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View Full Version : How to Motivate Czar to Perform a Desired Task



Viking Kitten
10/5/2005, 10:28 PM
1) The obvious.

2) Threaten to start a thread about the undesired behavior and expose him to the world.

Case in point: I came home tonight at 9 p.m. after running kids around to their various activities, and discovered we were out of paper goods...T.P., paper towels, Kleenex, everything. Keep in mind Czar has a runny nose. Also keep in mind he could have driven or even walked 50 yards to the nearest Homeland to purchase a small quantity of the aforementioned paper goods.

So how did the ever resourceful Mr. Soonerov tend to said runny nose instead of burdening himself with an overtaxing, 50-yard grocery store trip? Coffee filters. Yes, you read that right. Coffee filters. Got a big ol' stack and just went to town.

I informed him that his antics were South Oval fodder unless he got his *** to the store posthaste. So he is off doing that as I type. But then I thought... you know, a guy sittin' around, blowin' his nose into a coffee filter is such a funny image that I've just got to share it anyway.

(Yes Dean, I know grocery shopping is my job.)

yermom
10/5/2005, 10:30 PM
i'm a t-shirt man myself

sanantoniosooner
10/5/2005, 10:36 PM
That's a latte snot.

OklahomaTrombone
10/5/2005, 10:36 PM
heh.


thats awesome

PrideTrombone
10/5/2005, 10:37 PM
See, most guys will read this thread and think "Coffee filter? That's a great idea!!"

Norm In Norman
10/5/2005, 10:42 PM
You see, this is why I don't encourage my wife to post.

crawfish
10/5/2005, 10:43 PM
You see, this is why I don't encourage my wife to post.

Word. :eek:

Stanley1
10/5/2005, 10:43 PM
You see, this is why I don't encourage my wife to post.

She is in the kitchen, right?

Norm In Norman
10/5/2005, 10:44 PM
No, she's probably on the laptop reading the south oval.

SactoSooner
10/5/2005, 10:45 PM
That is one expensive and painful tissue!

Sooner Born Sooner Bred
10/5/2005, 10:50 PM
VK: Honey, Why is the coffee so slimy?

Czar: It's snot.

SactoSooner
10/5/2005, 10:53 PM
At least it wasn't creamed.









...sorry...

Stanley1
10/5/2005, 10:54 PM
<shakes head>

Viking Kitten
10/5/2005, 11:00 PM
At least it wasn't creamed.









...sorry...

Ewwwwwwwww.








:)

SicEmBaylor
10/5/2005, 11:02 PM
So he's sick and you make him go to the store to get kleenex and presumably even medicine?

Man, I wouldn't be down with that. But I'm not married either.

ou4me
10/5/2005, 11:02 PM
You see, this is why I don't encourage my wife to post.


'zactly. I think when she reads over my shoulder sometimes she finds some of the stuff slightly interesting. Hopefully not enough to register and post. :eek:

Czar Soonerov
10/5/2005, 11:05 PM
Heavy sigh.

yermom
10/5/2005, 11:05 PM
or yermom's SO ;)

Viking Kitten
10/5/2005, 11:06 PM
Runny nose=sick... only if you are three years old. :)

jk the sooner fan
10/5/2005, 11:34 PM
Pw3nd!!!!!!!

i say its on in the Czar/VK house....

he'll be doing farks of her and she'll be airing all his dirty laundry here! :)

OU4LIFE
10/6/2005, 04:03 AM
you two aren't going to request that your memberships be deleted and stuff now are you?

Czar Soonerov
10/6/2005, 05:01 AM
and she'll be airing all his dirty laundry here! :)

Lord knows she won't be washing it... :texan:

BoogercountySooner
10/6/2005, 05:55 AM
Czar--- VK we are out of toilet paper!

VK---I'll get a cofee filter!

Is this a possible future scenario?

Okla-homey
10/6/2005, 06:04 AM
A real man don't need no tissue, paper towel, coffee filter, newspaper, etc. to blow his snooter. Just step outside, put a finger to a single nostril, close mouth and with a mighty blast, said troublesome mucous will be forcibly ejected onto the ground. Then, repeat on other side.

See, Boy Scouts was good for something :D

OU4LIFE
10/6/2005, 06:11 AM
A real man don't need no tissue, paper towel, coffee filter, newspaper, etc. to blow his snooter. Just step outside, put a finger to a single nostril, close mouth and with a mighty blast, said troublesome mucous will be forcibly ejected onto the upper lip, mouth and chin, before the ground. Then, repeat on other side.

See, Boy Scouts was good for something :D

yep.

Okla-homey
10/6/2005, 06:13 AM
yep.

Its all in the technique. There is a sort of "bowing" motion that must accompany the blasting action, but its tough to describe. :D

OUDoc
10/6/2005, 08:04 AM
Although Dean probably uses sand paper and/or small children/animals to blow his nose, I say Czar is officially nominated "South Oval" Man of the Year. Thanks for the helpful household tip, Czar!

jk the sooner fan
10/6/2005, 08:05 AM
Lord knows she won't be washing it... :texan:

well certainly not now

jk the sooner fan
10/6/2005, 08:05 AM
this thread is pure greatness

Veritas
10/6/2005, 08:12 AM
Its all in the technique. There is a sort of "bowing" motion that must accompany the blasting action, but its tough to describe. :D
It works best if you've been working outside all day, say, laying irrigation pipe or something, so that you've got a decent amount of grit in your sinuses. Then when you do the "farmer blow" you not only blow all the snot out you sandblast your nostrils completely clean. It feels great. And by great I mean increasingly more painful each time.

sanantoniosooner
10/6/2005, 08:24 AM
You just hope to avoid the "38 special" blast.

Hang on loosely, but don't let go.

Mjcpr
10/6/2005, 08:43 AM
Later, when all of the condoms were gone....

http://www.mc.clintock.com/first_floor/kitchen/cabinets_-_east/below/drawer_1/saran_wrap.jpg
http://jaghobbies.com/images/rc_planes/rubber.jpg

Sooner51
10/6/2005, 08:47 AM
I thought this was going to be about another kind of motivation.

Nevertheless, back to the coffee filters...well done Czar.

Veritas
10/6/2005, 08:48 AM
YMSS...Crapper (actually it was the YHGOTMRITL24HTAL).

And I think it was "Hold on loosely." :D

IB4OU2
10/6/2005, 08:48 AM
I informed him that his antics were South Oval fodder unless he got his *** to the store posthaste. So he is off doing that as I type. But then I thought... you know, a guy sittin' around, blowin' his nose into a coffee filter is such a funny image that I've just got to share it anyway.


It would be gold if all he brought home were new boxes of coffee filters.......:D

jk the sooner fan
10/6/2005, 08:50 AM
or rolls of coffee filters....

but two ply definitely

sanantoniosooner
10/6/2005, 08:59 AM
Hang on loosely

Hold on loosely

2 things are evident.

My memory is slipping and

The amount of respect you generate from a well evacuated nostril in a public setting is inversely proportionate to that of the dangle, pinch, toss involved in a horribly excecuted attempt.

C&CDean
10/6/2005, 09:21 AM
I just had to go try it. I got a coffee filter here in the office, and gave it a whirl. My observations are this:

1. The coffee filters in my office must be about 60 grit.
2. I think I got a splinter in my septum.
3. My secretary thinks I'm a freak.
4. Czar must have a chapped nose, or he's one tough-nosed SOB.
5. My secretary thinks I'm gonna try and sneak that filter in and make coffee with it.

And finally, I think I read where VK was out and about. What stopped her from swinging by the Homeland out in the front yard and picking up some paper goods for her man. And I wanna know - if they've been outta paper for a while, what has VK been using for popo paper? HMMMM???

Oldnslo
10/6/2005, 09:43 AM
Attaboy, Dean.

AlbqSooner
10/6/2005, 09:46 AM
A real man don't need no tissue, paper towel, coffee filter, newspaper, etc. to blow his snooter. Just step outside, put a finger to a single nostril, close mouth and with a mighty blast, said troublesome mucous will be forcibly ejected onto the ground. Then, repeat on other side.

See, Boy Scouts was good for something :D
Yeah, but I didn't have a mustache when I was in Boy Scouts.

Veritas
10/6/2005, 09:47 AM
I wanna know - if they've been outta paper for a while, what has VK been using for popo paper? HMMMM???
Oh, the baneworthy and inappropriate replies that come to mind. :texan:

silverwheels
10/6/2005, 09:53 AM
Oh, the baneworthy and inappropriate replies that come to mind. :texan:

Baneworthy? Yes. Inappropriate? Not in my opinion. :texan:

Viking Kitten
10/6/2005, 09:55 AM
I wanna know...what has VK been using for popo paper? HMMMM???

I figured you'd be the type for odd fetishes, but DAMN, Dean.

BlondeSoonerGirl
10/6/2005, 10:17 AM
FYI:

Paper towels are hard to flush.

That is all.

Sooner51
10/6/2005, 10:26 AM
FYI:

Paper towels are hard to flush.

That is all.
Didn't know 5 gallon pickle buckets could flush. ;)

BlondeSoonerGirl
10/6/2005, 10:29 AM
Didn't know 5 gallon pickle buckets could flush. ;)

With a little duct tape and a old ShopVac it can.

YEE HAW!!!

BajaOklahoma
10/6/2005, 10:38 AM
Fifteen years ago, there was a rumor that toilet paper was going to be hard to find - a ban on cutting trees or something. And that meant the price was going up.
My stepfather, a wonderful but very cheap man, starting hoarding toliet paper. It overflowed from the garage cabinets to the attic. Everytime he passed a store, he bought more toilet paper.
Bill passed away in 2000. My mother hasn't even started on the toilet paper in the attic yet. In case there ever is a TP shortage, my mother will become rich.

And I am just glad the house hasn't caught fire - that attic would go up in flames in a heartbeat.

C&CDean
10/6/2005, 10:41 AM
I figured you'd be the type for odd fetishes, but DAMN, Dean.

Oh, now I've got a fetish. I was merely wondering what household item you were wiping with, and your dirty little mind drifts off somewhere down a dirty, muddy road. Have you met the chick from Alabama yet?

Sooner Born Sooner Bred
10/6/2005, 10:43 AM
I read this article in Real Simple™ magazine.

About 100 years ago, a German housewife named Melitta Bentz punctured the bottom of a brass pot, lined it with blotting paper, and — voilà! — made the first coffee filter. Almost a century later, a perfected version of Bentz’s design is still used. “Coffee filters aren’t as likely to crumple or dissolve in water as typical paper because they have better ‘wet strength,’ thanks to longer fibers,” says Melinda McDonald, communications manager for Bunn, a beverage-equipment manufacturer. “Additionally, the fluted sides and cupcake shape allow substances to flow through the filter freely and prevent grains from flowing over the sides.”


Use Coffee Filters to:


1. Diffuse the flash on a camera. When you’re taking a close-up, soften the brightness by placing a coffee filter over the flash.
2. Strain wine from a bottle with a broken cork. Place the filter over a pitcher or a carafe and slowly pour the wine into it.
3. Serve popcorn or other snacks. The filters act as disposable bowls, so there’s no dishwashing.
4. Make yogurt dip. Use a rubber band to secure a paper coffee filter over the mouth of a deep cup or jar. Slowly pour 8 ounces of plain yogurt onto the filter. Let drain for one hour. In a bowl, mix the thickened yogurt with 1 small minced garlic clove, 1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley, and salt and pepper to taste. Serve with crackers.
5. Heat up leftovers in the microwave. Use a filter as the protective covering over a bowl or a plate.
6. Prevent soil from draining out of flowerpots. When repotting, place a filter at the bottom, over the drainage hole, then add the soil.
7. Prevent scuffs and scratches on fine china. Use flattened coffee filters as spacers when you stack your dishes.
8. Protect hands from Popsicle drippage. Slide the wooden stick of an ice pop through a coffee filter so your hands stay mess-free.
9. Serve pita sandwiches. A circular filter is the perfect size for carrying a sandwich on the go.
10. Clean windows and glass when you’re out of paper towels. Coffee filters leave no lint or other residue.
11. Use them in place of facial and toilet tissues. Coffee filters are approximately the same weight as household tissues. Just be sure to have aloe on hand in case of chafing.

Written by Rachel Hardage
April 2005

jk the sooner fan
10/6/2005, 10:45 AM
i know one thing, should i ever have the chance to visit the Czar/VK household, i think i'll pass on the coffee....

Viking Kitten
10/6/2005, 10:52 AM
Oh, now I've got a fetish. I was merely wondering what household item you were wiping with, and your dirty little mind drifts off somewhere down a dirty, muddy road. Have you met the chick from Alabama yet?

Dude, I never mentioned poo. In fact, I didn't even say toilet. All I said was that Czar was honkin a big' ol snot wad into a coffee filter whilst a wonderful world of Kleenex sat 50 yards away at a conveniently located grocery store.

YOU brought up poo, ergo, YOU should meet our friend in Bama. :D

jk the sooner fan
10/6/2005, 10:56 AM
anytime you can use the word "ergo" you get spek.....

C&CDean
10/6/2005, 10:58 AM
Dude, I never mentioned poo. In fact, I didn't even say toilet. All I said was that Czar was honkin a big' ol snot wad into a coffee filter whilst a wonderful world of Kleenex sat 50 yards away at a conveniently located grocery store.

YOU brought up poo, ergo, YOU should meet our friend in Bama. :D

One would obviously assume that if Czar was snotting into a coffee filter that there would also be no TP in the house. I mean I go with kleenex first, then tp, then paper towels, etc. So, through my brilliant powers of deduction, I hypothesized that the Czar/VK household was completely barren of said products. So, unless y'all crap in the yard and wipe with leaves, one would automatically wonder what materials you were using to wipe your bung with.

And I might get into some freaky lovin', but I can assure you that caca, whips, chains, and whizz don't do a thing for me.

Viking Kitten
10/6/2005, 11:03 AM
Dean doth protest too much, methinks. :)

C&CDean
10/6/2005, 11:10 AM
I'd eat a mile of her **** just to see where it came from.......

Fugue
10/6/2005, 11:20 AM
anytime you can use the word "ergo" you get spek.....

and using it next to the word "poo" earns double uber spek.

BlondeSoonerGirl
10/6/2005, 11:46 AM
I get no love for ShopVac.

Ergo, how sad.

Mjcpr
10/6/2005, 11:49 AM
Leggo My Ergo!!

http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/images/buttons/reputation.gif

Viking Kitten
10/6/2005, 12:02 PM
Uh... 38 Special sang: "Hold on loosely, but don't let 'ergo?"

OklahomaTrombone
10/6/2005, 12:07 PM
Ergo=Ogre

Freaky . . .

C&CDean
10/6/2005, 01:48 PM
I get no love for ShopVac.

Ergo, how sad.

Well any good hillbilly knows you don't vac it out, you just dump it off the porch. Besides, the shopvac + duct tape = hillbilly hooker.

Ergo, no love.

Czar Soonerov
10/6/2005, 10:15 PM
For the record, the wonderful world of Kleenex is more like 300 yards away. And she failed to mention that I used the filters as napkins whilst I ate ribs. We still had a little TP, ergo there was no wipeage with coffee filters.

sanantoniosooner
10/6/2005, 10:16 PM
Were they decaffinated ribs?

Viking Kitten
10/6/2005, 11:06 PM
For the record, the wonderful world of Kleenex is more like 300 yards away.

Oh, it's on now, booger boy.

You, me, and the odometer... tomorrow at sunrise.

jkm, the stolen pifwafwi
10/6/2005, 11:50 PM
Oh, it's on now, booger boy.

You, me, and the odometer... tomorrow at sunrise.

that's a crime in these parts?

BajaOklahoma
10/6/2005, 11:54 PM
VK will win.
Mainly because Czar isn't stupid and he knows that VK will win. 'Cause if Czar wins, he will never WIN again.
Let me be the first to congratulate VK.

BoogercountySooner
10/7/2005, 04:53 AM
Oh, it's on now, booger boy.

You, me, and the odometer... tomorrow at sunrise.


Who Me????? :D

jk the sooner fan
10/7/2005, 06:21 AM
VK will win.
Mainly because Czar isn't stupid and he knows that VK will win. 'Cause if Czar wins, he will never WIN again.
Let me be the first to congratulate VK.

in reality, the women always win

unless of course you live at Deans house......

BlondeSoonerGirl
10/7/2005, 08:33 AM
Mmmm, 'Booger Boy'...

Sooner Born Sooner Bred
10/7/2005, 11:56 AM
Women will always ultimately win because boobs=power.

mdklatt
10/7/2005, 12:06 PM
Women will always ultimately win because boobs=power.

Some men have boobs. Think lower.

jk the sooner fan
10/7/2005, 12:36 PM
Some men have boobs. Think lower.

exactly, its not the boobs......close, but not the boobs