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Rhino
3/22/2005, 10:31 AM
This guy is an American teaching Engrish in Japan. His stories are hilarious.

A little preview:

You know, before we come to Japan, they tell us a lot of ultimately useless stuff. What kind of computer to bring, if our DVD's will work, clothing sizes, that kind of nonsense. Nowhere, and I mean nowhere, in the 3-4 months of orientations did anyone ever mention that at some point, a Japanese kid may try to stick their fingers up our butt. That's something I would have liked to know, personally.

It's called Kancho, and just about any kid can be a Kancho Assassin. Even the sweetest little girl may be prone to jam her fingers up your *** the second you turn around. This happened to one of my friends, which just goes to show - don't trust anyone. I'd say the little girls are the most dangerous cause they have natural ways of lowering your defenses. BSG? PQ? Can you verify?

Link (http://omega.med.yale.edu/~pcy5/japanese/teacher.html)

critical_phil
3/22/2005, 10:33 AM
AKA



Asian Kancho Assassin

OUDoc
3/22/2005, 10:34 AM
How do you think they get so many awards at Toshiba? :D

critical_phil
3/22/2005, 10:39 AM
i had a business partner give me the ol' kancho one time.................

C&CDean
3/22/2005, 10:43 AM
Only that wasn't his finger Phil.

OU4LIFE
3/22/2005, 10:47 AM
I can teach you this, hai.

colleyvillesooner
3/22/2005, 10:49 AM
I have a friend who does the same thing over there right now. He says the japanese get a big kick out of his "Don't mess with Texas" liscense plate on his bike.He also plays in a basketball league, where he says he dominates like Shaq. He says it's not rare for him to get almost every rebound. He does say they are quicker than him, so he tosses a few elbows once in a while to keep everyone in check.

BlondeSoonerGirl
3/22/2005, 10:53 AM
Hai - they do some weird stuff. Another example:

In our grocery stores, we have the 'impulse buy' section by the checkouts. Small things you might have forgotten like a lighter. And there's always all the candy...

In Japan, thye have huge beetles. The size of your freakin' fist. They're in plastic boxes with holes and the come with a little packet of smaller bugs so you can feed them. I wish I could find a pic because it's really weird.

So our kids start screaming on the checkout lanes for candy but little Japanses kids scream and freak out for a gargantuan beetle.

Never heard of the butthole-poking. That's just nasty...

critical_phil
3/22/2005, 11:07 AM
Never heard of the butthole-poking....
i've been to japan a half-dozen times. the only thing i really remember:

http://www.sherlyho.com/images/photo/sapporo.jpg
i remember they sold these little keg looking sapporos. probably like a liter or something.

OU4LIFE
3/22/2005, 11:07 AM
use the proper term BSG, or i will have to school you on the fine art of Kancho.

BlondeSoonerGirl
3/22/2005, 11:09 AM
It's 'Kanji', ding-a-ling...

OU4LIFE
3/22/2005, 11:10 AM
i've been to japan a half-dozen times. the only thing i really remember:

http://www.sherlyho.com/images/photo/sapporo.jpg
i remember they sold these little keg looking sapporos. probably like a liter or something.

I prefer Asahi

http://www.japan-zone.com/culture/pix/asahi.jpg

OU4LIFE
3/22/2005, 11:11 AM
It's 'Kanji', ding-a-ling...

"kanji ding-aling"

got it.

thanks

Howzit
3/22/2005, 11:18 AM
You know, I spent time there on business and never heard of kancho from a Japanese schoolgirl. Hell, I'd have payed good money for that.

critical_phil
3/22/2005, 11:20 AM
i wonder if the wife is up for a good ol' game of kancho tonight????




probably not.......

C&CDean
3/22/2005, 11:21 AM
Grandpappy taught me about a similar game. It was called "the looseness test." You did the kancho thing with your finger, stuck your thumb all up in that cooter, and if you could snap your fingers, she was loose.

Howzit
3/22/2005, 11:22 AM
i wonder if the wife is up for a good ol' game of kancho tonight????

Get her to wear a plaid skirt and mix up her L's and R's and you done found heaven.

colleyvillesooner
3/22/2005, 11:23 AM
Grandpappy taught me about a similar game. It was called "the looseness test." You did the kancho thing with your finger, stuck your thumb all up in that cooter, and if you could snap your fingers, she was loose.

File this under "Things You'll Never Read From a Hornfans.com Admin" :D

Stanley1
3/22/2005, 11:24 AM
You know, I spent time there on business and never heard of kancho from a Japanese schoolgirl. Hell, I'd have payed good money for that.

Oh, but I'm the sicko pervert. Right. :confused:

BlondeSoonerGirl
3/22/2005, 11:24 AM
OMG - his stories are killing me.

You guys need to click that damn link and go read some of his entries...

OU4LIFE
3/22/2005, 11:29 AM
i wonder if the wife is up for a good ol' game of kancho tonight????




probably not.......

she said "NO, and don't try that stupid "I slipped" trick again either".

GDC
3/22/2005, 11:38 AM
File this under "Things You'll Never Read From a Hornfans.com Admin" :D

How about the bulldyke longwhorngirlie? :texan:

SoonerBBall
3/22/2005, 12:20 PM
Man, i just finished all of those, and they are great. That is pure comedy right there.

critical_phil
3/22/2005, 12:25 PM
in addition to hating kancho, my wife also refuses to play Dodgedick with me....

mdklatt
3/22/2005, 12:28 PM
they have a popular drink called Pocari Sweat


Heh. I remember seeing that everywhere when I went to Tokyo. That, and the vending machines that sold panties. :confused:

BlondeSoonerGirl
3/22/2005, 12:31 PM
One of the most extravagant gifts you can give someone in Japan is a bottle of vitamins. They're VERY expensive over there. It's customary to arrive with gifts when you visit Japan so our people always take vitamins. And golf balls.

KaiserSooner
3/22/2005, 12:33 PM
That's funny stuff. I'll have to read the rest later.

But I wanna know one thing.... is Hello Kitty as popular in Japan as we think it is.

KaiserSooner
3/22/2005, 12:34 PM
That, and the vending machines that sold panties. :confused:
An import straight from Amsterdam, no doubt.

BlondeSoonerGirl
3/22/2005, 12:36 PM
That's funny stuff. I'll have to read the rest later.

But I wanna know one thing.... is Hello Kitty as popular in Japan as we think it is.

Good God - yes.

A Japanese lady I work with is CONSTANTLY buying this crap and sending it home to relatives because it's so much cheaper here.

It's big over there. BIG. And expensive.

KaiserSooner
3/22/2005, 12:45 PM
That just makes me laugh.

That'd be like America crazed to the gills over Teletubbies.

mdklatt
3/22/2005, 12:48 PM
But I wanna know one thing.... is Hello Kitty as popular in Japan as we think it is.

YES.

KaiserSooner
3/22/2005, 12:56 PM
From Hirohito to Hello Kitty.

Who'da thunk it. ;)

KC//CRIMSON
3/22/2005, 12:58 PM
This is the most popular "Big" thing in Japan right now. If you can get your hands on one, they are a mega-dollar investment. The SO is into this big time, so I've been educated to the gills....

http://www.volks.co.jp/en/superdollfie/sd13/limited_sd13.aspx

Sooner_Bob
3/22/2005, 01:07 PM
"Spread Your Legs"

BlondeSoonerGirl
3/22/2005, 01:08 PM
"Spread Your Legs"

Heh. :texan:

Flagstaffsooner
3/22/2005, 01:23 PM
[QUOTE][

My Kids Are Perverted

Ok, so I'm an assisstant teacher in three Japanese middle schools. The grade levels are ichinensei, ninensei, and sannensei. Translated this just means "1st years", "2nd years", and "3rd years", and it's equivalent to American 7-9th grades. So the kids are about 12-15 years old.

For the ichinensei, they JUST started learning English. So this means they know nothing. Well, they know "Good Morning" and "I go to school by bike", but that's about it. Some of them don't even know that. It's not a bad thing, try to think about how much Spanish/French/German you knew after 3 years of it in High School. I took HS Spanish for 3 years and all I took out of it was "Yo quiero taco bell". My apologies to Mrs. Gonzalez, Ms. Kuchinski, and Mrs. Mach.

You know what's kind of funny though? Some kids can't say "Good morning", but damn near all of them can ask if I have a big dick. Or, "bigu dikku" in Engrish.

Y'see, Japan's an island no bigger than California, where everything is filtered. There are so few foreigners here, their only impressions of things outside of Japan comes from the media. And to be honest, they don't really give a damn about anything other than America. So yeah, try to imagine a country where the perceptions of you are created by your movies, music, and MTV. And when you stop crying and shaking at the sheer horror of that thought, I'll be here waiting.

....Okay? Ok. So anyway, the whole "black men have big dicks" stereotype stretches far and wide, even to the nation's 12 year olds. Part of why I'm here is not just to kind of sort of help teach English, but to "broaden cultural perceptions". Break stereotypes, challenge preconcieved notions, all that jazz. That's good and all, but this is one stereotype I think I'm just gonna let slide.

So anyway, I get asked "bigu dikku" A LOT. Every 2-3 days in fact, which is amazing considering I got asked this question about 2-3 times *in my entire life* in America. Locker room jokes aside. How do you answer that anyway? To a 12-15 year old? I wave them off and say "No no no." Then they say "Oh, sumaru dikku?" (trans. "Small dick?") and OF COURSE that's wrong so I have to correct them. It's just a no-win stiuation.

On the days I'm avoiding them asking me that, I'm avoiding them actually trying to grab it. I **** you not, I have to play Dodgedick with Japanese Jr. High kids on a weekly basis. Boys and girls! Age, gender, doesn't matter, they all want a stab at it. The boys are actually more persistant though. I had one boy grab for it, and when I said "No!" he put his hands together and, in English, said "Please!" Oh hell no. I was sitting next to a 12-year old boy who kept grabbing at it, and when I told him "No!" he asked "Why not?" I wondered if there weren't some cultural bounds I wasn't understsanding, so I said clearly "age 10 years and become female since birth, then we'll talk." His solution was to ask the girl sitting next to him to trade seats, grab my dick, and tell him about it.

That is so NOT what I meant.

I wish I could say it stops there, but actually, it gets worse. Let me introduce you to a game Japanese kids like to play called "Kancho."

Actually, it's not so much a "game" as it is kids clasping their hands together, sticking out their first fingers, and shoving them up your butt. I'm really not joking.

You know, before we come to Japan, they tell us a lot of ultimately useless stuff. What kind of computer to bring, if our DVD's will work, clothing sizes, that kind of nonsense. Nowhere, and I mean nowhere, in the 3-4 months of orientations did anyone ever mention that at some point, a Japanese kid may try to stick their fingers up our butt. That's something I would have liked to know, personally.

It's called Kancho, and just about any kid can be a Kancho Assassin. Even the sweetest little girl may be prone to jam her fingers up your *** the second you turn around. This happened to one of my friends, which just goes to show - don't trust anyone. I'd say the little girls are the most dangerous cause they have natural ways of lowering your defenses.

I was pretty lucky. Before I came, I bought a really big, really baggy pair of pants. The kids try to Kancho...but they just have no idea where my *** is! It's beautiful! I had one kid try and find his fingers hit nothing but jean fabric and air. Yes! But I've actually gotten pretty good at dodging it, much like Spider-man I have developed a Kancho Sense that tells me where and when it's coming before it comes. I parry fingers like a pro. My record is still 100% Kancho Free. Ha! America 2, Japan 0.

All in a day's work I suppose.


Next: In The Ghetto (http://outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher2.html)

Return to the "I Am a Japanese School Teacher" (http://outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher.html)/QUOTE]

Enos Finger
3/22/2005, 01:34 PM
This thread disgusts me.

BlondeSoonerGirl
3/22/2005, 01:36 PM
What's that smell?

Cooter Finger
3/22/2005, 01:38 PM
Some say he has all the fun, but frankly I prefer my lot in life.

BlondeSoonerGirl
3/22/2005, 01:38 PM
Dang, it's getting stronger...

BigRedJed
3/22/2005, 01:39 PM
You know what they say, "no" means... ..."push harder."

GDC
3/22/2005, 01:55 PM
Since I am single again I seriously considered going over there to do this for awhile, mainly just to see another part of the world, now I'm not so sure.

mdklatt
3/22/2005, 02:12 PM
Since I am single again I seriously considered going over there to do this for awhile, mainly just to see another part of the world, now I'm not so sure.

If you do, watch your cornhole.

critical_phil
3/22/2005, 02:25 PM
some select GIS results for "kancho":


http://red-bazooka.com/bazooka/t2/kancho3/kancho-big.gifhttp://www006.upp.so-net.ne.jp/samy/kancho.jpghttp://www.biochem.osakafu-u.ac.jp/~biri/parts/pic98/kancho.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v449/lukeelliot/DavidsKancho.jpg
http://flashcafe.at.infoseek.co.jp/log/2003/pic/kancho.gif

Czar Soonerov
3/22/2005, 02:32 PM
http://unangelic.org/stupidlogic/uploads/sniff.jpg

colleyvillesooner
3/22/2005, 02:35 PM
If you don't laugh at this, you are dead inside:


But! The boy I was talking to in front of me decided that now would be a *great* opportunity to grab my dick. Thankfully, my Dodgedick Sense™ went off as well, so I was able to grab his hand in time. But now both my hands were tied, while each boy still had a free hand with which to try and grab my dick AND poke me up the ***.

I have a bad feeling about this.

With both my hands occupied I had to do some serious dancing to avoid getting grabbed/poked. I was on some Michael Flatley Lord of the Dodgedick ****, you'd probably have to tape me and play the tape in slow motion to capture the true speed at which my crotch/*** region was moving. I realized though that I wouldn' t be able to keep this up forever, and at some point I'd have to think of a way out of this. To make matters worse (worse?!) though, a third boy appeared from out of *nowhere* (more Japanese teleportation?) and started going for whatever was open. So OK, let's review. I've got the Kancho Drone to my rear, Dick Grabber #23 on point, and Random Kid on assist, forming a perfect Triangle Molest Offense. Both my hands were tied, but I still had 4 free hands going for stuff. I was getting rushed down like an Asian girl at an anime convention. I realized at this point, this is the most dangerous situation I've ever been in.

critical_phil
3/22/2005, 02:44 PM
my gut is hurting from laughing so hard...............


i may even buy the t-shirt

http://red-bazooka.com/bazooka/t/kancho/kancho4-cart03.gif

colleyvillesooner
3/22/2005, 02:48 PM
Yeah, I just finished reading the whole thing. The visuals you get from his stories are hilarious. Especially the kid who tried to Koncho hm and is currently being held in the air by his arm, is using his other arm to try and grab the teachers wang.

BlondeSoonerGirl
3/22/2005, 02:49 PM
Seriously, think about this for a minute...

You're in Japan. You're a tourist, all walking around chekcing stuff out and a little kid walks up and pokes you square in the butthole. Not the butt - the hole.

I'd come undone. I swear, I'd freak the hell out.

That t-shirt is cool, though. Heh.

OklahomaTrombone
3/22/2005, 02:51 PM
those were awesome.

Boarder
3/22/2005, 02:51 PM
Mamo to self, if ever in Japan, wear a snowbaording butt pad:

http://www.snowboardingtips.com/pants.gif

BlondeSoonerGirl
3/22/2005, 02:54 PM
Kancho Defense Unit.

Boarder
3/22/2005, 02:57 PM
There'd be some kids with missing fingers if they ever tried that crap on homie! :dean:

Mjcpr
3/22/2005, 02:57 PM
There'd be some kids with missing fingers if they ever tried that crap on homie! :dean:
Buns of Steel indeed.

Squinch! Off with your faynger!

BlondeSoonerGirl
3/22/2005, 02:58 PM
Or some fingers missing some fingernails.

Heh.

colleyvillesooner
3/22/2005, 03:00 PM
My new handle: Mindless Soulless Kancho Assassin.

Czar Soonerov
3/22/2005, 03:01 PM
http://x2.putfile.com/3/8014011674.jpg

BlondeSoonerGirl
3/22/2005, 03:03 PM
LICK!

Sooner_Bob
3/22/2005, 03:05 PM
Those whacky Japanese . . .

Czar Soonerov
3/22/2005, 03:10 PM
http://x2.putfile.com/3/8014104390.jpg

BigRedJed
3/22/2005, 03:47 PM
Seriously, think about this for a minute...

You're in Japan. You're a tourist, all walking around chekcing stuff out and a little kid walks up and pokes you square in the butthole. Not the butt - the hole.

I'd come undone. I swear, I'd freak the hell out.

That t-shirt is cool, though. Heh.Just imagine if he also started chattering in Japanese about your juicy booty. Almond-shaped eye poke!

Sooner_Bob
3/22/2005, 03:47 PM
Nice . . . :D

Veritas
3/22/2005, 04:34 PM
He's whining because she cheated on him 5 times (that he knew about). Why did this guy not dump the girlfriend the first time she cheated on him? Any guy that lets a woman run all over him like that is going to get pwn3d in the end.

LoyalFan
3/22/2005, 04:54 PM
When I got there, as part of one of the first US Army families arriving post WWTwice, the place was mostly flat, black, and smoking, but the people were friendly, courteous, and affectionate to a little guy like me.
I still have the kid-size ivory chopsticks given me, for my fifth b'day, by a prince of the Imperial Family.
Later in life I was privileged to love, and be loved by, a much younger lady who was half-Japanese. Sadly, she passed away, as wept by her side, at age 34, looking 18, and I miss her so.
If one watches the History Channel, reads on the subject, and recoils in horror at the boundless cruelty inflicted on the Chinese, US and Allied Prisoners, etc, it's hard to reconcile that with the Japanese' love of flowers, poetry, food that looks like art, treating love-making as a sacred ritual, and appreciation of family. Still, though a study in contradictions, they are a unique and fascinating people.
My late love, Martha, personified all the best qualities, though she was high-maintenance and melted the credit cards I gave her ("No fool like an old fool!").
BTW, do NOT, under any circumstances, say "Jap". I did...once=atrocities, LOL!
Well, now I'm craving Sushi and food that might still be moving...thanks for "listening".
Sayonara,
Loyal(Lancer)Fan(6)

colleyvillesooner
3/22/2005, 04:58 PM
He's whining because she cheated on him 5 times (that he knew about). Why did this guy not dump the girlfriend the first time she cheated on him? Any guy that lets a woman run all over him like that is going to get pwn3d in the end.

His form of pwnage is coming in waves of Kancho Assassins...

colleyvillesooner
3/24/2005, 12:36 AM
I'd make this my avatar if I wasn't afraid of a baneing:

http://nekomaru.13sa.com/damiyan/kancho.gif

KaiserSooner
3/24/2005, 01:15 AM
If you've been baned, you've been kanchoed.

yermom
3/24/2005, 01:39 AM
http://x2.putfile.com/3/8014104390.jpg

i can't help but think of the Lyndie with this

critical_phil
3/28/2005, 03:19 PM
thought that i'd share:


http://www2s.biglobe.ne.jp/~j-azuki/kancho.gif

BlondeSoonerGirl
3/28/2005, 03:21 PM
Lord help me for asking:

What are they poking each other with?

critical_phil
3/28/2005, 03:25 PM
ancient kancho wand................??




i sent out rhino's original link to a few people last week. i'm starting to see a couple of them come back to me. one had this attached.............

colleyvillesooner
3/28/2005, 03:26 PM
ancient kancho wand................??




i sent out rhino's original link to a few people last week. i'm starting to see a couple of them come back to me. one had this attached.............

Yeah my friends we're big fans of the link...too funny

colleyvillesooner
4/4/2005, 08:48 AM
New Update:

http://omega.med.yale.edu/~pcy5/japanese/teacher.html

Sample:

Instead, I stood there like an oaf, a Big Gaijin Target, oblivious as they gathered around me. There was a crowd of students around us, but I thought nothing of it. Suddenly, a hand emerges from the crowd and tries to grab my dick. It missed, jabbing me in the thigh. I tried to reach down and grab the culprit, but the hand disappeared into the sea of bodies as quickly as it had came. I knew, I just knew, it was from the Ultimate Kancho boy.

Seibu
4/5/2005, 01:00 AM
Well...after ages of just lurking....this thread has finally forced me to post (thanks, Phil.)

After..well...way too many years in Japan....I must say I have NEVER ONCE seen the following;

Kids marching to school
Beetles for sale by the cash register (WTF??)
The quiz shows are pretty much long gone
I've never heard of a vehicle "beauty" inspection
And I had no idea what a Kancho attack was until this week.

"have you ever heard of anyone emigrating to Japan and becoming a full fledged citiizen?"

I prefer not to answer this one.

Some of the stuff you read on the internet......funny.

KaiserSooner
4/5/2005, 01:51 AM
Yeah my friends we're big fans of the link...too funny
Same here

KaiserSooner
4/5/2005, 01:53 AM
Well...after ages of just lurking....this thread has finally forced me to post (thanks, Phil.)

After..well...way too many years in Japan....I must say I have NEVER ONCE seen the following;

Kids marching to school
Beetles for sale by the cash register (WTF??)
The quiz shows are pretty much long gone
I've never heard of a vehicle "beauty" inspection
And I had no idea what a Kancho attack was until this week.

"have you ever heard of anyone emigrating to Japan and becoming a full fledged citiizen?"

I prefer not to answer this one.

Some of the stuff you read on the internet......funny.
No Kancho?

Well, Japan is a big country...lots of people...maybe Kancho hasn't arrived in your part of Japan ;)

Seibu
4/5/2005, 04:18 AM
""Well, Japan is a big country...lots of people...maybe Kancho hasn't arrived in your part of Japan.""

I made the mistake of asking the girlfriend if she had ever heard of this Kancho game.

I've had to keep the butt clinched shut ever since.

Itai!!! (ouch)

colleyvillesooner
4/11/2005, 07:29 PM
2 New Updates:

Closing Time 1 (http://omega.med.yale.edu/~pcy5/japanese/teacher33.html)
Closing Time 2 (http://omega.med.yale.edu/~pcy5/japanese/teacher34.html)

I love the way this guy writes:


I had completely forgotten to go to the bathroom. Now that is a first. Have you ever just flat out, completely forgotten to go to the bathroom before? Having to run full speed from a D*ck Grabbing Commando requires 100% concentration, and y'know, all other unimportant details, like going to the bathroom, have to get put on the backburner for awhile.

BlondeSoonerGirl
4/12/2005, 08:51 AM
This just keeps getting better.

Howzit
4/12/2005, 09:04 AM
Is that a real kancho, or is that a Sears kancho?

colleyvillesooner
4/21/2005, 08:21 AM
New Update:

http://omega.med.yale.edu/~pcy5/japanese/teacher38.html

GottaHavePride
4/21/2005, 06:16 PM
I told you... I now picture this guy as OU4LIFE.

SoonerInKCMO
4/21/2005, 06:33 PM
How has he not broken down and just beat the ever-living **** outta one of these kancho kids??

colleyvillesooner
4/21/2005, 07:12 PM
He looks like the guy on SNL:

http://photobucket.com/albums/y105/LordAzrael/seikaminami/images/seikaminami13.jpg

OklahomaTrombone
4/24/2005, 01:49 PM
So I'm in Norman for my fraternities ritual this weekend. Chatting it up with some of the other Alumni members and one guy was talking about how he's getting ready to go to Japan.

To teach English.

In a middle school.

I told GHP and we both laughed and told him to watch out for the Kancho.

GottaHavePride
4/24/2005, 07:36 PM
Gaijin Smash!

Seibu
4/25/2005, 02:33 AM
I think the biggest adjustment he'll have to make is getting used to sleeping with girls that don't weigh over 200lbs.

Sooner_Bob
4/25/2005, 08:06 AM
DOH!

colleyvillesooner
5/2/2005, 08:26 AM
Two new updates:
http://omega.med.yale.edu/~pcy5/japanese/teacher39.html
http://omega.med.yale.edu/~pcy5/japanese/teacher40.html

Sooner_Bob
5/2/2005, 08:49 AM
Hilarious.

BeetDigger
5/2/2005, 12:53 PM
He looks like the guy on SNL:

http://photobucket.com/albums/y105/LordAzrael/seikaminami/images/seikaminami13.jpg


This pic is begging to be farked. Of course if it is done in the most obvious way, then I doubt if it is fit for posting. :mack:

colleyvillesooner
5/2/2005, 12:56 PM
That picture is alot funnier after the latest update. :D

BeetDigger
5/2/2005, 01:00 PM
i've been to japan a half-dozen times. the only thing i really remember:

http://www.sherlyho.com/images/photo/sapporo.jpg
i remember they sold these little keg looking sapporos. probably like a liter or something.


Bieru ipon, onagai si masu. Kirin, desu.




Ok, so my Japanese in english is probably a bit off, but it has been about six years since I studied it. But I think you get the gist.

Bruce Almighty
5/2/2005, 01:05 PM
Bruce giveth and Bruce taketh. Don't like it? Megabyte me.

colleyvillesooner
5/6/2005, 08:43 AM
New Update:

http://omega.med.yale.edu/~pcy5/japanese/teacher41.html

Couple of funny pictures...

Veritas
5/6/2005, 08:51 AM
Man, reading that revisionist history bull**** pisses me off. And we spent how many billions rebuilding that country?

colleyvillesooner
5/6/2005, 08:59 AM
Man, reading that revisionist history bull**** pisses me off. And we spent how many billions rebuilding that country?

Yeah, I'm gonna make that one a new thread...

afs
5/6/2005, 09:00 AM
http://photobucket.com/albums/y105/LordAzrael/Az/thecolonel.jpg

ha

GottaHavePride
5/6/2005, 12:59 PM
And:

http://outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher42.html

colleyvillesooner
5/10/2005, 09:09 AM
Bump:

http://omega.med.yale.edu/~pcy5/japanese/teacher43.html


Okay, what the ****. I can shrug off the countless kancho and dick-grab attempts, but actually putting a hand down my pants?! I gotta draw a line somewhere. Well, here's my line, and here's you, obliterating the line, kid.

BlondeSoonerGirl
5/10/2005, 09:15 AM
OMG.

I'm crying....

colleyvillesooner
5/10/2005, 09:19 AM
The Michael Jackson line made me laugh out loud...

colleyvillesooner
5/17/2005, 09:27 AM
Update:

http://omega.med.yale.edu/~pcy5/japanese/teacher45.html


I had to leave the teachers room a few minutes later. I dunno why, I just did. No sooner than I crossed the doorway, Watson lunged at me like a starved Malaysian tiger. With the Senses still down (what's up with that anyway? I don't think they're coming back...) I caught him on pure reflexes alone. Y'know, if nothing else, living here has incredibly sharpened my "Hey, there's someone coming for my dick!" defense skills. ...I can't imagine how this would be useful, unless I somehow find myself in prison. Bring it bitches, I got this **** on lockdown.

colleyvillesooner
6/20/2005, 12:11 PM
new updates, good ones too...

http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher.html


I sort of assumed that Watson didn't have any interest in his own countrymen's d*cks...but apparently I was absolutely wrong. ...I was kinda disappointed, for a moment I no longer felt special. Then I realized I was disappointed because a 15-year old Japanese boy isn't grabbing my d*ck *exclusively*...and let me tell you, 70+ showers lately and I still feel dirty. What is this country doing to me?

This one is really good:
http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher55.html


Discovery Outpost Nine Presents - The Life of a Japanese Butterfly

Phase 1: Egg is laid by a female butterfly
Phase 2: Hatch into a larva/caterpillar
Phase 3: Eat a lot, grow bigger
Phase 4: Cocoon into a chrysalis, emerge as a beautiful butterfly
Phase 5: Get knocked the **** out by a 13-year old Japanese girl's vicious backhand

Veritas
6/20/2005, 12:45 PM
spek to cvs for keeping this one on the front burner. roflmao

KC//CRIMSON
6/30/2005, 09:10 AM
Funny story.

We had a couple from London, England over last night at the house for dinner. The wife is a computer nerd and the husband travels around the globe as a English as a second language teacher. He mentioned he had recently been teaching in South Korea. I asked him if ever heard of asian kids who like to...........................

I kid you not, before I could finish that sentence, he looked up from the dinner table and with bulging eyes said.....Dude, I got kancho'd every f****** day over there in South Korea! They also had a fascination with grabbing my sack!

I couldn't help but laugh, he knew the hand gesture and everything. :D

colleyvillesooner
6/30/2005, 09:13 AM
That site is growing out of control. It's down now to due to bandwidth issue.

proud gonzo
6/30/2005, 06:13 PM
hehehehehehe.... i love that site :D

GottaHavePride
7/8/2005, 12:39 AM
New update.

I don't never want to shop here again! (http://outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher63.html)

Veritas
7/8/2005, 08:14 AM
http://outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher56.html

This is an older one, about the death of one of his students. Wicked good column. Made me sorta weepy.

...they said it was just the Japanese way of dealing with death. Life goes on. The victim wouldn't have wanted them to be sad all day over his death. They find comfort in returning to their everyday lives. It doesn't mean that the boy is forgotten, far from it. It's more like, a respect of the life he lead, by continuing to lead it.

colleyvillesooner
7/8/2005, 08:24 AM
The conversation he wrote out between him, his heart, his penis and his legs was hilarious.


Az's Anxiety: Uh-oh. This looks serious.

Az's Eyes: Are you kidding? This is awesome! This is the kind of stuff we usually download off the internet! "Two drunk white guys get OWNED by Unbridled Negro RAGE! (vid inside)" Now we've got *front row seats*!

Az's Anxiety: Yeah, but so far we're the only black guy not involved. And to two drunk whiteys, they're not gonna care which black guy they start swinging at...

Az: Hmm. You have a point. We might need to defend ourselves pretty soon here. Hey legs, think you got any Tekken 5 moves left in you?

Az's Legs: ......BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one Chief. Maybe if you'd given us some decent rest. The best we can do for you now is Battle Arena Toshinden.

Az: ...The first one?

Az's Legs: Yup.

Az: ...****.

colleyvillesooner
7/18/2005, 02:08 PM
http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher.html

Good update:
http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher65.html


Let me tell you, there is nothing, NOTHING scarier than a Japanese girl with the Unleashed Furies of Hell behind her. And I say this as a large black man. If I somehow found myself in a house, and upstairs was Freddy Krueger, Jason, the masked guy from the Scream movies, Predators, Aliens, and Celine Dion singing the Titanic song, and downstairs were a group of Japanese girls going K-Groove Jack Bauer beserker mode, I'd go upstairs and take my chances. I'd actually have a remote chance of coming out of it alive.

Seibu
7/18/2005, 11:46 PM
This stuff was funny back in the Meiji era.

IronSooner
7/19/2005, 12:57 AM
The conversation he wrote out between him, his heart, his penis and his legs was hilarious.

Seriously. I was rolling on the floor reading that. That site's become almost daily reading for me at lunchtime. I like his sense of humor in the entries responding to emails.

GottaHavePride
7/26/2005, 12:54 AM
New updates. Better use the omega.med.yale links to get there - outpost nine is down due to bandwidth usage right now.

colleyvillesooner
8/5/2005, 10:34 AM
Update: http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher.html


Even the teacher was baffled by this, so they called me over to help. "Well, resurrection means when someone who's died comes back to life." I explained to the student. He nods in understanding. "Okay," he says, "now, who's this Jesus character?" Again, Christmas in Japan is all about the man in the big red suit. "Well, Jesus was a man..." I start to say. Before I can even finish my sentence, the boy looks up and me and says "Oh! So, Jesus was a zombie then?"

.................................................. ......Yes.

Puts an entirely different spin on the Good Book, don't it? But if Hollywood ever makes a movie out of Jesus the Zombie (No. Please God, no. By the love of Erik Estrada, no.), I demand royalities.

GottaHavePride
8/10/2005, 11:35 PM
I just saw that last update. Quality humor right there.

Shamrock
8/15/2005, 05:15 AM
Roundtrip Ticket to Japan - 1500 US
Bus ride to school - 300 yen
Watching your Friend Kancho`d into a believer - PRICELESS (http://omega.med.yale.edu/~pcy5/japanese/teacher68.html)

More ............

Yes, the dumbass was free-balling it in the heart of enemy territory in the midst of a full blown Kancho war.

colleyvillesooner
8/15/2005, 08:37 AM
I love the way this guy writes...you really feel like you are there...


Yuki asks what we were going to do today. Well, that's not too bad of a question, right? I told her we were going for a walk in the park. "Ah, that's nice!" Yuki says. "And, what did you do last night?"

...Uh...that's not a question I'm gonna answer to a 15-year old schoolgirl. I'm already going to hell, but I'd like to at least keep the handbasket.

colleyvillesooner
8/15/2005, 08:46 AM
Heh.

We get halfway up and Caviar is in mid-stride when the three girls, I have no idea how long they were hiding in the trees, jump out behind us and in some wicked 3 person tag team Kancho maneuver all give my friend the Kancho to end all Kanchos. They laugh wickedly and said "we told you we could get you" and run away.

I am rolling around on the ground cuz the look of sheer terror on my friend`s face will NEVER be forgotten. He is rolling around on the ground clutching his *** and looks up at me with sheer horror in his eyes and gasps out "they...they...they got Penetration!". Caviar had been wearing a pair of basketball shorts with NO boxers. Yes, the dumbass was free-balling it in the heart of enemy territory in the midst of a full blown Kancho war.

colleyvillesooner
8/22/2005, 02:13 PM
New Update: http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher69.html


Like when the office lady next to me was talking about the various different fireworks festivals that were happening in Japan. She turned to me, and asked, "Oh, does America have fireworks too?"

..............OF COURSE WE HAVE FIREWORKS TOO! WE HAVE *LOTS* OF THINGS! WE'RE NOT GILLIGAN'S ISLAND!

And y'know what? Dare I say it, our fireworks are actually *better*. We're America. We're very good at blowing **** up, as many many other countries can attest to.

Seibu
8/22/2005, 11:34 PM
"Dare I say it, our fireworks are actually *better*. We're America."

This guy is so full of crap.

America is good at many things but any moron would agree that the Japanese kick our *** at fireworks.....well, in most parts of the USA.

Attend any hanabi festival in the country and you'll see a solid 90-minutes of amazing stuff. Very good show.

I attended the 4th of July show this year in Bricktown. Not even close.

GottaHavePride
8/26/2005, 10:57 PM
New update: condoms in Japan are too small!

critical_phil
8/30/2005, 02:52 PM
newest japanese craze..........

NSFW (http://www.filecabi.net/host/file/1120576707/wmv)


(this has nothing to do with tubgirl......)

Ike
8/30/2005, 03:44 PM
"Dare I say it, our fireworks are actually *better*. We're America."

This guy is so full of crap.

America is good at many things but any moron would agree that the Japanese kick our *** at fireworks.....well, in most parts of the USA.

Attend any hanabi festival in the country and you'll see a solid 90-minutes of amazing stuff. Very good show.

I attended the 4th of July show this year in Bricktown. Not even close.

oh come on....I see a good 30 minute show just at the minor league ballpark down the road from me.

colleyvillesooner
10/17/2005, 09:25 AM
Oh man, what an update:
http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher78.html


I mean, getting a crouching fierce to the nuts is one thing (and really, it ought to be the end of the story...), but a crouching fierce to the nuts...while BOTH hands were tied during an act of chivalry. AND I was injured! A ref should have ran out and red-carded him. We were nowhere near a soccer field, but I figure something like this is a foul against life.

colleyvillesooner
11/1/2005, 11:33 AM
Bump:

http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher83.html


This reminds me though of something I found amusing a little while back. There was a Japanese player for the Pheonix Suns basketball team...he didn't last very long. But when he did make the team, he got to do a commercial for one of the sports drinks here. In it, at first we see him on the court, but then he gets checked HARD into the announcers table. But then during the timeout he takes a nice healthy gulp from the sport drink. Then, we see him taking the ball down court...he gets to about the 3-point line...he looks up...you can see the ambition in his eyes...and then he throws the ball up in an alley-oop to one of his black teammates who slam dunks it home.

...How ****ed up is this? The guy gets to do a sports commercial for HIS OWN COUNTRY, and he best he can do is assist his big magnificently black teammate. This is why I sort of think that, at heart, John Stockton is secretly Japanese.

yermom
11/1/2005, 12:12 PM
newest japanese craze..........

NSFW (http://www.filecabi.net/host/file/1120576707/wmv)


(this has nothing to do with tubgirl......)

i think the best way to combat this problem would be to not wear panties :texan:

Veritas
11/1/2005, 12:13 PM
That site is the bestest.

DCSooner
11/1/2005, 12:46 PM
Heh!

http://www.filecabi.net/host/file/yourroommate1867/wmv

Grimey
11/4/2005, 04:47 PM
newest japanese craze..........

NSFW (http://www.filecabi.net/host/file/1120576707/wmv)


(this has nothing to do with tubgirl......)

I'm not sure whether to thank you or punch you in the throat for introducing me to that site. Some nasty stuff is on there.

Oh, and if they say something like "Gross. you've been warned" in the title, don't click on it. especially if it is Japanese. :eek:

skycat
11/4/2005, 04:58 PM
oh come on....I see a good 30 minute show just at the minor league ballpark down the road from me.

There was a decent show every year in Topeka. Not great, but decent. But one year, an absolute monster of a thunderstorm comes rolling in about 5 minutes intot the show. One of those where you can hear the rain pounding into the ground as the front approaches you. So right as it's about to hit, they launch 20 minutes of fireworks in about 30 sec-1 min.

HO
LEE
CRAP

I highly recomend seeing a show like this if the situation presents itself.

Friggin amazing. Then the rain hits, hard. People are screaming and running, squeezing into port-a-potties. My family had a thick wool blanket that we were sitting on that we put over our heads as we walked back to the car.

That was a night I won't forget.

colleyvillesooner
11/28/2005, 05:10 PM
TTT:

http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher.html

From the new article Revenge (http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher88.html)


Chidori Boy doesn't realize that not only did he get me during a period of vulnerability, since then I've lost whatever sanity I might have had left, and have no qualms about Rocket-Kanchoing a kid straight to Mt. Fuji if I have to. I kanchoed the ever-loving **** out of Watson, and his offenses are petty crimes compared to Chidori Boy, who is literally a war criminal. A war fought inside a classroom using fingers up the ***, but it's still a war dammit, and I'm gonna persecute him as such.

GottaHavePride
11/28/2005, 05:46 PM
I love that guy's website. Freaking hilarious

colleyvillesooner
12/5/2005, 04:36 PM
http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher90.html

Lots of funny japanese culture pictures in this update due to his broken collarbone. Good stuff, avatar worthy. Someone here will make the dog their avatar. Who will it be? :D

jkm, the stolen pifwafwi
1/3/2006, 03:23 PM
who drop kicks santa claus?

yermom
1/3/2006, 03:49 PM
http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher90.html

Lots of funny japanese culture pictures in this update due to his broken collarbone. Good stuff, avatar worthy. Someone here will make the dog their avatar. Who will it be? :D

http://img528.imageshack.us/img528/8417/dogbagav8gc.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

:D

colleyvillesooner
1/3/2006, 04:09 PM
HEH

colleyvillesooner
1/26/2006, 03:35 PM
http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher99.html

and

http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher100.html


In another group, a boy had given a present to himself, worth 10,000 yen (roughly about $100).

Boy 1: (guessing the answer) Oh, I know! Dietary supplements!
Boy 2: (the recipient of the present) ...Dietary supplements don't cost 10,000 yen!
Boy 1: The really good ones can be expensive.
Boy 2: Either way, that's a wrong anwer. Even if I had 10,000 yen I wouldn't spend it on dietary supplements.
Boy 1: You should be spending it on dietary supplements.

.......Ouch. Goddayum ouch.
:D

NormanPride
1/26/2006, 04:29 PM
The names Az gives all the different kids and teachers is what gets me. "Ms. Americanized", "Watson", "Chidori boy"...

Yes, and the writing style is awesomes.

colleyvillesooner
2/20/2006, 01:00 PM
Update:
http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher104.html (The Three Stooges)


Sure, other teachers can get on that 8PM train back home and say "I'm tired," but they can't say their students liberally kicked/punched them, spent the whole class period listening to rap music in the back of the class, and told them to "**** off" in English when they were politely asked to maybe please do their homework.

We keep spendin' most our lives, living in the Ghetto Paradise...

jkm, the stolen pifwafwi
2/22/2006, 11:55 AM
update:
http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher105.html

NormanPride
2/22/2006, 12:00 PM
I want the super power to get out of anything by just saying I'm tired...

jkm, the stolen pifwafwi
2/22/2006, 12:02 PM
you could have used it when she brought out that strap on ;)

colleyvillesooner
2/28/2006, 09:47 AM
Update: http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher106.html


But then I came up with a plan so genious, so magnificent, I feel I should at least get a Nobel nomination. It's even better than the threat of a counter-kancho that would cause General Tojo 60 years ago to recall his planes before they reached Pearl Harbor.

I turned to Mr. Kancho. "Oh......you didn't know? We Gaijins have ***-Cheecks of Steel."

GottaHavePride
2/28/2006, 10:58 AM
You'd think he'd run out of material eventually, but he somehow keeps winding up in bizarre situations.

colleyvillesooner
2/28/2006, 11:02 AM
You'd think he'd run out of material eventually, but he somehow keeps winding up in bizarre situations.

Sounds like there is no lack of sources over there. He just has to get a few new kids, make a new friend outside of work, and Bam! 20 stories.

Veritas
2/28/2006, 11:09 AM
Yeah, one of my high school buddies is over there and has validated everythign Azrael says as true. Although he's never been kanchoed.

jkm, the stolen pifwafwi
2/28/2006, 12:20 PM
Yeah, one of my high school buddies is over there and has validated everythign Azrael says as true. Although he's never been kanchoed.

http://cineclap.free.fr/snap138_06.jpg

so he says...

colleyvillesooner
4/5/2006, 09:07 AM
Update: Watson's Last Stand (http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher112.html)

colleyvillesooner
4/13/2006, 09:08 PM
update: http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher113.html (Homeward Bound)


Seriously, what am I going to do with a hot pink mini stapler? If I was captain on a plane and some dude was trying to hijack with a hot pink mini stapler, I think I'd just give him the plane out of respect for the sheer balls it would take to even attempt it. "What is that...is that...a mini stapler? Is that...pink? Allright, you know what dude, you can just have it, you got some cajones man."

colleyvillesooner
4/17/2006, 09:13 AM
http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher114.html

frankensooner
4/27/2006, 01:31 PM
http://outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher115.html

NormanPride
4/27/2006, 01:41 PM
you could have used it when she brought out that strap on ;)

I just saw this. :mad:

frankensooner
5/9/2006, 11:28 AM
http://outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher117.html

Great most recent post.

The natives would rather sit next to puke than him!!! ;)

colleyvillesooner
5/24/2006, 02:02 PM
He's moving the site to a new location with a perfect name:

http://www.gaijinsmash.net/

http://www.gaijinsmash.net/images/mast_gaijin01.png

It will probably take awhile for it to get up and running fully.

jkm, the stolen pifwafwi
5/24/2006, 04:43 PM
i wondered how long it was going to take him to put ads on his site. he has probably thrown away a hundred dollars a day for the last 3 years...