Any Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Stories?????

[Adrian]

The movie Heat comes to mind.

[rekamrettuB]

All of them.

[KuppiKunta]

I've got a crazy one that emails me daily, but since her husband posts here, I won't share details.

[Adrian]

I've got a crazy one that emails me daily, but since her husband posts here, I won't share details.

Dean will probably end up banning her husband, and then you can share...

[3rdgensooner]

I don't have any ex-girlfriends.

[KantoSooner]

I used to correspond with an ex- via email. The relationship drifted and I moved and stopped monitoring the mailbox. Finally came back to it a year later and found that she'd been sending increasingly psychotic and threatening mail due to her anger over my lack of response. Serious, restraining order type stuff.
and to think all over little old me? I was pretty chuffed until I started to feel laser dots all over my forehead.
Quite educational, really. Glad she doesn't know where I live now.

[Adrian]

You didn't check your email for a year?

[Mjcpr]

I can't wait to hear step's, he has told me literally dozens over the years.

[StoopTroup]

Yes. Yes I do.....

[The]

http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b324/PepsiMan34/GrandpaSimpson.gif

[3rdgensooner]

http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b324/PepsiMan34/GrandpaSimpson.gif
:slowclapstandingovation

[Mississippi Sooner]

Yep, I've got two in particular that I could write a book about. Both ended with some psychotic stalking. I had that same reaction of "over me? Seriously?"

In my own self-depreciating way, of course I blamed it on myself for having anything to do with the psychos in the first place. But they were both hawt.

[Adrian]

http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b324/PepsiMan34/GrandpaSimpson.gif


http://njrealestatewire.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/house-on-fire.jpg

[SanJoaquinSooner]

http://img1.tvloop.com/img/showpics/ca/84/l34be9c7d0000_1_1558.jpg

[MR2-Sooner86]

All women are crazy. All my ex's are women (well...not counting that shemale) so all ex's are crazy.

[saucysoonergal]

Well, 3G owes me a coke, we will just have to see how it goes...



;)

[SoonerBorn]

I had one who refused when I said I wanted to break up. You know, like a boss refusing to accept an employee's resignation.

[MR2-Sooner86]

Well, 3G owes me a coke, we will just have to see how it goes...



;)

I call dibs on running the video camera!

[3rdgensooner]

I had one who refused when I said I wanted to break up. You know, like a boss refusing to accept an employee's resignation.
http://cyclonecindy.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/chandler-and-janice.jpg

[reflector]

I don't have any ex-girlfriends.

Thanks for making me smile today. :)

[KuppiKunta]

Thanks for making me smile today. :)


I guess reflector doesn't have any ex-girlfriends either.

[soonerbub]

High school--we have a basketball road game. Get back to the gym to find my car hood keyed "I love you a$$hole"

she was upset that another girl had been drivin my ride

I dated her for another year before I went off to the U of O and she went off to pop out a buncha younguns

talk about sexual napalm :cool:

[KantoSooner]

You didn't check your email for a year?

One account. I had about 4 active at the time and one was left alone for a loooong time. What's funny is that she knew of two of the others but never tried them.

[XingTheRubicon]

I had an incredibly stupid b*tch that had an over-evaluated sense of her own self worth, that cut off each and EVERY one of the left sleeves off of 50 shirts hanging in my closet.

The right sleeves were facing out, so I didn't know it until I put one shirt on....no left sleeve.

Hmmm. That's odd. The sleeve fell off.

Grab another shirt, no left sleeve.

and so on...

it gets better,...I assumed it was her, we just broke up and she's as dumb as nails.


So 3 days go by, she had called twice and I didn't answer. Then I heard a knock at the door.

I open the door.

Stupid, regretful look on her face.

me "Did you cut up my shirts?"

her "um, well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about."

me (interrupting) "you remember your friend Taylor?"

her "yeah"

me "I'm gonna bang her tonight"

her (watching door slowly shut in her face)

me (getting denied by Taylor later that night, BUT banging her a week later)

me (after banging said friend, sitting up in bed and looking at my closet...shirts still don't work.)

[GDC]

There was this one I never actually married. When she would drink she would do things like knock the screen door off its hinges and then try to beat me with it.

[Adrian]

I guess reflector doesn't have any ex-girlfriends either.

I can honestly say I do not know if Reflector has any ex-girlfriends...

[SoCaliSooner]

I've had a few. One was a one nighter that trashed my place.

One poisoned my wolf.

One committed suicide.

One went missing and has never been seen again.

[smokeeater]

I've had a few. One was a one nighter that trashed my place.

One poisoned my wolf.

One committed suicide.

One went missing and has never been seen again.


At least you never dated any mean girls

[SoCaliSooner]

At least you never dated any mean girls

Well they weren't mean until after we went out.

[Adrian]

At least you never dated any mean girls

Poisoning a wolf is pretty doggone mean, if you ask me...

[KuppiKunta]

Poisoning a wolf is pretty doggone mean, if you ask me...


Not near as mean as committing suicide!

[MamaMia]

I still have the same girlfriends from high school. None of them are crazy. We save each other before we go off the deep end. :P

[SoCaliSooner]

Not near as mean as committing suicide!

Well to be fair, I am pretty hard to get over and I kind of dared that nut job to do it. At some point crazy outweighed the great sex and I needed something different.

[The Profit]

I had an incredibly stupid b*tch that had an over-evaluated sense of her own self worth, that cut off each and EVERY one of the left sleeves off of 50 shirts hanging in my closet.

The right sleeves were facing out, so I didn't know it until I put one shirt on....no left sleeve.

Hmmm. That's odd. The sleeve fell off.

Grab another shirt, no left sleeve.

and so on...

it gets better,...I assumed it was her, we just broke up and she's as dumb as nails.


So 3 days go by, she had called twice and I didn't answer. Then I heard a knock at the door.

I open the door.

Stupid, regretful look on her face.

me "Did you cut up my shirts?"

her "um, well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about."

me (interrupting) "you remember your friend Taylor?"

her "yeah"

me "I'm gonna bang her tonight"

her (watching door slowly shut in her face)

me (getting denied by Taylor later that night, BUT banging her a week later)

me (after banging said friend, sitting up in bed and looking at my closet...shirts still don't work.)



You've got to give her credit for ingenuity. Going after the left sleeve only was a classic move on her part.

[rekamrettuB]

You've got to give her credit for ingenuity. Going after the left sleeve only was a classic move on her part.

I'm with ya'. As mean as it seemed to the poster, it's pretty dang funny and, honestly, quite awesome.

[C&CDean]

No ex-girlfriend story, but an ex-wife story.

Back in the day, when Sybil and I were married, life was grand. I was a mechanic at the time, and she used to pack my lunches in one of those little ice chest/cooler thingies. Every day it was roast beef with all the fixins, turkey w/all the fixins, chicken fry w/all the fixins, casseroles, homemade pies and cakes, nice salads, etc. All the other guys had blowme sammiches, pb&j, plastic baggies with stale potato chips, etc., or they had to go up to the El Taco for lunch.

All the guys at the shop would wait with bated breath for what I had in my lunchbox. Why? Because on most days there'd be something "extra." She packed all the food and stuff in leftover butter/sour cream containers that you couldn't see into. Sometimes she would put panties in one of them. Sometimes a nekkid picture of herself. Sometimes a perfumed note describing all the glorious saliva-laden action I was gonna get when I got home that afternoon. So far so good, right?

Wrong. Depending on the time of month, I would come home and sometimes everything went according to plan. However, for ~1 week of every month, I came home to a completely different person each day. In the morning it was "I love you honey, have a good day at work" and a pair lace panties. When I came home and walk in I would be greeted by Satan's bride. "You selfish ****, I stay here all day and take care of your POS kids so you can go to work and **** all the girls there. I ****ing hate you you prick!!"

So I'd go "so, tell me, what happened between this morning when you were all lovey dovey and this afternoon when you sprouted horns?" She'd just go off. And I mean off. Once I had to dodge a gallon jug of milk that she winged at my head (trust me, milk does not come out of the carpet). Several times I had to deal with her throwing all my **** out in the front yard or her scattering my tools all over the garage. Sometimes she'd slam a door so hard it would bust the door jamb. The whole time she'd be foaming at the mouth, eyes rolled back in her head, and completely gonzo.

I took her to the doc and he told her "vitamin E, no booze, no cigs." She'd do great for a couple weeks then I'd come home and she'd be in the garage with a glass of wine, a cigarette, and all my hunting gear thrown out in the back yard all the while screaming (all the neighbors heard for sure) how many women I ****, how selfish I am, etc.

When I divorced her *** (bought a kit at Copelin's, and with filing fees and everything it cost me $176 - cheapest divorce ever) I told her "I'm going on a trip to San Francisco next week. Please clear all your **** outta the house and leave the key on the counter before I get back. I get back, go pick up the kids from my friend's house who was watching them, open the garage door, walk in, and it's like an echo chamber. Every single item that wasn't bolted down was gone. Dishwasher, fridge, microwave, TV, stereo, VCR, furniture, all the kids' furniture, I mean everything. She did dump the kids' clothes on the floor in the middle of the living room, but my clothes/tools/golf clubs/hunting stuff/camping stuff/etc. was all gone.

The kids are bawling, and I just go "it's OK guys, we'll start over." And we did. I went and bought a card table with 4 folding chairs, got some Chinese takeout, and never looked back. A funny ending though. She called about 3-4 months later from Johnson City, Tennessee going "so, you miss me yet babe?" I go "oh hells no, please don't call again." She goes "just thought you might want the furniture and stuff back. It's in a storage locker in Norman, and they sent me a notice that if I don't pay up they're going to auction it all off. Send my $1000 and you can have all the stuff." I go "bitch, I wouldn't take the stuff if you paid me $1000. Never call me again." She did a couple more times dropping her price. Finally, she got the hint and quit bugging me.

****, that was a long story and I didn't even tell 1% of it.

[okie52]

So....no make up sex?

[oudavid1]

How long did you guys date before you got married Dean?

[ByrnHoustonsSweatyPalms]

No ex-girlfriend story, but an ex-wife story.

Back in the day, when Sybil and I were married, life was grand. I was a mechanic at the time, and she used to pack my lunches in one of those little ice chest/cooler thingies. Every day it was roast beef with all the fixins, turkey w/all the fixins, chicken fry w/all the fixins, casseroles, homemade pies and cakes, nice salads, etc. All the other guys had blowme sammiches, pb&j, plastic baggies with stale potato chips, etc., or they had to go up to the El Taco for lunch.

All the guys at the shop would wait with bated breath for what I had in my lunchbox. Why? Because on most days there'd be something "extra." She packed all the food and stuff in leftover butter/sour cream containers that you couldn't see into. Sometimes she would put panties in one of them. Sometimes a nekkid picture of herself. Sometimes a perfumed note describing all the glorious saliva-laden action I was gonna get when I got home that afternoon. So far so good, right?

Wrong. Depending on the time of month, I would come home and sometimes everything went according to plan. However, for ~1 week of every month, I came home to a completely different person each day. In the morning it was "I love you honey, have a good day at work" and a pair lace panties. When I came home and walk in I would be greeted by Satan's bride. "You selfish ****, I stay here all day and take care of your POS kids so you can go to work and **** all the girls there. I ****ing hate you you prick!!"

So I'd go "so, tell me, what happened between this morning when you were all lovey dovey and this afternoon when you sprouted horns?" She'd just go off. And I mean off. Once I had to dodge a gallon jug of milk that she winged at my head (trust me, milk does not come out of the carpet). Several times I had to deal with her throwing all my **** out in the front yard or her scattering my tools all over the garage. Sometimes she'd slam a door so hard it would bust the door jamb. The whole time she'd be foaming at the mouth, eyes rolled back in her head, and completely gonzo.

I took her to the doc and he told her "vitamin E, no booze, no cigs." She'd do great for a couple weeks then I'd come home and she'd be in the garage with a glass of wine, a cigarette, and all my hunting gear thrown out in the back yard all the while screaming (all the neighbors heard for sure) how many women I ****, how selfish I am, etc.

When I divorced her *** (bought a kit at Copelin's, and with filing fees and everything it cost me $176 - cheapest divorce ever) I told her "I'm going on a trip to San Francisco next week. Please clear all your **** outta the house and leave the key on the counter before I get back. I get back, go pick up the kids from my friend's house who was watching them, open the garage door, walk in, and it's like an echo chamber. Every single item that wasn't bolted down was gone. Dishwasher, fridge, microwave, TV, stereo, VCR, furniture, all the kids' furniture, I mean everything. She did dump the kids' clothes on the floor in the middle of the living room, but my clothes/tools/golf clubs/hunting stuff/camping stuff/etc. was all gone.

The kids are bawling, and I just go "it's OK guys, we'll start over." And we did. I went and bought a card table with 4 folding chairs, got some Chinese takeout, and never looked back. A funny ending though. She called about 3-4 months later from Johnson City, Tennessee going "so, you miss me yet babe?" I go "oh hells no, please don't call again." She goes "just thought you might want the furniture and stuff back. It's in a storage locker in Norman, and they sent me a notice that if I don't pay up they're going to auction it all off. Send my $1000 and you can have all the stuff." I go "bitch, I wouldn't take the stuff if you paid me $1000. Never call me again." She did a couple more times dropping her price. Finally, she got the hint and quit bugging me.

****, that was a long story and I didn't even tell 1% of it.

So, even your wife doesn't like you?:confused:

[C&CDean]

How long did you guys date before you got married Dean?

Heh.

We didn't. I had been divorced from my first wife a few months, went out and got drunk, went to a 24-hour restaraunt in Tucson and she was a waitress there. I invited her over to the house and then out for supper. That weekend she showed up at the house with a bag packed. She never left. Yes, I was a ****ing moron. I always learn life's lessons the hard way.

[C&CDean]

So, even your wife doesn't like you?:confused:

Well as long as yours does, I'm good to go, right?

[oudavid1]

Heh.

We didn't. I had been divorced from my first wife a few months, went out and got drunk, went to a 24-hour restaraunt in Tucson and she was a waitress there. I invited her over to the house and then out for supper. That weekend she showed up at the house with a bag packed. She never left. Yes, I was a ****ing moron. I always learn life's lessons the hard way.

I was gonna say, you really missed on that one bro. Hehe :D

[ByrnHoustonsSweatyPalms]

Well as long as yours does, I'm good to go, right?

My wife? Then the jokes on you.:D

[C&CDean]

My wife? Then the jokes on you.:D

Heh.

[Adrian]

So, even your wife doesn't like you?:confused:

You OUI newbs leave Dean alone. He tells some really good stories...

[ByrnHoustonsSweatyPalms]

You OUI newbs leave Dean alone. He tells some really good stories...

OUI? My home board is pervertedstalkers.com!;)

[3rdgensooner]

Sometimes I don't understand why people get married multiple times.

[saucysoonergal]

Sometimes I don't understand why people get married multiple times.

Tru dat, if I ever got divorced, I don't think I would ever re-marry. Date, yes, marry, nay!!!

[KantoSooner]

Sometimes I don't understand why people get married multiple times.

ding ding ding! Marriage has nothing to do with a committed relationship; instead it generally gives one party or the other an excuse to quit trying.



My divorce was not 'the happiest day in my life' but it sure as **** was a relief. Slept better than I had in years.

[SoCaliSooner]

Sometimes I don't understand why people get married multiple times.

Serial killers always find victims too.

[SoCaliSooner]

Tru dat, if I ever got divorced, I don't think I would ever re-marry. Date, yes, marry, nay!!!

My folks taught me to date before you marry and make sure you have similar values. Call them crazy, "out there", californy's I know. Dang if I didn't just get married once and....get this...I only have kids with my wife and she with me.

[3rdgensooner]

As far as you know.

[SoCaliSooner]

As far as you know.

I ran a background check and spent a few weeks doing surveillance. Few things better than being invited into a chicks home and you've already been in there.

[KuppiKunta]

Damn Dean, you're on your 3rd wife now, or did you leave any out?

[IB4OU2]

I broke up with a girl in college one time...so I get to my car the next morning and all my tires are flat. :confused:

[C&CDean]

Damn Dean, you're on your 3rd wife now, or did you leave any out?

Three times the charm.

First one for 10 years (I could tell crazy stories on her too), second one for ~2 years (the one in the story) and now I've been married to momma for 16. She's a keeper.

Some of us are slow learners. I didn't get my BS until I was 39 and my Master's at 42. I shoulda divorced the first bitch about 4-5 years before I did. Never shoulda married the second, and wish I had found the third about 30 years ago. It took me almost 20 years to figure out how much weed/coke/pills and cigarettes were ****ing up my life. I'm still on here putting up with you ****ers. Like I said, slow learner.

[saucysoonergal]

The trick is to make them break up with you. With guys it is easy, just ask them how many kids they want, ect... ;)

[Jammin']

Three times the charm.

First one for 10 years (I could tell crazy stories on her too), second one for ~2 years (the one in the story) and now I've been married to momma for 16. She's a keeper.

Some of us are slow learners. I didn't get my BS until I was 39 and my Master's at 42. I shoulda divorced the first bitch about 4-5 years before I did. Never shoulda married the second, and wish I had found the third about 30 years ago. It took me almost 20 years to figure out how much weed/coke/pills and cigarettes were ****ing up my life. I'm still on here putting up with you ****ers. Like I said, slow learner.

You should have stayed away from the coke, pills and cigs...but tha'ts for another time.

[IB4OU2]

Three times the charm.

First one for 10 years (I could tell crazy stories on her too), second one for ~2 years (the one in the story) and now I've been married to momma for 16. She's a keeper.

Some of us are slow learners. I didn't get my BS until I was 39 and my Master's at 42. I shoulda divorced the first bitch about 4-5 years before I did. Never shoulda married the second, and wish I had found the third about 30 years ago. It took me almost 20 years to figure out how much weed/coke/pills and cigarettes were ****ing up my life. I'm still on here putting up with you ****ers. Like I said, slow learner.


We know...You just can't quit us.

[Viking Kitten]

The trick is to make them break up with you. With guys it is easy, just ask them how many kids they want, ect... ;)

Dammit Saucy, quit giving away all the good secrets.

[OutlandTrophy]

Three times the charm.

First one for 10 years (I could tell crazy stories on her too), second one for ~2 years (the one in the story) and now I've been married to momma for 16. She's a keeper.

Some of us are slow learners. I didn't get my BS until I was 39 and my Master's at 42. I shoulda divorced the first bitch about 4-5 years before I did. Never shoulda married the second, and wish I had found the third about 30 years ago. It took me almost 20 years to figure out how much weed/coke/pills and cigarettes were ****ing up my life. I'm still on here putting up with you ****ers. Like I said, slow learner.

Take back the weed, take back the cocaine baby
Take back the pills, take back the whiskey too
I don't need them now, your love was all I was after
I'll make it now, I can get off on you.

[oudavid1]

I hope i turn out like my parents and grand parents. 80 years of marriage between them.

Relationships are difficult. My parents dated 6 years before they got married. You cant really miss after that long.

[C&CDean]

Relationships are difficult. My parents dated 6 years before they got married. You cant really miss after that long.

Oh yes you can. I dated my first wife since 8th grade. I was 22 when we got married. Women change. Men never grow up.

[oudavid1]

Oh yes you can. I dated my first wife since 8th grade. I was 22 when we got married. Women change. Men never grow up.

well yes, you got married at 22 though. They dated from 20-26.

So i meant 6 years after the real world gets a shot at you.

And also, im am extremely lucky, both of my parents came from amazing families. Im am one lucky SOB.

[KantoSooner]

For some people, marriage is a light switch, young Jedi/David. You can see a person go from fun/outdoorsy/athlete/gregarious/nympho to introvert/cranky/frigid/hate-bird in about six months after marriage.

In my case, there are cultural reasons that I'll be happy to bore you with someday; but I have no reason to doubt good old 'Merican women (and men) can have the same transformation(s).

I tell you, it's like a dam alien movie. You start waking up with an alien being in bed with you. And generally, they're not happy about it.

[C&CDean]

Yeah, David hasn't learned yet about sex. When you first get together, you have sex every day - sometimes several times a day. After the wedding, you get it a couple times a week. After a couple years you get it a couple times a month. After about five years you get hallway sex. That's when she walks by and goes "**** you bastard," and you go "**** you too bitch."

[KantoSooner]

I want the Ironing board sex back in my life dammit!

I mean, is that REALLY too much to ask?

[SoCaliSooner]

Shocking that some of you guys weren't snatched up sooner by fine women.

[3rdgensooner]

I want the Ironing board sex back in my life dammit! Is the ironing board the pitcher or the catcher?

[oudavid1]

Yeah, David hasn't learned yet about sex. When you first get together, you have sex every day - sometimes several times a day. After the wedding, you get it a couple times a week. After a couple years you get it a couple times a month. After about five years you get hallway sex. That's when she walks by and goes "**** you bastard," and you go "**** you too bitch."

Maybe not. But believe me, my ex(we are together) put eachother thru hell. I am so mean to her and she likewise. 3 years later we still have it. I dont know if im going to marry her, but i have it under control. Scary thought.

[SoCaliSooner]

The trick is to make them break up with you. With guys it is easy, just ask them how many kids they want, ect... ;)

Odd, all my premarital sex with women was in their "no babies come from here" holes.

[SoonerBread]

OUI? My home board is pervertedstalkers.com!;)

ALL of us "n00bs" are from OUI. Or so the story goes.

[Romulus]

did have a husband call me before that was of course married to a chick that I had no idea that was married, interesting conversation

[Mongo]

my ex(we are together)

w. t. f.?

my three year old is easier to understand

[SoCaliSooner]

did have a husband call me before that was of course married to a chick that I had no idea that was married, interesting conversation

I banged a chick that was an ex of another poster.

[Romulus]

was she a good bang?

[SoCaliSooner]

was she a good bang?

A joy.

[Breadburner]

Best birth control known to man....."Wedding Cake"....