when your body talks to you

[jk the sooner fan]

men - you know how when you're in a store.....for the sake of the story, we'll call it a "grocery store".....and your body says "hey, i REALLY need to fart"...and you are on the aisle with the spices and stuff - and there's nobody else within ear shot

so you tell your body - "sure, go ahead "

RIPPPPP

and then your body says "thanks, but there's more".....but you tell your body "we're not quite done shopping yet, can it wait till we get home?"

your body says no - and pleads with you to sneak a few more as you casually walk thru the store

ok so now the problem - you get to the register - maybe the cashier is cute - maybe not - doesnt matter really .......now you've told your body "NO MORE FARTS till we get to the car"

but your body doesnt understand - the body doesnt get the difference between this spot in the store and all the other spots in the store where it was perfectly ok.....but now its not

so your body decides to protest and makes you feel HORRIBLE - as you stand there wishing like hell that cashier would hurry the hell up... because you're about to double over from all the cramps - and at this point, you really dont even trust that it's just going to be a fart

know what i mean?

thats never happened to me but it would suck if it did

[sanantoniosooner]

"you want me on that toilet.......you NEED me on that toilet!"

[stoops the eternal pimp]

I call that every trip to walmart

[purplecrayon]

empty your colostomy bag before going to the store next time, jk

[Bourbon St Sooner]

I thought this was going to be about Olivia Newton-John.

[The Maestro]

This thread is much more to my liking...and I have mastered the art of the airy noiseless fart. Requires stealth-like concentration...

[thecynic]

two ladies sitting in church, one says to the other, "my butt has fallen asleep."
the other says "I know I've heard it snore three times"

[jk the sooner fan]

your body also knows how long of a walk to the mens room you have to make when you REALLY REALLY have to go bad

the closer you get to aforementioned restroom, the body sends the message more urgently

[stoops the eternal pimp]

I've had to do the random stop and look at something on the shelf on the way to the bathroom so that I don't look like I'm about to **** myself and also to not **** on myself

[BudSooner]

Then the **** pains start, and ya lock up...then the pointing and laughing starts.
What a ****ty feeling.

[soonerchk]

This is why you are not invited to my house.

[jk the sooner fan]

I've had to do the random stop and look at something on the shelf on the way to the bathroom so that I don't look like I'm about to **** myself and also to not **** on myself

yes, because where i work - there's a good chance that the walk to the restroom will result in the crossing of paths of other employees....who will surely see the look of despair on your face - and notice the gait with which you are walking is entirely different than the casual stroll to the elevator when you're leaving for the day

i call it the "get the hell out of my way" look

[Bourbon St Sooner]

What about when you're sneaking one out in the cereal isle and all of a sudden a good looking chick turns into that aisle? Do you immediately abort and hope said chick didn't notice who dealt it? Or do you stand in the fumes so the babe can't walk through them and hope they don't stray too far from the general line?

[jk the sooner fan]

This is why you are not invited to my house.

oh c'mon - there are other reasons...

[jk the sooner fan]

What about when you're sneaking one out in the cereal isle and all of a sudden a good looking chick turns into that aisle? Do you immediately abort and hope said chick didn't notice who dealt it? Or do you stand in the fumes so the babe can't walk through them and hope they don't stray too far from the general line?

if you're pushing air off the pile....then the thing to do is to look around with a disgusted, yet inquisitive, look on your face..as if to say "who the hell did that?" (also known as the "i swear it wasnt me")

[Cheez-It]

Oh look, another **** thread. YAY!!

JK, you're a hot mess!!

[delhalew]

This thread is much more to my liking...and I have mastered the art of the airy noiseless fart. Requires stealth-like concentration...

I too have mastered this useful skill.

[StoopTroup]

Has anyone told the cork and the monkey joke?

http://kuusisto.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341dbac353ef0133f369b473970b-800wi

[JDMT]

men - you know how when you're in a store.....for the sake of the story, we'll call it a "grocery store".....and your body says "hey, i REALLY need to fart"...and you are on the aisle with the spices and stuff - and there's nobody else within ear shot

so you tell your body - "sure, go ahead "

RIPPPPP

and then your body says "thanks, but there's more".....but you tell your body "we're not quite done shopping yet, can it wait till we get home?"

your body says no - and pleads with you to sneak a few more as you casually walk thru the store

ok so now the problem - you get to the register - maybe the cashier is cute - maybe not - doesnt matter really .......now you've told your body "NO MORE FARTS till we get to the car"

but your body doesnt understand - the body doesnt get the difference between this spot in the store and all the other spots in the store where it was perfectly ok.....but now its not

so your body decides to protest and makes you feel HORRIBLE - as you stand there wishing like hell that cashier would hurry the hell up... because you're about to double over from all the cramps - and at this point, you really dont even trust that it's just going to be a fart

know what i mean?

thats never happened to me but it would suck if it did

Sounds like somebody ate tongue from a roach coach in the barrio?

[jk the sooner fan]

no...i'm not sure what it was really....just didnt sit right, but i stay out of the barrio these days

[Hot Rod]

"Let 'Er Rip!"

[JDMT]

"Let 'Er Rip!"

Will do Les!

[delhalew]

Has anyone told the cork and the monkey joke?

http://kuusisto.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341dbac353ef0133f369b473970b-800wi

OKLAHOMA OKLAHOMA OKLAHOMA OKLAHOMA...

[WichitaSooner]

Sounds like somebody ate tongue from a roach coach in the barrio?

White people are funny...

[BudSooner]

White people are funny...What do you mean WHITE PEOPLE??

































:D

[soonerchk]

White people are funny...

I've heard you speak Spanish, let's not get too carried away here...

[rs.soonerfans]

i always place my anal vapors next to the durian fruit, no one can tell the diff.

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

If a hot girl is coming down the aisle, I always fart because a true women appreciates a man who will just let it go!

[WichitaSooner]

What do you mean WHITE PEOPLE??

:D


I've heard you speak Spanish, let's not get too carried away here...

See, I come here as a 'fugee... looking for a new start... and all I find is YOU PEOPLE here, NOT letting me be messican....

pffffffffttttt