The Ballad of Rock Ridge

[Statalyzer]

[The camera slowly pans over the University of Texas campus and DKR-Texas Memorial Stadium]

[A voiceover chorus begins crooning]

There was a peaceful town called Austin
Where all the fans cheered on their team
They never had no kind of trouble
There was no hint of misery

The stadium was always lively
Many traditions and history
Behind the bench stood Mr. Mack Brown
He tried to keep things nice and clean

[The scene shifts to the Cotton Bowl and starts playing video recaps of the '00, '03, '11, and '12 games]

[The choral singers speed up the tempo, the music grows in intensity]

Then in Dallas the trouble started
A team the Texans called "land thieves"
Like swarms of locusts they descended
They put the Longhorns on their knees

Blake Bell: <PUNCH>
Trey Millard: <PUNCH>
Gabe Ikard: <PUNCH>
Adrian Phillips: OW! OW! Have you ever seen such cruelty? OW! OW!

[The chorus is revealed to be a room full of Texas fans as the tune slows down again in the style of an old hymn]

Now is a time of great decision
Are we to stay or up and quit?
There's no avoiding this conclusion
Our team is turning into ****

[goingoneight]

I raffed out roud for a sec. Mostly because Blazing Saddles is a classic and I can picture this in a UT parody.

Maybe you need a new black sheriff in town? Given recent trends of OU alums or former assistants winning big in Austin, I nominate John Blake. I hear he's a hell of a recruiter.

[Mississippi Sooner]

I raffed out roud for a sec. Mostly because Blazing Saddles is a classic and I can picture this in a UT parody.

Maybe you need a new black sheriff in town? Given recent trends of OU alums or former assistants winning big in Austin, I nominate John Blake. I hear he's a hell of a recruiter.

Yep. John Blake was the first thing I thought of, too.

[KantoSooner]

I think Howard Schnellenberger is available...