Another bullied teen commits suicide (Stillwater) :(

[badger]

STILLWATER - The Stillwater Police Department confirms that one person is dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound at the Stillwater Junior High School.


The shooting took place just before 8 a.m., Stillwater police Capt. Randy Dickerson said.

Dickerson said a school resource officer found the student in a hallway and called the incident out over police radio.

Eighth-grader Cade Poulos, 13, was pronounced dead at the scene with a gunshot wound to the head, he said.

Stillwater Junior High Principal Trent Swanson said students were immediately put on lockdown in their classrooms.

Link (http://www.tulsaworld.com/news/article.aspx?subjectid=12&articleid=20120926_12_0_OKLAHO326751)

The facebook memorial page (https://www.facebook.com/RipCadePoulos) is where the bullying reports came from.
https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/155193_226987464096172_1760312074_n.jpg

I wish that bullying could be stopped, but it probably can't, so instead, I wish that bullying wouldn't hurt kids to the point that they want to kill themselves.

I know that I'm an old out of touch adult now, but if teens would actually hear me out, I'd say that there is life beyond petty K-12 school and that it gets better.

Thoughts and prayers to Stillwater :(

[Boomer.....]

Horrible. :(

[soonervegas]

Yeah the most tragic thing about this (other than the horrible loss for the family) is that this kid cut short any chance he had at future happiness.....which more than likely would have come in spades.

Tragic........oh and school bullies suck. They have long and lasting impacts on people.

[CowboyMRW]

I wish kids would listen when people tell them that junior high stuff isn't worth it. Life goes on, and for most it gets exponentially better. All the "nerds" that were picked on in high school go to college and get great degrees and end up with lots of money

[nighttrain12]

There needs to be some blame laid at the feet of whoever was irresponsible in letting a 13 year old kid have access to a gun and not teaching him the dangers of misusing those guns. Did he get it from his parents house? I would say the adults should have known better a lot more than other 13 year olds who (likely) bullied this kid.

Irresponsible adults (including some parents) suck.

[Boomer.....]

There needs to be some blame laid at the feet of whoever was irresponsible in letting a 13 year old kid have access to a gun and not teaching him the dangers of misusing those guns. Did he get it from his parents house? I would say the adults should have known better a lot more than other 13 year olds who (likely) bullied this kid.

Irresponsible adults (including some parents) suck.
If he was that depressed, he would have found another way to do it.

[nighttrain12]

If he was that depressed, he would have found another way to do it.

That doesn't change the fact a 13 year old can not legally buy or possess a gun. The gun makes it a lot easier to kill yourself than anything I can think of and could have been what pushed the kid to the final step of what he did. I'm just glad he didn't shoot anybody else first before committing suicide. Would we have still blamed the bullies in that situation also?

[Eielson]

http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/police-student-commits-suicide-at-junior-high-school-in-stillwater-okla/2012/09/26/f1ef1982-07e7-11e2-9eea-333857f6a7bd_story.html

"The teen had been a good student who got along with other kids, and there was no indication he was bullied, Caine said."

[jk the sooner fan]

from where did you get that he was bullied?

link?

[8timechamps]

Being bullied has happened since the dawn of man. It sucks, and it will never be stopped. However, there is a way to help your child through it. The biggest way is to be involved in your child's life. I'm not saying the parents of this child was not involved, but an involved parent would know the signs, and get the kid help. It's just a bad situation for everyone.

[jk the sooner fan]

yep - kids that are confident in who they are - dont care what other kids think

i've seen some of the biggest bully potential targets in some kids - that came from homes where self-esteem and confidence were core parenting issues - and those kids just didnt give a flip what other kid thought or said

you can't make bullying stop completely

either way - tragic that a kid his age felt there was no other option than he course of action he took today

[achiro]

There needs to be some blame laid at the feet of whoever was irresponsible in letting a 13 year old kid have access to a gun and not teaching him the dangers of misusing those guns. Did he get it from his parents house? I would say the adults should have known better a lot more than other 13 year olds who (likely) bullied this kid.

Irresponsible adults (including some parents) suck.
Seems like he knew how to use the gun for what he wanted. This wasn't a gun problem.


yep - kids that are confident in who they are - dont care what other kids think

i've seen some of the biggest bully potential targets in some kids - that came from homes where self-esteem and confidence were core parenting issues - and those kids just didnt give a flip what other kid thought or said

you can't make bullying stop completely

either way - tragic that a kid his age felt there was no other option than he course of action he took today
Yep. Most of the bullying training stuff kids go through teach not to bully, the problem is that kids will always bully. You also need to teach kids not to be a victim.

[Midtowner]

http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/police-student-commits-suicide-at-junior-high-school-in-stillwater-okla/2012/09/26/f1ef1982-07e7-11e2-9eea-333857f6a7bd_story.html

"The teen had been a good student who got along with other kids, and there was no indication he was bullied, Caine said."

The Superintendent probably knows very little at this stage.

Translation: "We are not at fault, please don't sue us."

[Midtowner]

Yep. Most of the bullying training stuff kids go through teach not to bully, the problem is that kids will always bully. You also need to teach kids not to be a victim.

Yep.

[SoonerStormchaser]

Being bullied has happened since the dawn of man. It sucks, and it will never be stopped. However, there is a way to help your child through it. The biggest way is to be involved in your child's life. I'm not saying the parents of this child was not involved, but an involved parent would know the signs, and get the kid help. It's just a bad situation for everyone.
THIS!
How many of us were picked on at one time or another throughout our childhood? At this point, all this bullying crap just begins to sound like a few legit cases amongst those folks who just need to grow a freaking pair.

Still, this is absolutely tragic for the family and friends, and my most sincere condolences to them.

[nighttrain12]

http://www.koco.com/news/oklahomanews/around-oklahoma/Family-of-Stillwater-teen-talks-to-KOCO-s-Jessica-Schambach/-/12530084/16765204/-/rp1x30z/-/index.html

Here's an interview with the boy's mother. She says he (apparently) was not a bullied teen and that unknown to them, he got the gun from their house. She doesn't have all the answers of course but says he had suffered from depression his whole life.

She also says he was a generally happy person including that same morning and contrary to media reports, he did not go to school in a costume (reported as Two-Faced, a Batman villain).

Of course the Mother may not have been aware of all her sons problems but it also sounds like a lot of people jumped to conclusions right after this tragic event happened.

[Boomer.....]

People who suffer from depression most of their life are not generally happy people.

[ELP Sooner]

I could post alot on this topic. I will say that I had a mom and a dad and they were involved as parents. They never had a clue as to the bullying I experienced. I felt so much shame over it and the thought of telling my parents and seeing the disappointment in their eyes was worse than dealing with it. I remember I got a hold of a handgun and it was loaded...I thought about it and didnt have the guts to end it...even though I wanted to. Glad I didn't...however I won't judge him for what he did.

My wife is a high school teacher and she tells the kids something I told her which is...don't believe the bs about these being the best years of your life...they aren't. Much better times ahead. She said she gives the speech at the beginning of every school year and she can physically see some of the kids relax after hearing that.

[yermom]

high school seems like it's never going to end when it starts. at 13 it seems like graduation is a lifetime away.

[KantoSooner]

Note: Not PC

I was bullied for a couple of years by a guy who ultimately was a year ahead of me on the wrestling team. He messed with me in football, wrestling, lit my bike tires on fire, just generally hated me. And I've never really known why. I was handy, I guess; and overweight.
One of the happiest days of my life was when we careened off the mat in the 'multipurpose room' where we worked out and his face just happened to cushion both of our body weights going into a steel I-Beam ceiling support.
****er never messed with me again, even after I expressed sincere remorse about the unfortunate accident.
The coaches apparently secretly thought it was absolutely hilarious.

[C&CDean]

high school seems like it's never going to end when it starts. at 13 it seems like graduation is a lifetime away.

Not when you're like me and drop out at 14.

What always cracked me up when I was a kid was how there was this self-proclaimed "bad-assed so and so who could whip anybody at school." Then one day Mr. bad assed so and so gets his clock cleaned by some smaller kid whose little brother was being bullied playing marbles by Mr. bad ***. The only downside was then you became the "bad assed so and so who could whip anybody at school." But the chicks dug it...

Too bad about this kid's family. The old permanent solution to a temporary problem disease.

[olevetonahill]

I was bullied in the 7th grade by a punkassed kid , I was skeered shatless of the Boy, Dont know why just was, Start of the 8th grade dude tried to trip me ,I dint even think when He stuck that foot out in front of Me I stomped down on his instep as hard as I could He jumped at me and I knocked him on his ***, Bloodied his nose, split a lip and knocked a tooth loose with the ONE punch, Dude looked at me in shock, Started crying and ran away . Like Dean said I then became the Badassed MoFo.

Aint ever backed down from anyone since

Frag Mag said it Tell em to grow a pair

[mojorisen2014]

The bullies parents are the ones to blame. I would drop kick my kid thru a wall if he bullied someone.

[olevetonahill]

The bullies parents are the ones to blame. I would drop kick my kid thru a wall if he bullied someone.

So yer sayin you would BULLY him?

[ELP Sooner]

Saying a kid who shot himself in the head needs to grow a pair seems a little bit cruel. IMO

[olevetonahill]

Saying a kid who shot himself in the head needs to grow a pair seems a little bit cruel. IMO

Not him of course, Its obviously too late , Others tho.

[badger]

from where did you get that he was bullied?

link?

I initially heard it from that facebook memorial page that I mentioned in the initial post. There have since been other kids quoted as saying that he was teased for his red hair, but teasing and bullying are two different things, IMHO. Teasing is words, bullying is actions (hitting, tripping, etc). Others have since said that he wasn't bullied, but just depressed. So if THAT is the case...

Depression is best dealt with the same way that bullying is -- by not being alone. Join student groups, sports teams, church activities, you name it. Seek out counseling and possibly medication, but one of the best ways to feel better about yourself is to be social.

:D Especially with your Internet friends here at SF.com :D

[yermom]

bullying isn't really limited to physical actions

[badger]

bullying isn't really limited to physical actions

Just IMHO. I know that a lot of people talk about "cyber bullying" these days

[Soonerjeepman]

verbal bullying is just as bad...

BUT like others have said, in school we teach how NOT to bully but not how to HANDLE it.

I usually tell kids that the bully is insecure about something and they don't feel good about themselves so they pick on someone to show they are better but they really aren't. I usually tell them that with the said bullier right there...kind of gets them that stare away look. Not quite sure what to think. ;-)

[soonervegas]

The bullies parents are the ones to blame. I would drop kick my kid thru a wall if he bullied someone.

Me too....I was bullied in highschool and if my kids make someone feel that way.......

[Collier11]

all too often, teachers are in on the joke, or done do anything about bullying. I dont know that this was even the case here, just an assessment. Heaven forbid we ever expect our kids to treat each other like humans, parents teach your kids some manners and empathy.

[jkjsooner]

all too often, teachers are in on the joke, or done do anything about bullying. I dont know that this was even the case here, just an assessment. Heaven forbid we ever expect our kids to treat each other like humans, parents teach your kids some manners and empathy.

I agree on both points. It was quite a while ago but I got the feeling that the teachers considered being bullied as just part of growing up. If it wasn't physical then they just let it go.

If my kid ever did that he would find out real quick that I don't put up with that type of behavior. Treating people with respect is expected.

The problem is that many parents just don't open their eyes to see the truth. My sister in law is a prime example. She abhors bullying but her six year old is well on his way to being a future bully. He's already gotten in trouble twice already for bullying another kid. Her reaction is that she can't believe her sweet boy could do that. She's in denial and can't see her child's manipulations.

[badger]

They laid the Stillwater kid to rest today. The parents are now saying that he was depressed, not bullied.


My sister in law is a prime example. She abhors bullying but her six year old is well on his way to being a future bully. He's already gotten in trouble twice already for bullying another kid. Her reaction is that she can't believe her sweet boy could do that. She's in denial.

When an adult is in doubt, here's a general rule of thumb: Every kid is bullied or is a bully. Find out which one the kid is and deal with it accordingly.

[C&CDean]

My sister in law is a prime example. She abhors bullying but her six year old is well on his way to being a future bully. He's already gotten in trouble twice already for bullying another kid. Her reaction is that she can't believe her sweet boy could do that. She's in denial and can't see her child's manipulations.

Your sister's name isn't Petunia and her son's name Dudley is it?

[Mississippi Sooner]

Wow! Been a while since Dean's worked in a Harry Potter reference.

[C&CDean]

I'm going to Orlando on Saturday and am doing The Wizarding World of Harry Potter on Sunday/Monday. Looking forward to it.

[MamaMia]

There are all kinds of bullies in this world. Not all of them are children.

[C&CDean]

There are all kinds of bullies in this world. Not all of them are children.

Yes. They are.

[olevetonahill]

There are all kinds of bullies in this world. Not all of them are children.


Yes. They are.

I keep tellin Yall I AINT NO DAYUM BULLY.
Im just a arsehole :very_drunk:

[goingoneight]

Typical goingoneight long-winded story here:
When my family moved, I was 12 years old. I never had a problem with bullies back in my old school and neighborhood. But when we moved, the kids in my new school and neighborhood just wouldn't back off. It started as small, embarassing stuff like picking on my clothes or my style. By the time we were all literally teenagers a year later, these kids were in spades and I never so much as said a peep to them. I was in a bathroom once and they grabbed me, yanked my pants off and threw me out in the hallway. Fortunately for me, nobody but a security officer saw me fall down outside and went into the bathroom. All four of the kids in the bathroom got expelled for the remainder of the year.
Problem was they lived in my neighborhood. We got toilet papered, vandalized and I got "jumped" on my way home from school one day.

My point in all of this is you don't have to be a scrawny kid with Coke bottle glasses to be punked around like that and punishing the bullies only makes it worse in some cases. You'll never stop bullying just like you'll never stop teen sex. It's just a part of the culture we've created and some kids come by being an ******* naturally.

Happy ending to it all? Two of the "kids" continued their bullying ways on into high school and I fought b oth of them. Nobody won, but me getting a couple good shots in on them in front of an entire school put an end to people ****ing around with me. I stole one of the other four's girlfriend in sophomore year AND embarassed him in front of everybody an English class by basically calling him an arrogant prick and saying "no wonder Brittney ditched you for me." #3 bully never bothered me ever again.

#4 bully I thought I'd never see or hear from again after graduation. I thought... I coincidentally ran into him about a year ago and he basically has turned over a new leaf and apologized for everything he ever did to me. I still didn't give him the job he was applying for. I got under his skin by telling him I hired a college graduate-- empasizing the noun "college graduate" on facebook. The joke in that matter is he failed out of OSU and basically got kicked out for a drug bust in 2005.

As sad or crazy as that sounds, I wish kids had thick enough skin to realize that all I did was stand up for myself and ride the storm out. I'm perfectly normal... no lasting issues, no haunting memories, no depression, no thoughts of ending it all.

[MamaMia]

bullying isn't really limited to physical actions Thats true. It reminds of the Meier case that was in the news.


Just IMHO. I know that a lot of people talk about "cyber bullying" these days I read a couple of years back that they passed federal laws against that. They refer to it as internet harassment.

Here is a link on the subject...

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-are-internet-harassment-laws.htm


verbal bullying is just as bad...

BUT like others have said, in school we teach how NOT to bully but not how to HANDLE it.

I usually tell kids that the bully is insecure about something and they don't feel good about themselves so they pick on someone to show they are better but they really aren't. I usually tell them that with the said bullier right there...kind of gets them that stare away look. Not quite sure what to think. ;-) This is what I have always been told by my mother in law, a former teacher who was around large groups of kids most of her life. One of my best friends, a psychologist who dealt with a lot of adult bullies also agrees with you that its based on insecurity.

People of all ages can be bullies. Some bully others with words and non violent actions. Some get violent or bully in a physical way. When 2, 3 or more bullies converge, they bolster each others egos and find a way between themselves to justify their actions, sometimes feeling that simply agreeing with each other is validation enough.

I don't know who's worse, the bullies themselves or the people around them, whether it be parents or anyone in their circle who see it happen and are too cowardly or complacent to do or say anything about it.

[8timechamps]

Typical goingoneight long-winded story here:
When my family moved, I was 12 years old. I never had a problem with bullies back in my old school and neighborhood. But when we moved, the kids in my new school and neighborhood just wouldn't back off. It started as small, embarassing stuff like picking on my clothes or my style. By the time we were all literally teenagers a year later, these kids were in spades and I never so much as said a peep to them. I was in a bathroom once and they grabbed me, yanked my pants off and threw me out in the hallway. Fortunately for me, nobody but a security officer saw me fall down outside and went into the bathroom. All four of the kids in the bathroom got expelled for the remainder of the year.
Problem was they lived in my neighborhood. We got toilet papered, vandalized and I got "jumped" on my way home from school one day.

My point in all of this is you don't have to be a scrawny kid with Coke bottle glasses to be punked around like that and punishing the bullies only makes it worse in some cases. You'll never stop bullying just like you'll never stop teen sex. It's just a part of the culture we've created and some kids come by being an ******* naturally.

Happy ending to it all? Two of the "kids" continued their bullying ways on into high school and I fought b oth of them. Nobody won, but me getting a couple good shots in on them in front of an entire school put an end to people ****ing around with me. I stole one of the other four's girlfriend in sophomore year AND embarassed him in front of everybody an English class by basically calling him an arrogant prick and saying "no wonder Brittney ditched you for me." #3 bully never bothered me ever again.

#4 bully I thought I'd never see or hear from again after graduation. I thought... I coincidentally ran into him about a year ago and he basically has turned over a new leaf and apologized for everything he ever did to me. I still didn't give him the job he was applying for. I got under his skin by telling him I hired a college graduate-- empasizing the noun "college graduate" on facebook. The joke in that matter is he failed out of OSU and basically got kicked out for a drug bust in 2005.

As sad or crazy as that sounds, I wish kids had thick enough skin to realize that all I did was stand up for myself and ride the storm out. I'm perfectly normal... no lasting issues, no haunting memories, no depression, no thoughts of ending it all.

Good story!

The fact of the matter is that being bullied as a kid (in most cases) is something that goes away. Sometimes, in order for that to happen, the person being bullied has to take a stand. The problems arise when the person being bullied is not mentally stable...then incidents like Columbine occur. Which, brings it back to my original point, parents need to be involved in their kids lives. As a parent, I can't put an end to bullying, but I can make sure my kids are mentally well. I'm going to assume you had a good home life, and a place that provided you an environment to feel good about yourself. I had a similar experience in middle school, and I think my family is a big part of why I made it through without any lasting effects.