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View Full Version : Judging at the State FFA Speech Contest...



royalfan5
4/7/2011, 08:41 AM
Should be a good time. Multiple speeches will be on the topic of corn.

SoonerJack
4/7/2011, 10:05 AM
Should be a good time. Multiple speeches will be on the topic of corn.

My people call it maize.

Mississippi Sooner
4/7/2011, 10:08 AM
"This tastes like the cow got into an onion patch."

NormanPride
4/7/2011, 10:59 AM
Let me tell you about corn.

When I see rows and rows of that golden miracle food I get all misty eyed. It reminds me of the days I spent on Uncle Chuck's farm when he had his leg fixed after that horrible combine accident. Ironically, it was the grain alcohol that he made from the corn he grew that led to his downfall at the hands of his good friend the combine. Poetic justice? Or sinister plot arranged by a network sentient corn stalks that had formed a pseudo super-intelligence? We may never know, as Uncle Chuck used that very same alcohol to burn the entire crop to the ground. we tried to convince him otherwise, but the fighting prowess of a one-armed man with a crutch is not to be underestimated.

The corn burned beautifully, and as Uncle Chuck danced maniacally through the rows of flaming maize I thought of how beautiful the whole countryside was. I should have taken a picture, though, because the fire spread and removed half of the county in which Uncle Chuck lived. Perhaps the corn that the jail served him during his period of incarceration led to his unending insanity. It was about then that he started spouting his strange theories about intelligent corn fields and their plots against his well-being.

The high point of the trial was when the prosecutor dressed up as a giant corn kernel and began shouting in a strange language that sounded like popping corn in the microwave. Come to think of it now, the normal human larynx is unable to make such sounds and this fact lends even more credence to Crazy Chuck's delusions about a corn apocalypse incoming. After that Uncle Chuck just kind of gave up and started drooling a lot. The last thing he said was something about Ethanol being the last sign of the cornpocalypse.

In the aftermath of the great fire, massive corn subsidies flooded the region with more corn than anyone could ever use or eat. It wasn't long before the stalks were all you could see from horizon to horizon. I'm sure you're all well acquainted with the Corn Protection Act and its strict corn harvesting regulation, followed by the Equal Corn Voting Act that allowed the trillions of corn stalks to place votes and flood the American Government with supporters of their insidious race.

In summary, Uncle Chuck did all he could, but the evil oppressive corn menace reigns over us to this day. Sorry about that.





So what grade do I get?

dynersooner
4/7/2011, 12:49 PM
if FFA has a speech contest, then why doesnt the Debate team have a Pig Show contest???

seems discriminatory...

NormanPride
4/7/2011, 12:52 PM
I dunno, some of those debate girls are pretty swine-like. And of course all men are pigs. :D

Boarder
4/7/2011, 01:37 PM
You never hear enough good speeches about kohlrabi anymore.

dynersooner
4/7/2011, 01:49 PM
You never hear enough good speeches about kohlrabi anymore.

is that the jewish discount clothing store???

ouduckhunter
4/7/2011, 03:24 PM
Have fun!!

I was at the Cowboy Hall of Fame last May, and there was some type of national FFA banquet/meeting/convention going on there that evening. I have never seen so many FFA kids in all my life. They were swarming the place.

NormanPride
4/7/2011, 03:26 PM
I think royalfan will be a terrible judge. He has not graded my speech at all, and I am very disappointed.

ouduckhunter
4/7/2011, 03:47 PM
Forgot to add, I love popcorn!! For me, popcorn is the staff of life!

stoops the eternal pimp
4/7/2011, 04:19 PM
I produce a small amount of corn about 3-4 times a day depending on how my stomach feels

royalfan5
4/7/2011, 07:00 PM
Let me tell you about corn.

When I see rows and rows of that golden miracle food I get all misty eyed. It reminds me of the days I spent on Uncle Chuck's farm when he had his leg fixed after that horrible combine accident. Ironically, it was the grain alcohol that he made from the corn he grew that led to his downfall at the hands of his good friend the combine. Poetic justice? Or sinister plot arranged by a network sentient corn stalks that had formed a pseudo super-intelligence? We may never know, as Uncle Chuck used that very same alcohol to burn the entire crop to the ground. we tried to convince him otherwise, but the fighting prowess of a one-armed man with a crutch is not to be underestimated.

The corn burned beautifully, and as Uncle Chuck danced maniacally through the rows of flaming maize I thought of how beautiful the whole countryside was. I should have taken a picture, though, because the fire spread and removed half of the county in which Uncle Chuck lived. Perhaps the corn that the jail served him during his period of incarceration led to his unending insanity. It was about then that he started spouting his strange theories about intelligent corn fields and their plots against his well-being.

The high point of the trial was when the prosecutor dressed up as a giant corn kernel and began shouting in a strange language that sounded like popping corn in the microwave. Come to think of it now, the normal human larynx is unable to make such sounds and this fact lends even more credence to Crazy Chuck's delusions about a corn apocalypse incoming. After that Uncle Chuck just kind of gave up and started drooling a lot. The last thing he said was something about Ethanol being the last sign of the cornpocalypse.

In the aftermath of the great fire, massive corn subsidies flooded the region with more corn than anyone could ever use or eat. It wasn't long before the stalks were all you could see from horizon to horizon. I'm sure you're all well acquainted with the Corn Protection Act and its strict corn harvesting regulation, followed by the Equal Corn Voting Act that allowed the trillions of corn stalks to place votes and flood the American Government with supporters of their insidious race.

In summary, Uncle Chuck did all he could, but the evil oppressive corn menace reigns over us to this day. Sorry about that.





So what grade do I get?

F. In Nebraska we are always pro-corn.

Turd_Ferguson
4/7/2011, 07:08 PM
I produce a small amount of corn about 3-4 times a day depending on how my stomach feelsWTH didja do with the shuck?...

SunnySooner
4/7/2011, 07:16 PM
To corn or not to corn, that is the question...

Mongo
4/7/2011, 08:14 PM
are points added to their score if they can make a ping sound when they spit their chaw juice in the brass spitoon during the speech?

royalfan5
4/7/2011, 10:06 PM
are points added to their score if they can make a ping sound when they spit their chaw juice in the brass spitoon during the speech?

Rules require you to gut your juice during the speech.

Peach Fuzz
4/7/2011, 10:10 PM
FFA speech contest wow...
"Jimmy please spit out your dip before starting. Thank you."

TitoMorelli
4/7/2011, 10:35 PM
My people call it maize.

So do you call it maize-holing?

Mongo
4/7/2011, 10:50 PM
Rules require you to gut your juice during the speech.

ouch. tough standards up there.

Mongo
4/7/2011, 10:51 PM
So do you call it maize-holing?

gold