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View Full Version : Squirrels can't kill you, right?



Beano's Fourth Chin
3/25/2005, 05:31 PM
Woke up to buncha goings on in the attic this morning. I guess a squirrel climbed up the ac return line and ate a hole big enough into one of the eaves to go into the attic and lay his eggs or whatever, because I SWEAR there sounds like a hundred of them in there.

I pulled down part of the eave and found a bunch of squirrel evidence.

I have my heavy winter coat on and safety glasses and oven mitts, but I'm not about to stick my hand up there yet because I know he's gonna go all clark griswold on me. If he climbs down my arm and bites my neck will I have to get rabies shots?

yermom
3/25/2005, 05:32 PM
just don't touch his eggs!

and probably on the rabies shots

mdklatt
3/25/2005, 05:34 PM
It might take 'em a while to kill you, but I bet they could make you wish you were dead in a hurry.

Widescreen
3/25/2005, 05:36 PM
http://www.elchupacabra.com

Beano's Fourth Chin
3/25/2005, 05:38 PM
THERE'S WASPS!!

BlondeSoonerGirl
3/25/2005, 05:41 PM
For the love of God, give us a link to the webcam.

HURRY!!!

GottaHavePride
3/25/2005, 05:41 PM
Dude, there are red wasps all over the south side of my house. I think their nest is actually inside the attic, because they crawl up inside the eaves. And these aren't any regular red wasps, either. These things are Gigantoriffic Nuclear Death Wasps. Seriously, I've seen mice that were smaller. I think I should call an exterminator to deal with them.

Sexy Sooner Angel
3/25/2005, 05:42 PM
For the love of God, give us a link to the webcam.

HURRY!!!
No kidding! This is going to be good.

yermom
3/25/2005, 05:42 PM
ugh, i hate those bastards

at least you don't have to worry about rabies :D

SoonerBorn68
3/25/2005, 05:45 PM
Oven mitts?...Wuss. :D

A lighter & a can of hairspray'll prolly take care of him.

mdklatt
3/25/2005, 05:45 PM
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Sooner_Bob
3/25/2005, 05:47 PM
Cool . . . I'm back just in time for the excitement.

Rhino
3/25/2005, 05:49 PM
Gonads and strife.

David Earl
3/25/2005, 05:50 PM
Dude, kill the squirrels. They will chew your wiring and stuff. They are also a rodent, so they carry nasty germs.

May I also add that the young ones taste delicious if chicken-fried and served with cream gravy.

mdklatt
3/25/2005, 05:53 PM
May I also add that the young ones taste delicious if chicken-fried and served with cream gravy.

If only Callenberger were here to see this....

Beano's Fourth Chin
3/25/2005, 05:57 PM
Game over.

I'm hiring day workers:

http://www.bfcfgof.com/fark/gonnaNeedALongerStick.jpg

Beano's Fourth Chin
3/25/2005, 05:58 PM
Apparently they've been at it longer than just today.

SoonerInKCMO
3/25/2005, 05:59 PM
Yikes!

Veritas
3/25/2005, 06:00 PM
Holy.

Crap.

mdklatt
3/25/2005, 06:01 PM
Oh my.

Beano's Fourth Chin
3/25/2005, 06:03 PM
We got this house 2 years ago. It was built in 1955. The majority of that is probably years old. That squirrel probably weighs 80 or 90 pounds by now.

I'm probably just gonna seal off the attic entry door now.

Rhino
3/25/2005, 06:06 PM
That makes me want to run.

GottaHavePride
3/25/2005, 06:06 PM
Smoke 'em out.

Czar Soonerov
3/25/2005, 06:19 PM
http://marbella.to/humour/aug00/squirrel.jpg

SoonerBorn68
3/25/2005, 06:25 PM
Czar I so wanted to post that pic but was afraid of baneishment.

yermom
3/25/2005, 06:28 PM
Czar I so wanted to post that pic but was afraid of baneishment.

that pic is like an SO institution, it pre-dates me :D

Czar Soonerov
3/25/2005, 06:29 PM
Czar I so wanted to post that pic but was afraid of baneishment.
Why? Those balls aren't Crimson.

*rimshot

mdklatt
3/25/2005, 06:30 PM
http://marbella.to/humour/aug00/squirrel.jpg
http://www.bedtime.com/assets/images/Zipper.jpg

yermom
3/25/2005, 06:30 PM
FREE BALLS!!1!!111

how much time does he have left?

yermom
3/25/2005, 06:31 PM
http://marbella.to/humour/aug00/squirrel.jpg
http://www.bedtime.com/assets/images/Zipper.jpg

you are so going to hell, or something

SeattleOUstudent
3/25/2005, 07:05 PM
Are you f'ing kidding me?


Game over.

I'm hiring day workers:

http://www.bfcfgof.com/fark/gonnaNeedALongerStick.jpg

BigRedJed
3/25/2005, 07:17 PM
Man, that takes me back to my squirrel-chasin' days.

BigRedJed
3/25/2005, 07:19 PM
And, BTW, squirrels that have been all over the neighborhood CAN kill you. That's why I'd advise you to wrap that rascal.

Sooner_Bob
3/25/2005, 07:35 PM
That's not a nest that's an apartment.

Sheesh.

SCOUT
3/25/2005, 07:40 PM
It might take 'em a while to kill you, but I bet they could make you wish you were dead in a hurry.

Is this a derivation of the How many 5 years could you take out before they knocked you unconcious hypothetical?

I think I could take out 500 squirrels before I went out, but only 100 of whatever the hell is living in Beano's attic.

BudSooner
3/25/2005, 07:45 PM
Beano, do you have any tree limbs that are within say...10feet of your house?
I've never seen a squirrel run up the AC line before(can they do that?)we had the same problem and I had to trim those limbs like a mother F**KER just to keep them away from the house.
But this was not before they chewed thru the eave, and left a huge mess...i answered back with aluminum painted to match the house to cover the problem areas.
Needless to say, the week after I did that....there was squirrel blood around the edges
where the little bastard tried to chew and ended up injured-I guess.
There is no easy way to combat those things unless your out in the country and then just POP the little bastard with a bb gun(Okay, shotgun if your Dean)heh.

Beano's Fourth Chin
3/25/2005, 08:15 PM
Heck yes they can climb the ac return line. I've watched them do it. There's little claw marks all over it.

Plus, we have a ton of trees right up next to the house, some are these huge pine trees, 3 feet in diameter. We just have to live with cats and squirrels and next door neighbor kids on the roof.

I just got back from Lowes and bought this really hard sheet rock soffit vent stuff that will let me get rid of the wire screen. And I bought some aluminum sheeting that I can fashion around the problem areas.

Have fun tonight squirrels. For tomorrow you won't have any fun anymore.

BudSooner
3/25/2005, 08:19 PM
I bought some aluminum sheeting
Hell yeah, now when they bite into that stuff....get ready for some squirrel fajitas.

That reminds me....i gotta find somebody to help trim this friggin tree out front, that storm last night tore the **** out of it and there are broken branches everywhere.

Harry Beanbag
3/25/2005, 09:53 PM
Is it too late to tell Beano that squirrels are known to carry the Plague?

jdsmith
3/25/2005, 10:06 PM
i thought they carried the Juanta Virus

BudSooner
3/25/2005, 10:14 PM
Is it too late to tell Beano that squirrels are known to carry around a pack of smokes?
Funny you should ask.......
Top of the page, attic dwellers!!

SoonerInKCMO
3/25/2005, 10:43 PM
You should have Dean over so he can shoot all the squirrels. Your tree rats would be gone and Dean would have fun. That's what we call a win-win. :thumbsup:

BudSooner
3/25/2005, 11:23 PM
You should have Dean over so he can shoot all the squirrels.
Come to my neighborhood sometime, you cannot kill them all or keep the numbers down, they just keep muliplying.
Seriously, for every 20-30 you kill there will be another 40-50 taking their place...but Dean could sure fill his freezer full in the process. ;)

SoonerInKCMO
3/25/2005, 11:27 PM
Come to my neighborhood sometime, you cannot kill them all or keep the numbers down, they just keep muliplying.
Seriously, for every 20-30 you kill there will be another 40-50 taking their place...but Dean could sure fill his freezer full in the process. ;)

No kiddin'. A couple of years ago, I asked Mom what Dad wanted for Fathers' Day and she told me "a pellet gun to shoot the squirrels with". So, I got him one. He's been killing squirrels ever since (he got three of them that day) and he still can't keep them out of the attic. They're everywhere.

BudSooner
3/25/2005, 11:35 PM
Sounds like Jesse Ventura should start his own squirrel killing service, here's the slogan...

"We guarantee to eliminate the squirrels, with no chemicals needed....just one Dylan minigun will do the job, day or night remember to call Jesse or your attic will be messy
please call 1-800-minngov"

Norm In Norman
3/25/2005, 11:56 PM
I don't think I could sleep knowing that squirrels were gettin' it on in my attic.

homerSimpsonsBrain
3/26/2005, 02:00 AM
i thought they carried the Juanita Virus

I bet that squirrel is just lookin to get a little Juanita virus!!!

http://marbella.to/humour/aug00/squirrel.jpg

RacerX
3/28/2005, 07:38 AM
Beano - Is there a corpse yet?

crawfish
3/28/2005, 08:36 AM
May I also add that the young ones taste delicious if chicken-fried and served with cream gravy.

Should I be embarassed to admit that I've eaten fried squirrel with cream gravy before? :eek: A bit too chewy for my tastes.

Beano, the best way to get rid of the squirrel is to separate him from his nuts.

Veritas
3/28/2005, 08:41 AM
Beano, the best way to get rid of the squirrel is to separate him from his nuts.
My father in law said something to that effect once, only slightly different.

OU4LIFE
3/28/2005, 09:14 AM
Beano,

Welcome to home ownership. Heed my warnings..once you close off their main entrance...be prepared to start doing more of them. We had them in our attice a couple of years ago....they got in through the eave screen which was kind old and busted. So I got up there and put in more screen, and found a huge *** nest about the size of a baby basinet. They'd been at it a while apparently. So anyway, fixed the screen during the day while they were out playing......they came home surprised to find themselves locked out. That's right squirrel, I'm the landlord, and you just got evicted.

Skip to next morning, we awaken the pitter patter of squirrel feet in the attic...WTF. So I go outside...and check the eave screen...still intact...now I'm really wondering WTF. Go to work, come home and see a squirrel on the roof....so I watch him.....he heads to the other end of the house. They had found a knothole about the size of a dime under a soffit....poked out the knot, and chewed a hole just big enough to squeeze through....BASTARDS. So stel wooled that hole on the spot....and liquid nailed it all up.

Next morning, wake up to hear hellacious racket coming from attic. Go outside to check eave vent, and there he/she/it is....working the screen over trying to get OUT. and he get's out pretty quickly. So it's off to the store for more screen....but this time I went for the heavy gauge wire mesh...pretty thick heavy stuff and got up in the attic and put up all new mesh on both ends....and set a live trap with some pecans for the one that I knew was still inside.... a day later I had him trapped, capped his ***.

then spent the next week shooting the little bastard off the eaves when i'd get home from work....they'd be sitting up there working over that mesh trying to get back in....a little .22 to the skull, the rest would scatter...after about 4....they quit trying to get back in.

They are insistent little bastards....so be prepared to fight this battle for a little while....and go around and steel wool any opening in your eaves and soffits.

Crimson_Balls
3/28/2005, 09:17 AM
You need to hire a pest control service.

(I could hit a squirrel in the forehead with a .22 caliber rifle from fifty-yards.)

....Fifty-yards!

Veritas
3/28/2005, 09:19 AM
Sup Balls. Did your eyes grow unaccustomed to the light of day while you were in soilitary? Has your skin taken on a vampiric pallor? :D

Stories like these (and property taxes) are why I'm leery of home ownership.

Crimson_Balls
3/28/2005, 09:24 AM
Sup Balls. Did your eyes grow unaccustomed to the light of day while you were in soilitary? Has your skin taken on a vampiric pallor? :D

I still can't go into the light. I just sit in my underwear all day and watch ESPN classics.

SoonerBorn68
3/28/2005, 12:42 PM
...squirrels are known to carry the Plague?

They're also known to carry in parts from a '71 Pinto, drop them on my counter, & get mad when I tell them that Ford quit making those about 20 years ago. :D

OUDoc
3/28/2005, 12:46 PM
Yours don't have any magical powers, do they? 'Cuz you might want more protection.

http://www.childrenofthegravepress.com/new/squirrels.jpg

BlondeSoonerGirl
3/28/2005, 12:51 PM
Yours don't have any magical powers, do they? 'Cuz you might want more protection.

http://www.childrenofthegravepress.com/new/squirrels.jpg

No - those live in Norm's house.

Reno
3/28/2005, 12:58 PM
http://www.crashlaughing.com/video/squirrelpull.mpg

This should do it!

SoonerInKCMO
3/28/2005, 04:55 PM
Has anyone heard from Beano? Did the squirrels eat him?

David Earl
3/28/2005, 05:03 PM
Has anyone heard from Beano? Did the squirrels eat him?

Dude! You don't think.... Surely not.

C&CDean
3/28/2005, 05:13 PM
Dude, you obviously spend way too much time indoors playing on your geek machines.

When I get a wasp's nest about the size of a quarter, it's gone. You know, seeing a bazillion winged insects loitering around your crib oughta be your first clue that maybe you have a wasp megalopolis going on in your ceiling.

City folk.

BlondeSoonerGirl
3/28/2005, 05:16 PM
Megalopolis.

That's a good word.

Can I use it?

C&CDean
3/28/2005, 05:18 PM
It's all urine girl.

David Earl
3/28/2005, 05:19 PM
I'm the official killer of wasps and wasps nests around here. I beat them to death with numchucks. I like it.

Sooner51
3/28/2005, 06:25 PM
To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case your enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower.

Crimson_Balls
3/28/2005, 06:26 PM
Squirrels don't kill people. People kill people

SoonerBorn68
3/28/2005, 06:33 PM
I don't think Beano knows what he's gotten himself in to:

http://f4bscale.worldonline.co.uk/Squirrel%20superman.jpg

David Earl
3/28/2005, 06:37 PM
Beano, please tell us these aren't ninja assasin squirrels and that you're still okay!

mdklatt
3/28/2005, 06:40 PM
Wait...are we supposed to be talking about squirrels or wasps? :confused:

Czar Soonerov
3/28/2005, 06:43 PM
http://www.distaste.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/squirrel.jpg

SoonerBorn68
3/28/2005, 06:47 PM
http://www.supyo.com/home/crazypics/images_20/ninja_squirrel.jpg


...Oh my Beano, they're multiplying...like, well, like squirrels.

Euphoria Louise Pettibone
3/28/2005, 07:32 PM
Mr Beano,
If you like I can have our yard man Manuel come over. He's very good with yard things. I expect he could clear those nasty squirrelies out in no time. Just make sure he's home by dark. Good help is hard to come by. He loves his cerveza and the last time I loaned him out he drank and we almost lost him when the INS picked him up after a nasty altercation in some dive. Thank goodness my Mister knew who to bribe to get him back.

Viking Kitten
3/28/2005, 08:04 PM
Heavens Euphoria, you must have been terribly traumatized. Were something so taxing to happen to me, I would need at least a week at the Scottsdale Golden Door to recover.

OU4LIFE
3/29/2005, 08:55 AM
still no words from Beans.....

we should be worried.

StoopTroup
3/29/2005, 09:22 AM
http://www.underground101.com/squirrelzilla_big.jpg

OUDoc
3/29/2005, 09:25 AM
still no words from Beans.....

we should be worried.
Don't worry. A ransom note from the squirrel king should be coming soon.

Crazy4OU
3/29/2005, 11:49 AM
http://www.funnyjunk.com/p/0534-jpg.html

Sooner_Bob
3/29/2005, 11:58 AM
i thought they carried the Juanta Virus


You mean Hanta Virus?

That's mostly in deer mice.

Sooner_Bob
3/29/2005, 12:02 PM
My grandpa shot a squirrel once . . . just for lookin' at him wrong.

StoopTroup
3/29/2005, 12:06 PM
SAVE BEANO!
http://www.greysquirrel.net/pics/blender.jpg

David Earl
3/29/2005, 12:25 PM
These real life squirrel pics from various legit news sources are excellent.

ou4me
3/29/2005, 12:47 PM
I sense sarcasm. What? You don't believe in SqirrelZilla?

David Earl
3/29/2005, 12:55 PM
I believe in the giant sqirrel. I've SEEN the giant squirrel... in a root beer induced vision. It was chasing Beano around, who sought refuge in his attic.

Which reminds me, if Beano could have gotten the wasps to sting the squirrels...

StoopTroup
3/30/2005, 04:55 AM
This thread needed it's feeding tube re-inserted imo...

Beano's Fourth Chin
4/3/2005, 01:59 PM
Honestly, I think the squirrels ARE trying to kill me.

I devastated their home and they're trying to return the favor.

Friday, a 50 foot tree in our back yard fell over:
http://www.bfcfgof.com/fark/Picture256_01Apr05.jpg
http://www.bfcfgof.com/fark/Picture257_01Apr05.jpg
http://www.bfcfgof.com/fark/Picture258_01Apr05.jpg

there were little gnaw marks all over the trunk of the tree at the base. Luckily squirrels aren't very good lumberjacks and they missed the house by a good 30 feet. They didn't even hurt a single patio chair.

Idiots.

Acutally, this was a tree that I've we've kicked around having removed for a while, but it straddles the propertyline with our neighbor so we didn't do anything about it. I guess it really was diseased. It was really windy here on Friday and it did all the work for me. I'm just glad nobody was playing in the back yard.

It hit the ground about 30 feet outside my office window and kinda shook the ground when it hit. Poor squirrels really aren't gonna have many places to live around here if this keeps up.

If nothing else, I got a new chainsaw out of the deal, so I got that going for me. Which is nice.

proud gonzo
4/3/2005, 02:27 PM
I'm the official killer of wasps and wasps nests around here. I beat them to death with numchucks. I like it.
can I hire you and do you provide your own nunchucks?

StoopTroup
4/3/2005, 02:33 PM
How did the base of the tree fall through the fence?

SactoSooner
4/3/2005, 03:32 PM
Mini bomb explosion.

SicEmBaylor
4/3/2005, 04:09 PM
Squirrels lay eggs?

You've got to be kidding me.

Flagstaffsooner
4/3/2005, 04:22 PM
I sense sarcasm. What? You don't believe in SqirrelZilla?I do.
http://www.myboot.com/images/splash.jpg
BTW, the humans are Beano and Dean.

Beano's Fourth Chin
4/3/2005, 04:23 PM
How did the base of the tree fall through the fence?

Same guy that did every other do it yourself project around here before we bought it built the fence around the tree.

Beano's Fourth Chin
4/3/2005, 04:26 PM
I haven't used a chainsaw since I was a teenager. Chainsaws have gotten better since then, but it still makes you tired after about 2 hours.

I remember when i was a kid on Saturday mornings waking up to the sound of a chainsaw almost every week and praying that the chain would break so I could get a little more sleep.

Soonerbabeinbama
4/3/2005, 04:28 PM
We've got the same problem with a rat - no not a mouse - a rat. Living in an old house you have a lot of rat problems. We haven't been successful in killing him so we just named him - actually he's not a lot of trouble - just eats soap mostly.......

yermom
4/3/2005, 04:32 PM
what's his name? Bubbles?

Beano's Fourth Chin
4/3/2005, 04:45 PM
Squirty.

Soonerbabeinbama
4/3/2005, 05:08 PM
what's his name? Bubbles?
"Gary" - ya know squirrels are just rats with bushy tails

boomersooner28
4/3/2005, 10:58 PM
This thread is like heroin....once I started reading it, I couldn't stop.

:P

StoopTroup
4/3/2005, 10:59 PM
Do squirrels do heroin?

StoopTroup
4/3/2005, 11:05 PM
I hear some are cannibals...
http://www.kostia.net/pics/cannibal_squirrel_pimp.jpg

OU4LIFE
6/9/2005, 10:14 AM
So how's the squirrel motel going, Beans?