Golden Corral

[mgsooner]

Be honest: who amongst you eats there? I don't, but the prospect of steak, baby back ribs and finely seared seafood all on the same plate has me intrigued.

[jk the sooner fan]

http://www.threadbombing.com/data/media/44/do-not-want.thumbnail.jpg

[mgsooner]

Plus, they have the BEST commercials.

[stevo]

noooooo

[mgsooner]

http://www.stillwagner.com/uploads/2010/05/lisa-wilson-at-golden-corral-dscf0093.jpg

[jk the sooner fan]

http://files.sharenator.com/Do_Not_Want_Dog_RE_The_Art_of_Trolling-s500x391-128697-580.jpg

[SicEmBaylor]

There is no way I would ever EVER eat at that human trough. I refuse to eat at any buffet but especially that one.

Buffet's are massive bacterial incubators with a "delicious" delivery system.

[SicEmBaylor]

http://www.threadbombing.com/data/media/44/do-not-want.thumbnail.jpg

I bet that kid is crying and sneezing right into the fruit salad.

[mgsooner]

http://biteintoenid.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/Golden-Corral-Buffet.jpeg

[SoonerHoops]

I would only eat at golden corral if I was poor, had no taste buds, and was immune to any disease caused by food pathogens.

[Breadburner]

It might make you poopoo AAAAlotttt...!!!!!

[mgsooner]

http://klcyads.com/golden-corral/images/ultimate-beef-lover-sm.JPG

[OU_Sooners75]

I have ate there twice in the last 10 years.

Got to say it is not very good food, even for buffet food. And it is overpriced.

4 of us went, it cost $59 after drinks and buffet cost. That "All for under $10" you hear on the commercials is a bunch of bull****!

[mgsooner]

breakfast with STEAK!!!!!!

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_F2doY8xaPLo/TKKq_8ozetI/AAAAAAAAAEQ/H19F22lm4LE/s1600/steak.jpg

[OU_Sooners75]

LOL....

mgsooner...you must be in need for a really good bowel movement!

[En_Fuego]

http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i257/charnel44/Food/DSC01089.jpg

[stevo]

oh...unnecessary

[mgsooner]

http://www.swotti.com/tmp/swotti/cacheZ29SZGVUIGNVCNJHBA==T3ROZXJZLU90AGVYCW==/imggolden%20corral1.jpg

[Curly Bill]

Not a big fan of the corral, and besides that I wouldn't want to fight the crowds that seem to inhabit the nearest one to me.

[mgsooner]

Who wins in a cage match: Golden Corral or Ryan's Family Steakhouse

[yermom]

Now, I know that there is a lot of embellishment that occurs on this group and I am aware that a small number of things are perhaps sheer fabrication, but I have a story to tell that is the absolute truth. Funniest damn thing that has ever happened to me.

A couple of weeks ago we decided to cruise out to Ryan's Steakhouse for dinner. It was a Wednesday night which means that macaroni and beef was on the hot bar, indeed the only night of the week that it is served. Wednesday night is also kid's night at Ryan's, complete with Dizzy the Clown wandering from table to table entertaining the little bastards. It may seem that the events about to be told have little connection to those two circumstances, but all will be clear in a moment.

We went through the line and placed our orders for the all-you-can-eat hot bar then sat down as far away from the front of the restaurant as possible in order to keep the density of kids down a bit. Then I started my move to the hot bar. Plate after plate of macaroni and beef were consumed that evening, I tell you -- in all, four heaping plates of the pseudo-Italian ambrosia were shoved into my belly. I was sated. Perhaps a bit too much, however.

I had not really been feeling well all day, what with a bit of gas and such. By the time I had eaten four overwhelmed plates of food, I was in real trouble. There was so much pressure on my diaphragm that I was having trouble breathing. At the same time, the downward pressure was building. At first, I thought it was only gas which could have been passed in batches right at the table without to much concern. Unfortunately, that was not to be. After a minute or so it was clear that I was dealing with explosive diarrhea. It's amazing how grease can make its way through your intestines far faster than the food which spawned the grease to begin with, but I digress...

I got up from the table and made my way to the bathroom. Upon entering, I saw two sinks immediately inside the door, two urinals just to the right of the sinks, and two toilet stalls against the back wall. One of them was a handicapped bathroom. Now, normally I would have gone to the handicapped stall since I like to stretch out a bit when I take a good ****, but in this case, the door lock was broken and the only thing I hate worse than my wife telling me to stop cutting my toenails with a pair of diagonal wire cutters is having someone walk in on me while I am taking a ****. I went to the normal stall.

In retrospect, I probably should have gone to the large, handicapped stall even though the door would not lock because that bit of time lost in making the stall switch proved to be a bit too long under the circumstances. By the time I had walked into the regular stall, the pressure on my *** was reaching Biblical proportions.

I began "The Move."

For those women who may be reading this, let me take a moment to explain "The Move." Men know exactly what their bowels are up to at any given second. And when the time comes to empty the cache, a sequence of physiological events occur that can not be stopped under any circumstances. There is a move men make that involves simultaneously approaching the toilet, beginning the body turn to position ones *** toward said toilet, hooking ones fingers into ones waistline, and pulling down the pants while beginning the squat at the same time. It is a very fluid motion that, when performed properly, results in the flawless expulsion of **** at the exact same second that ones *** is properly placed on the toilet seat. Done properly, it even assures that the choad is properly inserted into the front rim of the toilet in the event that the **** stream lets loose at the same time; it is truly a picture of coordination rivaling that of a skilled ballet dancer.

I was about half-way into "The Move" when I looked down at the floor and saw a pile of vomit that had been previously expelled by one of those little bastards attending kids night; it was mounded up in the corner so I did not notice it when I had first walked into the stall. Normally, I would not have been bothered by such a thing, but I had eaten so much and the pressure upward was so intense, that I hit a rarely experienced gag reflex. And once that reflex started, combined with the intense pressure upward caused by the bloated stomach, four plates of macaroni and beef started coming up for a rematch. What happened next was so quick that the exact sequence of events are a bit fuzzy, but I will try to reconstruct them as best I can.

In that moment of impending projectile vomiting, my attention was diverted from the goings-on at the other end. To put a freeze frame on the situation, I was half crotched down to the toilet, pants pulled down to my knees, with a load of vomit coming up my esophagus. Now, most of you know that vomiting takes precedence over **** no matter what is about to come slamming out of your ***. It is apparently an evolutionary thing since ****ting will not kill you, but vomiting takes a presence of mind to accomplish so that you do not aspirate any food into the bronchial tubes and perhaps choke to death. My attention was thus diverted.

At that very split second, my *** exploded in what can only be described as a wake...you know, as in a newspaper headline along the lines of "30,000 Killed In Wake of Typhoon Fifi" or something similar. In what seemed to be most suitably measured in cubic feet, an enormous plug of **** the consistency of thick mud with embedded pockets of greasy liquid came flying out of my ***. But remember, I was only half-way down on the toilet at that moment. The **** wave was of such force and of just such an angle in relation to the back curve of the toilet seat that it ricocheted off the back of the seat and slammed into the wall at an angle of incidence equal to the angle at which it initially hit the toilet seat. Then I sat down.

Recall that when that event occurred, I was already half-way to sitting anyway and had actually reached the point of no return. I have always considered myself as relatively stable gravitationally, but when you get beyond a certain point, you're going down no matter how limber you may be. Needless to say, the **** wave, though of considerable force, was not so sufficient so as to completely glance off the toilet seat and deposit itself on the walls, like what you would see when hitting a puddle with a high-pressure water hose; even though you throw water at the puddle, the puddle gets moved and no water is left to re-form a puddle. There was a significant amount of **** remaining on about one-third of the seat rim which I had now just collapsed upon.

Now, back to the vomit...

While all the ****ting was going on, the vomit was still on its way up. By the time I had actually collapsed on the toilet, my mouth had filled up with a goodly portion of the macaroni and beef I had just consumed. OK, so what does the human body instinctively do when vomiting? One bends over. So I bent over. I was still sitting on the toilet, though. Therefore, bending over resulted in me placing my head above my now slightly-opened legs, positioned in between my knees and waist. Also directly above my pants which were now pulled down to a point just midway between my knees and my ankles. Oh, did I mention that I was wearing not just pants, but sweat pants with elastic on the ankles.

In one mighty push, some three pounds of macaroni and beef, two or three Cokes, and a couple of Big, Fat Yeast Rolls were deposited in my pants...on the inside...with no ready exit at the bottom down by my feet.

In the next several seconds, there were a handful of farts, a couple of turds, and the event ended, yet I was now sitting there with my pants full of vomit, my back covered in **** that had bounced off the toilet, spattered on three ceramic-tiled walls to a height of about five feet, and still had enough force to come back at me, covering the back of my shirt with droplets of liquid ****. All while thick **** was spread all over my *** in a ring curiously in the shape of a toilet seat.

And there was no ****ing toilet paper.

What could I do but laugh. I must have sounded like a complete maniac to the guy who then wandered into the bathroom. He actually asked if I was OK since I was laughing so hard I must have sounded like I was crying hysterically. I calmed down just enough to ask him if he would get the manager. And told him to have the manager bring some toilet paper. When the manager walked in, he brought the toilet paper with him, but in no way was prepared for what happened next. I simply told him that there was no way I was going to explain what was happening in the stall, but that I needed several wet towels and I needed him to go ask my wife to come help me. I told him where we were sitting and he left. At that point, I think he was probably assuming that I had pissed just a bit in my pants or something similarly benign.

About two minutes later, my wife came into the bathroom not knowing what was wrong and with a certain amount of worry in her voice. I explained to her (still laughing and having trouble getting out words) that I had a slight accident and needed her help. Knowing that I had experienced some close calls in the past, she probably assumed that I had laid down a small turd or something and just needed to bring the car around so we could bolt immediately. Until I asked her, I'm sure she had no idea that she was about to go across the street and purchase me new underwear, new socks, new pants, a new shirt, and (by that time due to considerable leakage around the elastic ankles thingies) new sneakers. And she then started to laugh herself since I was still laughing. She began to ask for an explanation as to what had happened when I promised her that I would tell her later, but that I just needed to handle damage control for the time being. She left.

The manager then came back in with a half-dozen wet towels and a few dry ones. I asked him to also bring a mop and bucket upon which he assured me that they would clean up anything that needed to be cleaned. Without giving him specific details, I explained that what was going on in that stall that night was far in excess of what I would expect anyone to deal with, what with most of the folks working at Ryan's making minimum wage of just slightly above. At that moment, I think it dawned on him exactly the gravity of the situation. Then that manager went so far above the call of duty that I will be eternally grateful for his actions. He hooked up a hose.

Fortunately, commercial bathrooms are constructed with tile walls and tile floors and have a drain in the middle of the room in order to make clean up easy. Fortunately, I was in a commercial bathroom. He hooked up the hose to the spigot located under the sink as I began cleaning myself up with the wet towels. Just as I was finishing, my wife got back with the new clothes and passed them into the stall, whereupon I stuffed the previously worn clothing into the plastic bag that came from the store, handing the bag to my wife. I finished cleaning myself off and carefully put on my new clothes, still stuck in the stall since I figured that it would be in bad taste to go out of the stall to get redressed in the event I happened to be standing there naked and some little bastard kid walked in. At that point, I had only made a mess; I had not yet committed a felony and intended to keep it that way.

When I finished getting dressed, I picked up the hose and cleaned up the entire stall, washing down the remains toward the drain in the center of the room. I put down the hose and walked out of the bathroom. I had intended to go to the manager and thank him for all he had done, but when I walked out, three of the management staff were there to greet me with a standing ovation. I started laughing so hard that I thought I was going to throw up again, but managed to scurry out to the car where my wife was now waiting to pick me up by the front door.

The upshot of all this is that I strongly recommend eating dinner at Ryan's Steak House. They have, by far, the nicest management staff of any restaurant in which I have eaten.

[Blue]

the salad bar is good. The steak is decent for a quick to go fix. Everything else, not so much.

[yermom]

it's meh, to slightly below meh

i get dragged there once every couple of years, kinda like Chili's or Outback

[SicEmBaylor]

That story is so epic.
Who originally posted that?

[yermom]

i have no idea where it originally came from, or where i first saw it

[SoonerofAlabama]

That is the coolest story I think I have ever heard.

[SicEmBaylor]

i have no idea where it originally came from, or where i first saw it

I honestly thougjt it was Beano.

[olevetonahill]

Buffet =
http://cdn.techi.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/clarksummit_pigs_feeding.jpg

[Mongo]

Golden Corral is no Western Sizzlin'/Mackie McNear's

[Partial Qualifier]

I first saw that Ryan's story in 1998, i think


Golden Corral is no Western Sizzlin'/Mackie McNear's

We eat at Western Sizzlin at least once every couple weeks or so. Sicem nailed it, Golden Corral is a feeding trough for humans. Nothing quite like getting elbowed out of the way by some 400lb. granny for the "fresh" mashed potatoes

[tulsaoilerfan]

Old farts seem to love those kinds of places

[Boomer.....]

I knew the Ryan's story would pop up in here.

:D

[tator]

I've done it. Not proud of it. It wasn't good.

[texaspokieokie]

i like golden corral, but my wife doesn't, so we don't go there.

[Mississippi Sooner]

Is this the place that used to have Terry Bradshaw on the commercials? I can honestly say I've never set foot in one.

[jk the sooner fan]

back in the day - when i was on active duty and TDY to Alabama - we were poor soldiers and would hit those buffets on the nights they had various specials

horrible...horrible food

i think there's a chain in the SE called Quincy's (maybe) - they had a pretty damn good breakfast buffet but things went to **** for lunch and dinner

I havent eaten in one of those in 15 years or so

[Serenity Now]

My kids like Golden Corral (AKA The Hungry Heffer). We let them talk us into it about once a quarter. Below average and expensive - poor combo. The good news is that I can find enough things that I like to fill up on. Their fried fish isn't horrible and it's hard to screw up a baked potato. Also, chocolate chip cookies and ice cream are good.

[Mongo]

I've done it. Not proud of it. It wasn't good.

you ****ed a fat chick too?

[delhalew]

Why wife tries to get me to go there, but I don't like buffets. I did get a much better rare steak there, than I was expecting from a buffet. Once every year or so, I go to appease her.

[sappstuf]

Who wins in a cage match: Golden Corral or Ryan's Family Steakhouse

Well clearly it isn't the judges..

[soonerchk]

I've been there many times because I work in small towns with few options. The rolls there are very good.

[DIB]

I've been there many times because I work in small towns with few options. The rolls there are very good.

So are the ones on your midsection. DIB0WN3D!!!!!!!11111111

[soonerchk]

So are the ones on your midsection. DIB0WN3D!!!!!!!11111111

Hateful DIB is hateful.

[OhU1]

Is this the place that used to have Terry Bradshaw on the commercials? I can honestly say I've never set foot in one.

Terry Bradshaw used to pimp Furr's. Furr's is sort of like a buffet as far as the type of food and the fact that you can get "all you can eat" but last I checked it is not a serve yourself pig trough.

Buffets are the Sam's Club of eating experiences. Little variety, mass quantities, cheap, and full of people getting around in motorized carts.

[Mississippi Sooner]

Terry Bradshaw used to pimp Furr's. Furr's is sort of like a buffet as far as the type of food and the fact that you can get "all you can eat" but last I checked it is not a serve yourself pig trough.

Buffets are the Sam's Club of eating experiences. Little variety, mass quantities, cheap, and full of people getting around in motorized carts.

Oh yeah, Furr's. I did eat at one of those way back in the 70s. Haven't seen one in forever.

[MR2-Sooner86]

KtkpTrvwQ6c

[BOOMERBRADLEY]

I guess I never saw cheap buffets in Vegas. I went to one that was about 15 bucks a piece

[OhU1]

I guess I never saw cheap buffets in Vegas. I went to one that was about 15 bucks a piece

Good point, Vegas buffets have high quality food however. I'll indulge in a Chinese buffet every blue moon as well. I won't eat at the "meatloaf and mac and cheese" feed trough joints though.

[Condescending Sooner]

I ate at a chinese buffet downtown yesterday. Some manatee looking chick on a hovaround had the whole line at a standstill whilst she heaped the portions on her plate about a foot high.

I'm sure her weight problem is glandular, however.

[DRLSooner]

I have to go there about twice a month because these hogs in the office like it. I've found if you stick to the salad bar its not awful. They have good, cold veggies and most of the "buffet people" obviously stay away from the salad bar area.

Someone called it the human feeding trough and thats exactly what it is.

[My Opinion Matters]

I don't know if it's been mentioned yet, but that place sort of reminds of a human feeding trough.

[soonerchk]

Y'all do know that they have a menu, right?

[jk the sooner fan]

is the trough on the menu?

[soonerchk]

is the trough on the menu?

I have never eaten at the trough, I always get the grilled chicken.

[Mississippi Sooner]

Mmmm. Trough buffet.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_1mcC1K1FSRU/TSCkPSwhRHI/AAAAAAAABQ4/YYBIVRgSVo4/s1600/pigs_trough.jpg

[jk the sooner fan]

I have never eaten at the trough, I always get the grilled chicken.

do you watch them to make sure they dont sneak over to the buffet and pull some grilled chicken from the buffet on to a plate and then bring it back to you?

with a tasty warm roll of course....

[soonerchk]

do you watch them to make sure they dont sneak over to the buffet and pull some grilled chicken from the buffet on to a plate and then bring it back to you?

with a tasty warm roll of course....

I've never seen grilled chicken on the trough.

[jk the sooner fan]

I've never seen grilled chicken on the trough.

oh its there, they just scrape off the breading

[stevo]

I have to go there about twice a month because these hogs in the office like it. I've found if you stick to the salad bar its not awful. They have good, cold veggies and most of the "buffet people" obviously stay away from the salad bar area.

Someone called it the human feeding trough and thats exactly what it is.

HOLY CRAP-DOGS!! IT'S DRL!!!

[soonerchk]

oh its there, they just scrape off the breading

If I'd known there was breading, I'd have gone to the trough!!!

[mgsooner]

Did someone say trough?

[OhU1]

Wasn't it Golden Corral that had the commercial of a flying cherub hitting a man in the head with a frying pan?

[soonerchk]

Wasn't it Golden Corral that had the commercial of a flying cherub hitting a man in the head with a frying pan?

I think that was V8

[Mississippi Sooner]

I think that was V8

And it was Bat Boy.

[soonerchk]

I miss Bat Boy, but not V8.

[mgsooner]

And it's got to be alllllll you can eat

tXlxlkVGgEg

[CrimsonCream]

Buffets are the Sam's Club of eating experiences. Little variety, mass quantities, cheap, and full of people getting around in motorized carts.

After my Mother died, my Dad liked to take everybody to Branson for a long weekend. He, my brother and sister would eat at the Golden Corral three times a day.

There are two Golden Corrals in Branson. Each one had two complete operations as if two Golden Corrals were put together. It was okay until the tour buses pulled in and unloaded all the "blue hairs" following the young girl holding the flag. Never seen so many walkers and canes in my life.

After two years, my wife said, "No more. I'm not eating anymore of that sh!t (paraphrasing, of course). And we didn't.

Just a real pig trough.

[My Opinion Matters]

I know, it's just like a trough! That's what I've been trying to say!

[mgsooner]

So you're telling me it's like a trough?

[My Opinion Matters]

So you're telling me it's like a trough?

Good observation. I'm glad someone finally pointed this out.

[tommieharris91]

So if Golden Corral is a human feeding trough, where are the human slaughterhouses?

...oh, the abortion clinics. I don't like the taste of baby though. The meat isn't brown enough.

[soonerchk]

So if Golden Corral is a human feeding trough, where are the human slaughterhouses?

...oh, the abortion clinics. I don't like the taste of baby though. The meat isn't brown enough.

The you aren't preparing it correctly.

[Mississippi Sooner]

Baby on a buffet is just gross. It reminds me of babies in a feed trough.

[Dio]

http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i257/charnel44/Food/DSC01089.jpg

Is this "before" or "after"?

[CrimsonCream]

I know, it's just like a trough! That's what I've been trying to say!

The few times I've been it's been comical to watch people jockey for position as if they were going to run out of the slop.

Tell you too. Take Out is pretty expensive as it is by the pound.

[mgsooner]

Oooh, oooh...they just put up a fresh batch of fried cod fillets!!!!

[soonerchk]

Oooh, oooh...they just put up a fresh batch of fried cod fillets!!!!

Why are you at Luby's?













Sponge loves Luby's in 3...

[Blue]

Kinda funny everyone complaining about Golden Corrals food prob eats Taco Bell twice a day.

[tommieharris91]

Kinda funny everyone complaining about Golden Corrals food prob eats Taco Bell twice a day.

We have to go there twice a day because it's not a trough.