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BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 12:24 PM
In a thread a week or two ago, I mentioned a book called Things a Man Should Know... ..About Style (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1573227633/103-8428000-4358203). This book is one that I think every man who cares at all about his appearance should own. It's witty, entertaining, a quick read, and gives you a lot of great advice on how to appear well-dressed without looking fussy or like a girly man. It deals with classic style, not trends. If you're not a man, think about buying it for your significant other.

It is published by Esquire, which now has a series of these books, dealing with business etiquette, relationships, sex, money...

So here's the deal: every once in awhile, I'm going to bump this thread, with excerpts from the book. Read it if you want, ignore it if you want. Make fun of it if you want. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did, and maybe some of you ****ing hillbillies will glean an item or two that will actually help you in your daily life.

As Esquire's Editor in Chief says in the introduction,

...while there are surely many endeavors about which you are a genuine expert - brilliant, even, at the absolute tip-top of your game, yessir - surely a man as assured as yourself would be the first to admit that there are certain areas about which you do not, as they say, know jack. This is true of all men.

When it comes to, say, 200-thread-count sheets or glass-blowing or piano bars, this ignorance is not only trivial,it's to be admired. But when it comes to dressing well and comporting yourself with style, it is a problem, and you know it. It can cost you jobs, women, and friends; it can cause you to be scorned by a maitre d', ignored by an airline-ticket agent, passed up by a taxi driver and - perhaps worst of all - mocked behind your back by people who actually do know how to match a sock to a shoe to a suit. It can cause you to feel like less of a man than you are, and life is too short to feel like that.So here we go, my gift to you, my fellow posters on the SO:

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 12:26 PM
First post:

A man in a good suite and tie looks chic:
a man in a good suit without a tie looks more chic.

A man who uses the word "chic" had better be kidding around.

Jeans must never meet iron.

Czar Soonerov
3/9/2005, 12:28 PM
http://x2.putfile.com/3/6711281762.jpg

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 12:28 PM
more:

There is no foot pain so severe, no dress shoe so fragile, no commute so arduous as to justify the sartorial holocaust that is wearing sneakers with a suit.

In a pinch, paper clips can be used in place of collar stays.

In a pinch, paper clips cannot be used in place of missing eyeglass screws.

That's why you have extra eyeglasses.

TopDaugIn2000
3/9/2005, 12:31 PM
this dude sounds pretty witty

(the author....not you BRJ...you're just the messenger)

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 12:32 PM
More:

Suits are cooler than sports jackets.
And give a short man the illusion of height.

A vested suit can make you look slimmer, or bulkier, depending on the pattern and whether the suit is tailored correctly.

Never button the bottom button on a vest.

No, no one really knows why.

Well, it's either because (a) the vest's first advocate, Prince Edward XII, left his undone, either inadvertently or because he was fat, or (b) the original full-length vest - also known as a waistcoat - had to be unbuttoned at the bottom to facilitate walking.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 12:33 PM
http://x2.putfile.com/3/6711281762.jpgWhat's funny is that I have my arm around one of the authors.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 12:35 PM
More:

If you are one of those men who tends to whistle while prowling the halls at work with your hands jammed into your trouser pockets and jingling the coins therin, stop it.

Unless you want to look lumpy, reduce to an absolute minimum the number and size of the items you carry in your pockets.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 12:36 PM
More:

Sergio Valente put it best when he said, "How you look tells the world how you feel."

If you're still wearing Sergio Valente, you look sort of like Huggy Bear.

TexasLidig8r
3/9/2005, 12:51 PM
Oh what, pray tell, does the good book have to say about... Jerusalem Cruisers? a/k/a Jesus' boots? a/k/a.... sandals?

I say on a man.. NEVER... not in public, not in private, not on the beach.. nowhere. This isn't the Middle East.

Stanley1
3/9/2005, 12:53 PM
Oh what, pray tell, does the good book have to say about... Jerusalem Cruisers? a/k/a Jesus' boots? a/k/a.... sandals?

I say on a man.. NEVER... not in public, not in private, not on the beach.. nowhere. This isn't the Middle East.

Damn, we actually agree on something. I would say the beach is alright, or the pool, but nowhere else. Nobody wants to see mens' feet.

Howzit
3/9/2005, 12:55 PM
Viva la Teva!

TopDaugIn2000
3/9/2005, 01:13 PM
especially when worn with sox.......................

TexasLidig8r
3/9/2005, 01:15 PM
Viva la Teva!
Tevas are gay as a parade. And thus, we come full circle and need to have this bumped over to the gay post.

caphorns
3/9/2005, 01:22 PM
My 7 year old noticed a guy in sandals, black slacks and black shirt when we were out at Dennis Seafood House and said to me . . . "Is that guy gay"? If it's possibly ghey to a 7-year old, it's probably ghey to the world.

Howzit
3/9/2005, 01:24 PM
Tevas are gay as a parade. And thus, we come full circle and need to have this bumped over to the gay post.


Lid's Straight Cred = zilch, nil, zip, nada, bwahahaha

;)

DCSooner
3/9/2005, 01:27 PM
Viva la Teva!
I KNEW you where a lesbian!

SactoSooner
3/9/2005, 01:54 PM
One reviewer's comments:



8 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

Haven't we had enough of the Dry Man?, January 21, 2004

Reviewer: "red_angel_14" (Oak Ridge, Tennessee)

This book merely reiterates the arcane belief that male fashion should be defined by a repression of all creativity. This is a sexist belief that I strongly believe we need to leave behind with the Twentieth-Century.

Anthropologists are beginning to realize how our world would be a much safer place if only men felt more free to express themselves and their feelings. I don't think that it would take a genius to realize how the limited-expressiveness in male "fashion" is related to the limited-expressiveness of male life in-general in this society.

In an age when men are *finally* beginning to break free of this fashion slavery, the last thing we need is a booklet full of conservative rants deisgned to turn-back the clock, disguised as fashion advice. Unfortunately, such backward rants are all this book provides.

SoonerObsession
3/9/2005, 02:03 PM
My wife has been watching "what not to wear" quite a bit. I swear I feel like everytime I get dressed I'm going to be appraised by her when she see's me.

Dio
3/9/2005, 02:05 PM
I don't like that book review- it doesn't once say "****** sucks"

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 02:38 PM
Oh what, pray tell, does the good book have to say about... Jerusalem Cruisers? a/k/a Jesus' boots? a/k/a.... sandals?

I say on a man.. NEVER... not in public, not in private, not on the beach.. nowhere. This isn't the Middle East.From the book:

Socks with sandals and dark socks with shorts are statements to be avoided.

Sandals? On the beach, in the backyard.Oh, and TOTP, sandals-wearers.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 02:41 PM
And the "red_angel_14" review is from a crack smoker. In the thread that started this, I told SSA it sounded like her.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 02:43 PM
More:

With the possible exception of an Ivy League football game during withch people are shouting "boolah boolah" and "twenty-three skidoo," it is never, ever acceptable for a person of the male persuasion to wear a fur coat - not raccoon, not fox, not mink.

Certain men's coats, however, can tolerate having their collars trimmed in a short, subdued fur.

Patchwork rabbit does not qualify as subdued.

BlondeSoonerGirl
3/9/2005, 02:44 PM
Fiddy Cent's gonna kick your *** for that, pretty boy...

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 02:46 PM
More:

The trench, while an excellent raincoat and quite versatile in a pinch, is not a proper winter topcoat.

The Chesterfield coat is.

When you buy a trench, the Burberry.

Shearlings are fine, if a little cowboyish, which brings us to the next subject:

Cowboy boots no.

Cowboy hats: no.

Cowboy shirts: probably not.

Large belt buckles: only if you're a cowboy.

P.S. Don't leave that bolo tie in your dresser drawer.

You could die.

Someone could find it.

mdklatt
3/9/2005, 02:48 PM
One reviewer's comments

Can I have "Things That Are Ghey" for $800, Alex?

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 02:49 PM
More:

Wearing a suit does not make you "a suit."

Wearing a bad suit or an incorrectly tailored suit or the same damned striped navy suit every day does.

The good suit: horn buttons, hand-stitched lapels, felt under the collar, canvas interlining (stitched, not glued, in place), and a fabric soft enough to wear for twelve hours without making you itch to take your pants off.

There are no bargains.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 02:51 PM
Actually, most ghey men would run screaming from this book. On the other hand, if you'd like to maybe pick up a woman for the first time, pay attention.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 02:53 PM
More:

A custom-made suit is called "bespoke" because it has been ordered, or spoken for, by the customer.

Everyone should own at least one bespoke suit.

Given that bespoke suits take two months to make and can cost five grand and really aren't all that much better than an expensive, high-quality store-bought suit, there's no need to own more than one.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 02:55 PM
More:

That one suit should be navy, black, or dark gray, and solid.

Because it took two months to make and cost five grand - you need to be able to wear it often and with everything.

Center vent: all-American.

Ventless: Italian, and not for the prodigiously buttocked.

Side vents: rather English. Quite.

Scott D
3/9/2005, 02:55 PM
style sucks...I'll stick with wearing jeans and t-shirts...polo shirts when it's formal :D

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 02:57 PM
More:

Fabrics for easy-traveling suits: nailhead, crepe, tweed.

Fabrics for hot days: cotton, linen, seersucker.

Seersucker: not to be worn by men under fifty or whose primary residence isn't immediately adjacent to the county courthouse in a Southern state.

TUSooner
3/9/2005, 02:58 PM
Hey, I must be hopeless 'cuz I don't even understand half the sh*t they are talking about. I used to wear suits a lot, and still have some, never occurred to me to wear sneakers or sandals with them. And didn't Sergio Valente direct those old Clint Eastwood westerns? What's he got to do with style? buhhhhh. :confused:

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 02:59 PM
style sucks...I'll stick with wearing jeans and t-shirts...polo shirts when it's formal :DWrong. Trendy fashion sucks. Style is something we should all aspire to. And you can have style even wearing jeans and a t-shirt. They get to that later.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 03:01 PM
More:

Maximum nuber of inches that the waist of new trousers can be taken in before the back pockets begin to meet: two.

Gold buttons are not a necessary precondition for a jacket to be worn as a blazer.

In fact, gold buttons are never necessary, Admiral.

TUSooner
3/9/2005, 03:03 PM
Wrong. Trendy fashion sucks. Style is something we should all aspire to. And you can have style even wearing jeans and a t-shirt. They get to that later.

Just because I might be hopeless doesn't mean I'm not a little interested.
Carry on.

TopDaugIn2000
3/9/2005, 03:04 PM
Maximum nuber of inches that the waist of new trousers can be taken in before the back pockets begin to meet: two.


isn't it usually the OTHER way around????

TexasLidig8r
3/9/2005, 03:07 PM
Wrong. Trendy fashion sucks. Style is something we should all aspire to. And you can have style even wearing jeans and a t-shirt. They get to that later.
Style NEVER goes out of fashion.

The cowboy boots statement does not take into account the demands of life in the great Southwest.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 03:08 PM
More:

When the exchange rate is right, it can be cheaper to buy a plane ticket, fly to Italy, and buy two suits there than to buy them in the States. Plus, you get to go to Italy.

Other things to buy in Italy: Florentine leather goods, Pinader stationary, Acqua di Parma cologne, and, the height of style, a really cool Vespa.

Not all Florentine leather goods are good.

All Vespas, however, are really cool.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 03:11 PM
Style NEVER goes out of fashion.

The cowboy boots statement does not take into account the demands of life in the great Southwest.I agree with the cowboy boots thing, though I don't have any these days. They do to, actually. I'll skip forward to the last page of the book:

To slavishly follow every new fashion trend because it is fashionable and trendy is to reveal a profound insecurity, and that is not what style is about.

At the end of the day - or, in this case, the book - know simply that you need only remember and bring to bear those style guidelines that work best for you.

Put another way:
To have absolute style is to break absolute rules - sometimes even these.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 03:13 PM
More from the book:

Cigars are never stylish in mixed company.

Smoking, while often fatal, offers many opportunities for the expression of style, notably Zippo lighters.

Do not ostentatiously light everyone else's cigarette all the time. They know how.

Never hold a cigarette between your thumb and index finger, with the palm up. Nazis do that.
Top o'.

Scott D
3/9/2005, 03:13 PM
Wrong. Trendy fashion sucks. Style is something we should all aspire to. And you can have style even wearing jeans and a t-shirt. They get to that later.

style is technically being who you are and wearing what you are comfortable in. fashion whether it's trendy or not is what truly sucks...just because I might look well dressed in something doesn't mean that I'm comfortable wearing it, even if it's a periodic item..do they cover that part?

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 03:17 PM
style is technically being who you are and wearing what you are comfortable in. fashion whether it's trendy or not is what truly sucks...just because I might look well dressed in something doesn't mean that I'm comfortable wearing it, even if it's a periodic item..do they cover that part?Actually, they do. Style is, at least in part, about feeling comfortable in clothes that fit and don't make you look ridiculous. They talk about that a lot. Have patience, my padawan learner.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 03:24 PM
More:

Style affectations: cigarette case, pince-nez, hip flask, walking stick.

Should you see a man with a walking stick, seize it and smack him on the hip flask with it.

Number of neckties you must own: one.

Which one? The black knit tie.

A black knit tie coordinates with jeans and a blazer as well as it does with a French cuffed shirt and a custom-made suit.

Of course, you're better off with a handful, all in silk: a couple of dark solids, a handful of simple diagonal stripes, and one or two natty small-patterned numbers, such as you'd buy at Hermès.

Woven silk ties generally look more luxe than printed silk.

The Moscow theory as applied to necktie acquisition: anytime you see a necktie you like, buy it. If you decide to wait and come back later, it will be gone.

The tie tack is to fashion as the appendix is to anatomy: vestigial.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 03:27 PM
More:

Hats will make a comback someday.

Today is not that day.

Paisley, too, will be back, but you could ignore it.

Fanny packs are unacceptable, if only beacause they are called "fanny packs."

Baseball caps are for getting the morning paper. And for baseball.

Thermal headbands keep your ears and forehead warm without mussing your hair or making you look the way you look when you wear earmuffs.

Unless you live in Chicago or Buffalo or International Falls, Minnesota, you must never wear a headband.

Ditto earmuffs.

Button-fly pants are hearder to fasten, but easier to unfasten.

To that end: Levi's jeans.

Scott D
3/9/2005, 03:28 PM
I think I'm going to go disfigure myself in the name of style and wear all black with a mask/respirator now.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 03:32 PM
More:

Polar fleece is for excercising and snow shoveling and - let us not forget - is manufactured from recycled soda bottles.

Polar fleece, while just as warm and at times just as soft as cashmere, will never be as desirable as cashmere.

Better than cashmere: vicuna, which is woven of fibers combed from the chins of llamalike animals living in the Andes, and runs about $3,000 a square yard.

Scott D
3/9/2005, 03:35 PM
More:Quote:
Polar fleece is for excercising and snow shoveling and - let us not forget - is manufactured from recycled soda bottles.

Polar fleece, while just as warm and at times just as soft as cashmere, will never be as desirable as cashmere.

Better than cashmere: vicuna, which is woven of fibers combed from the chins of llamalike animals living in the Andes, and runs about $3,000 a square yard.

Bleh....no Polar fleece for me...the hell if I'm gonna wear someone's backwash.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 03:36 PM
More:

Casual Friday does not excuse the visibility of chest hair.

The best thing about Casual Friday is that it makes those who decline to observe it look really, really good.

Jack Kennedy wore polo shirts with suit jackets.

Jack Kennedy knew when to wear polo shirts with suit jackets.

Good for Casual Friday: Clark's desert boots.

Bad for Casual Friday: moon boots.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 03:39 PM
More:

Ninety-dollar shoes last half as long as $180 shoes. But $360 shoes will last you your whole life.

Three-hundred and sixty-dollar shoes will not last your whole life if you break their backs by refusing to use a shoehorn.

Three-hundred and sixty-dollar shoes without a shine can look like ninety-dollar shoes.

Women notice shoes.

They also notice nose hair; so should you.

OU4LIFE
3/9/2005, 03:45 PM
More:

Good for Casual Friday: Clark's desert boots.


http://altura.speedera.net/ccimg.catalogcity.com/210000/211700/211737/Products/7602632.jpg

um, I don't think so Clark. f*ck that.

TopDaugIn2000
3/9/2005, 03:46 PM
Clark's boots are better than cousin Eddie's shoes!!!!

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 03:50 PM
More:

Shoe size matters most at the ball of your foot, not at the toe (where it's O.K. for the shoe to be slightly too big), because the ball is where both your foot and the shoe bend.

Try on both the left and the right shoe; one foot is usually larger than the other.

Never try on shoes in the morning.

Try on shoes at midday.

Snakeskin shoes: no.

Crocodile shoes: doubtful.

Crocodile shoes in any color other than black or brown: only if you're Barry White.

White shoes are for tennis.

Exception to the above: white bucks.

mdklatt
3/9/2005, 03:51 PM
Three-hundred and sixty-dollar shoes without a shine can look like ninety-dollar shoes.

I don't think all the shoes I own added together cost $90. $360? For things that are supposed go to between your feet and the occasional pile of dog ****?

mdklatt
3/9/2005, 03:51 PM
How stylin' is LittleRedJed?

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 03:57 PM
More:

Owning a set of golf clubs is not a license for wearing hideous clothes.

Your eyeglasses should match not only your face, but your clothing.

A guide: match your eyeglasses to your belt, your watchband, and your shoes.

Of course, this gets pricey if you have a lot of different-colored belts.

But, then: you need no belts in colors other than black and brown.

Silver, stainless steel and chrome watchbands go with everything.

Black or brown leather watchbands don't.

For those in the remedial class-
Black shoes: black band, black belt.
Brown shoes: brown band, brown belt.

Dio
3/9/2005, 03:59 PM
Bad for casual Friday: Moon Boots

Do these chickens have large talons?

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 04:02 PM
More:

It was once considered vulgar for a gentleman to wear a watch, since he might appear overly concerned about the passing of time.

A real Timex is better than a fake Rolex.

The best Timex is the original: the Mercury.

The best leather coats are those made with the fewest, largest pieces of hide.

Trifold wallets bulge more than bifold wallets.

Far from attesting to vast wealth, a bulging wallet attests to slovenliness.

After all, a really wealthy man lets his accountant settle his bills.

Plus, a bulging wallet is uncomfortable and bad for your trousers.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 04:05 PM
More:

Straw hats are for Kentucky colonels and gardeners.

Clyde - of Bonnie and - was neither a colonel nor a gardener and wore a straw hat, and look at what happened to him.

Argyle anything is fraught with peril.

What to do should anyone call you a "dandy":
Open closet. Remove contents. Begin again.

TUSooner
3/9/2005, 04:07 PM
Call me a clod. Some of that seems like nothing but pretentious crapola for rich guys. NTTAWW being rich. But I ain't one to go to Italy for a suit or some shoes. Trim the nose-hair? Don't iron your jeans? Take care of your shoes? I'm down with that. But get some chi-chi animal hair that costs $3000/yd? Not f'ing likely. I'm not sure I'd care to impress anybody who'd be impressed by all that style or fashion or whatever. Probably why I dont read Esquire....wrong planet.
<end of anti-snob snobbery rant>

Did I mention.. taaaaAAAAAAPP !?

SoonerObsession
3/9/2005, 04:10 PM
"Baseball caps are for getting the morning paper. And for baseball."

That's blasphemy! Baseball caps can be worn everywhere but church and funerals.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 04:10 PM
Call me a clod. Some of that seems like nothing but pretentious crapola for rich guys. NTTAWW being rich. But I ain't one to go to Italy for a suit or some shoes. Trim the nose-hair? Don't iron your jeans? Take care of your shoes? I'm down with that. But get some chi-chi animal hair that costs $3000/yd? Not f'ing likely. I'm not sure I'd care to impress anybody who'd be impressed by all that style or fashion or whatever. Probably why I dont read Esquire....wrong planet.
<end of anti-snob snobbery rant>Do you truly think I apply all of this **** to my life? Trust me -- I don't own ANY cashmere. But the things you pointed out frankly needs to be pointed out to some people. And the rest is pretty entertaining to read.

BTW, I think the Timex/Rolex line shows it's not just a bunch of elitiist crap.

Mjcpr
3/9/2005, 04:12 PM
BTW, I think the Timex/Rolex line shows it's not just a bunch of elitiist crap.
I use a Rolex as my 'going to the lake' watch.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 04:14 PM
More:

Wearing suits when you don't have to will cause people to think that you have really great suits or that you are really comfortable wearing suits, or that Sy Syms is your uncle.

Three-button suit: yes. Two-button: yes.
One button: only on a tuxedo.

Speaking of buttons, with two you fasten only the top button; with three it's either the middle or the middle and the top.

Should you find yourself in a four-button suit coat: unfasten all buttons. Remove. Discard.

mdklatt
3/9/2005, 04:16 PM
How much of this book does BigRedJed have to post before he gets sued?

TUSooner
3/9/2005, 04:17 PM
Do you truly think I apply all of this **** to my life? Trust me -- I don't own ANY cashmere. But the things you pointed out frankly needs to be pointed out to some people. And the rest is pretty entertaining to read.

BTW, I think the Timex/Rolex line shows it's not just a bunch of elitiist crap.
Pardon me for being a thread pooper. I need to lighten up. :(
And I actualy DO have a very nice, long, black cashmere coat that says "Made in Yugoslavia" in the lining. It's saweeeet. My M-I-L is a tailor and she got it for me at a discount when she was working at Macy's. So I guess I accidentally can get stylish on occasion.

I'll sit down and be nice for the rest of the thread. :D

Mjcpr
3/9/2005, 04:17 PM
How much of this book does BigRedJed have to post before he gets sued?
Jed has a little Mississippi ADD in him.......it's best to just let him finish.

TexasLidig8r
3/9/2005, 04:17 PM
I'm thinkin' BigRedJed is my new, Sooner hero.

Does it say anything in the book about "polyester" or other synthetics?

My take.. No.. never. Anything in poly, rayon or any other man made synthetic is better in natural fibers... cotton, wool, the occasional silk accessory.

TUSooner
3/9/2005, 04:20 PM
I'm waiting for Dean to drop by.

BlondeSoonerGirl
3/9/2005, 04:23 PM
We need to address the bowtie issue.

Let's just get it all out there, Lid. C'mon now...

TexasLidig8r
3/9/2005, 04:33 PM
We need to address the bowtie issue.

Let's just get it all out there, Lid. C'mon now...
Bow ties for every day business wear is an absolute no for most men. You have to have a certain attitude to be able to pull it off. It casts you as a non-conformist, an individualist and if you don't have a certain "way" about you, you can't go with that look.

On the other hand, ALL MEN should know how to tie a bow tie... there is nothing quite so tacky as a tuxedo with a "clip on" bow. Learn to tie 'em gents.. it's not that hard.

TUSooner
3/9/2005, 04:40 PM
.....On the other hand, ALL MEN should know how to tie a bow tie... there is nothing quite so tacky as a tuxedo with a "clip on" bow. Learn to tie 'em gents.. it's not that hard. Plus they look cool when you untie them after the whisky gets to your head and everything gets kinda warm.

TUSooner
3/9/2005, 04:44 PM
What does the Bible, er... Esquire, say about broad-brimmed hats? I wear them (straw, of course) all the time in the summer for protection from the sun, is that too utilitarian?

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 04:45 PM
What does the Bible, er... Esquire, say about broad-brimmed hats? I wear them (straw, of course) all the time in the summer for protection from the sun, is that too utilitarian?That one's already been adressed, Colonel.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 04:55 PM
And Lid, as you suspect, the book doesn't like synthetics. However, it does say a very small percentage of lycra (1% with wool, for instance) is OK to help fabrics keep their shape.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 04:56 PM
I must admit, being Lid's new Sooner hero makes me feel that I'm due for some serious introspection.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 05:02 PM
More:

A man, unless he is under the age of six, should not wear overalls.

You know how the outside pockets of a new suit are stitched shut?
Leave them stitched shut.

This preserves the lean shape of a suit by prohibiting you from stuffing the pockets full of stuff.

A good suit treated well shouldn't be dry-cleaned more than two or three times a season; a good tuxedo treated well should never be dry cleaned.

Scott D
3/9/2005, 05:53 PM
ya but back to the point Jed, give us the gospel on bowties.

Ike
3/9/2005, 07:45 PM
"Baseball caps are for getting the morning paper. And for baseball."

That's blasphemy! Baseball caps can be worn everywhere but church and funerals.
spek!

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 08:12 PM
How much of this book does BigRedJed have to post before he gets sued?Hopefully, they will understand that I am posting the material from this book in hope that it will inspire SO posters to actually purchase the book, either for themselves or to give as much-appreciated gifts. I'm making every effort to link to sources to purchase the book, providing proper credit, and making sure to put all quoted material in quote format.

That said, I'm sure it breaks some obscure copyright law, so if the editors of said publication choose to get snarky and send some sort of cease and desist I will cooperate fully and delete the thread. That is, if Phil doesn't beat me to it.

However, I feel confident that they won't, as the astute editors of Esquire will surely grasp the altruistic nature in which it was posted, and hopefully appreciate the free marketing I'm providing for this fantastic book.

And... Top o', fashion victims.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 08:20 PM
Scott, re: bow ties -

You can't wear a bow tie with anything other than a tuxedo if you're under forty-five or not a famous novelist or not a total geek. Got that, professor?

Still, you need to know how to tie a bow for formal events, like your wedding.

The best way to master the tying of a bow tie: have someone who knows teach you and then practice incessantly.

This you should do weeks before the day you actually need to tie it.

On that day, keep a clip-on in reserve, should your bow-tying skills fail, which they probably will.

Clip-on regular ties are perfectly acceptable for gentlemen, but only for those still in the first grade.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 08:22 PM
In case you're coming in late to the party, all of the book quotes I'm making are from Things a Man Should Know... ..About Style (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1573227633/103-8428000-4358203) , a great book published by Esquire. I highly recommend purchasing one. Actually, get two. They're small. And they make great gifts. You'll be shocked by how much they are appreciated.

Scott D
3/9/2005, 08:24 PM
Thank you sir...so Lid is now officially deemed a 'total geek' by fashion gurus. :D

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 08:26 PM
He's taking solace in the fact that he's over 45. I don't care. He's still a fruit.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 08:30 PM
More:

Cuffs: on suit trousers or any pants you'd wear with a tie, except tuxedo pants.

No cuffs: on jeans and khakis, unless they are pleated, which they should never be.

Khakis that are never pleated: Bills Khakis.

Khakis, which are patterned after military trousers, should never be pleated because military trousers have no pleats and because Humphrey Bogart wore khakis and you can be damned sure his didn't have pleats.

The pleats of trousers that fit properly will never bulge or gap but will lie flat against your lap.

BigRedJed
3/9/2005, 08:33 PM
More:

Contrary to popular belief, a quirky nonconformity is not expressed through a Mickey Mouse watch or a Bugs Bunny tie, because, well, do you know how many tens of thousands of those things sell each year?

Likewise, wit or humor should never be expressed through your socks.

Once upon a time labels were worn only on the inside of clothes -- those were better times.

Some discreet logos, however, are tolerable on sports clothing: Ralph Lauren's polo player and pony, Lacoste's crocodile, Fred Perry's crest, Brooks Brothers' golden fleece.

BlondeSoonerGirl
3/9/2005, 09:14 PM
I have some funny socks. No cartoon characters but, like, stripey and stuff.

Does that count?

Or does this apply to us girls?

I'm getting addicted to this thread and it's kinda freaking me out.

proud gonzo
3/9/2005, 09:19 PM
i don't think the socks thing counts for girls

today mine have frogs on them



...granted this isn't because of a desire to express quirkiness but because of an inability to find a matching pair of clean white socks. :D

SactoSooner
3/9/2005, 09:22 PM
Likewise, wit or humor should never be expressed through your socks.

Bikerfox could learn something from this book.

BlondeSoonerGirl
3/9/2005, 09:26 PM
Bikerfox could learn something from this book.

No kidding. We could use this thread as a tool for exorcism on that fool.

SoonerInKCMO
3/9/2005, 09:51 PM
it is never, ever acceptable for a person of the male persuasion to wear a fur coat


Should you see a man with a walking stick, seize it and smack him on the hip flask with it.

Don't be hatin' on Ronnie Isley.

http://musicfinder.yahoo.com/images/yahoo/dreamworks/isley_brothers/isley_brothers.jpg

http://www.pmpnetwork.com/ron_isley/ron.jpg

mdklatt
3/9/2005, 10:05 PM
That said, I'm sure it breaks some obscure copyright law....

I don't think I'd call the law against publishing copyrighted material in its entirety on the internet without permission "obscure". ;)

TUSooner
3/9/2005, 10:26 PM
Esquire's style nazi slamming my beloved straw hats (as well as Kentucky Colonels and gardeners) was .... well, the last straw. I can't take any more of this; I'm returning to my home planet!

SCOUT
3/9/2005, 10:44 PM
Well, I am buying the book so if Esquire gives you any trouble BRJ let them know your marketing yielded at least one sale. I have never read a copy of Esquire in my life so the chances of me running across this any other way are pretty slim.

SoonerObsession
3/9/2005, 10:46 PM
I have something I would like to add to his book.

If you are sporting an OU Sooner tshirt, for the love of God, please make sure it is Crimson and Creme, not red and beige. It is also important to have the proper logo, for the slanted OU logo is retired.

Fake OU jerseys are cheap because they look crappy. If it has white stripes on the sleeves it is a Schnelly booger trade mark and should be torched as soon as possible.

mdklatt
3/9/2005, 10:47 PM
Well, I am buying the book

Wow, I guess gay really is contaigous. :D

SCOUT
3/9/2005, 10:51 PM
Wow, I guess gay really is contaigous. :D

Heh, I guess my wife is in for a surprise. ;)

NickelBack
3/9/2005, 11:06 PM
Seersucker: not to be worn by men under fifty or whose primary residence isn't immediately adjacent to the county courthouse in a Southern state.


I told a buddy of mine to go to Cox's and get him a seersucker suit. The dumbass went to Sears and got a ********** suit.

:)

NickelBack
3/9/2005, 11:11 PM
Number of neckties you must own: one.

Which one? The black knit tie.

A black knit tie coordinates with jeans and a blazer as well as it does with a French cuffed shirt and a custom-made suit.


Yeah, I'm wearing a black knit tie with my previously recommended, $5,000 custom made suit.
:confused:

SoonerObsession
3/9/2005, 11:38 PM
http://img118.exs.cx/img118/2724/swatch6hl.jpg
If this book is negative about swatches then you can count me out!

12
3/10/2005, 07:01 AM
Oh what, pray tell, does the good book have to say about... Jerusalem Cruisers? a/k/a Jesus' boots? a/k/a.... sandals?

I say on a man.. NEVER... not in public, not in private, not on the beach.. nowhere. This isn't the Middle East.

There's a guy who shows up at our church every Easter with his parents and his girl-o-the-week. He wears a white suit, blue dress shirt and "Jerusalem Cruisers."

That may be my favorite new saying for a few days. Thanks, horn. That'll come in handy. :texan:

(Oh, and this thread title is one of the more clever I can remember. I wonder what remarks Callahan will have after 10/29/05.)

BlondeSoonerGirl
3/10/2005, 09:49 AM
I'm all up in this thread now.

I'm learning a lot.

TUSooner
3/10/2005, 09:58 AM
Dang. I can't find my Alfred E. Neuman necktie! (And it goes so well with my pleated cotton pants.)

TexasLidig8r
3/10/2005, 10:06 AM
He's taking solace in the fact that he's over 45. I don't care. He's still a fruit.
A fruit? To the extent that a "fruit" has a definition derived to mean a homosexual, that does not fit, since I am most assuredly, heterosexual.

If by chance, "fruit" means an educated, well-dressed, sophisticated, confident person who brings more meaning and a refined bit of sense and sensibility to this website and the denizens thereof, then, perhaps so.

Now, back on point, to the issue of shoe trees.. there is one school of thought which states shoes trees should always be used in your dress shoes even if you don't wear those shoes for days on end to help the shoe retain its original shape after it has "molded" to your feet... there is another school of thought which states shoe trees only need be placed in the shoe for several hours immediately after the shoes have been worn to help absorb the moisture in the shoe and to help maintain the original shape.

What does the book have to say on this issue?

BlondeSoonerGirl
3/10/2005, 10:16 AM
Good question, fruit. I wanna know, too as I have many, many shoes on many trees.

BigRedJed
3/10/2005, 06:45 PM
I don't think I'd call the law against publishing copyrighted material in its entirety on the internet without permission "obscure". ;)Oh, trust me... ...so far I have posted FAR from the entire book. ;)

BigRedJed
3/10/2005, 06:49 PM
And Lid, the book (as far as I can remember) does address shoe trees. But I can't seem to find it just flipping through. Besides, if I answer everyone's questions as they ask them, they'll be disinclined to read the other posts. In other words, you'll have to wait for that particular nugget of info, fruit.

BigRedJed
3/10/2005, 06:51 PM
More:

Umbrellas: size matters.

While it is acceptable to stow one of those collapsible numbers in your briefcase for emergencies, a well-made, full-sized bumbershoot is a true mark of style.

With a wood handle.

And a sharp, dangerous point.

On the other hand, umbrellas are like fancy gloves: Eventually, you will lose them. Spend accordingly.

BigRedJed
3/10/2005, 06:53 PM
More:

Blue jeans: weekends.

Black jeans: weekend nights.

White jeans: with those elf boots you saved from the eighties.

See also acid-washed jeans - no, actually, don't see acid-washed jeans.

Unless you're a quarterback, never wear anything with your name or number on it.

BigRedJed
3/10/2005, 06:55 PM
More:

A goatee: no.

A soul patch: no.

Elvis sideburns: no.

A ponytail: you're joking, right? Of course you're joking. Ha, ha.

BigRedJed
3/10/2005, 06:59 PM
More:

Slim-fitting clothes are for slim men.

Which means if you're a thirty-six, you won't look skinnier shoehorning yourself into a thirty-four. You'll look skinnier wearing a thirty-six.

Even at a company picnic, the boss should never subject his employees to a display of his knees.

The above rule doesn't apply if the boss is a she.

Speaking of shes: the great thing about buying a woman thong underwear is that you get to try it on, too.

That was a joke.

BigRedJed
3/10/2005, 07:02 PM
More:

A briefcase is to a man as a purse is to a woman.

If you wear mostly brown shoes, get a brown briefcase; if you wear mostly black shoes, get a black one.

Better: have one of each.

Backpacks are for students and hikers.

A good leather briefcase cannot be had for less than $500.

Better a good, nylon canvas portfolio than a bad leather briefcase.

What's worst about a bad briefcase is the cheap hardware, which will scratch and break.

The quality briefcase: full-grain leather, inside and out, brass hardware; strong locks; strong, leather strap (when applicable).

Be forewarned: using an attache's strap will cause shiny spots on the shoulders of your suit coats.

SactoSooner
3/10/2005, 07:05 PM
Elvis sideburns: no.

Poor Jason.
:(

BigRedJed
3/10/2005, 07:05 PM
More:

Unless you have a harelip or happen to be Wilford Brimley, you look exactly half as attractive with a mustache.

Go to work clean-shaven because you are not Sonny Crockett and even if you are, Miami Vice was cancelled in 1989.

Things to shave: face, head.

Things to not shave: everything else.

If you have a lot of back hair, you could have it waxed.
Or you could keep your shirt on.

Generally, everybody should keep his shirt on.

SactoSooner
3/10/2005, 07:06 PM
Or be really stylin' and use a briefcase made out of seat belts! Woo!

BigRedJed
3/10/2005, 07:08 PM
More:

Under no circumstances sing the song I'm Too Sexy. Not alone. Not in groups. And particularly not while dressing in front of a mirror.

Toupees and comb-overs betray a level of moral dishonesty equivalent to the practice of buttock augmentation.

If you are going bald, cut your hair close to the scalp.

Sooner Born Sooner Bred
3/10/2005, 09:25 PM
I keep waiting for Nichols to pop in and give his two cents. He's usually all about the fashion.

1stTimeCaller
3/11/2005, 08:34 AM
Black jeans: weekend nights.

White jeans: with those elf boots you saved from the eighties.

Black jeans= nevar

I guess Howzit can wear his white jeans every day

TexasLidig8r
3/11/2005, 10:14 AM
And Lid, the book (as far as I can remember) does address shoe trees. But I can't seem to find it just flipping through. Besides, if I answer everyone's questions as they ask them, they'll be disinclined to read the other posts. In other words, you'll have to wait for that particular nugget of info, fruit.
The difference, Oh King of Sartorial Splendor, is that most of the f'in' hillbillies who frequent this esteemed website, simply need advice on what constitutes a "daytime" t-shirt vs. a more formal, "evening t-shirt." and whether smelling the armpits of the last t-shirt on the ground is the determinative test as to whether you can wear the t-shirt again before either washing it or throwing it away.

BlondeSoonerGirl
3/11/2005, 12:49 PM
The difference, Oh King of Sartorial Splendor, is that most of the f'in' hillbillies who frequent this esteemed website, simply need advice on what constitutes a "daytime" t-shirt vs. a more formal, "evening t-shirt." and whether smelling the armpits of the last t-shirt on the ground is the determinative test as to whether you can wear the t-shirt again before either washing it or throwing it away.

You're wearing boat shoes right now, aren't you?

:dolemite: TOTP, t-shirt wearers! :dolemite:

TexasLidig8r
3/11/2005, 01:02 PM
You're wearing boat shoes right now, aren't you?

:dolemite: TOTP, t-shirt wearers! :dolemite:
BSG.. I don't know why I like you so! lol

Burnt Orange Ostrich skin boots.

1stTimeCaller
3/11/2005, 01:25 PM
BSG.. I don't know why I like you so! lol

Burnt Orange Ostrich skin boots.

as opposed to ostrich beak boots?

mdklatt
3/11/2005, 01:26 PM
Burnt Orange Ostrich skin boots

Whoa, JR, do you have a set of steer horns on the hood of your Caddy convertible too? :texan:

TUSooner
3/11/2005, 01:43 PM
Snob bible: [U]mbrellas are like fancy gloves: Eventually, you will lose them. Spend accordingly.

OK, that's maybe about the 3rd thing out of the last 9,874 that is down-to-earth sensible. Except that the only real men who buy "fancy gloves" play baseball with them. <retreats to cave>

TexasLidig8r
3/11/2005, 02:04 PM
Whoa, JR, do you have a set of steer horns on the hood of your Caddy convertible too? :texan:
along with the entire longhorn head.. but that's only in the office.

Cam
3/13/2005, 10:35 AM
If you are going bald, cut your hair close to the scalp. I've been in style for years. :D

No pleats in khaki's(sp)? Only if your as skinny as a freaking bean pole. Other wise, pleat'em.

GottaHavePride
3/13/2005, 03:41 PM
Snob bible: [U]mbrellas are like fancy gloves: Eventually, you will lose them. Spend accordingly.

OK, that's maybe about the 3rd thing out of the last 9,874 that is down-to-earth sensible. Except that the only real men who buy "fancy gloves" play baseball with them. <retreats to cave>
Heh. I have a set of very nice gloves my grandmother bought me (she has an amazing sense of style) that I wear when I'm in a suit and overcoat. They came in handy in Chicago a couple of weeks ago.

See, my default setting is for a t-shirt and jeans, but if I'm in a suit, I'm going to look good doing it, dammit. Otherwise what's the point? ;)

BigRedJed
3/13/2005, 04:47 PM
I've been in style for years. :D

No pleats in khaki's(sp)? Only if your as skinny as a freaking bean pole. Other wise, pleat'em.Actually, the truth is completely opposite, sort of like how a lot of guys with 36" waists think they will look thinner jammed into 34". Pleats make you look heavier, drawing attention to your midsection and hips.

Read this (http://www.sharpman.com/Article.asp?ArticleID=540):

Pants. A good fit is essential here, too. Big or baggy pants will make you look bigger than you actually are. Avoid any pleats or tucks in the material and forgo cuffs on the pant leg — you want your stems to look as long and lean as possible. If your stomach falls out over the waistband, consider wearing suspenders beneath your blazer, thereby removing the visual focus from your midriff.

Cam
3/13/2005, 07:56 PM
Actually, the truth is completely opposite, sort of like how a lot of guys with 36" waists think they will look thinner jammed into 34". Pleats make you look heavier, drawing attention to your midsection and hips.

Read this (http://www.sharpman.com/Article.asp?ArticleID=540):
They can say that all they want, but I ain't buyin it. Have any moderately large guy try on slacks with pleats and cuffs and then a pair with no pleats and straight legs. They'll look better in pleats and cuffs 99% of the time IMO.

Slammin a 34 into a 36 is funny to look at and should never be done.

GottaHavePride
3/13/2005, 08:27 PM
I don't know, didn't Jed work in that business for a while? It might warrant an experiment next time I go to buy pants.

sooneron
3/13/2005, 08:57 PM
To a clothing snob, this thread is fun.

Al Gore
3/13/2005, 10:05 PM
A majority of this is true....thanks BRJ....

BigRedJed
3/22/2005, 12:52 AM
More:

Despite the wickedly clever strategies developed by department stores to market such items each holiday season, do not succumb to purchasing a Christmas tie.

Nor a Christmas sweater.

Nor -- especially nor -- clothing that emits Christmas music.

Likewise there is little reason to wear green on St. Patrick's Day; red, white and blue on the Fourth; or orange on Halloween.Yet more:

Socks with sandals and darks socks with shorts are statements to be avoided.

Sandals? On the beach, in the backyard.

Flat or waxed shoelaces stay tied far better than round unwaxed ones.

All but the very best dress shoes now come with round unwaxed laces. You should replace the laces on those that don't.

BigRedJed
3/22/2005, 12:55 AM
Even more:

Men with pale ankles should always wear socks.

Men with ankles, period, should always wear socks.

Men who refuse to wear socks should be prepared for the consequences of exuding the heady aroma of a locker room.

Exempt from the above: Italian men or American men who look Italian enough to have that certain something that allows them to wear clothes that no normal man can wear without provoking laughter.

Besides, your feet will feel cooler if you wear socks.

Because socks wick away moisture better than leather, that's why.

BigRedJed
3/22/2005, 12:57 AM
One of my favorites:

The length of one's sideburns is inversely proportional to one's ability to rise in the corporate hierarchy.

Unless one works at Graceland.

BigRedJed
3/22/2005, 05:05 PM
More:

Shaving is important not only to make you look clean, but so as to avoid sandpapering the face of the person you kiss.

Shaving does not require som much foam that your face resembles a meringue pie.

Shaving is best done in the shower or immediately thereafter.

Shaving is never done with her razor.

More important: her shaving is never done with your razor.

Hide it if you must.

Special attention: just under your nostrils.
Just under your lower lip.
Between your eyebrows.

Acquire a styptic pencil, which won't stick to your face all the way to work the way those bits of toilet paper do.

BigRedJed
3/22/2005, 05:08 PM
Also:

Wear not clothing emblazoned with opinons or exhortations.

If you own any T-shirts with such legends as "I'm With Stupid" or "100% Bitch" or "Nobody knows me like Cosmo," please put this book down and back away slowly.

It is far better to arrive at an event overdressed than underdressed -- if you leave early, people will think you've got somewhere more important to go.

Mjcpr
3/22/2005, 05:10 PM
If you have 5 or more posts, uninterupted, at the bottom of a thread then perhaps it's time to let it go.
:D

BigRedJed
3/22/2005, 05:13 PM
Even more:

A freshly pressed linen suit doesn't look nearly as good as one that's been worn fourteen times without ever encountering an iron.

The business-shirt wardrobe:
Though some style books would prescribe four white shirts, four blue shirts, etc., it's better to have whatever kind of high-quality shirts you like that are acceptable in your office.

That said, your shirt wardrobe should total at least ten, so that the first five can be in the laundry for a week before you're caught without.

Not all shirt collar styles suit all men.

Long face: spread collar, button-down collar, tab collar.

Square face: button-down collar, rounded-point collar.

Round face: button-down, long-point collar.

Oval face: anything but the rounded collar.

Band collar shirts make you look either stupid or like a priest or like a stupid priest.

BigRedJed
3/22/2005, 05:14 PM
:DHeck, we're not even halfway through the book. It's just getting good. Pay attention, you ****ing hillbillies.

Oh, and TOTP, fashion victims.

Czar Soonerov
3/22/2005, 05:15 PM
More:

Shaving is important not only to make you look clean, but so as to avoid sandpapering the face of the person you kiss.

Shaving does not require som much foam that your face resembles a meringue pie.

Shaving is best done in the shower or immediately thereafter.

Shaving is never done with her razor.

More important: her shaving is never done with your razor.

Hide it if you must.

Special attention: just under your nostrils.
Just under your lower lip.
Between your eyebrows.

Acquire a styptic pencil, which won't stick to your face all the way to work the way those bits of toilet paper do.

When VK gets mad at me, she uses my razor and I go to work looking like I shaved with a cheese grater.

Sexy Sooner Angel
3/22/2005, 05:16 PM
Good jorb VK!!

TexasLidig8r
3/22/2005, 05:17 PM
Pretty sounds words of wisdom EXCEPT...

Sage green polo shirts with a small longhorn logo on them are very much in style on St. Patty's Day.

Sexy Sooner Angel
3/22/2005, 05:18 PM
Actually Lid that is NEVAR in style!!!

TexasLidig8r
3/22/2005, 05:19 PM
Actually Lid that is NEVAR in style!!!
Dayum SSA.. you didn't dream about me that night adorned in that shirt? (Or, hell, I guess that would be a nightmare).

Sexy Sooner Angel
3/22/2005, 05:22 PM
Sweetie, now would you EVAR think that I would like a shirt that had a longhorn on it?

TexasLidig8r
3/22/2005, 05:29 PM
Sweetie, now would you EVAR think that I would like a shirt that had a longhorn on it?
:cool:

I take it I should take back that bustier you asked for with the Longhorn on it then?

Sexy Sooner Angel
3/22/2005, 05:30 PM
Ummmmm...yes, but now if it comes in crimson now that is a whole other story!

BigRedJed
3/22/2005, 05:31 PM
Speaking of Crimson Bustier, when was the last time SHE posted?

Sexy Sooner Angel
3/22/2005, 05:32 PM
Heh.

TexasLidig8r
3/22/2005, 05:40 PM
Ummmmm...yes, but now if it comes in crimson now that is a whole other story!
With cream colored stockings? mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Sexy Sooner Angel
3/22/2005, 05:41 PM
Well cream colored thigh highs

TexasLidig8r
3/22/2005, 05:46 PM
Well cream colored thigh highs
Bri.. stay in Tulsa! :D

Sexy Sooner Angel
3/22/2005, 05:49 PM
Heh.

BigRedJed
4/28/2006, 05:02 PM
More:

The business-shoe wardrobe: You can't go wrong with one pair of plain-toe oxfords in black, one cap-toe or wing tip in black, and one plain-toe or wing tip in brown.

Oxfords is a fancy name for lace-up shoes.

Loafers, which are descended from Indian moccasins and shoes sewn by Norwegian fishermen to wear at sea, are too casual to be worn with business suits.

They are excellent casual shoes, however.

And not bad if you're cruising the North Sea for salmon.

BlondeSoonerGirl
4/28/2006, 05:03 PM
What does it say about Werewolf Moccasins?

BigRedJed
4/28/2006, 05:04 PM
Even more:


The best loafer: Alden cordovan loafers.

Shoe styles in descending order of dressiness: formal pumps, plain-toe oxfords, cap-toe oxfords, wing tip or patterned leather oxfords, loafers, bucks, espadrilles, Dr. Scholl's sandals, hip waders, oily rags.

Speaking of espadrilles, if you wear them, you should feel ashamed.

Or French. And ashamed.

proud gonzo
4/28/2006, 05:08 PM
that was quite a vacation from the style tips :D

BigRedJed
4/28/2006, 05:13 PM
Yet more wisdom:

No matter what fond memories they evoke of the first time he wore them, there are certain garments from a man's past that he should never seek to wear again: a thin leather tie, rainbow-colored suspenders, those little under-wear briefs with cartoon superheroes printed on them.

In fact, wear no funny underwear.

Funny underwear shall be defined as those garments including, but not limited to, neon-colored briefs, boxers printed with lipstick kisses, or any style of skivvies whose fly zone is emplazoned with the phrase "Home of the Whopper."

Scott D
4/28/2006, 05:14 PM
so tell the truth jed...you still have the thin leather tie don't you.

colleyvillesooner
4/28/2006, 05:15 PM
this page is funny.

Jimminy Crimson
4/28/2006, 05:34 PM
Home of the Whopper.

heh.

sooneron
4/28/2006, 05:37 PM
I missed this thread. Glad it's back.

SoonerInKCMO
4/28/2006, 06:33 PM
so tell the truth jed...you still have the thin leather tie don't you.

There's one hanging in the closet of my old room at my parents' house. :O

OUinFLA
4/28/2006, 08:17 PM
Style NEVER goes out of fashion.

The cowboy boots statement does not take into account the demands of life in the great Southwest.

you gotta quit dating those picky heffers.

TexasLidig8r
4/29/2006, 09:05 AM
An oldie but a goodie thread..

Sage words of wisdom for the most part....

So.. what say the Fashion Bible about French cuff shirts and cufflinks?... other than.. cufflinks NEVER go with button down shirts.

Okla-homey
4/29/2006, 09:18 AM
what say the Fashion Bible about French cuff shirts and cufflinks?

pretentious and foppish for daytime wear.

fine after 6pm.

sooneron
4/29/2006, 10:04 AM
pretentious and foppish for daytime wear.

fine after 6pm.
Eh, disagree. They are back in the WS set in a big way these days. I see them daily on the train.

Okla-homey
4/29/2006, 10:09 AM
Eh, disagree. They are back in the WS set in a big way these days. I see them daily on the train.

Maybe, but, if you were lawyer or broker shopping, would such a thing put you off or inspire confidence?

BigRedJed
5/1/2006, 10:37 AM
Yet again:

For those contemplating the wearing of funny underwear, think: when you are removing your pants for the viewing pleasure of another, do you really want that person to laugh?

BigRedJed
5/1/2006, 10:39 AM
More:

Unshined shoes are the bloodstained hands of style

Unshined shoes?
O.K. then, how about uncombed hair, unshaven face, untrimmed nostrils, unbrushed teeth, unwiped...
do we need to go on?

BigRedJed
5/1/2006, 10:42 AM
More:

Cleanly trimming your fingernails is mandatory.

Having a manicure is acceptable.

Finishing your nails with any kind of polish is something Liberace would have done and is, like most matters of style pertaining to the late pianist, unacceptable.

BigRedJed
5/1/2006, 10:45 AM
More:

No man should dye his hair.

For all hairstyling products: a little dab will, indeed, do you.

In the unlikely event that a little dab will not do you, get a different hairstyle.

Your hairstyle should require no moret time to complete than it does for you to tie your shoes.

When in doubt, go short.

One reason short hair is better: easy styling.

Another reason short hair is better: less susceptible to "hat hair."

Yet a third reason short hair is better:
You needent shampoo until it begins to smell.

That was a joke, too.

TexasLidig8r
5/1/2006, 10:47 AM
pretentious and foppish for daytime wear.

fine after 6pm.

I beg to differ sir.

For example, with your nicer suits... your Zegnas, Canalis, Oxfords, Pal Zalieri... you do not want to wear a button down shirt. That type of shirt is far too casual.

As a young attorney, 20 some years ago, partners in the law firm advised never to wear french cuffs to jury trials... it made the attorney look too flashy. With the proliferation of shows like.. LA Law, the Practice, Boston Legal, juries now are not only not put off... it's almost expected.

Case in point.. late March I was trying a case in San Diego, California in federal court. The judge sits an 8 person jury. We get the case settled at the end of day one. As the jury walks out into the hallway, we have a chance to talk with them.. 3 of the 8 walk up to me and say.. "Mr. D, I really like your tie" (yes.. a bow tie).. and 2 said they liked my cufflinks. (yes.. you bust your chops to prepare a case for trial and the first words from the jurors are clothes related.)

So.. for geezers like me... they're accepted.

BigRedJed
5/1/2006, 10:48 AM
...So.. what say the Fashion Bible about French cuff shirts and cufflinks?... other than.. cufflinks NEVER go with button down shirts.I'm sure it's addressed somewhere in the book...

BigRedJed
5/1/2006, 11:39 AM
More:

Problem with short hair:
Frequent haircuts are essential.

Solution: get frequent haircuts.

A suggestion: every time you get a haircut, before you leave, make an appointment for another haircut, generally four weeks later.

If you favor barbershops over salons -- and you are to be commended for this -- find one that will shave the back of your neck with hot lather.

Using very hot water to wash your face causes your pores to open and moisture loss to ensue.

Plus it hurts.

BigRedJed
5/1/2006, 11:45 AM
More:

Too much cologne is to style as big hair is too style as platform shoes are to style as padded underwear is to style, which is to say way too much.

What is too much cologne? More than two squirts of a good cologne, or more than zero squirts of drugstore cologne.

Excluding Old Spice, which will always smell good.

Cologne is applied not to the face (that's aftershave) but sprayed on the chest, the back of the neck, the hair, or the hairy part of your forearms.

The reason for putting cologne in those places is that hair is the best carrier for scent.

Jimminy Crimson
5/1/2006, 11:48 AM
Jed, are you a First National Barber client?

BigRedJed
5/1/2006, 12:10 PM
Jed, are you a First National Barber client?
Why, yes I am. It's been in business in the heart of downtown since 1931, with hot foam, straight razor shaves, shoe shines while you're in the chair and Playboys in the magazine rack. It defines old-school.

You?

BigRedJed
5/1/2006, 12:13 PM
Even more:

Good mouthwash is overpriced, but cheap mouthwash is useless.

Breath mints. Not gum.

Tooth bleaching should be left to the professionals.

There should be only one toothpaste flavor in your medicine cabinet: mint.

As essential as your toothbrush, which is to say an absolute must: a nose-hair trimmer.

If this doesn't seem to apply to you now, give it time -- it will.

Jimminy Crimson
5/1/2006, 12:14 PM
Why, yes I am. It's been in business in the heart of downtown since 1931, with hot foam, straight razor shaves, shoe shines while you're in the chair and Playboys in the magazine rack. It defines old-school.

You?

Believe it or not, I've never been. I need to make it up there, maybe for my next cut.

BigRedJed
5/1/2006, 12:17 PM
Again:

The morning shower is as much about therapy as it is about cleanliness.

Lather. Rinse. Don't repeat. The repeat part is just the shampoo company's attempt to get you to run out of shampoo sooner.

Expensive shampoo smells really good.

Deodorant/antiperspirant, not just deodorant.

Let your deodorant dry a few seconds before putting on your shirt.

There is no substitute for thick, luxurious, large, high-quality, 100 percent cotton bath towels.

The convention for monogramming towels: the first letter of her name, followed by the first letter of their last name, then the first letter of his name, such that if a woman named Amy were to marry Steven Spielberg, the monogram would be... ...must we spell it out for you?

Okla-homey
5/1/2006, 12:20 PM
Homey's Universal Haircut Principle:

When does a gentleman need a haircut?
answer: never.

BigRedJed
5/1/2006, 12:21 PM
More wisdom:

Leave enough room in your closet so that your suits and shirts hang freely without touching.

Hang suits from shaped wooden hangars.

This prevents a suit's lapels from rolling in on themselves and wrinkling.

If you haven't worn it in the last year, get rid of it.

Do not allow children or pets to enter your closet.

As you contemplate tattooing yourself or piercing body parts, try to remember a single T-shirt you bought at a rock concert five years ago that you still wear.

George Clooney didn't look as good with that Caesar haircut as he thought he did.

The gym is no place to be fashion-conscious.

To that end: shorts or sweats, not tights.

Jimminy Crimson
5/1/2006, 12:22 PM
If you use a tea tree oil deodorant/a-p, it doesn't have the alumnium component in it that causes the pits of your white undershirts (you do wear white undershirts, right) to become the color of Mack Brown's teeth.

:D

BigRedJed
5/1/2006, 12:26 PM
MORE!!

Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.

A case where the above rule should be ignored: when the job you have is the chief loan officer at a very conservative bank, and the job you want is to be Mookie, the dancing woodchuck, in a musical adaptation of George Orwell's Animal Farm.

If you're not sure whether or not it looks good on you, it doesn't.

The black cashmere turtleneck looks good on everyone.

Also: the gray flannel suit.

No level of fitness justifies wearing a tank top in public.

No level of fitness -- or, for that matter, drunkenness -- justifies wearing a tank top at home.

A plain short sleeved T-shirt works perfectly well at the gym.

BigRedJed
5/1/2006, 12:34 PM
Still going:

While traveling, two small suitcases are better than one large one.

While two small suitcases are better than one large one, one small suitcase is even better.

Best of all: a Sherpa to carry everything for you.

Stylish luggage is great, but, before you spend a mint, consider what will happen to it after you check it, and know that baggage handlers give special attention to buttery-soft leather only because it suggests valuable and easily fencible goods inside.

Travel essential: mouthwash.
Especially on overnight flights.

At the dry cleaner: order your shirts on hangers, unless you're travelling, in which case boxed folded shirts are handy.

Pack each suit and dress shirt on individual hangers and in individual plastic bags from the dry cleaner; the slippery plastic reduces wrinkling.

Or roll clothing rather than folding it, because each fold is a potential wrinkle.

The best travel suit: "high-twist" wool or wool crepe, which barely wrinkles and smooths instantly in a steam-filled bathroom.

Lycra, when used sparingly, is not just for aerobics class anymore.

Besides offering comfort and stretch, small amounts of Lycra help garments hold their shape and resist wrinkles.

The correct Lycra proportions: shirts made of 95 percent cotton and 5 percent Lycra. Suits made of 99 percent wool and 1 percent Lycra.

BigRedJed
5/1/2006, 12:56 PM
Again:

The two-day business trip: one solid blue suit, one pair gray wool trousers, one black belt, one pair black cap-toes, one pair casual shoes, three versatile ties, two white dress shirts and one blue or gray, three pair black socks, three pair underwear, lightweight tan sweater, lined raincoat.

Roll up two of those ties. Pack them in your shoes -- the ones you're not wearing. Wear the other tie on the plane.

The weekend getaway: one sports jacket, one pair dress trousers, one button-down oxford, light sweater, knit tie, swim trunks, tennis togs, casual shoes, sneakers.

The plain getaway: jeans, shirt, sneakers, false mustache and glasses.

If you wear a suit on an airplane and there is a flight delay or cancellation, the ticket agent will help you in a way theat she wouldn't if you were in sweats.

The preceding prinicple also applies to the following situations: at restaurants, in certain nightclubs, taxi-hailing, whien being pulled over by a policeman, when shopping for lingerie (unless it's for yourself), and in the office, either for the bossing-about of a subordinate or the receiving of a bossing-about from a superior.

Be not just polite but charming to ticket agents, desk clerks, waiters, bellhops.

BigRedJed
5/1/2006, 01:05 PM
More:

On a two-week vacation, be sure that there are laundry faciliites at the end of week one, then pack exactly half as much as you otherwise would have.

More travel essentials: Pepto, Aleve, and Excedrin PM; melatonin, which will help you sleep in an unfamiliar time zone.

Travel inessentials: Gas-X, Ex-Lax, and Anusol.

If you need those things, pal, you shouldn't be going anywhere.

Always stay in the kind of hotel that will lend you an umbrella, should you need one.

Always stay in the kind of hotel that will press a shirt instantly, anytime, day or night.

Always stay in the kind of hotel that will bring you a newspaper with your room-service breakfast.

For the same reason you timp the bartender for the first round, tip the housekeeper on the first day.

BigRedJed
5/1/2006, 01:09 PM
Pay attention Lid:

A suede blazer is acceptable, if risky
(no bolo, no boots, no ten-gallon hat).

A leather blazer is not, except when you've been asked to whack somebody with Joe Pesci.

The Hawaiian shirt: no.

It's acceptable, if you're old, to dress in a way that makes you appear younger.

It's not acceptable, if you're old, to dress in a way that makes you appear younger than twelve.

Wearing a sport watch with a suit makes you appear younger.

Wearing sneakers with a suit makes you appear younger than twelve.

Or like a stand-up comedian.

Which brings us to Al Gore.
Even he shouldn't wear a watch with a built-in calculator.

BigRedJed
5/1/2006, 01:19 PM
Button-down info:

Button-downs, because of their informal roots, should never be worn with a double-breasted suit.

Button-downs are best worn with a sport coat.

You know how some men wear a shirt with a tie and the shirt's a little too small so their neck sort of curls out over the collar like the end of a German sausage bursting beyond its casing? Don't do that.

Unless you speak with a French accent and sing "Thank Heaven for Little Girls," your wedding day is the only appropriate day to wear a boutnniere.

A black suit with a crisp white straight-collar shirt (not a button-down) and a long solid black tie can be worn to any event where you're requested to wear a tuxedo.

That said, never exercise the option of black-tie optional.

Likewise, black-tie is not the sort of dress with which to get "creative."

When in doubt, wear black.

On the other hand, wearing all black, all the time, is the transparent affectation of people who want to be seen as artsy, and who should just quit it.

Although many claim that suits and neckties inhibit creativity, it's instructive to remember that Matisse and Einstein did just fine in them.

A suit is not an obligation, it is your protector.

A necktie is not an obligation, it is an opportunity.

Although the preceding two items have the ring of New Age horse****, the point is don't shirk the suit and tie.

Despite their prevalence in country clubs, boat shoes should not be worn with a navy blazer, biff.

TexasLidig8r
5/1/2006, 01:33 PM
Really hard to argue with most of those points.

BigRedJed
5/1/2006, 01:34 PM
Good stuff:

Skinny men can wear things fat men cannot.

Italian men, even fat Italian men, can wear things American men cannot.

Tall black men can wear things tall white men cannot.

A man wears nothing under his kilt.

Which is why a man should never wear a kilt.

Brown suits, while wearable, are touch and go.

Saying that brown is the new black is like saying that chocolate is the new vanilla.

People who say that brown is the new black tend to work in the fashion industry, which abhors the idea of clothing that "never goes out of style."

There will never be a new black.

Contrary to popular belief, not everybody looks better in black.

To wit: tall, thin men of exceptionally pale visage look more dead than better.

Green suits are not wearable, are difficult to match ties to, and can cause a short man to be mistaken for a leprechaun.

Short men need the illusion of height, which means: dark suits, vertical lines, tapered trousers, two-as opposed to three-button suits, and the avoidance of the horizontal effect of pocket flaps and cuffed trousers.

Tall, thin men need the illusion of breadth, which means: plaids, patterns, thick, nonclingy fabrics, looser three-button suits, wider lapels, flapped pockets, cuffed trousers.

Ties with vertical stripes: no.

Fat me: see short men. Plus, seek jackets with only slightly padded shoulders to avoid the appearance of tightness there; avoid bulky tweeds, vivid patterns, and pinstripes, which, like the grid on a globe, only serve to accentuate your rotundity.

Similarly, avoid stripes on tight-fitting shorts, unless it is your intention to delineate the lognitude and latitude of your Mercator projection.

No man, not even a figure skater, should wear sequins.

No man, not even a polo player, should wear jodhpurs.

No man, not even a scoutmaster, should wear garters.

Rent no clothing.

Lend no clothing.

Borrow no clothing.

Especially your wife's.

Suspenders, ill-employed, produce wedgies.

When to wear suspenders without a suit or tie: when you are Robin Williams.

BigRedJed
5/1/2006, 05:09 PM
More stuff:

Use of a pocket square generally indicates a sophisticated level of dressing, so long as that pocket square wasn't bought in a boxed set with a matching necktie.

Should you be put off by fluffy-looking, colorful pocket squares, or should you not wish to have another color pattern to worry about matching with your suit, tie and shirt, opt for a white linen hanky, and fold it squarely, such that a half inch shows from your breast pocket. Presto.

If you can slip two fingers between your neck and the buttoned collar of a new dress shirt, the shirt will fit comfortably after laundering.

To avoid turning your shirt into a gorrote: light starch.

The shirt placket, the belt buckle, and the trouser fly should all line up.

The shirt placket: the strip of material sewn to the front of your shirt through which buttons are fashioned.

Speaking of belt buckles, the point of your tie should never fall below it.

Neckties decorated with golf tees or with the paintings of dead rock musicians coordinate with nothing.

It is never acceptable to loosen your tie, except during the process of its removal.

Loosen your tie by gently working free the knot, rather than pulling the end through the knot, which stretches out your tie.

You are in your car an hour a day, you are in your clothes from morning to night. Spend accordingly.

The seat-belt shoulder strap goes under your necktie.

Good shoes and a good haircut matter more than a great suit.

BigRedJed
5/1/2006, 05:19 PM
More pearls of wisdom:

You can't smoke a pipe if you're under forty-five.

You can't wear a fedora if you're under forty-five.

You can't wear a bow tie with anything other than a tuxedo if you're not under forty-five or not a famous novelist or not a total geek.
Got that, professor?

Still, you need to know how to tie a bow for formal events, like your wedding.

The best way to master the tying of a bow tie: have someone who knows teach you and then practice incessantly.

This you should do weeks before the day you actually need to tie it.

On that day, keep a clip-on in reserve, should your bo-tying skills fail, which they probably will.

Clip-on regular ties are perfectly acceptable for gentlemen, but only for those still in the first grade.

BigRedJed
5/1/2006, 05:24 PM
Yet more:

Very few people want to see you in compression shorts, and those who do might not be your target audience.

Likewise tight, black leather pants, Mr. Bon Jovi.

Never allow yourself to be seen with anyone employing a fan, a beret, a monocle, or spats.

If he's got all four, run and hide.

Silk shirts: no

Diaphanous shirts: no

Blousy pirate shirts: no, unless you're a figure skater. And even then -- actually, especially then -- no.

Glittery clothing: no.

Knickers: no.

Monograms: proceed with caution.

If you must monogram shirts, do it only on the waist, below the breast pocket, or on the front left tail.

And never forget: clothing emblazoned with crests is to be avoided by anyone who isn't a member of the royal family or Captain Stubing.

BigRedJed
5/1/2006, 05:29 PM
Still going:

Select at your peril eyewear so distinctive and prominent that it becomes your primary feature.

Case in point: Harry Caray, Swifty Lazar, Sally Jessy Raphael, and that dinosaur of a woman in the Old Navy commercials.

Round face: square glasses.
Long face: round glasses.

Sunglasses not only prevent you from squinting (which can eventually result in unwanted wrinkles) but protect you from cataracts.

The reason celebrities wear sunglasses indoors is not because you would otherwise recognize them, which they've long grown accustomed to, but so they don't readily notice you recognizing them.

Unless the burden of celebrity is a daily pox upon your life, do not wear sunglasses indoors.

BigRedJed
5/1/2006, 05:49 PM
More stuff nobody will ever read:

A $250 shirt will look like a $25 shirt if it is professionally laundered instead of hand-washed.

Still, ironing correctly is difficult and tedious and best left to experts.

There is no such thing as a stylish slipper.

Velvet slippers with gold brocade -- unless you're over fifty and incredibly wealthy and feel comfortable in an ascot and are hosting a jazz-age cotillion in your city home, as opposed to your various country and island homes: no.

No one should feel comfortable wearing an ascot.

It follows that there is no use for a stickpin.

Ditto for a dickie.

No, a dickie is the neck part of a turtleneck sweater without the sweater part, which one wears under another shirt to give the impression that one is wearing an entire turtleneck sweater.

Yes, a dickie is a stupid thing.

You will be happiest if you regard dress shirts as ultimately disposable.

BigRedJed
5/1/2006, 06:27 PM
More:

Before you buy one more shirt, have a tailor measure these portions of your person, and commit the numbers to memory: neck, arms, chest.

Other numbers to remember: one-half inch of shirt collar above the jacket collar, one-half inch of shirt cuff, one-and-one-half inches of trouser cuff, two inches more belt than inches on your actual waist.

Despite its presence on the label of every high-quality shirt (and many cheap ones besides), only a few insiders know what "single-needle tailoring" is.

Single-needle tailoring: seams stitched down the outside of a shirt first and then from the inside, using one needle and forming a lock-stitch, which is stronger and prevents the puckering that comes with faster, cheaper, double-needle stitching.

You are now at liberty to forget you've ever heard of "single-needle tailoring."

Cotton/polyester blended shirts don't breathe, do pucker at seams, and will "pill" after a few launderings.

"Easy-care" is for those who don't.

One definition of the high-quality shirt: 100 percent cotton, or 95 percent cotton and 5 percent Lycra.

Another definition of the high-quality shirt: a "split yoke," signified by a vertical seam between the shoulder blades, which permits custom-shirt makers to adjust the fit of each shoulder separately.

Yet a third definition of the high-quality shirt: small, tight stitches, removable collar stays, a button on the cuff placket, pleats on the sleeve where it enters the cuff, well-sewn buttons with an extra one attached to the inside of the shirttail.

BigRedJed
5/1/2006, 06:37 PM
Last one today:

One ring, maximum. On a finger.
Not from college.
Not from high school.

Silver or platinum or white gold, not yellow gold.

Harrison Ford doesn't look as good with that earring as he thinks he does.

Michael Jordon doesn't look as good with that earring as he thinks he does.

Captain Hook -- all right, on him, the earring looks good.

Karl Lagerfeld doesn't look as good with that fan, those sunglasses, that trench coat, that makeup, that cigarette holder, or that ponytail as he thinks he does.

The only good tattoo is a very, very small tattoo placed where no one can see it -- which is to say, why get one?

A man in a suit without a tie can get away with wearing loafers; a man in a suit with a tie cannot.

Cheap cashmere is less soft and more fragile than expensive wool.

Number of goats that sacrifice their belly hairs for your cashmere sweater: six.

Sweater vests: solids, not argyles, unless you're off to Andover.

Sweaters, generally: if they're patterned, which carries grave risks, they must be patterned on the back as well as the front.

A -T-shirt that shows through a dress shirt is the male equivalent of visible panty lines.

Do not wear button-down collars with double-breasted suits.

Do not unbutton double-breasted suits as David Letterman always does.

Think twice about double-breasted suits.

Oldnslo
5/1/2006, 09:56 PM
Double breasted suits are tough to carry off. You've got to be tall, and you've got to keep 'em buttoned.

I, being undertall, would look something like an Italian Brick in a double-breasted suit. And I'm not even Italian.

King Crimson
5/1/2006, 10:03 PM
a good way to get the babes is to empty yer car ashtray in the parking lot of the Safeway.

Okla-homey
5/2/2006, 05:19 AM
a good way to get the babes is to empty yer car ashtray in the parking lot of the Safeway.

or at stoplights while waiting for it to turn green.

BigRedJed
5/2/2006, 11:10 AM
New stuff:

The only thing worse than wearing socks that don't cover one's calves is wearing patterned socks that don't cover one's calves.

If you lose one cuff link, remove the remaining orphan; this will make it look like you've omitted them on purpose and have insouciant personal style.

Keep a lint roller in your office. And your car.

Also for your office: a small safety pin, a large safety pin, a sewing kit, a small bottle of spot remover.

The button-down collar, left unbuttoned: no.

Unless you're wearing it with a pair of jeans or khakis and without a tie, in which case it should never be starched or ironed either.

Always keep a fresh shirt, laundered and pressed, and a tie in your office.

Never take a necktie to a dry cleaner, who will invariably ruin it.

For formal affairs: buy the lightest-weight tuxedo you can find, because dancing and drinking and scantily clad women cause such events to become overheated.

Dancing can be hell on your clothes, your shoes, and your hairstyle.

Dancing is best performed by those who can dance.

Those who can dance know who they are.
Usually.

That said, if she asks, dance you must.

BigRedJed
5/2/2006, 11:57 AM
Next:

What you find at an outlet store is what other people refused to buy or what some marketing director thinks you will buy because you're the kind of person who shops at an outlet store.

Khakis worn religiously on Friday are no less a uniform than a business suit worn the prior four days.

Nonetheless, you can never have too many khakis. Or heavyweight white T-shirts or canvas tennis shoes. For Saturday.

Teh best canvas tennis shoes: Jack Purcell sneakers.

Your belt and shoes should match in color, if not material.

Speaking of color, there is little use for pink, peach or teal.

It's not the name on the label or the dollar amount on the credit card receipt but how good you look in it.

One $1,000 suit is a better investment than two $500 suits.

Of course, clothes are not really "investments" because, unlike a Jackson Pollock or a treasury bill, they cannot appreciate. They're clothes.

It's more important to a man's daily life to have a good tailor than a good doctor.

How to pick a tailor: visit the finest men's store in town, find the best-dressed salesman in the suit department, ask him where he goes. Then, visit another fine men's store, and run that tailor's name by the best-dressed salesman there. Repeat.

How to talk to a good tailor: present your taste in cuffs, sleeve length, give at the waist, and roominess in the seat; and then let him do what he wants.

Tip him generously.

At the tailor's, carry everything you normally carry: wallet, keys, Mace, etc.

Suit trousers ride on your waist -- about an inch below your navel -- not your hips, like blue jeans do.

Suit trouser bottoms should break on top of your shoe, so that the crease on the leg rumples just slightly.

If your suit trouser bottoms are too short, you'll look like Garrison Keillor.

If your suit trouser bottoms are too long: Charlie Chaplin.

Talented clothing salesmen are an essential part of selecting the right clothes, but finding such a man... ...aye, there's the rub.

Two elements of style that will outlast any man who is smart enough to own them: a sterling belt buckle from Tiffany & Co. and simple cuff links.

A restaurant meal tastes better when you're wearing a suit coat.

When wearing nice clothing in a restaurant, order only things that can be eaten neatly and with a fork.

Things that particularly do not qualify for the above: sloppy joes. Soup. Spaghetti. Lobster. King crab claws.

King Crimson
5/2/2006, 12:07 PM
the fact you can make it through an entire summer with only two 6 packs of Hanes V-Neck white T's is surely proof that God still loves graduate students.

a little bit.

BigRedJed
5/2/2006, 12:08 PM
Still more:

Whether a tie is too fat or too skinny must be decided by you alone, on a tie-by-tie basis.

When in doubt, ask a woman.

Know that she will often be wrong, too, and that ultimately, a man is adrift in a vast sea of complexity and indecision that he alone must ply.

Never trust a fashion magazine.

Solution for snags on many garments: don't cut the errant fiber; rather, thread it onto a needle and pull it through the snag so that it hangs on the inside.

Never iron anything that could melt.

The presence or absence of gold stripes on the lining of neckties that once attested to a necktie's quality no longer does so.

Testing a necktie's quality: dangle it from the narrow blade and see if it hangs without twisting; pull from both ends and see if it returns to original size and shape; drape it over your arm and make sure the narrow end is centered against the wide end.

Or you can use this old saw: if it makes a good knot, it's a good tie.

A safe width for ties: three and a half inches.

A safe length: fifty-six inches.

It is no easier or more comfortable to wear a sport jacket and trousers than it is to wear a suit.

If the trousers you'd wear with the sport coat are more comfortable than the trousers with your suit, you need a new suit.

BigRedJed
5/2/2006, 12:18 PM
Keep on truckin':

Deep in the heart of middle America, some people are actually wearing those baggy, printed workout pants again, and you owe God your deepest thanks that you have the presence of mind to not be among them.

Hospital scrubs are an excellent choice when your destination is your bed and you are going there alone.

Or if you are Marcus Welby, M.D.

An alternative: Sulka silk pajamas.

Because you never know when Hef might call.

Wait -- yeah, you do. Hef will never call, but have you ever felt Sulka silk pajamas? Mmmm.

proud gonzo
5/2/2006, 12:28 PM
I don't know any guys who actually wear pajamas.

BigRedJed
5/2/2006, 12:32 PM
Still going:

The only people who can wear colored shirts with white collars are obscenely overpaid CEOs and Donald Trump.

And even they look ridiculous in them, but who's going to tell them?

Wearing an orange tie will not make you look like Frank Sinatra.

Wearing an orange pocket square will not make you look like Frank Sinatra.

Frank Sinatra is dead, O.K.?

If you hang your jacket on a chair and then sit on the chair and lean back, your jacket will look as if you hung it on a chair and then sat on the chair and leaned back.

Drape your scarf on that chair and place that umbrella on the floor and you're going to find yourself buing another scarf and another umbrella real soon.

Fabric weights are the chemistry of style: wool pants and a linen shirt or a flannel shirt with a silk tie are corrosive mixtures.

Jack Nicholson can wear two-tone spectator shoes only because he is Jack Nicholson.

Tom Wolfe can wear ice-cream-colored suits only because he is Tom Wolfe.

And remember: even Tom Wolfe has his bad days.

Before overindulging in cargo pants, consider the stylistic endurance of painter's pants.

BigRedJed
5/2/2006, 12:33 PM
I don't know any guys who actually wear pajamas.Well, you know me. Wait a minute, I don't wear them either.

sooneron
5/2/2006, 12:44 PM
I wear pj bottoms around the house, but not to bed- too warm and I got the jimmy legs.

Jimminy Crimson
5/2/2006, 12:52 PM
Speaking of color, there is little use for pink, peach or teal.

:mad:

Pay no attention.

BeetDigger
5/2/2006, 12:58 PM
Always keep a fresh shirt, laundered and pressed, and a tie in your office.


While nearly all of the advice is spot on, the above tid bit is sage advice indeed.

BeetDigger
5/2/2006, 01:01 PM
Wait -- yeah, you do. Hef will never call, but have you ever felt Sulka silk pajamas? Mmmm.

I have never even seen them in the Sulka store in the Waldorf. However, Stanley Korshak does sell these and indeed, they are great. But anyone who can afford them isn't reading a book on how to dress. His assitant at Korshak is taking care of all of those details.

Now a Sulka Smoking Jacket may be an indulgence worth the high price. And I do mean high price. Half off still equates to $1,250.

BigRedJed
5/2/2006, 02:24 PM
:mad:

Pay no attention.
I thought the same thing. Obviously, there are exceptions to some of the rules stated herein.

TexasLidig8r
5/2/2006, 02:27 PM
I have never even seen them in the Sulka store in the Waldorf. However, Stanley Korshak does sell these and indeed, they are great. But anyone who can afford them isn't reading a book on how to dress. His assitant at Korshak is taking care of all of those details.

Now a Sulka Smoking Jacket may be an indulgence worth the high price. And I do mean high price. Half off still equates to $1,250.

Your days of busting my chopes about Yankee Candles are now.. FINIS, Mr. Stanley Korshak shopping dude! You have been.... OUTED! :D

BigRedJed
5/2/2006, 02:57 PM
Even more:

Clothing that reveals your preferences in sports teams and rock bands should be left at home with your parents when you move out. -- BRJ note: much like the teal rule, I choose to ignore this one to some extent.

Clothing that reveals your preferences in institutions of higher education is for jogging and car-washing. -- BRJ note: ditto

Only professional drivers need driving gloves.

Observing Casual Friday tells the world that you're only confident enough to wear what you're told to wear.

On the other hand, we suppose that we are telling you what to wear, aren't we?

Casual Friday was invented to embarrass well-dressed men.

Really well-dressed men are not affected by this.

Men named Chick tend to wear shoes with stacked heels.

Shoes with stacked heels, much like the name Chick, are inappropriate for men.

Woven shoes are for men with small feet.

Think twice about woven shoes.

Plain-to shoes make big feet look bigger than do cap-toe shoes or wing tips.

Cowboy boots make feet look bigger still.
Plus they have stacked heels. Plus they're cowboy boots, for God's sake. And didn't we already tell you about cowboy boots?

Of course, plain-toe shoes aren't as bad as those big red floppy clown shoes, which make your feet look really big. But in a good way.

Don't attempt the tango in clown shoes, unless you are a trained professional.

If you are a tango professional, man, what on earth do you need our help for?

If you are a tango professional, please donate this book to someone less well-endowed in the style department.

BigRedJed
5/2/2006, 02:59 PM
Homestretch:

On airplane trips, briefs are more comfortable than boxers, as contents may shift during flight.

Boxers: with roomy trousers and pleated pants.

Briefs: with jeans and tighter-cut pants.

Bikini briefs: in the store, unbought.

BigRedJed
5/2/2006, 03:08 PM
Last one:

To slavishly follow every new fashion trend because it is fashionable and trendy is to reveal a profound insecurity, and that is not what style is about.

At the end of the day -- or, in this case, the book -- know simply that you need only remember and bring to bear those style guidelines that work best for you.

Put another way: to have absolute style is to break absolute rules -- sometimes even these.

BigRedJed
5/2/2006, 03:17 PM
Once again, the quoted text in this thread is from Things a Man Should Know... ..About Style (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1573227633/103-8428000-4358203) , a great book published by Esquire. It makes a great gift. Buy several; they're inexpensive. It's an easy read and will be much appreciated by just about any man you give it to, save the most incorrigible bad dresser.

Reading the thread is no substitute for owning the book, which also has funny photos of a bulldog interpreting some of the style rules. The book is a great conversation starter, bathroom read, or gift to a friend or loved one.

BigRedJed
5/2/2006, 04:07 PM
Dang, this thread was a lot of typing.

TexasLidig8r
5/2/2006, 04:10 PM
Dang, this thread was a lot of typing.

But.. was appreciated.

Nicely done.

BeetDigger
5/2/2006, 04:34 PM
But.. was appreciated.

Nicely done.


When are you going to post excerpts from the Book of Candles? :D