Rapture this Saturday

[BOOMERBRADLEY]

For those believers please clean out your respective banking and saving accounts and send the contents to me. PM me your account and routing numbers


TIA

[OhU1]

Send me a $100 deposit and I will feed and care for your pets left behind in the event of a future rapture.

[Jammin']

I hope I don't get motion sickness during my ascension.

[Penguin]

I hate flying. I'll have to take a handful of Valium to get ready.

[thecynic]

I"ll still be here screwing all the women with loose morals

[SoCaliSooner]

http://webspace.webring.com/people/wu/um_6034/Temple.jpg

Jesus is coming back.....and bringing Ike Turners belt with him....

[soonerchk]

You'll miss me.

[Jammin']

You'll miss me.

I dont' know, jesus has pretty good aim with that belt and a thing for lippy broads.

[soonerchk]

I dont' know, jesus has pretty good aim with that belt and a thing for lippy broads.

Poor Stevo is in trouble then.

[Hot Rod]

I can't make it this Saturday. I've got graduations and parties to attend. Can we please change the date?

[Jammin']

I can't make it this Saturday. I've got graduations and parties to attend. Can we please change the date?

Sorry Hot Rod, you should have received your "Save-A-Date" awhile ago as they were placed in every hotel room nightstand.

[sooner n houston]

I can't make it this Saturday. I've got graduations and parties to attend. Can we please change the date?

I think you will be ok. I hear God is going to give them some new instructions about 7 pm Saturday! :D

[fadada1]

I slept through the one in '94. can anyone fill me in on how this might go? in case i sleep through this one, that is. TIA.

[virginiasooner]

Sheeh, can't it be delayed until Sunday afternoon-ish? I've got a college graduation to go to! But if it's Saturday, it will sure make the drive down to Charlottesville less congested.

[soonercruiser]

I can't make it this Saturday. I've got graduations and parties to attend. Can we please change the date?

Sorry no "Rain Checks 4:13"!

[Hot Rod]

Is there any signification as to why they believe its this date or did they throw a dart at a calendar?

[Penguin]

What makes him so sure that this year, this date of May 21 2011, will in fact be the date of the Rapture?
The number 5 equals “atonement”, the number 10 equals “completeness”, and the number 17 equals “heaven”.
Christ hung on the cross on April 1, 33 AD. The time between April 1, 33 AD and April 1, 2011 is 1,978 years.
If 1,978 is multiplied by 365.2422 days (the number of days in a solar year), the result is 722,449.
The time between April 1 and May 21 is 51 days.
51 + 722,449 = 722,500.
(5 × 10 × 17)^2 or (atonement × completeness × heaven)^2 also equals 722,500.Thus, Camping concludes that 5 × 10 × 17 is telling us a “story from the time Christ made payment for our sins until we’re completely saved.”

:texan:

[Turd_Ferguson]

I think I'll skip my mortgage payment and party down tonight and tomorrow. Any body wanna split a private jet to Dallas tonight?

[soonercruiser]

Is there any signification as to why they believe its this date or did they throw a dart at a calendar?

"They"????

[SanJoaquinSooner]

Dateline, London, May 22, 2011.

Stephen Hawking, "As I was saying ..."

[rekamrettuB]

So the guy left room for error back in '94. What happens this go 'round? I know the dude is like 80 and he probably thought he wouldn't be around to see it.

[boomerinhou]

I just spoke with Jesus. Apparently, there has been a huge misunderstanding as to what is planned for this Saturday.

It's a Rap Tour this Saturday....a Rap Tour!!

Carry on.


;)

[rekamrettuB]

I just spoke with Jesus. Apparently, there has been a huge misunderstanding as to what is planned for this Saturday.

It's a Rap Tour this Saturday....a Rap Tour!!

Carry on.


;)

And that will result in another 15 years of fund raising.

[soonerboy_odanorth]

"No no.. you didn't hear me correctly. I said "judge mint" day. You know decide which is better... tic-tacs or mentos.

Thanks!

-God"

(from comedian Jim Gaffigan, as related by Colin Cowherd)

[soonercruiser]

Did someone say "Peppermint Patties"???
:eek:

[Lawton4Life]

Doesnt the Bible say something like the day of the Lord cometh like a thief in the night? IE that nobody knows when? Seems like if they just looked at that part, they'd save themselves a lot of time and consternation

[The Profit]

Doesnt the Bible say something like the day of the Lord cometh like a thief in the night? IE that nobody knows when? Seems like if they just looked at that part, they'd save themselves a lot of time and consternation




The timing will work out great for the 7th Day Adventists. They will be in church tomorrow when it all goes down.

[OhU1]

Doesnt the Bible say something like the Lord cometh like a thief in the night?

If he does I have my home alarm set and ready.

It also says he'll come back and some of those standing there will not taste death before he does. :pop:

[delhalew]

What is it, 3% of humanity that will ascend? None of you *******s are going anywhere.

[rekamrettuB]

Ya I'm screwed. My 7 day old twins should be OK tho. So, I guess two of you just lost your spots.

[delhalew]

Ya I'm screwed. My 7 day old twins should be OK tho. So, I guess two of you just lost your spots.

I'm traveling for work. I'm going to be pissed if I get home next week, and the kids have ascended without giving daddy a goodbye kiss.

My MIL is a Jehovah's Witness, and according to her, Heaven has been full for quite some time. Of course she has her ticket, so...yeah.

[The Profit]

I'm traveling for work. I'm going to be pissed if I get home next week, and the kids have ascended without giving daddy a goodbye kiss.

My MIL is a Jehovah's Witness, and according to her, Heaven has been full for quite some time. Of course she has her ticket, so...yeah.




She's one of the 144,0000? Wow, good for her.

[delhalew]

She's one of the 144,0000? Wow, good for her.

They are totally saving her a spot.

[cccasooner2]

BRING IT ON!!!

[OULenexaman]

They are totally saving her a spot. What if you don't have a spot and you wanted to buy one....how much would she sell hers for?

[delhalew]

What if you don't have a spot and you wanted to buy one....how much would she sell hers for?

Well now you're just being ridiculous...:D

[OULenexaman]

typical JW's.....they never sell...

[soonercruiser]

If he does I have my home alarm set and ready.

It also says he'll come back and some of those standing there will not taste death before he does. :pop:

That won't do you any good at all.
You need to have Stoop's blood painted all around your door posts.

No....on second thought......it would have to be an innocent poster......

[cccasooner2]

"Nonbelievers, they hold, will be left behind to perish along with the world over the next five months. "

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43106614/ns/us_news-the_new_york_times/?GT1=43001

Dean gets to enjoy 5 months of retirement.

[diverdog]

I bet we would all chitten bricks if this guy is right. Then again I think chitten bricks is more likely to happen then the rapture!

[OULenexaman]

"Nonbelievers, they hold, will be left behind to perish along with the world over the next five months. "

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43106614/ns/us_news-the_new_york_times/?GT1=43001

Dean gets to enjoy 5 months of retirement. I'm OK with this as long was don't run out of beer in the world...

[sooner59]

Every time I hear "rapture" I think of the velociraptors from Jurassic Park.

[King Crimson]

don't be surprised when i'm still there dissing the Outfield and all your other Reagan era music. and hair metal.

and Howzit.

Greg Pruitt, 9 yards a carry. Billy should have won it twice.

Archie Griffin x 2, Eddie George. LOL.

[soonercruiser]

I bet we would all chitten bricks if this guy is right. Then again I think chitten bricks is more likely to happen then the rapture!

DD!
Maybe it's a misprint......like "rupture"?

Prep H...tastes great! Less filling!

[Chuck Bao]

The rapture is supposedly starting in New Zealand at 6pm and spreading west with the dusk. Bangkok is 5 hours behind New Zealand, so I now have only one hour to go. I have switched to drinking straight Thai moonshine to lift my spirit as I get really to rise up in the air.

[Chuck Bao]

It didn't seem to work. Maybe next time.

[BOOMERBRADLEY]

Anyone have any regrets they would like to get off their chest?

Every reasonable person knows God works on the Eastern Std. time zone

[fadada1]

Anyone have any regrets they would like to get off their chest?

Every reasonable person knows God works on the Eastern Std. time zone

...and only speaks english.

[sanantoniosooner]

Every reasonable person knows God works on the Eastern Std. time zone

Like ESPN?

[rekamrettuB]

I just checked the weather forecast:

6:00 p.m. Calls for mostly fiery and 9000 degrees.

[Turd_Ferguson]

I just checked the weather forecast:

6:00 p.m. Calls for mostly fiery and 9000 degrees.I'll do just fine in my Zombie/Fire proof house...

[fadada1]

Even this moran's own people think he's a fool:

But not even all of his own employees are convinced that the world is ending on Saturday.

In fact, many still plan on showing up at work on Monday.

"I don't believe in any of this stuff that's going on, and I plan on being here next week," a receptionist at their Oakland headquarters told CNNMoney.

A program producer in Illinois told us, "We're going to continue doing what we're doing."

[GrapevineSooner]

Guys, the world's not going to end anytime soon.

It'll end when the Cubs are 1 strike away from winning the World Series. And considering how far out in the NL Central they already are this season, well...

[hawaii 5-0]

Did I miss it? Musta overslept.



5-0



Yogi/ BooBoo 2012

[rekamrettuB]

Did I miss it? Musta overslept.



6pm local time...just not sure which "local" time it is. Maybe it's like the New Years Eve night and you can watch 24 parties?

[StoopTroup]

Should you wear a rubber during a rapture? Also is there someone selling ecstasy?

[fadada1]

great tune:
http://img13.imageshack.us/img13/7127/blondierapture.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/13/blondierapture.jpg/)

[sooner59]

Did someone say I was happening today? I misunderstood? ****!

http://www.moviemobsters.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/jurassic-park-raptor.jpg

[StoopTroup]

I've got a bow around my Johnson.

[fadada1]

http://img847.imageshack.us/img847/2421/pingrapturefairwaywood.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/847/pingrapturefairwaywood.jpg/)

[Penguin]

6pm local time...just not sure which "local" time it is. Maybe it's like the New Years Eve night and you can watch 24 parties?


Right. Exactly which time zone does God observe? If you believe the "End of Days" movie, the answer is Pacific Time. But, does God observe Daylight Savings Time? That might be the real question.

[rekamrettuB]

Just noticed our camera time is 7 minutes early so it will make its decent to Camera Heaven 7 minutes before the twins.

[stoopified]

I'm stll here,who's gone?

[GrapevineSooner]

I'm stll here,who's gone?

Me.

There's a kick *** Internet connection up here, dude!!

[StoopTroup]

Me.

There's a kick *** Internet connection up here, dude!!

HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU WENT UP?

[fadada1]

HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU WENT UP?

he's not in texas anymore....

[Chuck Bao]

Some of my friends planned to buy blow up life-sized dolls and fill them with helium and release them in a park in Washington DC. They would then point up at the sky and yell look, look, look the rapture just to freak people out.

Yeah, it is a very mean prank. I support their efforts, though, because, somehow, floating sex toys above the nation's capital seems somewhat appropriate given the current atmosphere.

[royalfan5]

I'm probably going to be drinking beer when I get raptured in a little bit. Do you think I will be able to take my Pabst with me as I ascend, or will they have stuff on tap up there?

[stevo]

Poor Stevo is in trouble then.


that's the truf..



i'm ready to do a confession...just because it's been about a year. who has 5 hours and tough ears?

[rekamrettuB]

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/41/Harold_Camping_2011.jpg

1ytCEuuW2_A

[SoonerKnight]

The Rapture be there or be square!

[Penguin]

1LXuNpF6NVg


WARNING: They say the s-word! Gasp!

[BudSooner]

Some of my friends planned to buy blow up life-sized dolls and fill them with helium and release them in a park in Washington DC. They would then point up at the sky and yell look, look, look the rapture just to freak people out.

Yeah, it is a very mean prank. I support their efforts, though, because, somehow, floating sex toys above the nation's capital seems somewhat appropriate given the current atmosphere.This is some funny ****, there should be pics of this.:D

[delhalew]

Not so fast, my friend...there is a volcano erupting in Iceland. Repent, REPENT!

[StoopTroup]

No escaping it to Europe....They've put up a no rapture zone in the sky around Iceland

[StoopTroup]

hI6sBdA99c8

[GKeeper316]

Right. Exactly which time zone does God observe? If you believe the "End of Days" movie, the answer is Pacific Time. But, does God observe Daylight Savings Time? That might be the real question.

and what calendar did they used to come up with this arbitrary day of rapture????

the one we use now was thought up by a ukrainian monk about a thousand years ago... long after the bible was written.

[GKeeper316]

Not so fast, my friend...there is a volcano erupting in Iceland. Repent, REPENT!

there's always a volcano erupting in iceland...

[GKeeper316]

This is some funny ****, there should be pics of this.:D

i read a story sort of similar. forgot what city it was.

some devout catholic hispanic woman was driving home from work and saw a figure dressed as jesus floating upwards into the sky and immediately slammed on her breaks and got out of her car, causing a huge pile-up. she thought it was the rapture. turned out to be part of a halloween costume (sex doll dressed in a toga) that slipped through someone's sunroof.

[StoopTroup]

I figured there would be lots more of these before the end....

6bVa6jn4rpE

[StoopTroup]

BTW....if you were a crazy meth dude....

Who would you remember to come after once you got out of jail?

The Police who tazered you or the dude standing over you saying calm down that might have called the cops on you? D

2ODeYIXseoY&NR=1&feature=fvwp

[Chuck Bao]

Some of my friends planned to buy blow up life-sized dolls and fill them with helium and release them in a park in Washington DC. They would then point up at the sky and yell look, look, look the rapture just to freak people out.

Yeah, it is a very mean prank. I support their efforts, though, because, somehow, floating sex toys above the nation's capital seems somewhat appropriate given the current atmosphere.



This is some funny ****, there should be pics of this.:D

Heh! There are pics, BudSooner, thanks to the wonders of facebook and blatant oversharing. My apologies to my friend from whom I stole her pics. But hey, she already posted them on facebook for the world to see.

Oh, it appears that they had trouble getting helium into the blow up dolls and decided to attached them to helium balloons instead. Who is to say that when that fateful day does arrive that God won't give each of those taken in the rapture a helium balloon?

Without further ado, sex toys floating over Washington DC to celebrate the rapture.

http://i802.photobucket.com/albums/yy301/ghuebsch62/rapture1.jpg

http://i802.photobucket.com/albums/yy301/ghuebsch62/rapture2.jpg

http://i802.photobucket.com/albums/yy301/ghuebsch62/rapture3.jpg

http://i802.photobucket.com/albums/yy301/ghuebsch62/rapture4.jpg

[StoopTroup]

That Obama is sexy as hell....even when he's made into a sex toy.

[StoopTroup]

BTW Chuck....are those dolls recyclable/Environmentally friendly? :D

[StoopTroup]

Last time I drank to much Tecate....I think I woke up next to the one on the right....

http://i802.photobucket.com/albums/yy301/ghuebsch62/rapture3.jpg

[Chuck Bao]

BTW Chuck....are those dolls recyclable/Environmentally friendly? :D

I don't know. You may have to get your own and ask it.

[StoopTroup]

Helium is recyclable right?

[StoopTroup]

If you have a doll on a string filled with helium and you let it fly....could you get a ticket for littering?

[Chuck Bao]

Helium is recyclable right?

I suppose so. This from Wikipedia.


Next to hydrogen, helium is the second most abundant element in the universe, and accounts for 24% of the elemental mass of our galaxy.

[Chuck Bao]

If you have a doll on a string filled with helium and you let it fly....could you get a ticket for littering?

Yes, of course. I don't think they wrote their names and addresses on the dolls. Besides, you are not going to tell on them, are you?

[StoopTroup]

Yes, of course. I don't think they wrote their names and addresses on the dolls. Besides, you are not going to tell on them, are you?

No....I'm just worried for the environment. :D

[StoopTroup]

I suppose so. This from Wikipedia.

Whew....they ducked that...

[Kimberlyz4OU]

My plan was to get some clothes, shoes, socks, panties, etc. and put sets of them randomly in the park and buses and such! I just didn't have time to act on it!

I did call my sister at 6:01 though cause I figured if anyone made it, she did! When I told her why I was calling she said--Oh, I should change my voicemail!

[BudSooner]

Thanks for the pics Chuck, thats good stuff! :D

[Chuck Bao]

The interweb chatter from the sex toy terrorist cells in the US indicate that failure to launch was due to the blow up dolls not being as light as previously thought. They are saying that maybe 5 helium balloons may be needed to get the required lift unless you want them stuck in neighborhood trees and that, obviously, is a bad thing.

[StoopTroup]

Obviously they are girls

[Chuck Bao]

Obviously they are girls

Okay, Mr. Aerodynamics Man, you come up with a better plan.

Strapping a sex doll to a rocket may initially be quite satisfying but when it blows up and falls back down, that is not really serving the cause, now is it?

[sooner59]

We survived, but according to my parents, the end is still near because of all the crazy weather. Yeah ok.....(and walks out of the room shaking head).

[BOOMERBRADLEY]

The crazy leader said the ACTUAL rapture would occur in October this year. He said May 21st was an invisible rapture and Jesus wanted to have a peak in


unbelievable...