I'm in such turmoil

[TopDaugIn2000]

So my bf (of 2.5 years) and I have decided to buy a home together. We have discussed moving in together for a long time (he is at my place most of the time anyway), but we both agree that now is the time. We are finished with school, have great jobs, and no debt, student loans, or car payments. We have a hefty down payment and figure that we can pay off the loan in about 6 years. Marriage will come soon, but right now we want to concentrate on putting everything we have down on the house.

Here lies the problem:

MY FAMILY.

My parents and grandparents are extremely conservative baptists. In case you haven't read any of my posts, my bf is from Morocco and is a muslim. They have all met him several times, as my "friend". He came home with me for several holidays and they like him as a person, but I know this will turn them in circles. I feel that if I can talk to my parents first, then hopefully they will have time to adjust before we break the news to the grandparents.

Problem # 2
My parents wanted to visit this weekend to look at the house I have my eye on. I planned on breaking the news to them during their next visit, but my mom called this morning and said my grandparents are coming as well. I am going to the bank today to get the loan process started, and this is a "go". I have to tell them, there is no more procrastinating. The bf leaves for Morocco today for 2.5 weeks to visit his dying grandmother. He won't be there with me when I tell them. I'm not sure whether this is good or bad, but it cannot be changed.

I've been wanting to tell them for a long time, but I've only seen them a couple of times this summer and it was under bad circumstances (death of my grandparents on the other side of my family). Ever since mom called me this morning to say they were coming I've been sick to my stomach.

rant over.

[mrowl]

this sounds exactly like one of my friends stories...

He bought a house with his girlfriend, lived with her for 6 years, never got married...

and had to go through NASTY lawsuits to split their assets when they decided they weren't meant for eachother...

just sayin'....

[OklahomaTuba]

They probably just want you to get married and start spittin out the youngins.

[Mjcpr]

So I guess you've resolved the religious differences then?

[Mjcpr]

He bought a house with his girlfriend, lived with her for 6 years, never got married...

and had to go through NASTY lawsuits to split their assets when they decided they weren't meant for eachother...

just sayin'....
How would it have been different if they were married?

[crawfish]

She would've gotten everything without a fight. ;)

[Stanley1]

What religion do you consider yourself TD2000, if you don't mind me asking?

[mdklatt]

Is it just me, or has TDI2K expressed enough dissatisfaction here with Moroccan Boyfriend to make this sound like a bad idea?

[Stanley1]

Is it just me, or has TDI2K expressed enough dissatisfaction with Moroccan Boyfriend here to make this sound like a bad idea?

Word.

[C&CDean]

My advice? Make your parents and grandparents and YOU happy. Dump his foreign, heathen ***.

what's wrong with a nice American boy?

[critical_phil]

Is it just me, or has TDI2K expressed enough dissatisfaction here with Moroccan Boyfriend to make this sound like a bad idea?

or, at the very least, it seems like a lawyer should be involved in the property purchase......

[sooner n houston]

Will you raise your kids to be muslim or christian? How does he feel about it?

[colleyvillesooner]

out.

[DCSooner]

So my bf (of 2.5 years) and I have decided to buy a home together.
This is all I read, and I say:

IT'S A TRAP!!!!!

[critical_phil]

dr. laura troll in 3, 2, 1..........

[TexasLidig8r]

or, at the very least, it seems like a lawyer should be involved in the property purchase......
YOU RANG?

http://www.swapmeetdave.com/Humor/SleazyLawyer.jpg

[TopDaugIn2000]

we have already solved the "how to raise kids" issues, neither of us want children. We have discussed that to death.

I have been reading several articles on signing more or less a contract saying what would happen to the property/belongings if the relationship were to split. We are going to look into that more. It's not romantic, but safe.

I was raised baptist my entire life, and consider myself a christian. I never said a "good" one though.

[sooner n houston]

So if an accident happens, and they do trust me, how will you raise your child?

[Viking Kitten]

TD2K, My mother the lawyer says: never, ever, ever, buy a home with someone to whom you aren't legally married.

Maybe one or the other of you should buy the house and allow the other to live there.

[afs]

http://aaroninjapan.com/images/itsatrapvader.jpg

[Veritas]

Cornucopia of bad ideas there.

And I call bull**** on not getting married because you want to put everything toward the house. Getting married doesn't have to cost anything. The reasons for not getting married aren't financial. I don't know what they are, but it isn't that.

[mrowl]

Cornucopia of bad ideas there.

And I call bull**** on not getting married because you want to put everything toward the house. Getting married doesn't have to cost anything. The reasons for not getting married aren't financial. I don't know what they are, but it isn't that.

how much does a JP cost? $50?

[GDC]

So my bf (of 2.5 years) and I have decided to buy a home together.

You've identified the problem right there.

[critical_phil]

we have already solved the "how to raise kids" issues, neither of us want children. We have discussed that to death.

have you also discussed a fimbriectomy?????

[Soonerbabeinbama]

TDK - there comes a time in everyone's life when you have to do what you want to do. Don't spend the rest of your life worrying about making others happy. It will never happen - trust me. You and your boyfriend need to do what is right for the two of you - if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. Nothing in life is guaranteed. You just need to make the best decision you can and go with it. Your parents and your grandparents will continue to love you. Life isn't a perfect deal. You just go for it girl and be happy. Best wishes to you. :D

[Chuck Bao]

Congrats! And, best of luck, TopDaug, on the new home!

Some people have no idea.

Well, actually Buddhist make the best partners in this life and the next and the last.

[Howzit]

As far as buying the house - bad idea. But good luck.

As far as a longterm relationship with different belief systems, it will come back to revisit you. No matter how you think you feel or believe now, this will come back to revisit you. Trust me.

[Mjcpr]

As far as buying the house - bad idea. But good luck.

As far as a longterm relationship with different belief systems, it will come back to revisit you. No matter how you think you feel or believe now, this will come back to revisit you. Trust me.
I told you a long time ago you'd never find a fellow Sphincter Worshiper with whom to share your life.

[DCSooner]

Howzit and I decided against buying a place together. Mostly because he is Mormom.

Now we are the happiest couple evvvarrrrr!

[mdklatt]

Now we are the happiest couple evvvarrrrr!

I bet yermom and :dolemite: have something to say about that....

[Stanley1]

I bet yermom and :dolemite: have something to say about that....

And CVS and OT.

[achiro]

So do you move out for a month every year?
http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=50243

[KC//CRIMSON]

Me and the SO have had a house together for 5 years. So far so good.

Good luck.

[sooner_born_1960]

Me and the SO have had a house together for 5 years. So far so good.

Good luck.
The whole South Oval? Where is it? I might need to crash there sometime.

[critical_phil]

Howzit and I decided against buying a place together. Mostly because he is Mormom.

Now we are the happiest couple evvvarrrrr!

donny is gonna be p!ssed................

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v484/critical_phil/donnyhowzit.jpg

[Beano's Fourth Chin]

So my bf (of 2.5 years) and I have decided to buy a home together. We have discussed moving in together for a long time (he is at my place most of the time anyway), but we both agree that now is the time. We are finished with school, have great jobs, and no debt, student loans, or car payments. We have a hefty down payment and figure that we can pay off the loan in about 6 years. Marriage will come soon, but right now we want to concentrate on putting everything we have down on the house.

Here lies the problem:

MY FAMILY.

My parents and grandparents are extremely conservative baptists. In case you haven't read any of my posts, my bf is from Morocco and is a muslim. They have all met him several times, as my "friend". He came home with me for several holidays and they like him as a person, but I know this will turn them in circles. I feel that if I can talk to my parents first, then hopefully they will have time to adjust before we break the news to the grandparents.

Problem # 2
My parents wanted to visit this weekend to look at the house I have my eye on. I planned on breaking the news to them during their next visit, but my mom called this morning and said my grandparents are coming as well. I am going to the bank today to get the loan process started, and this is a "go". I have to tell them, there is no more procrastinating. The bf leaves for Morocco today for 2.5 weeks to visit his dying grandmother. He won't be there with me when I tell them. I'm not sure whether this is good or bad, but it cannot be changed.

I've been wanting to tell them for a long time, but I've only seen them a couple of times this summer and it was under bad circumstances (death of my grandparents on the other side of my family). Ever since mom called me this morning to say they were coming I've been sick to my stomach.

rant over.
Forgive me if I misunderstood, I haven't read much about your relationship with your boyfriend.

So, the rant is about the fact that your parents and grandparents are excited for you and your house purchase and want to support you in it? Or the fact that you've lied to them and you're worried about their reaction when you drop this bomb on them?

Make no mistake, overbearing parents are a pain, especially if they try to manipulate and control you once you're on your own. However, we all have to have it out with them at one time or another and at times it's easier to keep things from them to keep the peace. It's easier to stand your ground when you've been upfront with them.

I wish you luck. The odds are stacked very much against you as far as this whole thing working out. You might be the ones that defy the odds, though.

[Howzit]

No, phil, I'm MORMOM. Can't you read?

[Stanley1]

No, phil, I'm a MORON. Can't you read?

Fixed.

[Howzit]

My mom should have been fixed.
fixed.

[Stanley1]

fixed.

I'll be seeing you tonight Mr. Funnyman.

[Howzit]

I'll be peeing on you tonight Mr. Funnyman.You're not 1stTimeCaller and I'm not a carpet.

[Stanley1]

Go ahead, I enjoy being peed on.

You sick bastige.

[Oldnslo]

uh, TD2K? Still there?

You needed advice on this deal, um, about 4 months ago. Right about now, there's not much else to do but wish you well.

[Howzit]

You lick beerage.Gulp. I gulp beerage. Licking it takes too long.

[Okla-homey]

Okay, you seem to be soliciting advice so here goes...

The obvious question is why, after 2.5 years together, would you not want to get married? Just seems to me there must be some reason. If its either party's unwillingness to commit, that sort of implies one or both are kinda hoping a "better fit" comes along and in the interim, are content to play house.

If that is the case, and I concede it could well be something else, but if it is, it sure seems to me to be a very fragile basis for entering into a joint house purchase. Additionally, without some formal (written) agreement stating the terms and conditions of the joint purchase, I'm thinking you could be headed down a very slippery slope when/if the day comes that either of you decide, "Eureka! I have now found Mr or Ms Right" and decides to kick the other to the curb.

The safer approach is probably, as others have said, to have one party to the shack-up buy the house, and the other party moves in, perhaps even as a lessee and agrees to help with the payments and bills.

Barring that, renting is prolly the way to go while you guys decide where you want the relationship to go.

Just saying.

[TopDaugIn2000]

I've been at the bank and all hell breaks loose. heh

We are getting married. We have agreed to that, and it will be within the next year, if not less. I have to break the news to my family first, then we will just go get married. We aren't waiting for someone else to come along, it's just been me dragging my feet with the whole family situation. It's not the cost issue (except for the Bling I want), niether of us want a big ceremony or anything.

I called and talked with my stepdad a few hours ago. He is very easy to talk to and very understanding. I told him about us wanting to buy the house together, but that I did not know how to go about telling my mom and grandparents. He is going to help me thru the weekend with them here. We both agree we should talk to mom first, let it soak in with her, then discuss it with my grandparents over the next few weeks. Meanwhile, I just can't let them see any of the loan papers, etc until they know what is up.

[Okla-homey]

I've been at the bank and all hell breaks loose. heh

We are getting married. We have agreed to that, and it will be within the next year, if not less. I have to break the news to my family first, then we will just go get married. We aren't waiting for someone else to come along, it's just been me dragging my feet with the whole family situation. It's not the cost issue (except for the Bling I want), niether of us want a big ceremony or anything.

I called and talked with my stepdad a few hours ago. He is very easy to talk to and very understanding. I told him about us wanting to buy the house together, but that I did not know how to go about telling my mom and grandparents. He is going to help me thru the weekend with them here. We both agree we should talk to mom first, let it soak in with her, then discuss it with my grandparents over the next few weeks. Meanwhile, I just can't let them see any of the loan papers, etc until they know what is up.

Good luck with that. Seriously.

FWIW, you do need a lawyer to draft some kind of agreement on this house dealio. Here's the problem. Until you guys are hitched, if one of you gets hit by a bus, the other is going to have a lot of problems getting a clear title to the place, especially if the one that gets whacked has debts (you might not even know about) and not enough cash in the bank to cover them. Not saying it's liable to happen, but it could kiddo, and you don't need that kind of hassle and expense when it could be avoided by a relatively cheap bit of legal paperwork now.

[In Through The Out Door]

Seriously, a pre-nup is going to be needed on this one. Get an attorney. You are property in the eyes of a muslim man, whether he's telling you so now or not. I can't even imagine.

[Beano's Fourth Chin]

And get a will. Otherwise his parents will get his half the house if something happens to him. Even with your name on the title.

I have seen this happen to married couples without wills. Parents of the deceased stepped in a took part of their houses.

[mdklatt]

I have seen this happen to married couples without wills. Parents of the deceased stepped in a took part of their houses.

That would really suck if you didn't to keep the half with the bathroom.

[TopDaugIn2000]

there's 2 bathrooms.....duh

[mdklatt]

there's 2 bathrooms.....duh

Along with a seperate bedroom for you to use during Ramadan? ;)

[Mjcpr]

Along with a seperate bedroom for you to use during Ramadan? ;)
She could just sleep in the kitchen, he won't be in there.

[TopDaugIn2000]

he insists on sleeping in the other room during ramadan because we are not married. We will be by this time next year, so that won't be an issue.

incorrect about him not being in the kitchen part though. he grazes all night.

[mdklatt]

incorrect about him not being in the kitchen part though. he grazes all night.

Just wait until you get married--he's gonna get all fat. :P

[TopDaugIn2000]

lol

I actually wish he would put on a few pounds.

[VeeJay]

I was putting something else in that was way intrusive about his religious beliefs and how true he is to Islam, but I decided to just say "Good Luck."

Good Luck
Good Luck

[1stTimeCaller]

.

[TopDaugIn2000]

thanks for digging this up :rolleyes:

[1stTimeCaller]

just trying to help you keep your story straight:rolleyes:

[OU4LIFE]

twinkies.


moo.

[TopDaugIn2000]

:rolleyes:

[Howzit]

A bee's eyesight detects ultra-violet.

[mdklatt]

twinkies.


moo.

:confused:

[mdklatt]

A bee's eyesight detects ultra-violet.

:confused: :confused:

[OU4LIFE]

:confused:

i'm just kickin it old school, yo.

[Howzit]

:confused: :confused:

Is it your position that they do not detect ultra-violet? I am fairly confident that I am correct on this.

Or are you insinuating that ultra-violet should not be hyphenated? Because on that I don't have a clue.

[achiro]

I don't know about bees and ultraviolet(hyphenated or not) but bees make honey...I like honey.

[mdklatt]

Or are you insinuating that ultra-violet should not be hyphenated? Because on that I don't have a clue.

I'm pretty sure it's one word: ultraviolet.

[handcrafted]

If he's such a devout Muslim, I question the whole shacking up thing. I've not read the Koran, but isn't that kind of against Muslim law?

Also, I believe that they are not allowed to have, erm, conjugal relations during ramadan, at all. But I could be wrong on that. Now, if he just plays at his religion, and is not devout, then a) better for you, and b) not so much of a problem. You seem to have known him long enough, and you are engaged, so I assume you have discussed all this. And you all better talk about kids, because unless one of you is going to undergo a sterilization procedure, they are a possibility. And even if that's the case, what happens when your maternal instincts start gearing up later, and you're in your 30s and regret not being a mommy? Maybe you choose to adopt, but still, you've got the same 2-religions thing.

My personal feeling is you ought to avoid buying the house until you've been married at least a year. I would also suggest that you get marriage counseling from a Christian minister prior to getting married. The Bible has a lot to say about marriage, 1 Corinthians 7 and Ephesians 5 for starters.

Best to both of you. I hope it works out, even though the odds are against you.

[Howzit]

I'm pretty sure it's one word: ultraviolet.

Oh. Well that changes everything.

[1stTimeCaller]

I thought it was infrared?

[Howzit]

Well that goes without saying.

[1stTimeCaller]

yeah, kinda unspoken hunh? but not quite implied

[Howzit]

antinonunimplied.

[1stTimeCaller]

eggzachary

[Sooner04]

TD and Achmed been knocking the sandals?

If he'd played his cards right he could've been rewarded with 40 virgins instead of just one.

[TopDaugIn2000]

TD and Achmed been knocking the sandals?

If he'd played his cards right he could've been rewarded with 40 virgins instead of just one.

uhhhhhhh, he wasn't rewarded with one.....

[dolemitesooner]

So my bf (of 2.5 years) and I have decided to buy a home together. We have discussed moving in together for a long time (he is at my place most of the time anyway), but we both agree that now is the time. We are finished with school, have great jobs, and no debt, student loans, or car payments. We have a hefty down payment and figure that we can pay off the loan in about 6 years. Marriage will come soon, but right now we want to concentrate on putting everything we have down on the house.

Here lies the problem:

MY FAMILY.

My parents and grandparents are extremely conservative baptists. In case you haven't read any of my posts, my bf is from Morocco and is a muslim. They have all met him several times, as my "friend". He came home with me for several holidays and they like him as a person, but I know this will turn them in circles. I feel that if I can talk to my parents first, then hopefully they will have time to adjust before we break the news to the grandparents.

Problem # 2
My parents wanted to visit this weekend to look at the house I have my eye on. I planned on breaking the news to them during their next visit, but my mom called this morning and said my grandparents are coming as well. I am going to the bank today to get the loan process started, and this is a "go". I have to tell them, there is no more procrastinating. The bf leaves for Morocco today for 2.5 weeks to visit his dying grandmother. He won't be there with me when I tell them. I'm not sure whether this is good or bad, but it cannot be changed.

I've been wanting to tell them for a long time, but I've only seen them a couple of times this summer and it was under bad circumstances (death of my grandparents on the other side of my family). Ever since mom called me this morning to say they were coming I've been sick to my stomach.

rant over.

EASY

tell them if they dont like it
**** EM

[yermom]

heh, knocking sandals

[Jimminy Crimson]

http://www.jesuswalk.com/images/sandals.jpg

http://www.jitterbugboy.com/period/image040.jpg

:cool:

[OU4LIFE]

knocking berkinstocks maybe.....

[Sooner_Bob]

Baaaaaaaaaaaa

[OU4LIFE]

moo?

[RacerX]

Did they ever get married?

[stoops the eternal pimp]

nope...she is happily married to a honky