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LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 05:43 PM
8TimesChamps...you must be stopped. Your posting at an unmatched rate is an offense to all things South Oval! Your clip of 300 posts per day is an egregious sin against humanity! Therefore I declare a post war. I shall triumph! I shall post more posts in this thread than you shall.

Rules?
1. All posts must be written by the author, not just quotes.
2. No post shall be less than one complete sentence in length in order to be counted.
3. No rubber chickens.

Let the war begin!

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 05:44 PM
I mean it. Seriously. I am declaring a post war with you. And I shall kick your everloving behind.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 05:44 PM
What...you think I'm joking? Well, I'm not! So come out of your hole and quit hiding! Face me like a man, damnit!

8timechamps
1/21/2005, 05:45 PM
Damn, I'm leaving work (heh, I said "work") in ten minutes.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 05:45 PM
I'll search you out. I'll hunt you down! I'll drive you from your hollow hideout and lock you in the stocks only to be whipped with a rubber hose by Anthony Edwards and his cronies!

8timechamps
1/21/2005, 05:45 PM
Damn flood control!

8timechamps
1/21/2005, 05:46 PM
I like biscuits!

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 05:46 PM
Oh...sure. Break out the old "excuse book!"

Well, it's not gonna cut it! You will be disembowled in front of a busload of nuns by the time I'm done with you!

8timechamps
1/21/2005, 05:46 PM
Did you say rubber chickens, or rubbers for chickens?

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 05:47 PM
Sure you like biscuits. Your kind always does.

Biscuit baiter!

8timechamps
1/21/2005, 05:47 PM
Chicken rubbers. That might just fly. Although, they would need to be for cocks.

BWHAHAHAHA!!!

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 05:47 PM
Either one. They're both disgusting. And OFFENSE AGAINST HUMANITY, I TELL YOU!

8timechamps
1/21/2005, 05:48 PM
My heart rate is up to an alarming level.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 05:48 PM
I'll bet, by the end of this thread, I can reach 4,000 posts.

8timechamps
1/21/2005, 05:48 PM
Dude, we're posting at the speed of...well, whatever speed your interenet connection is.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 05:48 PM
Competition getting to you, ya girlie man?

8timechamps
1/21/2005, 05:49 PM
You know what's coming up don't you?

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 05:49 PM
I'm on a diamond T-1 that's directly on the spine of the web. I will destroy you and all your children, infadel!

8timechamps
1/21/2005, 05:49 PM
The tip, top-o-the-page....BIZATCH!

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 05:49 PM
No. I don't know what's coming up. Why don't you tell me? Please, inform me?

I FEAR NO ONE!!! NOTHING!!!

8timechamps
1/21/2005, 05:50 PM
Damn...I thought I had that timed better!

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 05:50 PM
Tip top of the page...on what setting? Don't you have it on default? Or are you on one of those wussy, silly, girlie 10 posts per page counts?

8timechamps
1/21/2005, 05:50 PM
Look at you, always a post behind...You are the longhorns of the posting world.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 05:51 PM
Timing is everything, young Padewan. And I shall school you in this art!

8timechamps
1/21/2005, 05:51 PM
I can see your future from up here!

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 05:51 PM
I think not. I think I shall rule the new page like I ruled this one, you wussy girlie pod puppy!

8timechamps
1/21/2005, 05:52 PM
I

am


losing

blood

flow

to

my

fingers...

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 05:52 PM
And you can have the top of the page, for all I care. I shall win this war! I shall out post you completely!

8timechamps
1/21/2005, 05:52 PM
I surrender. You got me....this time.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 05:52 PM
I shall ruin you, 8Times. I shall suck you away from all your other threads...I shall make your fingers bleed.

You won't ever be the same poster after I'm through with you...

MUAH-HA-HA-hA!

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 05:53 PM
A surrender!
A victory!

And...

Top-o-tha-page, biotch!

8timechamps
1/21/2005, 05:53 PM
DAMN!

I'll BE BACK!

KC//CRIMSON
1/21/2005, 05:54 PM
1...2...3...4...I Declare You Two Should Get a Room!

THWAP!

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 05:54 PM
It feels so sweet to take down a posting behemoth like 8Times...


Now...


























Where's Bri?

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 05:55 PM
Well, we HAD a room until YOU came in, ya peeping tom!

Mjcpr
1/21/2005, 05:55 PM
Dude, you're not strong enough yet to take on the white whale.

Give it some time, you must.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 05:56 PM
Aaaarrrrrgh! He took me leg...

Vengeance will be mine!!!!

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 05:57 PM
I'll search him out!

13,000 posts is NOTHING. Nothing, I say!

proud gonzo
1/21/2005, 05:58 PM
wow. this thread is...interesting.

Sooner_Bob
1/21/2005, 05:58 PM
I can't believe I almost missed this thread.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 05:58 PM
And one day I'll find him. (of course, he's probably getting naked with SSA, so that makes me the big loser)

I'll find him and destroy him with my single-minded posting prowess!

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 05:59 PM
Ah...almost missed it, but you didn't. You stumbled into the glory that was the total destruction of 8Times! His bloody stumps of fingers will never post with their fury of years gone past.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 05:59 PM
Some people call it "post padding" but I call it "Big Poster Hunting!"

Should be a new X-Box Live game.

proud gonzo
1/21/2005, 06:00 PM
this is post-padding mania... i just wonder how long you can keep it up

8timechamps
1/21/2005, 06:01 PM
He want's to know "how long you can keep it up"...heh

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:01 PM
I'll send it in to my friends at EA Sports down in Marina del Rey. We'll make Bri the White Whale. He'll roam around with his 13,000 posts and terrify n00bs in their dingys while the older posters hunt him in their whaling boats.

Mjcpr
1/21/2005, 06:01 PM
He want's to know "how long you can keep it up"...heh
She.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:01 PM
And when I run across other whalers in their posting boats I'll send them down to join 8Times in Davey Jones' Locker.

Arrrrrrgh!

8timechamps
1/21/2005, 06:02 PM
She.

Can you verify that?

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:02 PM
As long as I have me trusted wooden leg to stand on...I can keep it up for days...and days...

(even though the back of the box warned that I should see a doctor immediately if it lasted longer than 4 hours)

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:03 PM
NO QUOTING ALLOWED!

Rule breakers be hanged!

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:03 PM
Har...har.....arrrrrgh!

Where be Bri? Where be the While Whale?

Mjcpr
1/21/2005, 06:03 PM
Can you verify that?
Yep......gonzo's a she.

She has the SO mouth-breathers following her around to prove it.

;)

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:04 PM
I have a thirst for blood...and a hunger for death!

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:05 PM
Mouth Breathers be damned! I'll scuttle their boats and burn their life rafts and leave them like floatsam on the grey Atlantic!

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:06 PM
I don't need food. I don't need water. I only need vengeance for the leg HE took...

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:06 PM
Only 443 more posts to go.

I can do it...

proud gonzo
1/21/2005, 06:08 PM
Can you verify that?

yes

Sooner_Bob
1/21/2005, 06:08 PM
This is ridiculous . . . really.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:08 PM
Take a little coffee break...

See what fool wanders in front of my sights...

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:09 PM
"Ridiculous?"

You expect anything LESS from me?
On the South Oval?

You jest...

And...Tippity Top...Two Times Straight!

8timechamps
1/21/2005, 06:09 PM
yes

Check.

proud gonzo
1/21/2005, 06:09 PM
This is ridiculous . . . really.

yet sadly it seems to be the most entertaining thing going on at the moment...

Mjcpr
1/21/2005, 06:10 PM
yet sadly it seems to be the most entertaining thing going on at the moment...
Well, besides the SO Orgy talk that's going on in the Kidney Stones thread.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:11 PM
I do what I can to provide entertainment for all the S.O. posters...from the Ladies to the mouth breathers...

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:11 PM
Okay...a S.O. orgy would make me throw up a little in my mouth.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:12 PM
I mean...SPEAKING of the While Whale...

yermom
1/21/2005, 06:12 PM
what's going on here?

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:12 PM
Not to mention that the girl/guy ratio on here is like 1,456-1

yermom
1/21/2005, 06:13 PM
flood control is not my friend

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:13 PM
What's going on here?

Rabble...rabble...rabble...

Get in the middle of the boat and row, ya scurvy dawg!

Sooner_Bob
1/21/2005, 06:14 PM
yet sadly it seems to be the most entertaining thing going on at the moment...


Sadly . . . of course new episodes of SG-1 will be on in less than 2 hours. :D

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:14 PM
Flood control be sent straight to Hades!

All you need is a stop watch and you can time your posts out to get them out exactly every 30 seconds!

Now THAT'S dedication!

yermom
1/21/2005, 06:14 PM
i need to catch Instigator before you, i watched him blow by me the other day

i've got a ways to go before the 5K club though

Sooner_Bob
1/21/2005, 06:14 PM
There's a SO orgy going on? That's just sick.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:15 PM
Then that gives me two hours to post 424 more times!

Sooner_Bob
1/21/2005, 06:15 PM
Oh and by sick I mean really sick.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:15 PM
Instigator's ship be not too far ahead. If we use the trade winds we can catch her by mid-morn!

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:16 PM
It's only sick if you either visualize it, engage in it, or accidentally walk into the room while it's happening.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:17 PM
Or buy the DVD.

Ugh...alternate camera angles...










*vomit*

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:17 PM
Three thousand, five hundred and eighty...here I come!

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:18 PM
Running out of things to say. Maybe I'll just start singing songs...


Or I could share poetry that I wrote in the fifth grade! That would rule!

In a totally NOT ruling sort of way...

proud gonzo
1/21/2005, 06:19 PM
hehehe

Sooner_Bob
1/21/2005, 06:19 PM
Or buy the DVD.

Ugh...alternate camera angles...










*vomit*


I ain't spendin' good money on that . . .

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:20 PM
Or I could just start to free write creative short stories...

yeah...

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:20 PM
Are you kidding? I wouldn't trade used pistachio shells for that DVD.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:21 PM
Now...to start the story...

Ahem...








__________________________________________________ _____________________


I found Corey on one of those small side streets that cut Hollywood Boulevard into blocks of meaty crime and sex. She was cold and wasn't wearing much besides her short skirt and worn jacket. Everything was black, including her stockings. Her hair was insanity red. She got in and she smelled like a mix of baby powder and ashtray. She asked me if I was a cop, said hello, and asked me what I wanted. I told her I didn't know what I wanted, but that I only had $40. She told me where to drive, I obeyed, and we parked one block away in front of a disreputable old building with a red neon sign that simply stated, "Hotel."

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:22 PM
She asked me to wait outside the heavy steel door, in the shadows where the Jamaican landlord couldn't see me, while she got buzzed in at another door and could walk back around to open it. So I stood there, in the California chill that they call winter, and counted the flecks and cracks in the brown paint on the door until it suddenly opened and coughed up a short, dark-haired Chicano, and a young bodied, old eyed, brunette with strong thighs and cheap lipstick. The pair jumped as the door swung shut, revealing me in the dim shadows behind. As their footsteps grew faint I heard a quiet rattle behind the door and red, tangled hair opened it to sneak me inside where I was to discover one pungent fact: Urine can turn to gas.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:22 PM
When there is enough **** in that tightly woven gray carpet that they use in remodeled hotels, kindergarten classrooms, and insane asylums, it converts to a parasitical gas which doesn't leave you until you change clothes and take a shower. I knew, as I followed her up the narrow staircase to the third floor, that I was going to need a shower. Supposedly this was a hotel. To me that insinuates a temporary business arrangement. Her room was number 32. She opened another, this time barely wider than my shoulders, creased brown steel door and let me into a room with pink walls and a framed, gaudy, green peacock. There was a door to my left that let the toilet breathe, a double bed on the floor, and a small chair. There was also a dresser with mild womanly clutter on it, including powder, make-up, and a glass crack pipe with a Bunsen burner lying beside. She asked me if I was a cop. Again. I said no, again. She told me to show her my dick.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:23 PM
Now . . . one thing struck me as funny at this point. According to the law, a cop can lie and say that he isn't a cop, can offer money for specific sexual acts, can ask you to name sexual acts according to how much money he has, can go to your room and can get you to undress without it being considered entrapment. You can still go to jail. But Mr. Happy has to stay in solitary or the fair officer has broken the law and you can press charges on him. All you have to do is call the police. Uh-huh. So I showed her my dick . . . and I expected more of a reaction than I got, but I was in. She trusted me now and let the cautionary facade fall as she moved into business transaction mode.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:23 PM
I pulled up my jeans, gave her the forty dollars and sat down on the small bed that dominated the room. She tucked it into her jacket as she pulled it off and retired it to the arm of the chair. This simple action revealed a large canker on her elbow and an even larger, swollen, red rimed one in her armpit. Her arms weren't lacking in muscle definition, someone had simply poured acid into her veins and she had been eaten away from inside.






(on a side note...top of the page times three, biotches)

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:24 PM
We didn't have time for any more because there was a loud knock at her door. She answered and told the girl's voice outside that she had a guest and that the girl should go back to her room. The visitor insisted that she at least be allowed into the room so she could, ". . . grab her bong . . .," and in pushed the old eyed girl from downstairs. She was too pretty for how she looked.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:24 PM
They argued about cigarettes and where her Hashish was and then, with another appraising and apologetic glance, Eyes 'n' Thighs was gone. There was a stutter in Corey's lip as she turned back to me. She thought it was time, but I told her to sit and tell me a little about herself.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:25 PM
She started hooking in June when her then boyfriend left her here and took off, back to Phoenix, with another woman. She had no money, no driver's licence, and no friends. Her family were all either dead, or couldn't pay their phone bill so she couldn't get anyone to help her. She was thirty four years old and had won a Miss Fitness competition when she was in her mid-twenties. She lied when she told me that the only drug she did was Hash. I didn't tell her anything about myself. I didn't want her to know me. I wanted to know her. She told me that " . . . she heard that Heroin would make you physically sick if you tried to quit that habit . . ." because she had some "friends" who were on it.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:25 PM
I could still smell the urine and there were muffled screams coming from somewhere above us. It was like being in a third world bath house when you know that there is four hundred dollars in your pocket and thirty people who would kill you for the belt you're wearing without a second thought. I was ready to leave.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:26 PM
She asked me if I would wait while she went over to her friend's room for just a second. She promised that she wasn't trying to roll me, but that she just had to talk to them for a second. I knew that it was because she had gotten her forty dollars and regained her purchasing power, so I told her not to bother, that I was leaving.

She stopped. Her amber eyes were starting to fill with tears as she slowly turned to face me.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:27 PM
"Why? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I replied. It's just time for me to go.

She hugged me, tenderly, relieved that she wouldn't have to perform, that she could right on to her high, and I left.

The Jamaican landlord smiled knowingly as he moved past me as I reached the top of the heavy banistered stairs. I felt dirtier from his look than I did from the bedspread I had just warmed. With a firm shove I moved through the heavy metal door into the chilly California a.m.


The End

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:27 PM
Now...that got me thinking...

What would the girl have thought of that whole encounter? What would she think of a ***** little white boy from Oklahoma doing that?

Let's find out...

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:28 PM
__________________________________________________ _______________________



I had been out walking for only thirty minutes before he pulled up and rolled down his window. I knew that he wasn't a cop from the minute I saw the eager scared look in his eye. This was his big night to take a walk on the dark side. So I took him over to my place and up to my room so we could get down to business.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:29 PM
He didn't even know what hit him. I suppose that he felt good and noble and decent by not ****ing me, but I'm not here for charity. No one looks out for me but me. When he dropped his pants to show me his dick, he let his wallet fall out of his back pocket. He was so distracted when Shiela came in to get her **** that I was able to get it without his finding out. I knew that he had lied about how much money he had on him. Forty dollars, my ***.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:29 PM
Then he didn't make me suck him, or **** him. He just listened to me tell lies that I read in a Reader's Digest article on hookers. I wanted to slap that look of pity off of his silver spoon fed face.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:30 PM
How dare he sit there and judge me. He's never know what it's like to have some sweaty fat slob panting and grunting on top of you while you can't think of anything besides how you're going to get his wallet, or how much longer you have to lie there until you can get a fix. Mommy took care of everything for my little frat boy here.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:30 PM
So he walked out the door and is going downstairs. I, on the other hand, am going next door to light up with the hope that he doesn't try to come back in here and find me. That would be a big mistake on his part. He'd better just go on home before the local boys find him and his nice shiny car.


The End.







Ah...who am I kidding? Hookers don't read Reader's Digest. That one sucked. I can do better than that...

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:32 PM
Any story ideas from the peanut gallery?

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:33 PM
Fine, then. I'll just start another one.

This one is based on some real life experience...

Let's see.....gotta have a good start...a good beginning is always the key...


__________________________________________________ ______________________

She really believed that this was love, sitting there, surrendered to the hardwood floor and tapping a beat with the soft temple of her head against the plaster wall, matching the drone of dropping water from a leaky bathroom faucet, all the while staring at me with a mix of pathetic hatred and a sort of diffuse wash of non-existence that flowed toward me and around me like the late night fog stealing sight from coastal drivers in Marina Del Ray. She didn't look human, much less like the woman that I had fallen in love with and continued to love against my better judgment for the past three years; sharing a bed with someone I now believed, no, expected to shove a meat cleaver deep in the fold of my breast while I slept. This same person who looked at me with complete devotion not even a day past, now compelled me to set a video camera up in one corner of a room, recording all movement within, and to push my heavy couch over to bar the exit, and give me a place to lie down, in an effort to keep her from running, half-naked, screaming down the center of my neighborhood street. Yes, I thought, it was time for this relationship to end.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:34 PM
The morning came to find me sans imbedded knife and breathing quite regularly, with Elayjalon laying on the hard floor like a discarded marionette, arms and legs akimbo, a small puddle of drool like a cartoon speech bubble escaping her mouth. I didn't move. Instead I sat and watched her for a while. She looked like she used to: careless. She had a peacefulness to her that I hadn't seen in years. While I knew her body must be immensely uncomfortable, her face relaxed. I didn't want to wake her, because I knew that once awakened, she would be burdened by all the pain that she loved to live with. She was never happier than when she was fighting desperately to become happy.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:34 PM
And what about me? I hadn't been happy in years. Not since summers were too short and playtime ended when I heard my mother blowing her whistle at the end of the block, the shrill sound wrapping around and drilling through even the most obstinate barriers, alerting me to her desire for my immediate presence, had I felt this happy. And how I longed for those long, humid summer nights that I had waded through during my youth in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Where had that little boy gone?

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:35 PM
In my childhood I still had my fascination with the opposite sex. Unlike the other boys I paled around with, I enjoyed playing dolls and house with the neighborhood girls, not because I liked the games, but because it afforded me more time with them; more time to sit in their perfume and watch them move about. Back then they were harmless creatures that tempted, without knowing, desires I hadn't yet discovered. Oh, how age had added layers to their vintage. No longer a simple flavor, every woman I met now had striations and subtleties that took many years to uncover, and like many a wine on the market today, most left me with a foul taste in my mouth. I really have come to hate the very breathing of women.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:36 PM
I never thought of myself as a misogynist. I had always believed that no man on earth could appreciate the wonderful qualities that made a woman what she was. I considered myself a connoisseur of the finer aspects of women, sampling each one not with the youthful naivete of a horny young man, or the arrogant conquering attack of a raging egomaniac, but with a pure, unadulterated love. I breathed them in and let myself be flush with their essence. I touched them with my fingertips and memorized every curve and blemish in their skin. I looked into their eyes and allowed them to consume me fully, using up every drop of energy and casting aside a used up husk that would take hours to recover from one lingering glance. I loved each one as much as the last cigarette you breathe in when you know you're going to quit and the first cigarette when you finally cave in and take the habit back up. They were like water to me; if I went too long without one I felt like I was drying up and would soon blow away in the wind, destroyed.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:37 PM
But how things had changed. Now I saw them as children, running around the playground, only concerned with their own games, not how they effected the other kids. I saw them repeating, "Me! Me! Me!" at the top of their lungs until some authority figure would come over and do what they wanted just to make them shut up. I saw how they used men up, drank them in, and spit them out, not caring that sometimes it took more than hours for the men to recover. Not caring that sometimes they drained too much life, and when they spit their lovers out, they left something that was doomed to die. Not caring. Not caring. Not caring about anything, that is, except themselves.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:37 PM
And all the misery that I kept seeing in their lives, now I blamed on them. Self inflicted wounds are so difficult to feel sympathy for. I watched my girlfriends shove wonderful, loving men aside and chase men that they themselves knew, absolutely knew, were bad for them, and then heard them cry in despair when they found out they were right. How could I continue to feel sympathy for that immature behavior? No, I refused. And that is how I shaped into what I was. That is how I began my journey.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:38 PM
And so Elayjalon lay there in front of me, not really asleep, but more still passed out from her massive binge of drinking and self-loathing from the night before, and I truly thought about killing her for the first time. I imagined how easy it would be to slide over and wrap my hands around her throat, slowly choking the life from her. I even imagined her eyes opening in surprise and her own hands coming up to claw at mine in an attempt to get air. I watched the emotions in her eyes switch rapidly from one to another as she realized that she couldn't cry out, couldn't get free, and wasn't going to make it through. I watched the life drain out of her eyes and felt the coldness of a still heart wash up from the tips of her fingers to the core of her body like a shiver on a cold night. I thought about how I could finally free myself of her, and the tremendous guilt, obligation, duty, that I felt I owed her, with one simple s q u e e z e. Then she moved.

DCSooner
1/21/2005, 06:39 PM
And my threads get locked? :D

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:39 PM
Her eyes fluttered like butterflies, then opened and fixed themselves on me.

"****."

I just stared back.

"I slept here all night?"

I nodded.

"****. My back is going to kill me all day." Then she looked at me and became syrup.

"Honey Bear? Would you give me a neck rub?"

No mention of last nights high drama. No apology. No acknowledgment. No grasp of the reality of our situation. Just, "Me! Me! Me!" What could she do to get what she wanted at that moment.

Now you know Elayjalon. Now you know why I had to get away.








The End.






A little morbid. And, yes...the first sentence is WAAAAYYYY too long.

Okay...coffee break.

OklahomaTrombone
1/21/2005, 06:40 PM
This thread makes me sad in my pants

Sooner_Bob
1/21/2005, 06:41 PM
Could someone summarize the last 10 posts or so for me?

Thanks.

Sooner_Bob
1/21/2005, 06:42 PM
This thread makes me sad in my pants


Buck up mate . . . it, um, could be . . . um worse.















ok, maybe not.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:44 PM
Critics!!!!! Critics!!!!! I hate the critics!!!!

I cast my pearls before swine!

A little improv prose and you guys start telling me how it couldn't be worse!!!!!



ARRRRRGH!!!!! Where be the White Whale!??!

proud gonzo
1/21/2005, 06:44 PM
anything new going on in here?

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:45 PM
Yes...I wrote three short prose pieces for your entertainment. Care to give them a read?

Or...should I start posting songs that I've written for various girl bands out here?

OklahomaTrombone
1/21/2005, 06:47 PM
Do they go:

I have no balls...I have no balls....no I don't...no I don't...


TOP OF THE PAGE!!!!!

proud gonzo
1/21/2005, 06:47 PM
hehehe

Sooner_Bob
1/21/2005, 06:49 PM
DOH!

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:52 PM
My top of the page streak has ended...


But that only gives me more reason to keep going! More motivation!!!!!

I shall triumph!!!!


Oh....and quit making fun of my balls.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:53 PM
Rose Trellis

(song I wrote for a girl punk band - copywrighted)



Climb on up to the top of my
Rose Trellis.
Come and get your goodies at the top of my
Rose Trellis.
Look out for the thorns,
Like,
little Devil horns,
Scratchin’ up souls of boys climbin’ my,
Rose Trellis.


Meet me at three fifteen
when the bell rings
and the choir boys sing
while you chase your dreams
Underneath the bleachers, look up and see my…Shhh…Shhh…
Open up the sash,
make a dash, forget about the Friday night bash,
my room has got the stash.
Climb up my Rose Trellis, peek in and see my…Shhh…Shhh…
Stereo is blarin’,
my body is darin’
you to make a move instead of just starin’
In…at me….


Climb on up to the top of my
Rose Trellis.
Come and get your goodies at the top of my
Rose Trellis.
Look out for the thorns,
Like,
little Devil horns,
Scratchin’ up souls of boys climbin’ my,
Rose Trellis.

(rap interlude)
Big man on campus got a girlfriend
Little puppy got a crush that’ll never end
On a girl who hasn’t got a conscience who thinks what he doesn’t know,
won’t hurt him.



Big cat, he ain’t ever gonna find out
How the mice play when he’s not about
‘Cause in the hall when puppy’s passin’ her by,
she won’t even look twice,
won’t look him in the eye.

(little girls) Won’t even say, “Hi.” Won’t even say, “Hi.”
Nya, nya nya, nya…nya(/little girls)

Climb on up to the top of my
Rose Trellis.
Come and get your goodies at the top of my
Rose Trellis.
Look out for the thorns,
Like,
little Devil horns,
Scratchin’ up souls of boys climbin’ my,
Rose Trellis.


I like to get spanked
You like to be thanked
You gotta give a yank,
If you wanna pull your rank.
Underneath the covers, come close and touch my…Shhh…Shhh…



Take a little snack on my back
I like it when your teeth attack,
now give a little smack.
Oops! I think I hear daddy, go hide under my…Shhh…Shhh…


Look at all the sweat, with the bed wet,
You know that’s all you’re gonna get
Only naughty girls let…Oh!
Oh…
Oh.


Climb on up to the top of my
Rose Trellis.
Come and get your goodies at the top of my
Rose Trellis.
Look out for the thorns,
Like,
little Devil horns,
Rippin’ up souls of boys climbin’ my,
****in’ up souls of boy’s climbin’ my,
Scratchin’ up souls of boys climbin’ my…
Rose Trellis.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:53 PM
The Unlucky Boy With Dancin' Feet

(song I wrote for a girl punk band - copywrighted)

At the smoggy, foggy sweatbox on Sixth Street
I met the boy with dancin' feet
or should I say he swept me up
drew me in
let me drink from his cup.
And as the lights flashed faster,
and the beat bumpta bumped,
the electric boy with dancin' feet
swept me up. Swept me up.

At the hazy, crazy single on Beach Drive
from the porch of this kick *** dive
the boy with the dancin' feet told
lies to me
and pushed away the cold.
And as my heart raced faster,
and its beat bumpta bumped,
the deceptive boy with dancin' feet
swept me up. Swept me up.

In the fuzzy, buzzy morning hangover
the boy with dancin' feet bent over
pulled on his jeans and took a drink
turned to me
to give a quick wink.
And as he ran away faster,
his footsteps bumpta bumped,
the forgetful boy with dancin' feet
broke me up. He broke me up.

In the oaky, smoky retreat from his place
I took in a drag, smile on my face
and fled the flames waltzing the floor
a message to him,
"I'm nobody's whore."
And as the cab raced faster,
the beltway bumpta bumped,
the homeless boy with dancin' feet
watched his home burn up. It burn up.

The sadistic boy with the dancin' feet
with his carefree smirk and electric eyes
faded away, another melted memory,
lost in exhaust
it'll never call to me.
with a bumpta bump bump,
faster and faster,
The cloudy cabbie with two lead feet
swept me up. Swept me up. Swept me up.

proud gonzo
1/21/2005, 06:54 PM
you know, if you had paced yourself you could have made each song into at LEAST 6 or 7 posts...

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:54 PM
Love Sponge

(song I wrote for a girl reggae band - copyrighted)

On day one there was
A Genesis…
Creator of all, he made me
Into this.
Ignore the first part
Would be doub-
-bly Remiss.
To know my heart broke
From just
a little kiss.

And now…
You’ve turned me into a
Monster…
I can’t even forget.
Forgive?
Instead I’ll re-emerge
Better?
Than you could imagine.

I’m just a love sponge
Soak it up
Take the plunge
Give me every sexy drop
Pour it on, don’t ever stop.

I’m just a sex sieve
Filter out
‘n’ learn to live
Take away the wasted time
Distill the passion, make it mine.

All your other little petty games
Keep trippin’ up, getting’ in the way
I’ll kick it over, I’ll knock them down
Then I’ll drink you up
until I drown.

All your little lovely lost Lolitas
Pretty passing senioritas…
Fade away with my every touch,
My smallest smile is just too much.

I’m sopping, soaking, mopping, swabbing, blotting, sucking, drying
You’re swooning, failing, fading, passing, losing, dimming, dying.
The pain is mounting, pounding, heaping, hurting, cutting, killing
My love is growing fuller while your precious blood is spilling.

On day two there was something
Brand new.
Last one standing, somehow I
Survived you.
Recall the first part I learned
Just what is true.
I’m comin’ back round when you
Thought you were through.

And now…
You see what you have got
It’s true
You’re in over your head.
So why,
Don’t you just walk away?
Instead
Get caught up in my web.

I’m just a love sponge
I’ll dash away
if you should lunge.
Your heart is what I need
Crack it open, make it bleed.

I’m just a lust leech.
I’m all you want
Just out of reach.
Stretch on out with all your might
To pet this pretty parasite.

All your other little petty games
Keep trippin’ up, getting’ in the way
I’ll kick it over, I’ll knock them down
Then I’ll drink you up
until I drown.


All your little lovely lost Lolitas
Pretty passing senioritas…
Fade away with my every touch,
My smallest smile is just too much.

I’m luring, leading, hooking, tempting, coaxing, calling, baiting…
You’re diving, digging, straining, pushing, pulling, you’re not waiting…
I’m morphing, mixing, shifting, switching, changing, spell harmonic…
And only now you realize too late that I’m demonic.

(male voice-faster)
You’re just a love sponge
(female voice)
Yeah.

(male voice-faster)
Soakin’ it up and takin the plunge
(female voice)
Yeah.

(male voice-faster)
Takin’ every sexy drop
(female voice)
Yeah.

(male voice-faster)
Pourin’ it on, you won’t ever stop.
(female voice)
Yeah.

(female voice-back to original beat)
I’m just a sex sieve
Filter out
‘n’ learn to live
Take away the wasted time
Distill the passion, make it mine.

I’m just a love sponge
I’m Soakin it up
‘n’ takin’ the plunge.
Drinkin’ every dirty drop
Suckin’ it in, I won’t ever stop.

I’m just a sex sieve
Filterin’ out
‘n’ learnin’ to live.
I’ll take away your wasted time
Distill your passion and makin’ it mine.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:55 PM
Penis Envy

(song I wrote for a girl punk band - copywrighted)

I get
really sick and tired of all you
Boy’s paradin’ about and
Showin’ off your little guys.

And I get
Really sick and tired of all the
Doors that open if you po-
-sess somethin’ between your thighs.

And I’ll bet
Every thought I think about when I’m
Feelin’ inspired would be worth
Actually hearin’ for once in my life.

(change up)
But since I’m
Not a member of the
Men with members I’ll just
Dream about
Havin’ a
Big one of my own

And some day
If I’m lucky I’ll
Go and buy a miracle
Of modern science and I’ll
Finally have the key…
To all the magic doors.

(chorus)
And I’ve got penis envy
I’m tired of havin’
It stuck in me.
I’m gonna
Get it out,
If I have to
Scream and shout.

Yeah, I’ve got
Penis envy
I’m tired of havin’
It deep in me
I’m gonna
Get my own,
And keep it
At my home.

I’ve got penis envy
I’m tired of havin’
It stuck in me.
I’m gonna
Get it out,
If I have to
Scream and shout.

Yeah I’ve got
Penis Envy
I’m sick and tired
Of pretending
I wanna be
One of the boys
And play with
All of their toys.

(back to one)
Ooh, it gets
Really tough just holdin’ it in every
Time we road trip when you
Guys can just unzip your fly.

And I hate
How you walk when you’re wearin’ tight jeans
Swayin’ side to side and
Advertisin’ what should be mine.

And I swear
If I had the chance to steal one
Even though I knew I’d get caught
It‘d be worth my doin’ hard time.

(change up)
But since I’m
Just a dreamer I’ll
Sit here and survey
All the men
Walkin’ ‘round
With one of their own.

And late at night
When you’re dancin’ I’ll
Slide on up next to you and
Reach on out
And grab ahold of
What I want to have.

And if you don’t
let me have it I’ll
walk away and find another.
There’s so many
Probably bigger too
That I can use to…
Unlock my magic door.

(chorus)
And I’ve got penis envy
I’m tired of havin’
It stuck in me.
I’m gonna
Get it out,
If I have to
Scream and shout.

Yeah, I’ve got
Penis envy
I’m tired of havin’
It deep in me
I’m gonna
Get my own,
And keep it
At my home.

I’ve got penis envy
I’m tired of havin’
It stuck in me.
I’m gonna
Get it out,
If I have to
Scream and shout.

Yeah I’ve got
Penis Envy
I’m sick and tired
Of pretending
I wanna be
One of the boys
And play with
All of their toys.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:56 PM
Yeah...I know...but the other stories were being written as I went along. These songs are already finished and being produced...so it wouldn't make sense to break them up.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:57 PM
Throw it Away

(Registered and copywritten song written for an upcomming female hip hop artist)

(4 beat intro)
Throw it away…
Throw it away.

(repeat first 4 beats)
Throw it away…
Throw it away.

What….do you see?
Standin’ inside the velvet rope;
Am I just another pretty thing?

Then…you roll up on me,
With your dark eyes borin’ deep inside
Leavin’ me bare with nothin’ to hide.

Then a little birdie said
As it whispered in my head,
“He’s a master at this game
and he’ll only bring you pain.”

“You have seen his type before.
Better kick him out the door.”
Then your hand touches my hips
And these words escape your lips.

(refrain – Spoken to the beat, not sung, by a male)
You’re so pretty standin’ there.

Take my number; don’t be scared.
Later on when you’re alone
Go ahead, pick up the phone.
(female lead layered on top)
Throw it away.
Throw it away.


Baby, baby, pretty please,

Don’t make me get down on my knees.
You’re the only girl I see.
Take my number and call me.
(female lead layered on top)
Throw it away.
Throw it away.


(Verse 2)
Danger, danger…run away.
The devil’s in your silky skin
Gotta clear my head so I won’t give in.


Closer, closer…your breath in my ear.
Everything’s so sweet and innocent.
My brain says, “No,” but my body says, “Oooh.”

Then a little birdie said
As it whispered in my head
“He’s a master at this game
And he’ll only bring you pain.”

“You have seen his type before.
Better kick him out the door.”
Then your hand touches my hips
And these words escape your lips.

(refrain – Spoken to the beat, not sung, by a male)
You’re so pretty standin’ there.

Take my number; don’t be scared.
Later on when you’re alone
Go ahead, pick up the phone.
(female lead layered on top)
Throw it away.
Throw it away.


Baby, baby, pretty please,

Don’t make me get down on my knees.
You’re the only girl I see.
Take my number and call me.
(female lead layered on top)
Throw it away.
Throw it away.


(girl’s rap)
Gotta…Gotta…realize
That the lies in your eyes
Wanna wanna mesmerize.
But I’m wise to the cries
Of a little broken girl
Who has seen it all before;
Who has been around the world.

Now stop. (Pah!)
Don’t back away.
On top. (Pah!)
I wanna play.
No. No. (Uh!)
Don’t even get the thought
That I’ll make the same mistake
just because your body’s hot.

I. Know. You. Don’t. Want. To. Be.
Anything more
Than a sexy memory.
So brief. Thief!

To you it’s just for fun.
But I’m only eighteen
And it’s body number one.
I’m playin’ Russian Roullette
With all the bullets in the gun.

So I’ll smile,
Beguile,
And lick my lips.

I’ll take your piece of paper
But I want you to know,
Once you walk away
In the trash it’s gonna go.

(refrain – Spoken to the beat, not sung, by a male)
You’re so pretty standin’ there.

Take my number; don’t be scared.
Later on when you’re alone
Go ahead, pick up the phone.
(female lead layered on top)
Throw it away.
Throw it away.


Baby, baby, pretty please,

Don’t make me get down on my knees.
You’re the only girl I see.
Take my number and call me.
(female lead layered on top)
Throw it away.
Throw it away.


You’re so pretty standin’ there.

Take my number; don’t be scared.
Later on when you’re alone
Go ahead, pick up the phone.
(female lead layered on top)
Throw it away.
Throw it away.


Baby, baby, pretty please,

Don’t make me get down on my knees.
You’re the only girl I see.
Take my number and call me.
(female lead layered on top)
Throw it away.
Throw it away.

(layer in sound of tearing paper over record scratch effect.)

proud gonzo
1/21/2005, 06:57 PM
you've been doing this for about 75 minutes now... that SHOULD be 150 posts. you haven't even made 90--I'm disappointed in you, LAS

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:58 PM
*pant* *pant*

Okay...what next?

I've gotta cross that 4,000 boundry today.

Should I break out the poetry?

proud gonzo
1/21/2005, 06:58 PM
go ahead, sissy man. if you can...

OklahomaTrombone
1/21/2005, 06:59 PM
I'm rolling in my 6-4 bahby.

Not knowin who the hell is gonna pha-ze me.

Maybe LAS will know where to go.

When this thread gets deleted by Bea-no.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 06:59 PM
Tha girl's throwin' the gauntlet down...


Grrrrrr....

Well, Ms. Smarty Pants...I just brewed a fresh pot of coffee....and we'll just SEE how many posts I can make in this thread!

Ha! How about that!

OklahomaTrombone
1/21/2005, 07:01 PM
I can't belive Roger Clemens is going to get 18 Million dollars.


Thats a lot of booze.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 07:01 PM
Eh...I hope Beano doesn't Belete this thread. I mean...this may be the first thread in my long and illustrious Sooner Fans history where I neither quoted another author nor did I bring up the dreaded "P" word or any of it's many topics!








Now, Gonzo....on to dealing with YOU!

OklahomaTrombone
1/21/2005, 07:01 PM
you're gonna miss out....

proud gonzo
1/21/2005, 07:02 PM
Can you verify that?
see isn't it obvious?? :rolleyes: Duh...

http://img133.exs.cx/img133/9262/2004squad3gr.jpg

OklahomaTrombone
1/21/2005, 07:02 PM
on another TOP

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 07:03 PM
Tightrope Juggernaut

Baby, it's you, and I am here.
Twisted tresses, short black dresses
flashing, floating yellow blue
in cherry neon: I Want You.

Dizzy haze like an eighty proof trance
moistened thrusting touching dance.
Self-consumed, you don't see me
follow you out. Now . . . poetry.

Damp rag . . . darkness . . . abruptly.

By wrote I scrub. The cut was deep.
My nightmare mystery, childlike sleep.

OklahomaTrombone
1/21/2005, 07:03 PM
Poetry is gay.

proud gonzo
1/21/2005, 07:03 PM
Now, Gonzo....on to dealing with YOU!

me? unlike you i have a LIFE--i'm going to dinner in a few minutes. but if you're still at it when i return....
we shall see, we shall see....

:D

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 07:04 PM
No toppy poo for you, yet.

OklahomaTrombone
1/21/2005, 07:04 PM
you're gonna miss it!

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 07:05 PM
Yes, poetry is gay and it pays for ****.

And I have no life and will still be shooting for 4,000 when you get back from dinner...also, probably with shakey fingers from all the coffee I'm drinking...


But I'll still be kickin' asses in this thread with my proliferkashun o typin's.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 07:05 PM
Doubtful, my pet. Or Pat. Are you a Pat?

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 07:06 PM
I'll just keep on dredgin' up poetry and whoopin' *** while in search of the great White Whale!

proud gonzo
1/21/2005, 07:06 PM
heh

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 07:07 PM
And there's nothing you can do about it, Pardner...

Because I just got the


TOP OF THE PAGE!!!!!

bri
1/21/2005, 07:07 PM
Man, it's gonna be h-i-larious when this thing gets moved to the Testing Forum, thus negating all the posts racked up in it. :D

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 07:07 PM
THAR SHE BLOWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

proud gonzo
1/21/2005, 07:09 PM
wow, i think i just thought of a comment that's inappropriate even for soonerfans.com.... heh

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 07:09 PM
Out of the cold, grey waters of the sea, she rose. The White Whale.

Her glistening bulk cutting through the water like a sleek new clipper. Her body, scarred by many a whaler's harpoon.

Bri...the great white whale...has surfaced.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 07:10 PM
Share...share...please...share...


Oh...and another poem.

Desert Night

Lengthening shadows stretch,
catlike,
across the cooling ground
as daylight takes its final yawn
before sleep overcomes.
Sullen storm clouds rise
from their far off beds
to carouse in nocturnal mayhem
as a pale moon stands up
from behind twin granite peaks
on a distant horizon.
Red desert floor gathers its small pets
as a thin coyote lopes across its back
searching for the concealed meal.
The grey scar of asphalt
which creases the endless expanse
from nowhere
to nothing
sighs as it begins to cool
and the weight of its steel burden decreases.
A lone lizard stops to watch us pass
hoping that we are blind to its presence
and then dances into the shadows.

He pulls my denim coat about me
and we listen, as the desert comes alive.
In the nothing I hear a rhythmic pulse
which seethes and threatens to conquer
but a voice reaches out
holds, soothes, and reassures.
Who else could be in here with me?

He patiently waits for me to live towards him.
I finally can.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 07:11 PM
And for those of you who appreciate some good Villanelle poetry humor...I present...

Villanelle from Hell

The death-grip on my nuts is way too tight
continues squeezing while I try to smile.
It could be worse, this cat's been known to bite

My Calvin Cline whose cost was out of sight
always remind me of my daily trial.
The death-grip on my nuts is way too tight.

Symbolic of the strains and toils of life,
compressing me until I taste my bile.
It could be worse, this cat's been known to bite.

Size Twenty-nine? I fooled myself that night
about my butt size. Guess I'm in denial.
The death-grip on my nuts is way too tight.

I hate the fact; my girlfriend might be right:
reminding of my size without her guile.
It could be worse, this cat's been known to bite.

While pressure in my pants is not polite,
the stresses in my life increase their pile.
The death-grip on my nuts is way too tight.
It could be worse, this cat's been known to bite.

proud gonzo
1/21/2005, 07:13 PM
here's a poem for ya:

I spend a lot of time thinking about
The who's and where's and what's and the like
And all about the animals
'Cause the world is teeming with life
And i've come to the simple conclusion:
The greatest creatures in my 'hood
Are Cow, Chicken, and Pig
Because they taste so good.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 07:14 PM
I wrote this as a present for my brother and his wife had a new baby...

Didn't know if it was going to be a girl or a boy, yet. Turned out to be a girl.

Probably should go back and do a rewrite.





The Witness
8 ways of looking at Birth


I witnessed the beauty,
as the Nigerian miners found a fresh vein
of precious diamonds.
Their calloused hands pulling them free
so they could announce themselves to the world
in a blazing sparkle of captured torchlight.

I spied the glory,
as the snowy headed eagle dove to the water
and snatched a salmon,
her gleaming talons holding it tight,
and water cascaded around her
as she lifted her sharp beak
and rejoiced in her triumph
for all the woods to hear.

I was captivated,
as a solitary whale,
its tremendous frame slick with water,
propelled itself from the confines
of its finite world
to burst upon mine
with a spray of announcement.

I recognized
with an anticipatory pulse
that the once still form lying on the asphalt
was winning it's fight for survival
with each kick and jerk
and convulse for breath
as the EMT's rallied together
and hauled him back
into his cardboard reality.

I envisioned the perfection,
of ivory castles on Scottish hills
as their mighty warriors marched into
the impermeable mist to make war
with unknown evils.
Trumpets blazing a declaration of their might,
determination, and eminent arrival
to make their foes tremble.

I observed
as white robed technicians
armed with silver tools
and decades of schooling
put the finishing touches on the sterile
white needle which would erupt forth from
our tiny planet
and venture out into the cosmos
with a deafening roar.


Finally, I saw the grace
of a lifetime of hard work
blossoming forth in one brilliant display
as the dancer gave the performance
of her career; and I rose,
with the rest, in a roar of appreciation
for the experience.

But I have yet to witness
a moment more extraordinary,
than the second when she,
slick with sweat and face
contorted with pain,
bore the fruit of life
in the wonder
of giving birth.
And I have never heard a sound,
anywhere near as awe inspiring,
as the moment when that precious child
lifted its rosy face to the heavens
to proclaim its arrival.

proud gonzo
1/21/2005, 07:17 PM
wow... it's not a political thread but it's a LOT like a fillibuster only without a purpose

proud gonzo
1/21/2005, 07:18 PM
oooh, mister fancy-pants is slowing down with his copy and paste skills!

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 07:20 PM
I've barely done ANY copyandpasting in this thread, thanyavurrymuch.

Back off, lady...

Tailwind
1/21/2005, 07:21 PM
Dayum!

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 07:25 PM
That's right, Dayum! Post-a-licious, biotches!!!!!! :D

TUSooner
1/21/2005, 07:27 PM
I thought the rule was you need only one complete sentence, not the frikkin ILIAD.

n/m I should be on the beer thread..................

bri
1/21/2005, 07:30 PM
wow, i think i just thought of a comment that's inappropriate even for soonerfans.com.... heh
Damn.

What is it?

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 07:32 PM
Yeah...I'm kinda wonderin' what she was gonna say, too...

If it's that bad, PM me for Chrissakes.

bri
1/21/2005, 07:39 PM
I mean, if the "dead baby" joke gets posted, what the hell doesn't? :D

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 07:41 PM
DAYUM...over 14,000.

I'm gonna have to either have you killed or lock you in a basement for two years in order to catch you...

But...in the meantime, I can keep shooting for 4 Grand.

bri
1/21/2005, 07:43 PM
What can I say? I'm the whoriest attention whore who ever whored for attention.

colleyvillesooner
1/21/2005, 07:43 PM
This is impressive...but all of those songs were entirely too long to be punk songs. ;)

bri
1/21/2005, 07:45 PM
Not if you sing 'em really fast.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 07:46 PM
Which is pretty much what the girls do...

bri
1/21/2005, 07:47 PM
Yet her smell, it doth linger
Painting pictures in my mind
Her eyes, balls of honey
Angel's harps, her laugh
Oh, lark
Grant a sign if crook'd be Cupid's shaft
Hark, the lark
Her name it hath spake
'Cecily' it discharges from twixt its wee beak...

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 07:48 PM
This is impressive...but all of those songs were entirely too long to be punk songs. ;) Holy crap...did you actually READ all that stuff?

bri
1/21/2005, 07:50 PM
Jeez, that's scary. I just skimmed the last page and jumped on in.

Dang.

OklahomaTrombone
1/21/2005, 07:50 PM
CHick hcikc chick chick chick chickc hick


Dul Cheated.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 07:50 PM
So, Bri...did you actually read all this crapola?

bri
1/21/2005, 07:51 PM
Gul Ducat?

OklahomaTrombone
1/21/2005, 07:51 PM
bahleated?

bri
1/21/2005, 07:52 PM
So, Bri...did you actually read all this crapola?
Do you think I got to 14K by reading the threads?

:D

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 07:53 PM
No, Bahleted.

This thread is one of the only things that's been going on today on the boards...

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 07:54 PM
Damn. The Bri shows up and takes my Top of the Page!!!!


And he doesn't read threads...



The White Whale must be stopped!

bri
1/21/2005, 07:55 PM
The best part is, I took your Top O' The Page answering a question you asked. Thanks for the assist, Magic. :D

colleyvillesooner
1/21/2005, 07:57 PM
Holy crap...did you actually READ all that stuff?

No, but i skimmed and that's all I needed to do...

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 08:00 PM
Yeah...but skimming only gets you the fat of the milk. You missed all the nutritional goodies in my posts...

yermom
1/21/2005, 08:02 PM
you guys are still going?

colleyvillesooner
1/21/2005, 08:04 PM
Yeah...but skimming only gets you the fat of the milk. You missed all the nutritional goodies in my posts...
I doubt it

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 08:05 PM
Buddy...we never stop.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 08:06 PM
Come on, members...let's rate this sucker!

This is a 4 star if I ever saw one!

bri
1/21/2005, 08:12 PM
Okay, I actually read this thing (except for the stories. And songs. :D) and now I see that I didn't meander in here by accident, did I?

This thread's like a Bondian death trap that I have unwittingly fallen into. I now have a mental image of Heath Ledger sitting at his computer, petting a white cat and cackling "Now I have you!"...

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 08:12 PM
Oh...and now that I'm a paying member (as of 30 minutes ago)...how long does it take before they make it take effect on here?

bri
1/21/2005, 08:13 PM
It was a pretty quick turnaround for me.

But then, people like me. ;)

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 08:13 PM
Okay, I actually read this thing (except for the stories. And songs. :D) and now I see that I didn't meander in here by accident, did I?

This thread's like a Bondian death trap that I have unwittingly fallen into. I now have a mental image of Heath Ledger sitting at his computer, petting a white cat and cackling "Now I have you!"... And the even funnier thing is...

I have a white cat.

And he's in my lap.

And I'm petting him.







Heh...heh...heh...What do you expect? Why...I expect you to....die....Mr. Bri.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 08:15 PM
It was a pretty quick turnaround for me.

But then, people like me. ;) That's because you use humor when dealing with the mindless Bushies while I'm just cruel and arrogant. ;)

bri
1/21/2005, 08:17 PM
Oh, I'm cruel and arrogant. I'm just ninja-subtle about it. http://www.paragoncity.com/forum/images/smilies/ninja.gif

the_ouskull
1/21/2005, 08:17 PM
What the f*ck are you idiots doing in this thread?

the_ouskull

SelmaBamaFan
1/21/2005, 08:19 PM
Tree humping threads SUCK!!!! :mad:

bri
1/21/2005, 08:19 PM
Talkin'.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 08:20 PM
What the f*ck are YOU doing, Skullface? You just coming in here to crap in my coffe?

yermom
1/21/2005, 08:20 PM
i don't know about these guys but i'm whoring in on someone else's post padding thread

i'm surprised the pad police haven't locked it yet :D

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 08:21 PM
Tree humping threads SUCK!!!! :mad: Uhm...'scuse, please?

No tree humping going on in here at all, thankyouvurrymuch.

SelmaBamaFan
1/21/2005, 08:22 PM
Bunny humping??

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 08:22 PM
i don't know about these guys but i'm whoring in on someone else's post padding thread

i'm surprised the pad police haven't locked it yet :D They haven't locked it up yet because it's entertaining, original, fulfilling, informational and....awwwwww who the hell am I kidding.

This thread would bore me to death if I hadn't authored it. :D

colleyvillesooner
1/21/2005, 08:22 PM
how many pages will this get?

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 08:22 PM
NO ONE IS HUMPING IN HERE!!!!!

THE S.O. ORGY IS IN ANOTHER THREAD.


We're just talking about how gross the idea of that orgy IS in here.
Carpet biter.




;)

SelmaBamaFan
1/21/2005, 08:23 PM
I remember me, jreed, and AustinTexasHorn pulled one of these threads one night... I dont think it lasted TBH.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 08:23 PM
how many pages will this get? I'm betting on more than three.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 08:24 PM
I remember me, jreed, and AustinTexasHorn pulled one of these threads one night... I dont think it lasted TBH.TBH?

SelmaBamaFan
1/21/2005, 08:24 PM
Why isnt no one humping... or ATLEAST dry heaving?


Geez.... a thread full of men and no one is even being a tad bit perverted... wtf is this world coming too?!

I was hoping my bunny humping would start a playboy bunny topic :(

bri
1/21/2005, 08:25 PM
I'm gonna say "at least eight". :D

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 08:25 PM
And what is the difference between a thread like this...and any number of OTHER threads like the Invisible thread or the "What are you listening to right now" threads?

Those are just post padding threads...

This one was designed to use the killing of 8TimesChamps to lure Bri in here so he could fall to his doom!!!!!!!!!




That's a public service in my opinion.

Besides...Bri's ridiculous post count has put the Force out of balance. We must destroy him in order to bring balance to the S.F. Force.

bri
1/21/2005, 08:26 PM
Is letting me top back-to-back pages part of your nefarious plan to destroy me? ;)

colleyvillesooner
1/21/2005, 08:26 PM
TBH?

Taiwan breakfast hour?

SelmaBamaFan
1/21/2005, 08:26 PM
To Be Honest.

bri
1/21/2005, 08:26 PM
Texas Bammer Hoedown?

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 08:26 PM
Just lulling you into a false sense of security before I let out the trained attack Wombats with Laser Beams attached to their heads.

colleyvillesooner
1/21/2005, 08:27 PM
And what is the difference between a thread like this...and any number of OTHER threads like the Invisible thread or the "What are you listening to right now" threads?

Those are just post padding threads...

This one was designed to use the killing of 8TimesChamps to lure Bri in here so he could fall to his doom!!!!!!!!!




That's a public service in my opinion.

Besides...Bri's ridiculous post count has put the Force out of balance. We must destroy him in order to bring balance to the S.F. Force.


Just because you don't understand the invisible thread is no reason to put it down...

yermom
1/21/2005, 08:27 PM
once upon a time i was part of a similar plot against Beano

it didn't work out

colleyvillesooner
1/21/2005, 08:27 PM
To Be Honest.

Nooo, that can't be it

SelmaBamaFan
1/21/2005, 08:28 PM
kk im off to work.

I will leave you fine ppl with...

Atlantic City SUCCS!

OKC chicks are ez :D


ciao :)

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 08:28 PM
Why isnt no one humping... or ATLEAST dry heaving?


Geez.... a thread full of men and no one is even being a tad bit perverted... wtf is this world coming too?!

I was hoping my bunny humping would start a playboy bunny topic :(Nope. This thread is threadjack proof. If anyone tries, I'll break out my Limericks and Haikus.

Also, in order to get REALLY PERVERTED we'd need more lady posters and a few more mouth breathers.

But at least I'm no longer talking like Captain Ahab.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 08:29 PM
Just because you don't understand the invisible thread is no reason to put it down...I found it. I posted in it. I understand it. I appreciate it.

And I think that this thread has potential to be better. Yeah....


Now...for some beat poetry... :mack:

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 08:30 PM
once upon a time i was part of a similar plot against Beano

it didn't work out Well...if we can destroy Bri...I think that'll lure Beano in here and we can get him as well.

Lord knows...I don't think he can make it past my song lyrics. :D

colleyvillesooner
1/21/2005, 08:32 PM
you are gonna be sooooooo pissed when this gets buhleted...

yermom
1/21/2005, 08:34 PM
man, i am too lazy to change the channel

the Ashlee show is on

i'm reaching my breaking point though

bri
1/21/2005, 08:34 PM
Harriet!
Harr-et!
Hard-hearted harbinger of haggis
Beautiful, bemused, bellicose butcher
Un-trust...ing
Un-know...ing
Un-love...ed?
"He wants you back," he screamed into the night air like a firefighter going to a window that has no fire
Except the passion of his heart
I am lonely!
It's really hard!
This poem...sucks?

Tailwind
1/21/2005, 08:36 PM
Ummmmmm........'scuse me gentlemen..........all this poetry has made me....er.....frisky. Where did you say the orgy thread was?

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 08:37 PM
you are gonna be sooooooo pissed when this gets buhleted... You keep saying that...

But the fact is...threads like these represent the best and the brightest that the S.O. has to offer.

yermom
1/21/2005, 08:39 PM
so sad that it's true

bri
1/21/2005, 08:41 PM
Ummmmmm........'scuse me gentlemen..........all this poetry has made me....er.....frisky. Where did you say the orgy thread was?
Over there (http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=31397&page=5&pp=30).

colleyvillesooner
1/21/2005, 08:42 PM
http://www.greenapple.com/~jorp/amzanim/ligerm.jpg

bri
1/21/2005, 08:44 PM
Wow, that thing must be really proficent at magic.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 08:49 PM
http://www.cnn.com/interactive/us/0501/offbeat.gallery2/01.gallery.offbeat2.ap.jpg.jpg

Killer Wombats in training.

Tremble, Bri. Tremble with fear.

colleyvillesooner
1/21/2005, 08:50 PM
Wow, that thing must be really proficent at magic.
Oh he is, unlike his stupid, poo-smelling sibling, Tigon.

colleyvillesooner
1/21/2005, 08:51 PM
Check this little guy out:
http://www.globalschoolnet.org/programs/woodsy/images/wombat.jpg

bri
1/21/2005, 08:53 PM
Dude, that wombat is TOTALLY getting ready to f*ck that plush toy up!

bri
1/21/2005, 08:56 PM
Wombats can kill anyone they want! A wombat once took on the country of France and totally f*cked their **** completely up!!! One time the Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin was walking through the outback looking for wallabies to rape and this wombat totally jumped out and f*cked him up with it's super sweet wombat speed!!! It was so cool that I popped 132 womboners and rammed my head into a concrete wall!!!!!!!

bri
1/21/2005, 08:57 PM
This post is all about Tom Jones, The REAL Tom Jones. In case you don't who Tom Jones is, let me tell you. Tom Jones is the baddest-assed biped badass in the world!!!! He is known to sleep, drive, oh yeah, and totally TEAR **** UP!!!!! That includes both pirates, ninjas, AND the mic.



Facts:


1. Tom Jones is a biped mammal.


2. Tom Jones sings and fights ALL the time.


3. Tom Jones has a hypnotic gaze which he uses to totally flip out, kill ninjas and pirates, and convince whole stadiums of people that he doesn't suck.

LosAngelesSooner
1/21/2005, 09:00 PM
Okay, smarty pants, who'd win in a fight between Tom Jones and a Wombat?











And yes, now my post count is....e.....vil. As in the fu-its of the de-vil.

yermom
1/21/2005, 09:01 PM
my money is on Tom Jones

i mean chicks don't throw their panties at wombats

TOTPB!!!11

bri
1/21/2005, 09:02 PM
Tom Jones, duh!

He would wait until the wombat started to throw it's hotel room key on stage, then leap down and strangle it with a pair of panties someone else tossed onstage...

colleyvillesooner
1/21/2005, 09:03 PM
And yes, now my post count is....e.....vil. As in the fu-its of the de-vil.
"You're the Devil"

http://snl.jt.org/arc/char/MiMy-Phillip.jpg

yermom
1/21/2005, 09:03 PM
heh

bri
1/21/2005, 09:03 PM
http://www.realultimatewombat.netfirms.com/tomnosis.jpg

The power of Tom Jones compels you! The power of Tom Jones compels you!!!

proud gonzo
1/21/2005, 09:05 PM
hmm... it seems i haven't missed much here

yermom
1/21/2005, 09:05 PM
ok, Striptease is on now, much better

tendonitis

bri
1/21/2005, 09:05 PM
What do you mean you haven't missed much? TOM JONES, woman!!

Guh, kids today...

colleyvillesooner
1/21/2005, 09:06 PM
Bull Durham on here, thinking about watching Shaun of the Dead again....

proud gonzo
1/21/2005, 09:06 PM
oh, well in that case what's new, *****cat?