mdklatt
12/3/2010, 11:03 PM
I spent most of my early childhood in Sioux City and then several years in North Texas before settling at OU, so I have a unique perspective for all of you Children of the Corn that are coming down for the big game.
The first thing you'll notice is that the Dallas/Fort Worth area ("the Metroplex") is BIG. D/FW is the fourth largest metropolitan area in the country, making it approxmately 22 times larger than the entire state of Nebraska. Cowboys Stadium aka "Jerry World" holds 10 times as many people as whatever county you're from back home (your county and the five neighboring counties if you're from western Nebraska).
GETTING AROUND
For the uninitiated, driving in the Metroplex can be intimidating. Remember, there are more cars in North Texas than there are pigs in Nebraska. If you are from Omaha you might have a fighting chance (but see below). If you think "rush hour" in Norfolk is a big deal, stay home. I'm not kidding. Turn the **** around before you even get on I-29.
It's okay to use the right lanes while driving on the freeways; these are not reserved for tractors.
If you go the speed limit you will die. This cannot be overstated: If you go the speed limit, you will die. If you go even slower than that you'll take some other unlucky bastards with you in the resulting fiery pile-up.
If you're trying to negotiate the maze of freeways in downtown Dallas (TIP: don't do this) you will get stuck in the wrong lane at least three time before you finally get it figured out. Don't even bother turning on your GPS unless you find instructions like "NEXT EXIT IN 1O FEET" helpful when you have to merge across five lanes of traffic.
THINGS TO EAT
If you go to Dairy Queen, do not be alarmed--the DQs around here sell more than ice cream and chili dogs. However, the ice cream and chili dogs are about the only things worth eating with the exception of the chicken finger baskets.
Texas is world-renowned for Tex-Mex cuisine. This is definitely a must-try while you are in town. If you're lucky, your menu will have a little picture of a jalapeno (hal-a-PAIN-yo) pepper next to certain items. DO NOT order these items. Your midwestern diet has not prepared you for this, not even if you order your Potato Oles with "extra Lowreys" when you go to Taco John's. If you don't see these little symbols on the menu, you are in a no-**** authentic Tex-Mex restaurant and everything on the menu is hot enough to remove your fingerprints.
THINGS TO DO
Dallas has a lively nightlife scene. Unfortunately, it is dominated by skinny jean, Affliction-wearing ******lords.
Although Dallas is widely known as a shopping mecca, you might be out of luck if you're looking for the latest in dress bib overalls.
Be safe when you drive home, and be sure to leave early so I don't get stuck in another damn corn ethanol-fueled traffic jam of you ****ers when I go back to Norman on Sunday afternoon. :D
The first thing you'll notice is that the Dallas/Fort Worth area ("the Metroplex") is BIG. D/FW is the fourth largest metropolitan area in the country, making it approxmately 22 times larger than the entire state of Nebraska. Cowboys Stadium aka "Jerry World" holds 10 times as many people as whatever county you're from back home (your county and the five neighboring counties if you're from western Nebraska).
GETTING AROUND
For the uninitiated, driving in the Metroplex can be intimidating. Remember, there are more cars in North Texas than there are pigs in Nebraska. If you are from Omaha you might have a fighting chance (but see below). If you think "rush hour" in Norfolk is a big deal, stay home. I'm not kidding. Turn the **** around before you even get on I-29.
It's okay to use the right lanes while driving on the freeways; these are not reserved for tractors.
If you go the speed limit you will die. This cannot be overstated: If you go the speed limit, you will die. If you go even slower than that you'll take some other unlucky bastards with you in the resulting fiery pile-up.
If you're trying to negotiate the maze of freeways in downtown Dallas (TIP: don't do this) you will get stuck in the wrong lane at least three time before you finally get it figured out. Don't even bother turning on your GPS unless you find instructions like "NEXT EXIT IN 1O FEET" helpful when you have to merge across five lanes of traffic.
THINGS TO EAT
If you go to Dairy Queen, do not be alarmed--the DQs around here sell more than ice cream and chili dogs. However, the ice cream and chili dogs are about the only things worth eating with the exception of the chicken finger baskets.
Texas is world-renowned for Tex-Mex cuisine. This is definitely a must-try while you are in town. If you're lucky, your menu will have a little picture of a jalapeno (hal-a-PAIN-yo) pepper next to certain items. DO NOT order these items. Your midwestern diet has not prepared you for this, not even if you order your Potato Oles with "extra Lowreys" when you go to Taco John's. If you don't see these little symbols on the menu, you are in a no-**** authentic Tex-Mex restaurant and everything on the menu is hot enough to remove your fingerprints.
THINGS TO DO
Dallas has a lively nightlife scene. Unfortunately, it is dominated by skinny jean, Affliction-wearing ******lords.
Although Dallas is widely known as a shopping mecca, you might be out of luck if you're looking for the latest in dress bib overalls.
Be safe when you drive home, and be sure to leave early so I don't get stuck in another damn corn ethanol-fueled traffic jam of you ****ers when I go back to Norman on Sunday afternoon. :D