mgsooner
11/11/2010, 09:52 AM
He's a ten-foot tall beast man, who showers in vodka, and feeds his baby shrimp scampi.
We once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake, before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
He has a toenail on the end of his penis.
Brasky got his wife pregnant, and she gave birth to a delicious sixteen ounce steak. The afterbirth was sautéed mushrooms.
Brasky's family crest is a picture of a barracuda, eating Neil Armstrong.
Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky was in a production of The King and I? Well anyway, before the show, Brasky chloroforms the entire cast, and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews.
He breast feeds John Madden.
If you drop a phonograph needle on Brasky's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys Pet Sounds.
They use Brasky's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee Stadium.
He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
Darryl Dawkins has a summer home in Brasky's groin.
Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky taught his son how to drive? Well anyway, Brasky taught his son how to drive by entering him into the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Brasky said, It would have happened sometime.
The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Brasky, except for the part about planting apple trees and not raping men.
Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky forced me to wear a woman's bikini? Well anyway, Brasky tears off my clothes and forces me to wear this skimpy bikini. For the next three months I had to conduct my business wearing only a woman's bathing suit. I would cry from shame and question my manhood daily, but Ill be damned if at the end of the quarter my sales hadn't tripled.
Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky and I went horseback riding, but there weren't any horses around? Anyway, Brasky throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well, wouldn't ya know it, my stamina increased with each day, and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Brasky decides to enter me into the Breeders Cup under the name Turkish Delight. And Im running in second place, and I'm running, and I break my ankle. So anyway, they're about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, God bless him, Dont shoot him, hes a human.
So anyway, Brasky would put on a white tie and tails and walk his cobra through the park on a leash. He named the cobra Beverly, and he taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes, Brasky had to shoot the maid.
He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
One time I was with Brasky in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Brasky goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Bill Brasky! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'Billbrasky' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!
Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Brasky takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Brasky yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!
Bill Brasky had a four day heart attack...a day for each chamber. At the autopsy, they said his heart looked like a basketball filled with riccotta cheese.
Brasky drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.
We once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake, before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
He has a toenail on the end of his penis.
Brasky got his wife pregnant, and she gave birth to a delicious sixteen ounce steak. The afterbirth was sautéed mushrooms.
Brasky's family crest is a picture of a barracuda, eating Neil Armstrong.
Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky was in a production of The King and I? Well anyway, before the show, Brasky chloroforms the entire cast, and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews.
He breast feeds John Madden.
If you drop a phonograph needle on Brasky's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys Pet Sounds.
They use Brasky's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee Stadium.
He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
Darryl Dawkins has a summer home in Brasky's groin.
Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky taught his son how to drive? Well anyway, Brasky taught his son how to drive by entering him into the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Brasky said, It would have happened sometime.
The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Brasky, except for the part about planting apple trees and not raping men.
Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky forced me to wear a woman's bikini? Well anyway, Brasky tears off my clothes and forces me to wear this skimpy bikini. For the next three months I had to conduct my business wearing only a woman's bathing suit. I would cry from shame and question my manhood daily, but Ill be damned if at the end of the quarter my sales hadn't tripled.
Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky and I went horseback riding, but there weren't any horses around? Anyway, Brasky throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well, wouldn't ya know it, my stamina increased with each day, and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Brasky decides to enter me into the Breeders Cup under the name Turkish Delight. And Im running in second place, and I'm running, and I break my ankle. So anyway, they're about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, God bless him, Dont shoot him, hes a human.
So anyway, Brasky would put on a white tie and tails and walk his cobra through the park on a leash. He named the cobra Beverly, and he taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes, Brasky had to shoot the maid.
He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
One time I was with Brasky in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Brasky goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Bill Brasky! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'Billbrasky' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!
Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Brasky takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Brasky yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!
Bill Brasky had a four day heart attack...a day for each chamber. At the autopsy, they said his heart looked like a basketball filled with riccotta cheese.
Brasky drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.