mdklatt
11/21/2010, 07:57 PM
Calvin lived in the trailer park southeast of town, near a section of the river that flooded 2-3 times a year. Calvin had never had much success in life, barely scraping by in most years. Back in the 80s he backed into a good job that might have gone somewhere, but he got fired for stealing from the break room. He'd had a few good years since then, but he always managed to squander away any money he might have saved. Calvin had a thing for flashy cars, but they were always cheap. They were fast off the line, and often attracted attention, but never went more than a couple of months without a breakdown. Still, Calvin was a dreamer. "Next year", he'd always say. "Next year is my year--just you wait."
Calvin worked at a gas station near the country club. People on their way to and from the club would often stop at the gas station, and Calvin resented seeing them drive up in their expensive cars. He especially hated a guy named Simon, who he had gone to school with. "He's no better than me," Calvin would seethe, "he must have cheated to get everything he has." Calvin just knew that as soon as Simon left the gas station he'd head to the country club and make fun of Calvin to all of those other country club pricks. The truth was that Simon barely recognized Calvin from school--or maybe he just looked familiar because he worked at the gas station?--and beyond their 30-second transactions at the cash register never thought about Calvin at all. More than anything Calvin wanted to join the country club. "Then they'll have to respect me," he fumed.
Calvin would sometimes go out drinking with a guy named Augie. They weren't really friends, but they both hated the guys in the country club. Augie had also grown up with one of those guys, Louis, who Augie hated even more than Calvin hated Simon. Augie always told stories about how he had once been a member of the country club, but Calvin was pretty sure he was lying. Calvin and Augie would occasionally run into a crazy guy named Ryder who had gone to school with Augie and Louis. Calvin, Augie, and Ryder would get **** drunk and talk about how they were going to break into the country club, take it over, and throw Simon and Louis out. The next morning, hungover, they would always vow to never drink like that again.
Calvin regularly played the lottery, hoping to get his big break. He'd buy pick-six tickets--"scratchers is for suckers", he'd always say--every Tuesday and Friday before he left the gas station. To increase his odds of winning he always bought five tickets. Unfortunately, he played the exact same numbers for each ticket. Calvin was never very good at math. One Friday night, Calvin fell asleep while watching UFC and missed the lottery drawing. He took the tickets to work the next day, intending to check the numbers during his first smoke break. Standing in back near the dumpster, he compared the winning numbers with his six lucky numbers...76...alright...95...hell yeah...97...he had never ever gotten three in a row before!...98...could it be?...01...02...Calvin dropped his bag of pork rinds as it slowly sunk in. He won. He won the damn lottery! This was it, his big break! The moment he had been waiting for his entire life! Things were finally going to turn around for Calvin.
Calvin immediately left work, not even caring if he got fired. He first stop was to EZ Credit Autos to buy the most luxurious car he could imagine: a Cadillac. None of those country club *******s drove a Cadillac, just a bunch of sissy German or Japanese imports. And one of them drove some faggy British car that Calvin had never heard of, an "Austin Martin" or something. If he had a waited a few days he could have paid cash with his lottery money, but Calvin was impatient and financed his dream car at 9.9% for 72 months. Calvin drove his new (to him) Cadillac off the lot and went to find a realtor. He was going to buy a big fancy house in that gated community near the country club. He couldn't wait to rub it in the noses of everyone who thought they were better than he was. Calvin was in for a rude awakening as the realtor explained to him that he couldn't afford one of those houses. "What the hell are you talking about? I just won the damn lottery! I'm a MILLIONAIRE!" "Well, no, not really", the realtor said. "You don't get the money all at once. The payments are spread out over 20 years. You're only getting $50,000 a year, and that's before taxes. It's a nice amount of money, but not enough to afford a house in that neighborhood." Calvin was totally dejected, certain now more than ever that those country club guys were trying to keep him down. Calvin took the money from the first lottery payment and upgraded his trailer to a triple-wide, but with the same amount of furniture the new trailer looked even emptier than the old one. "I have a Cadillac, the nicest house in the trailer park, and a guaranteed salary of $50k for the next 20 years. I do belong that in that country club. I'll show them."
Calvin drove to the gas station to fill up his Cadillac. He waited for a time when he thought Simon might be there, and sure enough, Simon pulled in. "Hey man, how do like my Cadillac," Calvin asked? Simon responded, "Uh, do I know you?" "I used to work here, remember? And we went to school together. My name's Calvin." "Oh, right. I thought you looked familiar. Yeah, nice car. Catch you around, I guess." As he drove off, Calvin just knew that Simon was seething with jealousy at Calvin's new fortune. Simon, however, had already forgotten the encounter. Calvin left the gas station and was stopped at a light when some teen punk pulled up in a Ford Festiva next to him. Simon revved the engine. "Wanna race?" The Festiva's three cylinders whined. "It's on." Green light--GO! The Festiva was surprisingly tough at first, but in the end it was no match for Calvin's 6-cylinder Cadillac. "I could totally blow the doors off those country club guys" Calvin muttered to himself as the Festiva disappeared in the rearview mirror.
That night, Calvin met up with Augie, who was immediately impressed by the Cadillac. "Hey man, nice ride! Did I ever tell you how I used to have a Cadillac?" Ryder happened by, and was also impressed. "Suuuuweeet, dude! Hey, you know what? Augie and I should get Cadillacs, too. Then we'll all three drive up to that country club, smash the gates down, and do donuts in the grass. Then I'm going to take a dump in the pool." "**** yeah!", Calvin and Augie agreed. The next day the bravado had faded, but Calvin decided that he still wanted to go the country club, just to check it out. He tried bluffing his way past the security guard. "Are you a member?" "Well, no, but I'm thinking of joining so I just want to check the place out." "Sorry, sir, you have to be invited to join, and you can't enter the club unless you're a member or a guest of a member." "Oh, right, well I'm a guest of Simon." "Sir, you're not on the list. I'm going to have to ask you to leave." "What kind of bull**** is this?!", Calvin exploded. "Look at me! I'm driving a Cadillac, dammit! I have the nicest triple-wide in town! I belong here! I demand respect!" At that moment, the Cadillac's engine exploded, and to Calvin's chagrin he and the security guard had to push it out of the way to let a club member through the gate. "Next year”, he told the security guard. "Next year is my year--just you wait." :stunned:
Calvin worked at a gas station near the country club. People on their way to and from the club would often stop at the gas station, and Calvin resented seeing them drive up in their expensive cars. He especially hated a guy named Simon, who he had gone to school with. "He's no better than me," Calvin would seethe, "he must have cheated to get everything he has." Calvin just knew that as soon as Simon left the gas station he'd head to the country club and make fun of Calvin to all of those other country club pricks. The truth was that Simon barely recognized Calvin from school--or maybe he just looked familiar because he worked at the gas station?--and beyond their 30-second transactions at the cash register never thought about Calvin at all. More than anything Calvin wanted to join the country club. "Then they'll have to respect me," he fumed.
Calvin would sometimes go out drinking with a guy named Augie. They weren't really friends, but they both hated the guys in the country club. Augie had also grown up with one of those guys, Louis, who Augie hated even more than Calvin hated Simon. Augie always told stories about how he had once been a member of the country club, but Calvin was pretty sure he was lying. Calvin and Augie would occasionally run into a crazy guy named Ryder who had gone to school with Augie and Louis. Calvin, Augie, and Ryder would get **** drunk and talk about how they were going to break into the country club, take it over, and throw Simon and Louis out. The next morning, hungover, they would always vow to never drink like that again.
Calvin regularly played the lottery, hoping to get his big break. He'd buy pick-six tickets--"scratchers is for suckers", he'd always say--every Tuesday and Friday before he left the gas station. To increase his odds of winning he always bought five tickets. Unfortunately, he played the exact same numbers for each ticket. Calvin was never very good at math. One Friday night, Calvin fell asleep while watching UFC and missed the lottery drawing. He took the tickets to work the next day, intending to check the numbers during his first smoke break. Standing in back near the dumpster, he compared the winning numbers with his six lucky numbers...76...alright...95...hell yeah...97...he had never ever gotten three in a row before!...98...could it be?...01...02...Calvin dropped his bag of pork rinds as it slowly sunk in. He won. He won the damn lottery! This was it, his big break! The moment he had been waiting for his entire life! Things were finally going to turn around for Calvin.
Calvin immediately left work, not even caring if he got fired. He first stop was to EZ Credit Autos to buy the most luxurious car he could imagine: a Cadillac. None of those country club *******s drove a Cadillac, just a bunch of sissy German or Japanese imports. And one of them drove some faggy British car that Calvin had never heard of, an "Austin Martin" or something. If he had a waited a few days he could have paid cash with his lottery money, but Calvin was impatient and financed his dream car at 9.9% for 72 months. Calvin drove his new (to him) Cadillac off the lot and went to find a realtor. He was going to buy a big fancy house in that gated community near the country club. He couldn't wait to rub it in the noses of everyone who thought they were better than he was. Calvin was in for a rude awakening as the realtor explained to him that he couldn't afford one of those houses. "What the hell are you talking about? I just won the damn lottery! I'm a MILLIONAIRE!" "Well, no, not really", the realtor said. "You don't get the money all at once. The payments are spread out over 20 years. You're only getting $50,000 a year, and that's before taxes. It's a nice amount of money, but not enough to afford a house in that neighborhood." Calvin was totally dejected, certain now more than ever that those country club guys were trying to keep him down. Calvin took the money from the first lottery payment and upgraded his trailer to a triple-wide, but with the same amount of furniture the new trailer looked even emptier than the old one. "I have a Cadillac, the nicest house in the trailer park, and a guaranteed salary of $50k for the next 20 years. I do belong that in that country club. I'll show them."
Calvin drove to the gas station to fill up his Cadillac. He waited for a time when he thought Simon might be there, and sure enough, Simon pulled in. "Hey man, how do like my Cadillac," Calvin asked? Simon responded, "Uh, do I know you?" "I used to work here, remember? And we went to school together. My name's Calvin." "Oh, right. I thought you looked familiar. Yeah, nice car. Catch you around, I guess." As he drove off, Calvin just knew that Simon was seething with jealousy at Calvin's new fortune. Simon, however, had already forgotten the encounter. Calvin left the gas station and was stopped at a light when some teen punk pulled up in a Ford Festiva next to him. Simon revved the engine. "Wanna race?" The Festiva's three cylinders whined. "It's on." Green light--GO! The Festiva was surprisingly tough at first, but in the end it was no match for Calvin's 6-cylinder Cadillac. "I could totally blow the doors off those country club guys" Calvin muttered to himself as the Festiva disappeared in the rearview mirror.
That night, Calvin met up with Augie, who was immediately impressed by the Cadillac. "Hey man, nice ride! Did I ever tell you how I used to have a Cadillac?" Ryder happened by, and was also impressed. "Suuuuweeet, dude! Hey, you know what? Augie and I should get Cadillacs, too. Then we'll all three drive up to that country club, smash the gates down, and do donuts in the grass. Then I'm going to take a dump in the pool." "**** yeah!", Calvin and Augie agreed. The next day the bravado had faded, but Calvin decided that he still wanted to go the country club, just to check it out. He tried bluffing his way past the security guard. "Are you a member?" "Well, no, but I'm thinking of joining so I just want to check the place out." "Sorry, sir, you have to be invited to join, and you can't enter the club unless you're a member or a guest of a member." "Oh, right, well I'm a guest of Simon." "Sir, you're not on the list. I'm going to have to ask you to leave." "What kind of bull**** is this?!", Calvin exploded. "Look at me! I'm driving a Cadillac, dammit! I have the nicest triple-wide in town! I belong here! I demand respect!" At that moment, the Cadillac's engine exploded, and to Calvin's chagrin he and the security guard had to push it out of the way to let a club member through the gate. "Next year”, he told the security guard. "Next year is my year--just you wait." :stunned: