Damn Kids!

[8timechamps]

My youngest kid is a big boy. He's 12 years old and can be very shy around people he doesn't know, but is bigger than most of the kids in his class. Today, a kid (that runs his mouth constantly) called him "fat", and it really upset the boy. Now, I know everyone thinks there kids are the best, but I am not embellishing at all when I say that the boy is an absolute animal on the football field. He is almost too aggressive at times, but is smart enough to bottle it up and unleash it at the right time. I tell you that kernel of information, because he is the exact opposite of that off of the field. Instead of frightening the other kid into keeping his mouth shut, he lets it get to him and gets upset.

Now, I'm in the position to guide him on how to proceed with this kid. Having been through similar situations with my oldest son (who is 16 and 6'6" now), I told him to ignore the kid and be the better person. But, I have to admit, if the boy stands up to this punk, and should happen to put him on his butt, I wouldn't be too upset. Is that bad?

[badger]

My mom told me to ignore the bullies, but that is impossible to ask of a kid, in my young opinion. Bullies thrive on being ignored --- the teachers, the parents and the kids do nothing to stop the bully, so it sadly continues till you're the kid in The Christmas Story punching and cursing uncontrollably. Not an ideal situation.

What worked for me was staying close to my friend circle. A bully has tons more difficulty teasing if there's a group of people around than if it's one-on-one.

[Viking Kitten]

I always found deflecting their bullcrap with humor or learning how to shove it back in their face worked the best.

Tell your son to shrug his shoulders and tell the other kid "your mom wasn't complaining about it last night," Or something similar. No, you don't want to ignore a bully, but you don't want to let them see they've gotten to you either. Then they really win.

[olevetonahill]

Just tell him to kick the punks *** an be done with it. The longer he try's to ignore it the longer the punk will keep it up

[Viking Kitten]

Yeah, but then he'll have to deal with getting suspended and all that. F that. Use words to make the bully your bitch.

[olevetonahill]

Id rather be suspended as be punked

[Viking Kitten]

Well see, first you have to master the art of truly not giving a s**t what some idiot has to say.

[8timechamps]

Well see, first you have to master the art of truly not giving a s**t what some idiot has to say.

So true. It took me well into my adulthood to master that. I wish I could make him be the same way.

I gave him the "fighting is never okay, but if you have to defend yourself, well that's a different story" speech. I also told him to tell the kid "I can always lose weight, but you'll be ugly forever!". Secretly, I wish he would punch him in his mouth, but that opens a whole new can of worms nowadays.

[FirstandGoal]

Just a quick question-- has the bullying issue been brought to the attention of anybody at school?

[oudavid1]

I always found deflecting their bullcrap with humor or learning how to shove it back in their face worked the best.

Tell your son to shrug his shoulders and tell the other kid "your mom wasn't complaining about it last night," Or something similar. No, you don't want to ignore a bully, but you don't want to let them see they've gotten to you either. Then they really win.

Bingo. I got picked on a lot in middle school because I was really skinny (still am). In high I started to be funny and that really helped. I always had lots of friends, most were bigger than you anyway. But I found being funny, sometimes mean right back, is the best option. Most high school kids wont fight anyway because they dont know how.

[SoonerTerry]

It happened to my son a little while back and I told him that life is going to be full of bullies and he needed to learn right now that their words don't mean a sh!t hill of beans. And that he didn't have to take it... period.

Inside myself I wanted to find the kids dad and beat his *** into oblivion.

[olevetonahill]

I dont understand folks today, I was raised to NOT start any **** But dayum sure dont take any **** either.

If a Kid gets in a fight today they gotta go thru "Anger Management" and that kinda Crap. Or some punk pulls a Gun .

When I was in Skool if ya had a Fight , Usually after it you were friends .

[oudavid1]

I dont understand folks today, I was raised to NOT start any **** But dayum sure dont take any **** either.

If a Kid gets in a fight today they gotta go thru "Anger Management" and that kinda Crap. Or some punk pulls a Gun .

When I was in Skool if ya had a Fight , Usually after it you were friends .

As you can see from most message board sites, people take themselves to seriously and take things to personally.

[Mississippi Sooner]

I dont understand folks today, I was raised to NOT start any **** But dayum sure dont take any **** either.

If a Kid gets in a fight today they gotta go thru "Anger Management" and that kinda Crap. Or some punk pulls a Gun .

When I was in Skool if ya had a Fight , Usually after it you were friends .

Heh. We were just talking about that at work the other day. How back when we were in school, when two boys decided they had to fight for whatever reason, they'd go out behind the shop building and roll around in the dirt until a teacher or principal came and broke it up. Then the two would go to the principal's office and take their licks, but then more often than not they would become good friends afterwards. Some kind of male bonding thing, I guess.

[SoonerTerry]

I dont understand folks today, I was raised to NOT start any **** But dayum sure dont take any **** either.

If a Kid gets in a fight today they gotta go thru "Anger Management" and that kinda Crap. Or some punk pulls a Gun .

When I was in Skool if ya had a Fight , Usually after it you were friends .

Dito


How back when we were in school, when two boys decided they had to fight for whatever reason, they'd go out behind the shop building and roll around in the dirt until a teacher or principal came and broke it up. Then the two would go to the principal's office and take their licks, but then more often than not they would become good friends afterwards. Some kind of male bonding thing, I guess.

and dito

[Viking Kitten]

If a kid gets hurt in a fight, the school could get sued, so the policy is anyone fighting gets suspended, regardless of whether it is self defense or not. Been that way since at least the 1970s when I started school. My parents' policy was always that I was allowed to defend myself, so as long as I didn't start it, I wouldn't get in trouble at home even if I got in trouble at school. That's the same rules we have for our kids. But we also tell them it's in one's best interest to learn how to talk your way out of confrontation. I believe that's a good life skill that will serve them well.

[setem]

It is common knowledge that I am the town fat ***! The way I deal with it is to make fun of myself and take away any ammo people might have. I am not sure how well it would work for a shy kid though. I have always been a outgoing fatty and usually am the first to make fun of myself or someone else and cut any **** before they have a chance. When I started this new job, the guys I work with seemed like hardasses and punks but it took me all of maybe an hour before I had them in my pocket as friends.

It is hard to teach cleverness but maybe your boy can make the kid laugh or pick on him back with some clever jabs. I have been known to wait quite a while for an opening to make rag on someone.

NOTE: My "cleverness" has put me in a few fights in my day so take all of this for what it is worth.

BACK TO THE BUFFET!

[badger]

Well, seeing how this is SOONERfans.com, perhaps the best lesson in dealing with bullies, buffoons or idiots that like to talk crap is at football games.

Because you see, there will always be a cockroach-like whorn fan walking around Norman, thinking he's untouchable because laws protect his arse and his orange t-shirt from getting beat .

There will also be little groups of opposing fans that will chant various things involving OU and the Sooners sucking.

And then, there will be professional trolls out that are just uppity loser that try to make everyone around them feel dumb, insignificant and silly.

These games can be very good teaching opportunities on:

1- How to ignore idiots. "See Johnny, those dumb longhorns are chanting 'OU sucks,' but we know that OU doesn't suck, don't we? A team that goes 5-7 and loses the Red River Shootout is the team that sucks, not the team that wins the Big 12, Fiesta Bowl and the Red River Shootout."

2- How to defend yourself or deflect mean comments. Never travel alone when in hostile territory, walk away from situations that are about to turn bad, etc.

3- How to rise above the morons. There are many methods, but I've found that laughing about how stupid they looked afterward works, as well as laughing in their faces.

Seriously, take the kids to football. You learn a lot about people at football games :)

[Pricetag]

I'm really hoping that my oldest son doesn't run into this. He sounds a lot like your kid, 8timechamps. He's eight, and a lunker. He's much taller than the rest of the kids. He's not as slim as I'd like, but he's not obese, either. And he is very sensitive.

I dealt with some bullying in school. I handled it okay, I guess. I'm not sure how I'll handle it happening to my own kids.

I had a small group of enemies that always seemed to land in the same gym class as me. I went the ignore route most of the time. I clashed with them on and off from eighth grade through my senior year of high school.

In retrospect, I wonder if I should have called their bluff, if I should have loudly put pressure on them to actually do something besides run their mouths. I wonder if the ultimatum of "put up or shut up" would have resulted in the latter, or even if it resulted the former, I might have done enough damage to make them want to leave me alone.

[badger]

Anyone here not have to deal with bullying when they were little?

If any kids are reading, you'll find that there's very few of us adults that haven't gone through bullying ourselves at some point in our lives and sometimes, we still deal with it as adults (like at sporting events).

It does not surprise me that now that all of us kids that were bullied, now that we have grown up, we're fighting back as parents and educators or just as caring, concerned adults in the community now that we feel we have the power to do something about it.

I'm disappointed that my parent's generation didn't do more, but I guess that was still a "boys will be boys" or "kids will be kids" mindset era.

[Viking Kitten]

Maybe the funniest thing I ever had to deal with along these lines is an incident that occurred in ninth grade. I used a pay phone to call my mom, and by coincidence some guy was calling for his girlfriend, another student, at the same time, so he was on the line when I put the phone to my ear to dial. We figured out what happened pretty quick, and I hung up, but not before the skank he was intending to talk to walked up and caught the end of conversation and determined I was talking to "her man." She and a couple of her friends got all dramatic about it, bowed up and threatened to hit me. I informed them calmly I didn't even know "her man," that she was mistaken about the whole incident and could she please step aside so I could get to class. More threats from her. I told her she was welcome to take the first swing, and she wouldn't, but also refused to get out of my way. Finally I told her she could f**k off. That's when a teacher walked up and sent us both to the principal's office, where I got suspended for using the F word. My dad never laughed so hard when he came to pick me up, told the principal he was an idiot, and transferred me to another school soon after.

[setem]

Anyone here not have to deal with bullying when they were little?

If any kids are reading, you'll find that there's very few of us adults that haven't gone through bullying ourselves at some point in our lives and sometimes, we still deal with it as adults (like at sporting events).

It does not surprise me that now that all of us kids that were bullied, now that we have grown up, we're fighting back as parents and educators or just as caring, concerned adults in the community now that we feel we have the power to do something about it.

I'm disappointed that my parent's generation didn't do more, but I guess that was still a "boys will be boys" or "kids will be kids" mindset era.

When I was in the 8th grade there was a real POS kid that would mess with me every day in Gym. This kid would never dress out for class was always getting into trouble but I always seemed to be his target. When he did participate in class he made it a goal to try and hurt me in some fashion. It never worked because he would always get it back way worse. Like he would check me into the hand rails that outlined the bball court when we would play soccer or bball. We would play ultimate Frisbee and he would try and hit me point blank with the Frisbee. It was never so bad that I really got hurt. One day he punched me in the chest and I told him that was the last time he would put a hand on me. We were playing ultimate one day and he checked be while I was going for the disk and so I waited for a opening and when he went up for the disk I kicked his feet and he went head over *** and landed on his head. I thought I killed him! My mom told the school that if this kid kept messing with me it was going to end badly for the kid, because she knew that eventually I would haul off and beat his ***.

We were waiting for the bell to ring one day and he climbed the bleachers and got behind me. The next thing I know I am in a head lock and he is serious. I pulled him over the top of me and he got stuck between the bleacher seats and I just lit his *** up. He reached up and tried to pull my hair so I stuck my thumb in his eye and kept punching him in the face. David Godbold was in that class with me before he transferred, I bet if you asked him if he ever saw anyone get their eye gauged out he would say mention that moment. He and I both got sent to the office, he got expelled, I got a 3 day suspension 2 days before Christmas break. Good times! Good times!

[oudavid1]

When I was in the 8th grade there was a real POS kid that would mess with me every day in Gym. This kid would never dress out for class was always getting into trouble but I always seemed to be his target. When he did participate in class he made it a goal to try and hurt me in some fashion. It never worked because he would always get it back way worse. Like he would check me into the hand rails that outlined the bball court when we would play soccer or bball. We would play ultimate Frisbee and he would try and hit me point blank with the Frisbee. It was never so bad that I really got hurt. One day he punched me in the chest and I told him that was the last time he would put a hand on me. We were playing ultimate one day and he checked be while I was going for the disk and so I waited for a opening and when he went up for the disk I kicked his feet and he went head over *** and landed on his head. I thought I killed him! My mom told the school that if this kid kept messing with me it was going to end badly for the kid, because she knew that eventually I would haul off and beat his ***.

We were waiting for the bell to ring one day and he climbed the bleachers and got behind me. The next thing I know I am in a head lock and he is serious. I pulled him over the top of me and he got stuck between the bleacher seats and I just lit his *** up. He reached up and tried to pull my hair so I stuck my thumb in his eye and kept punching him in the face. David Godbold was in that class with me before he transferred, I bet if you asked him if he ever saw anyone get their eye gauged out he would say mention that moment. He and I both got sent to the office, he got expelled, I got a 3 day suspension 2 days before Christmas break. Good times! Good times!

Cool story. Dont believe it though. Typical message board post.

[setem]

Cool story. Dont believe it though. Typical message board post.

Don't you have some tweets to follow, BITCH!:angel:

[oudavid1]

Don't you have some tweets to follow, BITCH!:angel:

Yes! MEANIE PANTS!

[cleller]

There's been some news stories recently about the best way to deal with bullies. Maybe you've seen these two brothers that are some kind of Judo experts or something. They have a special program to deal with it. Of course, it deals with some martial arts training, too, but the basic model is this:

Kid tells his parents the problem.
Kid next tells school of the problem, and that the next time he is bullied, he plans to physically defend himself.
Kid tells bully the next time he causes a problem, there will be consequences.
Kid follows up by physically trying to pin down bully, while asking other kids to call a teacher.

Obviously it will not always go according to plan, but this idea is gaining momentum. Everyone knows that a bully is usually only stopped by certain confrontation. If he knows his victim is going to physically respond to every taunt, he'll quit, even if he's stronger, because its just too much hassle.
The main difficulty is expecting a kid to have such resolve. That's where this training program becomes helpful. The fact that the kid has placed certain adults on notice seems to help with dealing with school administrators.

[Ton Loc]

Setem and David can star in the sequel

http://ts1.mm.bing.net/images/thumbnail.aspx?q=1503578427480&id=a4d16da8b456e50219869bf65612c429&url=http%3a%2f%2fcps-static.rovicorp.com%2f2%2fOpen%2fSony%2520Pictures %2fSuperbad%2f_derived_jpg_q90_410x410_m0%2fSuperb ad-Still8.jpg%3fpartner%3dall.rovi%40rovicorp.com

[oudavid1]

Setem and David can star in the sequel

http://ts1.mm.bing.net/images/thumbnail.aspx?q=1503578427480&id=a4d16da8b456e50219869bf65612c429&url=http%3a%2f%2fcps-static.rovicorp.com%2f2%2fOpen%2fSony%2520Pictures %2fSuperbad%2f_derived_jpg_q90_410x410_m0%2fSuperb ad-Still8.jpg%3fpartner%3dall.rovi%40rovicorp.com

Gee, i wonder which one I am.

[setem]

There's been some news stories recently about the best way to deal with bullies. Maybe you've seen these two brothers that are some kind of Judo experts or something. They have a special program to deal with it. Of course, it deals with some martial arts training, too, but the basic model is this:

Kid tells his parents the problem.
Kid next tells school of the problem, and that the next time he is bullied, he plans to physically defend himself.
Kid tells bully the next time he causes a problem, there will be consequences.
Kid follows up by physically trying to pin down bully, while asking other kids to call a teacher.

Obviously it will not always go according to plan, but this idea is gaining momentum. Everyone knows that a bully is usually only stopped by certain confrontation. If he knows his victim is going to physically respond to every taunt, he'll quit, even if he's stronger, because its just too much hassle.
The main difficulty is expecting a kid to have such resolve. That's where this training program becomes helpful. The fact that the kid has placed certain adults on notice seems to help with dealing with school administrators.

The weird thing is man, this guy was smaller and weaker. It was like he was gonna pick a bigger dude to mess with so others wouldn't mess with him.

[cleller]

The weird thing is man, this guy was smaller and weaker. It was like he was gonna pick a bigger dude to mess with so others wouldn't mess with him.

Bet we saw the same story. The little kid went over the top of a lunch table, and took the bully down. The bully was so impressed he later apologized, and went on tv with the kid. Almost too fairy tale an ending.

[S.PadreIsl.Sooner]

My suggestion. Get the bully to go out for football. Then, pulverize him! He'll quit the same day. Situation resolved.

[delhalew]

Anyone here not have to deal with bullying when they were little?

If any kids are reading, you'll find that there's very few of us adults that haven't gone through bullying ourselves at some point in our lives and sometimes, we still deal with it as adults (like at sporting events).

It does not surprise me that now that all of us kids that were bullied, now that we have grown up, we're fighting back as parents and educators or just as caring, concerned adults in the community now that we feel we have the power to do something about it.

I'm disappointed that my parent's generation didn't do more, but I guess that was still a "boys will be boys" or "kids will be kids" mindset era.
I don't know how it should go with girls, but boys should be able pound it out, with some obvious exceptions. Two or more boys beating a lone boy is uncalled for. Also, something I went through, when I was 5 years old walking down the sidewalk, a very large fourth grader I didn't know was walking the other direction. As he passed, he threw me a haymaker. Knocked me out. When I came to on the sidewalk, most of my baby teeth had been knocked loose.

That had the effect of making me afraid to defend myself for years. After several years of a chubby stage, before I started getting tall, I finally broke and nearly disfigured this little prick who was giving me ****.

Those are tough years, but whether society likes it or not, there is a learning curve for males. It involves physical violence, and it is vital. In order to grow into a well adjusted man, every boy needs his *** kicked. He also needs to know how it feels, and what it takes mentally, to successfully defend himself.

[delhalew]

The weird thing is man, this guy was smaller and weaker. It was like he was gonna pick a bigger dude to mess with so others wouldn't mess with him.
Typical little dude overcompensation. Find a gentle giant to torment in order to build himself up. As your story demonstrates, there are some obvious flaws with this strategy. :D

[Pricetag]

My brother and I had a kid across the street that successfully f'ed with us for a long time in the small dude/gentle giant way mentioned above.

One day, it finally escalated to fisticuffs, and my brother whooped the kid Ralphie Parker style. The kid bawled, just like Scut Farkus. The best thing about it was he had a toadie with him who stood and watched the whole thing happen, and he told the kid over and over how he was getting his *** kicked.

[cleller]

I was "lucky" enough to have a big brother who was a natural bully. However, he knew if he got in trouble at school, he'd get whipped, so he concentrated all his energy on me.

[badger]

The bullies in our school were always the ones that had issues involving family. They were usually one of the youngest siblings, they had parent issues (in the military, divorced, etc), they moved from a different area, etc.

Everyone was bullied for whatever reason. If you're big, you stick out. If you're small, you an easy target. If you're smart, you're annoying. If you're dumb, you're special ed (even if you weren't).

If I'm ever a parent, I hope I don't lose sight of how tough school is aside from the actual school part of it.

[Pricetag]

One night, I overheard a vicious family argument at the kid across the street's house. Despite all the trouble we had had with him, I felt pity for him. He did not enjoy the same kind of home life we did, not even close.

I understand that he has risen above all of it, and has grown up to be a really good dude.

[8timechamps]

My suggestion. Get the bully to go out for football. Then, pulverize him! He'll quit the same day. Situation resolved.

You have no idea how much I want that. There was a similar situation two years ago, and the "bully" ended up being put on my youngest son's team. After the first day of contact practice, the bully has not said a single word.


UPDATE: (btw, the school does know about the issue, but in typical fashion, has done nothing toward resolution at this point). Nothing new to report today. My son said there has been no contact between the two. I talked to my oldest son, and told him he needed to pick his brother up from school tomorrow (and make sure he introduced himself as the brother to the bully). Nothing is better than the towering brother introducing himself, to make you think twice about talking ****. I gave specific instructions to do/say nothing else.

Olevet, back in the day, kids would fight and be playing basketball together by that afternoon. Nowadays, there is a guaranteed suspension and possible police involvement for ANY physical altercation.


Colorado (since the Columbine shooting) has been extremely non-tolerant of anything remotely physical in the schools. Unfortunately, if they would take the same approach to being pro-active (like hearing parent concerns and actually acting on them, i.e. my situation), most of this would be a non-issue.

[FirstandGoal]

Oddly enough, its my daughter who once drew the attention of a male bully in school, but this time it was a case of the fat slow kid being the bully. There was this huge (and I mean ginormous) dude that was in her grade he would always go out of his way to sit behind her on the bus and then poke her in the back with a pen, pencil, stick -- whatever he had handy. Apparently the kid had really bad hygiene in addition to being big and slow and it really grossed my daughter out to the point to where she dry heaved a couple of times on the bus when the kid got too close to her.

She tried her best to ignore the situation and then one day she sorta snapped. He was poking her in the back and she turned around, grabbed the pencil, broke it in half, threw both halves out the window. Then she grabbed his backpack, and proceeded to throw that out the window as well. :excitement:
As a result, I got a phone call and she was suspended from the bus for several days because you just can't throw **** out of a school bus window. It was complete BS, but I understand they gotta have those rules. The next day, her older brother was at the bus stop where the fat kid got off and threatened to beat the holy hell out him if he ever even thought about messing with his sister again. I can't say I approve of my son going and threatening a younger kid, but he was standing up for his sister and for that its excusable.

[olevetonahill]

Olevet, back in the day, kids would fight and be playing basketball together by that afternoon. Nowadays, there is a guaranteed suspension and possible police involvement for ANY physical altercation.


Colorado (since the Columbine shooting) has been extremely non-tolerant of anything remotely physical in the schools. Unfortunately, if they would take the same approach to being pro-active (like hearing parent concerns and actually acting on them, i.e. my situation), most of this would be a non-issue.

Thats My point bro , Backinaday we could get that out our system and then move on .
Now they want em to keep that **** bottled up till some kid starts shootin or blowing things the **** up

Let em fight it out an be done with it.

[OULenexaman]

I remember back in my day when there was gonna be a fight it was advertised by word of mouth ahead of time. A crowd would always show up. Then afterwards the 2 involved were friends again. Life was much more easy back then.

[Mississippi Sooner]

When I was in the 8th grade, several of the boys in my class and I all got hunting knives for Christmas that year. I don't know if our parents were in cahoots about it or if it was just coincidence, but after Christmas break we all took our knives to school to compare them and show them off. They weren't pocket knives, either. They were the big Bowie-type things that you wore on your belt. Most of the male teachers wanted to check them out, too. No one gave it a second thought.

Now your kid can get arrested for taking nail clippers to school.

And get the hell off my lawn!!!

[setem]

When I was in the 8th grade, several of the boys in my class and I all got hunting knives for Christmas that year. I don't know if our parents were in cahoots about it or if it was just coincidence, but after Christmas break we all took our knives to school to compare them and show them off. They weren't pocket knives, either. They were the big Bowie-type things that you wore on your belt. Most of the male teachers wanted to check them out, too. No one gave it a second thought.

Now your kid can get arrested for taking nail clippers to school.

And get the hell off my lawn!!!

That's not a knife!
http://lh5.ggpht.com/_5XvBYfxU_dM/S5PkbmCfgGI/AAAAAAAAIPk/vKeQaYLF37s/Crocodile%20Dundee%20-%20That%27s%20a%20knife%20scene-8x6.jpg

[delhalew]

I'm sticking to my theory that schools and parents are robbing young boys of the experiences they need to navigate the choppy waters of adulthood in a sketchy world.

[jkjsooner]

I always hated the advice, "If you let it bother you then that's going to encourage the bully."

There is truth to that statement but kids don't always have a choice on whether it bothers them or not and they're generally terrible at hiding it if it does.

Also, striking back with words is a lot easier to say than do.

I'd say let him beat the crap out of the kid. All of the other advice is great if the kid can pull it off but sometimes it's just hard to pull that other stuff off.

[Viking Kitten]

Yeah, those are great life skills for your kids to learn. Like today for example, my boss was being a micromanaging b**ch and p**sing me off so I just up and beat the s**t out of her. I mean, hey, I went to jail, but it sure shut her up, am I right?

[dwarthog]

So with internet advice you get what you pay for so to speak.

Dealing with difficult people is a lifelong challenge, not just the bully/idiot in the school yard. Work, neighbors, etc., so unlike the schoolyard option of duking it out in the pasture after school, that option doesn't play out nicely later in life and frankly brings a lot of unwanted baggage with it. (See Viking Kitten)

Defending oneself from physical assault is a pretty easy decision. When to blow off the mindless ramblings of an idiot is always a bit more difficult, given your proximity to the idiot.

[3rdgensooner]

I'm in Viking Kitten's corner. Humor and sharp wit will go farther in the long run.

But yeah, it sucks when a kid you care about is going through this.

[Pricetag]

Also, striking back with words is a lot easier to say than do.
This. I used to try this with my enemies from time to time, and I always ended up saying lame stuff that was just fodder for them.

[badger]

I always hated the advice, "If you let it bother you then that's going to encourage the bully."

I was scolded as a kid for mouthing back to bullies. Apparently that was not "lady-like" or something (i still despise that term to this day). Basically, I was expected to do nothing and take sh!t every day.

Happy to say that what I was expected to do and what I learned to do were two different things, because to this day, my mom will sit silently in a restaurant and be ignored before signaling a waitress, but if her daughter is dining out with her, our table is not ignored for very long.

About the only effect such teaching had on me was that I can take an extreme amount of kiddo torture... you know, like visiting older relatives homes that have no toys or TV while your parents basically expect you to behave for hours while they talk about nothing that interests you whatsoever, or being able to make it through long presentations that suck, etc. Yes, I essentially can shut my brain off for hours. It's actually more useful than it sounds.

I advise adults to get into practice situations with kids at your side, rather than ship them off to school with strict instructions and hope for the best... and once again, I think sporting events are perfect, because there will be drunk arseholes and idiot opposing fans. Whether you want the kid to learn to ignore, learn to talk back, or learn to beat their arse, you can do pretty much all three at a sporting event ;)

[delhalew]

I feel like I'm the only one that has been attacked in a dark alley, been stabbed, and held at gun point multiple times...

While I can resist beating my bosses ***, there are times in life were being mentally prepared to flip the appropriate switch is very beneficial.

While I have saved lives with a quick wit, that didn't always do the trick. Working through some of these problems as a child seems useful.

[Viking Kitten]

You certainly have had some interesting experiences which have undoubtedly altered your perceptions. All I can say is that in the handful of times in my life I've been actually physically threatened, Mother Nature flipped that switch for me in the form of the fight or flight response. Every time I chose "fight" I ended up regretting it. Every time I decided to get the hell out of dodge, it was the right decision. I'm pretty sure I'm here to tell this story as a result of one of those times I fled.

I don't know what you do for a living, delhalew, but multiple times at gunpoint is not normal. And that's coming from the daughter of a police officer.

[delhalew]

You certainly have had some interesting experiences which have undoubtedly altered your perceptions. All I can say is that in the handful of times in my life I've been actually physically threatened, Mother Nature flipped that switch for me in the form of the fight or flight response. Every time I chose "fight" I ended up regretting it. Every time I decided to get the hell out of dodge, it was the right decision. I'm pretty sure I'm here to tell this story as a result of one of those times I fled.

I don't know what you do for a living, delhalew, but multiple times at gunpoint is not normal. And that's coming from the daughter of a police officer.

You're probably right. It surely has to do with being young and living in places like Atlanta and New Orleans. Also, I don't like places were people were kakis. I like places were people have tattoos, and wear very little.

Plus two of those times, I could have bugged out, but talked a gun off someone else and on to me. Now that I have kids, I would have to rethink that strategy. My fight or flight is broken.

[8timechamps]

I guess today (at lunch) was the boiling point. I'm not completely clear on the incident, but the bully was in rare form and my boy had enough (finally!). Apparently, he got in his face and said something to the effect of "why don't you back up your mouth?!" (I got this second hand from a friend of my boy). That appears to be all it took. I guess the bully started to cry, which in turn made my boy feel bad (told you, he's sensitive). According to my boy "they are friends now".

I suppose this resolution was the best possible outcome. I'm proud of my son for having a limit to what he was willing to take, and I'm glad it ended (or at least simmered down) without him going to the principle's office. I don't know if he would have followed through, and fought, but I'm not going to waste any time thinking about that.

We'll see how this plays out over the next couple of weeks. Here in Colorado all students go to the mountains for a week of "outdoor lab". My son's school goes in 3 weeks. I'm anxious to see if any problems pop up. Nothing will heat things up like sharing a small cabin with 15 other boys.

[jkjsooner]

Yeah, those are great life skills for your kids to learn. Like today for example, my boss was being a micromanaging b**ch and p**sing me off so I just up and beat the s**t out of her. I mean, hey, I went to jail, but it sure shut her up, am I right?

Not everything translates from very young kids to adults. There is time for a child to migrate to adult expectations as (s)he get closer and closer to adulthood.

I hope my son (who is just 2) never has to fight in school but if he is constantly getting bullied on the locker room you'd bet I'll suggest that he stick up for himself.

Here's an idea, in the adult world we don't give each other wedgies. We don't stick other's heads in toilets. Etc. Different world, different expectations.

[Sooner Mommy]

My daughter is in 7th grade (one of my worst bullying years growing up) with only 4 other girls in her class. 7th grade girls are catty (suprise). My daughter came home crying a couple of days ago because a couple of the girls were picking on another. They told the poor girl she must have herpes because she stinks. WTH? Oh well, I'm sure by next week they'll gang up on another girl.

It was all I could do to keep from cracking up, but we did have a brief discussion about the herp and what it really is.

[Viking Kitten]

My son had an experience in fifth grade where he got suspended because he punched a kid who told him "I'm going to rape your mother." So yes, he started the physical fight, but as he tearfully explained, he felt that his mother's honor was worthy of a suspension. Unfortunately, this happened the day before fifth grade graduation, so we got robbed of seeing a childhood milestone. I told him the notion of some skinny little 11-year-old jackass trying to "rape" anybody was so hysterically funny that he should have just laughed in the kid's face.

Here's another idea. Bullies and mean people are something we all have to deal with our entire lives. Their tactics may change as they get older, (i.e. wedgies and swirlies,) but they are still out there. The sooner you learn to effectively deal with them, the happier you'll be later on.

[oudavid1]

My son had an experience in fifth grade where he got suspended because he punched a kid who told him "I'm going to rape your mother." So yes, he started the physical fight, but as he tearfully explained, he felt that his mother's honor was worthy of a suspension. Unfortunately, this happened the day before fifth grade graduation, so we got robbed of seeing a childhood milestone. I told him the notion of some skinny little 11-year-old jackass trying to "rape" anybody was so hysterically funny that he should have just laughed in the kid's face.

Here's another idea. Bullies and mean people are something we all have to deal with our entire lives. Their tactics may change as they get older, (i.e. wedgies and swirlies,) but they are still out there. The sooner you learn to effectively deal with them, the happier you'll be later on.

I never had a 5th grade graduation and I think they are idiotic. You didnt miss much.

[Viking Kitten]

We live in Edmond. Our very existence is threatened if we even miss watching our kid at basketball practice.

[oudavid1]

We live in Edmond. Our very existence is threatened if we even miss watching our kid at basketball practice.

Lol I go to school in Edmond. Traffic is a joke. I cant really smell so i have never noticed the dog food smell. And luckily, the train dosnt get in my way. I would like to live there. Seems a lot like NWOKC where I live but just a tad more expensive.

[Viking Kitten]

We're technically NWOKC but Edmond Schools. I avoid actually driving in Edmond as much as possible. Can't avoid the train or the puppy chow though. I'm not kidding about parents slavishly watching the kids at practice. That's where I draw the line though. I've never understood the parents who do that. Practice means I get an hour of me-time.

[oudavid1]

We're technically NWOKC but Edmond Schools. I avoid actually driving in Edmond as much as possible. Can't avoid the train or the puppy chow though. I'm not kidding about parents slavishly watching the kids at practice. That's where I draw the line though. I've never understood the parents who do that. Practice means I get an hour of me-time.

I agree. So your like in Deer Creek? My brother built a house up there. He really likes it. Great house.

[Viking Kitten]

I've heard great things, but I've also observed that the child-raising aspect is like Edmond on steroids. Plus, it is just lily white. Where we live there is some amount of racial diversity, and we want our kids exposed to a nice, rainbow blend of cultures and whatnot. That's just our preference.

[SoonerTerry]

I feel like I'm the only one that has been attacked in a dark alley, been stabbed, and held at gun point multiple times...

While I can resist beating my bosses ***, there are times in life were being mentally prepared to flip the appropriate switch is very beneficial.

While I have saved lives with a quick wit, that didn't always do the trick. Working through some of these problems as a child seems useful.

What the hell are you a high school guidance counselor?

[delhalew]

What the hell are you a high school guidance counselor?

Lol. No, but along those lines, "drugs are bad, M'Kay".

[SoonerTerry]

Lol. No, but along those lines, "drugs are bad, M'Kay".

heh, wasn't far off. And God bless you for putting up with those little sh!ts.

[OU4LIFE]

Not to point out the obvious here, but it IS possible to stand up for yourself and not have it lead to violence.

Unless your name is Bruce.

[olevetonahill]

To those who be saying when a Kids beats the Carp out of Bully he aint learnin how to deal with Bullies later in Life I call BS
If every one beat the **** out of Bullies THOSE bullies would be trained to Not be dick heads later in life out of the certain knowledge that they will get their Butts Beat :boxing:

[8timechamps]

Not to point out the obvious here, but it IS possible to stand up for yourself and not have it lead to violence.

Unless your name is Bruce.

GTFO of my thread! I loved you, and you broke my heart!

[cleller]

Bruce,

Is this you?

[OU4LIFE]

ah, what sad times are these when ruffians such as yourself can run around saying 'GTFO' to old posters....

[Viking Kitten]

You should totally kick his a**, Hairy.

[8timechamps]

You should totally kick his a**, Hairy.

YES!!!

[badger]

We'll see how this plays out over the next couple of weeks. Here in Colorado all students go to the mountains for a week of "outdoor lab". My son's school goes in 3 weeks. I'm anxious to see if any problems pop up. Nothing will heat things up like sharing a small cabin with 15 other boys.

Any update? Kid expelled yet? :P

[8timechamps]

Any update? Kid expelled yet? :P

Nothing really. No mention of the kid from my boy. So far, so good. We'll see what happens when they go to the mountains for a week.

[Viking Kitten]

That's so weird. I lived in Denver (Lakewood) for one year when I was a kid, they were doing that outdoor lab thing for sixth graders thirty years ago. I wonder if it's a state requirement?

[8timechamps]

That's so weird. I lived in Denver (Lakewood) for one year when I was a kid, they were doing that outdoor lab thing for sixth graders thirty years ago. I wonder if it's a state requirement?

After last year, they were going to discontinue the program until an anonymous donor gave a ton of money for the program to continue. I grew up in OKC, and we didn't have anything like it. My oldest son went when he was in the sixth grade, and absolutely loved it.

I take my boys skiing about 20 times every winter/spring, so we spend a lot of time in the mountains anyway. For a lot of the kids, it's sadly the only time they will have the experience.