TitoMorelli
9/26/2012, 11:14 AM
The Marriage Problem That Comes Every Four Years
By ELIZABETH BERNSTEIN
As Isaac Pollak, an ardent Republican, kissed his wife goodbye before heading out on a business trip to Asia several years ago, he handed her his absentee ballot for the coming presidential election and asked her to mail it.
Bonnie Pollak, a Democrat, weighed her options. Should she be loyal to her spouse, respect his legal right and mail the ballot? Or remain faithful to her deeply held beliefs and suppress his vote?
"It was a real dilemma," says Ms. Pollak, 58 years old, a student in a doctoral program in social welfare who lives in Manhattan. "I decided to do the right thing."
Ms. Pollak threw the ballot away.
This might be the toughest mixed marriage to navigate: one between a Republican and a Democrat. Each partner is typically dug in. And—just like the talking heads on cable news—spouses can enter your living room and proselytize 24/7, if they wish.
Of course, the election season, now in full swing, poses a serious threat to relationships between people with different political views. For some, it's a cyclical (think two-year or four-year) peril. When it feels like our entire future is at stake, we often become intolerant of others whose views differ from ours—even those we love the most.
Ms. Pollak says she didn't tell her husband about the discarded ballot for years and doesn't remember how he found out. But when he eventually discovered her betrayal, he wasn't amused.
"I was speechless. I had never missed a vote," says Mr. Pollak, 61, who owns a marketing company in Manhattan.
He says it took him at least a year to stop being irritated, and to this day he doesn't trust his wife of 35 years with his correspondence. "Isn't it illegal to throw away mail?" he still asks her.
How do you keep politics from messing up your marriage—or any relationship for that matter? After all, it's not just politically mixed marriages that will be at risk over the next two months. Plenty of relationships—between friends, co-workers, siblings, children and parents—will be strained before we elect our next president. (Don't believe me? Check your Facebook page. I bet you find yourself disappointed in who "likes" the opposing candidate. Didn't you think your friends were smarter than that?)
Here's the No. 1 rule to remember when it comes to politics and loved ones: You're not going to change the other person. Research shows our political views are formed, in part, by genetics, personality, our family and the community we grew up in....
MORE - http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10000872396390444914904577623521882459012.html
By ELIZABETH BERNSTEIN
As Isaac Pollak, an ardent Republican, kissed his wife goodbye before heading out on a business trip to Asia several years ago, he handed her his absentee ballot for the coming presidential election and asked her to mail it.
Bonnie Pollak, a Democrat, weighed her options. Should she be loyal to her spouse, respect his legal right and mail the ballot? Or remain faithful to her deeply held beliefs and suppress his vote?
"It was a real dilemma," says Ms. Pollak, 58 years old, a student in a doctoral program in social welfare who lives in Manhattan. "I decided to do the right thing."
Ms. Pollak threw the ballot away.
This might be the toughest mixed marriage to navigate: one between a Republican and a Democrat. Each partner is typically dug in. And—just like the talking heads on cable news—spouses can enter your living room and proselytize 24/7, if they wish.
Of course, the election season, now in full swing, poses a serious threat to relationships between people with different political views. For some, it's a cyclical (think two-year or four-year) peril. When it feels like our entire future is at stake, we often become intolerant of others whose views differ from ours—even those we love the most.
Ms. Pollak says she didn't tell her husband about the discarded ballot for years and doesn't remember how he found out. But when he eventually discovered her betrayal, he wasn't amused.
"I was speechless. I had never missed a vote," says Mr. Pollak, 61, who owns a marketing company in Manhattan.
He says it took him at least a year to stop being irritated, and to this day he doesn't trust his wife of 35 years with his correspondence. "Isn't it illegal to throw away mail?" he still asks her.
How do you keep politics from messing up your marriage—or any relationship for that matter? After all, it's not just politically mixed marriages that will be at risk over the next two months. Plenty of relationships—between friends, co-workers, siblings, children and parents—will be strained before we elect our next president. (Don't believe me? Check your Facebook page. I bet you find yourself disappointed in who "likes" the opposing candidate. Didn't you think your friends were smarter than that?)
Here's the No. 1 rule to remember when it comes to politics and loved ones: You're not going to change the other person. Research shows our political views are formed, in part, by genetics, personality, our family and the community we grew up in....
MORE - http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10000872396390444914904577623521882459012.html