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The
12/3/2010, 11:34 AM
An infectious disease walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey, we don't serve infectious diseases here!"
The infectious disease says "Well, you're not a very good host."




Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says "Hey, we don't serve bacteria here!"
One bacteria says "That's ok, we work here." "Yeah," says the other, "we're Staph."




A room temperature superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey, we don't serve superconductors here!"
The room temperature superconductor leaves without putting up any resistance.

The
12/3/2010, 11:35 AM
Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Descartes! Want a beer?" Descartes replies, "Beer? I think not."

*POOF*

Descartes vanishes.

The
12/3/2010, 11:37 AM
A neutron walks into a bar, and orders a beer. The beer is poured, and the neutron asks how much he owes.
Barman replies "for you, no charge"

3rdgensooner
12/3/2010, 11:45 AM
A drunk goes into a bar. The bartender tosses him out as he is too drunk. The drunk walks back into the bar. Again, the bartender throws him out for being too drunk. Again the drunk walks into the bar. The bartender is just about the throw him out when the drunk looks at him and says, "How many bars do you own, anyway?"

The
12/3/2010, 11:49 AM
The bartender says "We don't serve your kind here." A tachyon walks into a bar.

I Am Right
12/3/2010, 11:56 AM
OK!

The
12/3/2010, 11:58 AM
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says: "We donīt serve noble gases". Helium doesnīt react

Howzit
12/3/2010, 12:02 PM
CO2 walks into a bar and the bartender says I can't serve you.

CO2 says, "Blow me."

Howzit
12/3/2010, 12:04 PM
A quark walks into a bar. The bartender says nice to see you again. The quark says, "Charmed, I'm sure."

Howzit
12/3/2010, 12:07 PM
Saliva walks into a bar. The bartender screams, "you ****ing son of a bitch, I told you not to bring your *** back here, get on back to whatever ****hole you came from!!"

Saliva says, "Mucus too much."

tommieharris91
12/3/2010, 12:15 PM
An alligator walks into a bar. He can't sit at the bar because he's an alligator. He can't speak to the bartender because he is an alligator. The alligator leaves the bar, scaring a few customers and knocking over a few tables on his way out.

The
12/3/2010, 12:17 PM
An alligator walks into a bar. He can't sit at the bar because he's an alligator. He can't speak to the bartender because he is an alligator. The alligator leaves the bar, scaring a few customers and knocking over a few tables on his way out.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?" The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English. It is confused by it's surroundings, and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables on the way out.

The
12/3/2010, 12:18 PM
A man walks into a bar.

He is alcoholic and his drinking is destroying his family.

tommieharris91
12/3/2010, 12:20 PM
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?" The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English. It is confused by it's surroundings, and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables on the way out.

Meh. The first one I saw was with an alligator.

The
12/3/2010, 12:21 PM
Meh. The first one I saw was with an alligator.

I saw it with a horse.

tommieharris91
12/3/2010, 12:24 PM
I saw it with a horse.

An elephant walks into a bar.

OK, now you know I'm lying. An elephant can't walk into a bar unless the doors are 20 feet high and 10 feet wide. Even then, it would crush the bar.

The
12/3/2010, 12:26 PM
A black guy, a gay guy, and a white guy walk into a bar.

They have a few drinks and enjoy each other's company.

Mississippi Sooner
12/3/2010, 12:30 PM
A baby seal walks into a club.

TUSooner
12/3/2010, 12:30 PM
A black guy, a gay guy, and a white guy walk into a bar.

They have a few drinks and enjoy each other's company.

C'mon. Even jokes have to be somewhat plausible.

sooner59
12/3/2010, 12:33 PM
A black guy walks into a bar.

He drinks his beer, pays his tab, and couldn't have been more respectable.

TUSooner
12/3/2010, 12:34 PM
A dyslexic man walks into a bra?

TUSooner
12/3/2010, 12:36 PM
I walked into a bar 2 Sundays ago. I staggered out. I hadn't been so ****-faced in years. I rode my bike all the way home. Even if you were there it wasn't very funny.

OhU1
12/3/2010, 12:41 PM
Bill Brasky and I went looking for a bar. He can't find one. Finally Brasky takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Brasky yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!'

Tulsa_Fireman
12/3/2010, 01:05 PM
A priest, a rabbi, and a protestant minister walk into a bar. Muhammed the barkeep buys them a round. They rename the Tulsa Christmas Parade and live happily ever after.

Howzit
12/3/2010, 01:10 PM
The walked into a bar. I was swinging it.

Tulsa_Fireman
12/3/2010, 01:11 PM
I walked into a bar. I saw Howzit swinging it and left because he got some on me.

SoonerAtKU
12/3/2010, 01:12 PM
A skeleton walks into a bar, says to the barkeep "I'll have a beer and a mop."

Howzit
12/3/2010, 01:13 PM
Tulsa_Fireman walks into a bar and pulls out his hose.

Howzit
12/3/2010, 01:14 PM
Tulsa_Fireman phones the female bartender and says, "This is my 1st time to caller."

Tulsa_Fireman
12/3/2010, 01:20 PM
Howzit sat in a bar and overheard a phone conversation with a female bartender who kept saying something about it being okay and that it happens when you get older.

Fraggle145
12/3/2010, 02:29 PM
http://instantrimshot.com/

2121Sooner
12/3/2010, 06:17 PM
A set of jumper cables walks into a bar. The bouncer says you can stay............................but dont go starting anythinng.

49r
12/3/2010, 08:52 PM
A duck walks into a bar. Everyone yells "DUCK!!!", but it was too late.

2121Sooner
12/6/2010, 06:34 PM
A Muslim walks into a bar.................and the whole place blows up before anything funny can happen.

STUpendOUs
12/6/2010, 06:44 PM
The walks into a bar...

bartender says "We don't serve Crack here"

The reply's "then just give me a gagger of Meth and sh!t on my face...."

Oldnslo
12/6/2010, 06:56 PM
A rabbi with a frog on his shoulder walks into a bar. Bartender says, "That's the coolest thing ever! Where did you get it?" And the frog says, "Brooklyn! There's hundreds of them!"

2121Sooner
12/6/2010, 06:57 PM
A priest and a rabbi are sitting in a bar and see a little boy walk past. The priest says "Let's go screw that little boy"

The rabbi says..........."outta what?"

Wayne Jarvis
12/7/2010, 12:46 AM
A priest, a rabbi, and a protestant minister walk into a bar.

The bartender says "Is this some kind of joke?"

GDC
12/7/2010, 01:53 PM
A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says to the man, "Hey guy, you've got a steering wheel down your pants."

The guy replies "Yeah I know. Its driving me nuts!"







A blind man walks into a bar with a seeing-eye dog. When the blind man reaches the center of the bar, he snatches the dog up by his collar and starts swinging him around and around.

The bartender speaks up and says "Hey what the hell are you doing?"

The blind man says, "Just taking a look around.."









A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. He starts eating the beer nuts at the bar and he hears a voice say,

"Wow! You look GREAT tonight!"

The man looks over at the bartender who didn't say anything and just keeps drinking and eating beer nuts and he hears something again!

"That's an awesome shirt! You are amazing!"

He looks around and he's the only guy in the place so asks the bartender if he had heard anything and the bartender says, "Was the voice saying bad things or good things?"

And the man replies, "Good things, why?"

And the bartender says, "It must have been the complimentary nuts."