 300 channels on satellite TV. HBO is fantastic. Besides, I would have to contend with rebellious generals and fanatical religious leaders. And how about the Americans and British? Won't they object?"
"The Americans and British aren't crazy about the idea but they're at their wits end. They want out but need to leave with someone in control. Another thing. We need to get oil pumping and back on the world market. OPEC has set the price at over $100 US dollars a barrel and we're missing out on making a killing, pardon the pun, in that area. Whaddya say?"
Saddam thinks about it a few minutes. He looks at his visitors and says, "All right, I'll do it!! But only on one condition."
"What's that?" reply the Iraqis.
"This time, no more Mr Nice Guy!!"
[Thud!] ;)
GottaHavePride
1/21/2006, 06:16 PM
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Philip Glass.
what do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
a stick.
These two cannibals were eating a clown, right?
One turns to the other and asks "this taste funny to you?"
HI-YO!!
Why did the cowboy buy a dachsund?
Someone told him to get a long little doggy.
Big Red Ron
1/21/2006, 07:49 PM
Pull my finger...
What's the difference between Roast Beef and Pea Soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
proud gonzo
1/21/2006, 08:56 PM
What's the difference between an orange?
A vest because it has no sleeves!
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.1 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.