The "man card" is getting more elusive

[sanantoniosooner]

What is up with arm shaving?

[3rdgensooner]

Funny you started this thread, because I just saw this a few minutes ago:


Real men scrotazzle. (http://rad-ventures.com/2011/05/21/real-men-scrotazzle/)

Saturdays are good days, nice days to ponder the more significant topics of the day. Today, let’s weigh the pros and cons of something that can potentially impact everyone. Today, let’s have a heart-to-heart conversation about…scrotazzling.

Whenever I have free time, I check out a handful of other blogs. One such blog is Day to Day Woman (http://daytodaywoman.com/), written by Carrie Dahle. Carrie’s blog frequently targets women, and because of my epic inability to understand women, I try to get insight about the female perspective whenever possible.

A few months back, Carrie wrote about vajazzling, a nifty trend where women decorate their love nests with jewels, rhinestones and other fancy baubles. Apparently, the female need to accessorize has traveled below the belt line. Intrigued, I asked Carrie the following question:

“Dear Carrie,
After reading your post, I am envious. As a male, I have no female parts to playfully and attractively decorate. If I decided to come up with my own line of accessories, called Scrotazzling, would this make me less of a man? Thanks in advance for your feedback.
Sincerely,
A regular guy that just wants to spice up his nether regions”

Weeks passed by with no response, and I figured I had alienated yet another person with my child-like curiosity about such matters. Apparently, I figured wrong. A few days ago, Carrie’s most recent post provided a vigorous response to my original question. For her full response, read here (http://daytodaywoman.com/2011/05/19/top-ten-reasons-not-to-pejazzle-or-scrotazzle/).

Since she was kind enough to put such effort into discouraging me from accessorizing my junk, I feel like I have to address her points, one by one. Carrie has come up with ten reasons why scrotazzling is a bad idea. Will they stand up to the RADventures test? Let’s find out. Her questions are italicized, my responses are not.

10. Do you really want to draw more attention to your penis/scrotum?
Unequivocally, yes. Based on my wife’s estimation, I have spent approximately 10,000 hours on the couch and in bed with my hand resting comfortably inside of my pants. I don’t do this to be gross. I do it to say, “You’re damn right I’m holding my junk. You better recognize!” Anything I can do to reinforce this message seems like a no-brainer.

9. Who wants to be that aesthetician?
Granted, attaching fancy jewels to a never-ending stream of balls probably wouldn’t be my first career option. Still, everyone has their own unique, inherent talents. As I write this, someone, somewhere, has just been born. In two decades, that kid will grow up thinking, “Using a glue gun to fasten glow-in-the-dark stars to some dude’s nutsack just feels right.” We all have our passions to pursue, Carrie.

8. Were you trying to be a Twilight Groupie?
Absolutely. You may have seen one of my recent bumper stickers, which reads, “Team Edward? Team Jacob? **** that. I’m with Team RADventures: his balls are sparkly!”

7. It is quite possible that you will be compared to “Liberace’s rhinestone-studded dildo.”
Who wouldn’t brag about this comparison? I can just see my next job interview:
Employer: “So, Roy, tell me why we should hire you. Why are you the best man for the job?”
Roy: (Stands up. Unzips pants during group interview. Displays freshly scrotazzled man piece).
Employer: “Dear God, man. The resemblance to Liberace’s rhinestone studded dildo is uncanny. You’re hired!”

6. Retro is in but disco dick is out.
I have to challenge you on this. Last week, I was at a social function. Prior to my arrival, I had coated the exterior of both testicles with glimmering paint so they looked like two shiny disco balls. We turned out the lights, I broke out the disco balls, and we danced all night. At one point, we even had a limbo contest directly under the disco balls. Based on my recent experience, disco dick is very much in.

5. Do you really want to be called “Sparkle Dick?”
How did you know about my wife’s pet name for me? Did she tell you? I promise, she and I will have words later.
For the record…hell, yes.

[SoonerNate]

The typical northeastern man purse carrying male liberal comes to mind.

[saucysoonergal]

Nate, you are the one with the man-crush.

[mgsooner]

Nate, you are the one with the increasingly disturbing obsession.

fify

[soonerchk]

7. It is quite possible that you will be compared to “Liberace’s rhinestone-studded dildo.”

Am I the only one completely unaware of said dildo? I do like sparkles, but that seems to be going a tad too far.

[sanantoniosooner]

Am I the only one completely unaware of said dildo? I do like sparkles, but that seems to be going a tad too far.

My guess is the sparkles didn't last long.

[2121Sooner]

The typical northeastern man purse carrying male liberal comes to mind.

It's where I keep my things....
http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2010/10/12/74db4ed7-eea1-483b-b552-2eeff3ac3d98.jpg

[stevo]

Am I the only one completely unaware of said dildo? I do like sparkles, but that seems to be going a tad too far.


i thought the same thing. i almost goog'ed it, but i knew rom would get to it before me and pass along the information

[soonerchk]

Run along Nate, the grownups are talking.

[soonerchk]

My guess is the sparkles didn't last long.

I'm guessing they leave some major chafing.

[3rdgensooner]

In case you didn't click the link, this one did make me go "Hmmmm"


1. It is a choking hazard. All I am going to say is the Heimlich really ruins the moment. http://s1.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_wink.gif?m=1305726148g
Again, an excellent and valid concern, but thankfully, one with a simple solution. As I said before, my jewels are custom-designed. In the case of inadvertent slippage, they are coated in a fruity chemical compound which causes them to burst like pop rocks. Choking is not cool, but a mouthful of strawberry pop rocks dancing on your tongue is sure to enhance any romantic occasion.

[SoonerNate]

Run along Nate, the grownups are talking.

a. LMAO
b. your aren't "talking" you are "typing"

[StoopTroup]

Run along Nate, the grownups are talking.

My side hurts....Nate has had me ROTF all day.....

[3rdgensooner]

a. LMAO
b. your aren't "talking" you are "typing"lulz

What you typin' 'bout, Willis?

[JDMT]

2121 is 6'8" tall.

[soonerchk]

In the case of inadvertent slippage, they are coated in a fruity chemical compound which causes them to burst like pop rocks. Choking is not cool, but a mouthful of strawberry pop rocks dancing on your tongue is sure to enhance any romantic occasion.


So many questions. Let's start with the obvious one - how do you keep them from popping while still attached? And will one of you male types go stick your dick in a bowl of pop rocks and let us know if it's a good thing or a bad thing?

[stevo]

jdmt, do you shave your arms? does it help with aerodynamics during pull ups?

[Mongo]

So many questions. Let's start with the obvious one - how do you keep them from popping while still attached? And will one of you male types go stick your dick in a bowl of pop rocks and let us know if it's a good thing or a bad thing?

I've done it twice. it stings the peehole

[stevo]

I've done it twice. it stings the peehole


but...was it worth it?

[soonerchk]

I've done it twice. it stings the peehole

I can see the fizzing part being kind of good, but I just don't know about the whole popping part.

[3rdgensooner]

2121 is 6'8" tall.That's a lot of scrotazzling!

[stevo]

pop, pop, fizz, fizz, oh what a release it is?

[KantoSooner]

I'm really, really sorry that I didn't come up with this concept. I'm losing a step, gettin' old, falling off my game.
Damn.
All I have is a little something I thought of at an End of the World party on Saturday: Glow in the Dark Tatoos.

Not some chintzy temporary stuff, though; I mean real, permanent tats that start to glow like a watch dial when the sun goes down.

I've been researching some squid photo-active compounds and the same produced by various insects and have some exciting potential candidates. What I have some concern about, though, is the possible risk associated with injecting these bio-active compounds into the human body, if only the upper layers of the skin. No doubt further lab work is needed.

Anyone feel up to a little field trial? You could be the first person ever to have a fluorescent tatoo!

And I, of course, would make millions.


I'm thinking of precisely what I could do with this stuff and Angelina Jolie.

[KantoSooner]

So many questions. Let's start with the obvious one - how do you keep them from popping while still attached? And will one of you male types go stick your dick in a bowl of pop rocks and let us know if it's a good thing or a bad thing?

Done!

Good Thing.

Damn good thing.

[StoopTroup]

I thought about some stuff I could do with Angelina Jolie....but it wasn't tattoo related...

[KantoSooner]

It's kind of an Avatar dealio, but imagine whatever you're imagining...while Angelina's shimmering and glowing in the dark.


It'd be kind of like mushroom sex...but without the tedious vomiting to start the evening.

[GKeeper316]

It's where I keep my things....
http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2010/10/12/74db4ed7-eea1-483b-b552-2eeff3ac3d98.jpg

indiana jones carried one.

[StoopTroup]

indiana jones carried one.

yeah....but he's totally lost it now......lol

zH7KZD5vGBY

[Chuck Bao]

KantoSooner, I love your idea of glow-in-the-dark tattoos. Good luck in developing it and making your fortune. For the record, I would get one. I can't find my own *** sometimes in the dark.

I am not at all down with scrotazzling. That is just so wrong. Of course, there is nothing wrong with a manly piercing but I think that that is enough for the accessories. I mean if it is good enough for Prince Albert and European royalty, it is good enough for me.

They even told me at the tattoo parlor that I could come back for more heft later. I didn't know if I should have been insulted by that or not.

Back on topic, Nope had beebees implanted in his peepee when I first met him and that just freaked me out. You can get any shape of dildo you like but on an actual human, lumpy is really not a good look.

[sanantoniosooner]

I could have gone all year without hearing about bb penis.

[StoopTroup]

It's kind of an Avatar dealio, but imagine whatever you're imagining...while Angelina's shimmering and glowing in the dark.


It'd be kind of like mushroom sex...but without the tedious vomiting to start the evening.

We weren't in the dark....we were on front of a yacht in the South of France and I was being used to make Brad jealous or to puke or maybe get Billy Bob to think he had a chance to get her back....

Anyway....I put lots of Coppertone on.....

[2121Sooner]

That's a lot of scrotazzling!

I would look like the dude in "Office Space" with all the flair

[delhalew]

It's kind of an Avatar dealio, but imagine whatever you're imagining...while Angelina's shimmering and glowing in the dark.


It'd be kind of like mushroom sex...but without the tedious vomiting to start the evening.

I was born to eat mushrooms. Never vomited. Not once. Yeah, me!

[Mongo]

I was born to eat mushrooms. Never vomited. Not once. Yeah, me!

yeah, but choking them bad boys down is hell.

[delhalew]

yeah, but choking them bad boys down is hell.

It's no wonder almost everybody pukes...

[GKeeper316]

KantoSooner, I love your idea of glow-in-the-dark tattoos. Good luck in developing it and making your fortune. For the record, I would get one. I can't find my own *** sometimes in the dark.


not quite glow in the dark, but there's a special white ink that can be used that will only show up in a black light.

[C&CDean]

OK. I'll be bold enough to axe. Did Nope get the BBs taken out of his lumpy dick or what? I'm picturing a 1940's era blackjack here thumping the dog**** outta the side of Chuck's head.

[Chuck Bao]

not quite glow in the dark, but there's a special white ink that can be used that will only show up in a black light.

This is a very interesting discussion. I am wondering whether the typical male ego would go for white ink to only show up under a black light.

[C&CDean]

This is a very interesting discussion. I am wondering whether the typical male ego would go for white ink to only show up under a black light.

Clever...

[Chuck Bao]

OK. I'll be bold enough to axe. Did Nope get the BBs taken out of his lumpy dick or what? I'm picturing a 1940's era blackjack here thumping the dog**** outta the side of Chuck's head.

Since you are so bold to ask, Mr. Dean, I will say that there was a hospital visit and Nope gave birth to several marbles.

Okay, that is not at all accurate because he didn't actually give birth to them or create them and they are the exact same as when inserted but give me some leeway here as I try to deal with a lover with a former lumpy dick.

[C&CDean]

Since you are so bold to ask, Mr. Dean, I will say that there was a hospital visit and Nope gave birth to several marbles.

Okay, that is not at all accurate because he didn't actually give birth to them or create them and they are the exact same as when inserted but give me some leeway here as I try to deal with a lover with a former lumpy dick.

Well as long as it ain't a limpy dick it's all good, no?

You slay me brother. I haven't chuckled like this in a long good time.

[sanantoniosooner]

If by "chuckled" you mean "dry heaves" count me in.

[C&CDean]

If by "chuckled" you mean "dry heaves" count me in.

Why? It ain't like it's your dick they're cutting marbles out of.

[sanantoniosooner]

Why? It ain't like it's your dick they're cutting marbles out of.

Nope........you are correct.

[A Sooner in Texas]

Why? It ain't like it's your dick they're cutting marbles out of.

Hell, and I thought two C-sections to rip babies out of me was tough. Owwieeee.

[StoopTroup]

Hell, and I thought two C-sections to rip babies out of me was tough. Owwieeee.

I keep forgetting your Penially challenged. :D ;)

[sanantoniosooner]

I keep forgetting your Penially challenged. :D ;)

Odds are that most around here are.

[StoopTroup]

Cookies anyone?

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/11/13397648_af55fae53e.jpg

[StoopTroup]

Chuck.....do gheys have a lot of trouble from lumpy penis or the bb's or whatever some folks have done? I ask because I just saw this....

http://30.media.tumblr.com/l2IraXUeZpp6fy4cts9NaAPno1_500.jpg

[soonerchk]

Done!

Good Thing.

Damn good thing.

So the exploding rocks weren't a problem? That's really the only thing that concerns me.



Nope had beebees implanted in his peepee when I first met him and that just freaked me out. You can get any shape of dildo you like but on an actual human, lumpy is really not a good look.

Well now I have a whole different set of questions. For the record, I can see how this might have been a good thing if he had planned to have sex with a female. I'm thinking the whole BJ thing would be too freaky for words.

[stevo]

*curiously observing to see where this goes*

[soonerchk]

*curiously observing to see where this goes*

Like it didn't cross your mind?????

[sanantoniosooner]

http://30.media.tumblr.com/l2IraXUeZpp6fy4cts9NaAPno1_500.jpg

"It's time to do the implants...."
http://pretendingtofarm.typepad.com/pretending_to_farm/images/2007/11/17/dunking20donuts.jpg

[rekamrettuB]

Dick

[stevo]

Like it didn't cross your mind?????


Of course it did!!

[Mongo]

<Pat> Does a BB'ed dick feel any better? <Pat>

[KantoSooner]

[QUOTE=soonerchk;3239904]So the exploding rocks weren't a problem? That's really the only thing that concerns me.
QUOTE]

No problem at all. Felt just like fireworks look. - <best Elvis voice>

[Mississippi Sooner]

Just made mental note to not open this thread again.

[OutlandTrophy]

my boss shaves his head and arms and dyes his goatee black.

pure silliness.

[jk the sooner fan]

I thought about some stuff I could do with Angelina Jolie....but it wasn't tattoo related...

pretend your'e her brother while making out with her?

[KantoSooner]

Or maybe pretend you're her sister to add some spice to the moment.

[jk the sooner fan]

Or maybe pretend you're her sister to add some spice to the moment.

dont forget to tuck!!!!

[Mongo]

Angelina is filthy, and not in a good way

[KantoSooner]

Angelina is filthy, and not in a good way

And I feel very confident in saying that both you and I have both done filthy things with girls far filthier...and felt the better for it in the morning.

[Mongo]

touche

[jk the sooner fan]

jolie is a skank

[delhalew]

And I feel very confident in saying that both you and I have both done filthy things with girls far filthier...and felt the better for it in the morning.

That a boy. Let's not pretend we're any better than we are. It's exhausting.

[3rdgensooner]

jolie is a skankBrad Pitt is a Sooner fan, so you're a crappy Sooner fan for calling her a skank.

Unless you meant skank in the good way; if so, carry on.

[jk the sooner fan]

Brad Pitt is a Sooner fan, so you're a crappy Sooner fan for calling her a skank.

Unless you meant skank in the good way; if so, carry on.

some of the people that post here are sooner fans too

if you catch my drift......

[C&CDean]

Brad Pitt is a Sooner fan, so you're a crappy Sooner fan for calling her a skank.

Unless you meant skank in the good way; if so, carry on.

I don't think about Brad Pitt when I think about AJ. I think about Billy Bob Thornton, and anything that let that ugly sumbitch spew on their vital parts is a skank's skank.

Well, in reality, I don't think I've ever thought anything about AJ until this very moment. I hope it passes soon, cause envisioning Carl going all "uhhhhm hmmmm" gives me the shivers.

[KantoSooner]

That a boy. Let's not pretend we're any better than we are. It's exhausting.

Much like my dating life. Back when I tried too hard, I never had dates. Then I discovered THE SECRET. You just relentlessly lower your standards until your calendar fills up.

Me and Neil Young, we're just looking for women with low self-esteem...

[delhalew]

Sea turtles need loving too.

[The Profit]

I don't think about Brad Pitt when I think about AJ. I think about Billy Bob Thornton, and anything that let that ugly sumbitch spew on their vital parts is a skank's skank.

Well, in reality, I don't think I've ever thought anything about AJ until this very moment. I hope it passes soon, cause envisioning Carl going all "uhhhhm hmmmm" gives me the shivers.

:D Especially the Billy Bob Thornton part. Did you know they use to wear a necklace with vials of each other's blood. She used to have a tattoo of his initials somewhere, but I guess she changed it to a barcode.

[soonerchk]

Stop with the skank stuff and go back to the BB PP.

[pphilfran]

Stop with the skank stuff and go back to the BB PP.

I guess you will have to leave....

[soonerchk]

I guess you will have to leave....

I have nowhere else to go.

[pphilfran]

I have nowhere else to go.

Well...chit.....