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View Full Version : So here's a question folks..



SoonerBK
10/28/2010, 01:51 PM
First let me say that although my post count is very low like the forehead on a Wal Mart cashier, I have been around here for a while. So I expect quite a few sarcastic, useless answers. Thats cool. I also know that soonerfans.com is not the best place for advice, but there are some intelligent straight thinking (and talking) okies out there I would like to bounce a scenario off of. Here we go.
So basically after nearly seven years of marriage, my wife has decided that she NEVER intends to have any kids. She is younger than me (27) so I've never really pressured her. I wasn't ready at 27. I'm 34 and even now am not pressuring her. I just want the door left open, and would prefer not to be 60 when they are 18. Not sure what to do. Otherwise things are pretty good between us. I never intended to get a dee-vorce but this is kind of a deal breaker for me. Thoughts?

saucysoonergal
10/28/2010, 01:52 PM
As a parent of teenagers, I would say she is very intelligent. ;)

The
10/28/2010, 01:53 PM
Replace birth control with tic-tacs.

Get her drunk and don't pull out.

tommieharris91
10/28/2010, 01:54 PM
Just think of all the $$$ you will have that kiddos would have turned into ****...

The
10/28/2010, 01:54 PM
As a parent of teenagers, I would say she is very intelligent. ;)


This. Having kids is a foolish, foolish decision. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, it's just Misery Loves Company. Enjoy Life, Stay Childless!

/too late for me

stoops the eternal pimp
10/28/2010, 01:54 PM
Replace birth control with tic-tacs.

Get her drunk and don't pull out.

This worked for me

saucysoonergal
10/28/2010, 01:55 PM
Plus, you said she is 27...she is a woman and very likely will change her mind. She has a least a decade of time to think about it.

soonerchk
10/28/2010, 01:55 PM
Become a sperm donor for a nice lesbian couple.

3rdgensooner
10/28/2010, 01:56 PM
I never intended to get a dee-vorce but this is kind of a deal breaker for me. Thoughts?It seems you've answered your own question.

soonerchk
10/28/2010, 01:57 PM
It seems you've answered your own question.

Listen to this, she's a professional.

SoonerBK
10/28/2010, 02:09 PM
I think what has me rattled is the NEVER word. I'm really not in a major rush. I'm cool waiting a few more years. Here's her reasons which I can relate to, but I'm sure the ladies can:

Kind of a rough childhood-lots of divorce and drama
doesn't want the responsibility
does'nt want her body to go in the tank.

Her stance also really bothers me. Basically it's: I don't want kids, and you do so I wont blame you if you need to move on and make that happen. Like she's given up or something. Just here's where I stand and that's it. Let me know what you decide to do. Sheesh. Give me something to work with.

soonerchk
10/28/2010, 02:10 PM
Serious answer. Counseling. If she won't go, go without her.

But I still think the sperm donor for lesbians option has potential.

The
10/28/2010, 02:13 PM
Serious answer. Counseling. If she won't go, go without her.

But I still think the sperm donor for lesbians option has potential.

Counseling is for chicks and homos. Real men would keep her uterus swimming in semen for months.

stoops the eternal pimp
10/28/2010, 02:14 PM
tell her you want to stay married to her but you re gonna bone other women until one of them gets preggers

3rdgensooner
10/28/2010, 02:14 PM
Her stance also really bothers me. Basically it's: I don't want kids, and you do so I wont blame you if you need to move on and make that happen. Like she's given up or something. Just here's where I stand and that's it. Let me know what you decide to do. Sheesh. Give me something to work with.
I can understand why you're discouraged. Her response sounds a little planned out.

Oldnslo
10/28/2010, 02:14 PM
counseling: yes.

otherwise you may find yourself donating sperm not only to lesbians but also to completely heterosexual women who may wish to assist you with your desire to future-proof your genetic code.

The
10/28/2010, 02:15 PM
Two questions that need to be answered:
1. Is she hot?
2. Can you do better?

SoonerBK
10/28/2010, 02:17 PM
Serious answer. Counseling. If she won't go, go without her.

But I still think the sperm donor for lesbians option has potential.

Yeah we've got some scheduled. The counseling not the other, although that doesn't sound bad. We have a lot of fun together, and she's really quite the catch. College Grad, Teacher, Hottie, Ran the full OKC marathon, A really good little Sooner Fan. Been to every game this year 'cept last week.

SoonerBK
10/28/2010, 02:18 PM
Two questions that need to be answered:
1. Is she hot?
2. Can you do better?

Smoking Hot.
Not sure I can.

Tulsa_Fireman
10/28/2010, 02:18 PM
PIITB

StoopTroup
10/28/2010, 02:18 PM
Tough Situation. I definitely think you need some Counseling before you both move towards a split. Maybe you'll find why she feels that way and learn to accept it or maybe she'll learn how important it is to you and you guys can adopt. If it's a Black and White issue of Kids being a deal breaker for both of you and she can't understand the importance of your feeling the need to have children...then a divorce might be the thing to do.

It's crazy that this to so long to appear in your relationship.

SoonerBK
10/28/2010, 02:19 PM
I can understand why you're discouraged. Her response sounds a little planned out.

You a Counselor?

StoopTroup
10/28/2010, 02:19 PM
tell her you want to stay married to her but you re gonna bone other women until one of them gets preggers

I was gonna recommend that as well but only as a last ditch option or something to bring up in therapy...:D

tommieharris91
10/28/2010, 02:20 PM
PIITB. She can't get preggers that way.

Dammit Fireman.

OU_Sooners75
10/28/2010, 02:20 PM
You should have knocked her up before you married her. it worked well for me. :O

SoonerBK
10/28/2010, 02:22 PM
I'm thinking when we get in to see the therapist or whatever they are called, I go into the Pany rant like Frank the Tank did in Old School.

Veritas
10/28/2010, 02:22 PM
PIITB
followed by A2M

Oldnslo
10/28/2010, 02:23 PM
followed by A2M

I stand corrected!

Veritas
10/28/2010, 02:23 PM
BK, when you guys discussed the issue before you got married, what had you guys agreed on?

StoopTroup
10/28/2010, 02:27 PM
Is smoking hawt more important than someone who loves you and wants to have children with you?

Plenty of hawt Cougars out there.

3rdgensooner
10/28/2010, 02:27 PM
You a Counselor?I am not.

StoopTroup
10/28/2010, 02:30 PM
I've been through what your experiencing.

SoonerBK
10/28/2010, 02:30 PM
BK, when you guys discussed the issue before you got married, what had you guys agreed on?

Well there's a little dispute about that. I remember a conversation very clearly we had where I stated that I needed to know if she did not want kiddos. She said that she wasn't ready, but would be someday. I was fine with that b/c I wasn't ready either. Really I've just gotten there in the last year. We are finally getting some dept spun off, and in a position where it wouldnt be so tough financially. Guess she still isnt there.

SoonerBK
10/28/2010, 02:31 PM
I am not.

Did you stay at a holiday inn express last night? Come on I need something!

3rdgensooner
10/28/2010, 02:34 PM
Did you stay at a holiday inn express last night? Come on I need something!No, but I won an argument with a mouse this week. So, I've got that going for me.

StoopTroup
10/28/2010, 02:35 PM
Well there's a little dispute about that. I remember a conversation very clearly we had where I stated that I needed to know if she did not want kiddos. She said that she wasn't ready, but would be someday. I was fine with that b/c I wasn't ready either. Really I've just gotten there in the last year. We are finally getting some dept spun off, and in a position where it wouldnt be so tough financially. Guess she still isnt there.

You might want to just tell her how you feel and how important it is to you and let her make the next move. If you start to become distant to each other you should continue to do things like hang out with friends who have kids and successful marriages. Putting pressure on her might be bad.

stoops the eternal pimp
10/28/2010, 02:38 PM
I've got some medication for you to take that would constantly remind her of her womanly duties

Veritas
10/28/2010, 02:41 PM
Well there's a little dispute about that. I remember a conversation very clearly we had where I stated that I needed to know if she did not want kiddos. She said that she wasn't ready, but would be someday. I was fine with that b/c I wasn't ready either. Really I've just gotten there in the last year. We are finally getting some dept spun off, and in a position where it wouldnt be so tough financially. Guess she still isnt there.
How solid is her NEVER? Reason I ask is...I've got some really good friends that said NEVER to kids and then...something just inexplicably changed and they had a kid last month. Obviously that's just an anecdote, but I've seen some pretty hardcore baby-haters randomly get the biological urge.

Ike
10/28/2010, 02:45 PM
How solid is her NEVER? Reason I ask is...I've got some really good friends that said NEVER to kids and then...something just inexplicably changed and they had a kid last month. Obviously that's just an anecdote, but I've seen some pretty hardcore baby-haters randomly get the biological urge.

this.


My wife and I were both in our 30s before we wanted to have kids.

olevetonahill
10/28/2010, 02:52 PM
Ive got an Allsome Possum Stew recipe Ill share with Ya.:D

Really Tho i love my Kids and Grand Kids but if I had it to do over Think Id have a Vasectomy when i was 13;)

C&CDean
10/28/2010, 02:56 PM
I hate to be "that guy" again, but it sounds to me like she's gently pushing you outta the way. I know a couple who sounded just like you. It finally ended in divorce, and 10 months later, the bitch who would "never have kids" popped one out, and ended up popping out 4 more in the next 5 years with her new guy.

Smokin' hot is fine for looking at. If you really want kids, then you need to find someone to have them with. She sounds pretty damn selfish to me anyhow if one of the primary reasons she doesn't want them is to save her body. Guess what sugar? Your body is gonna go to **** anyhow. Then what do you have? Your "hotty" who ain't hot no more, and nary a child.

And yes, I AM a counselor.

saucysoonergal
10/28/2010, 03:06 PM
Bovine counselor?

SoonerBK
10/28/2010, 03:12 PM
I hate to be "that guy" again, but it sounds to me like she's gently pushing you outta the way. I know a couple who sounded just like you. It finally ended in divorce, and 10 months later, the bitch who would "never have kids" popped one out, and ended up popping out 4 more in the next 5 years with her new guy.

Smokin' hot is fine for looking at. If you really want kids, then you need to find someone to have them with. She sounds pretty damn selfish to me anyhow if one of the primary reasons she doesn't want them is to save her body. Guess what sugar? Your body is gonna go to **** anyhow. Then what do you have? Your "hotty" who ain't hot no more, and nary a child.

And yes, I AM a counselor.


I'm feelin' ya brother. I still remember one of your posts from like five years ago. The discussion was about finging the right woman. You said something to the effect that if you can't ease up behind your woman and bend her over the couch and get it, then you aint with the right girl! Love it!

SoonerBK
10/28/2010, 03:13 PM
I've been through what your experiencing.

Did it end well?

C&CDean
10/28/2010, 03:13 PM
Oh I've counseled a few in my day.

I should correct myself. I am educated as a counselor. Problem is, nobody wants my type of advice. If you're fat, depressed, and ain't gettin' any instead of saying "let's talk about your youth, did your daddy molest you?" I'm more apt to say "get up off your fat *** and hit the gym. Put down the cheeseburger and fries and have yourself a nice salad. Who the hell would want to **** you anyhow? No **** you ain't gettin' any."

Mississippi Sooner
10/28/2010, 03:14 PM
Oh I've counseled a few in my day.

I should correct myself. I am educated as a counselor. Problem is, nobody wants my type of advice. If you're fat, depressed, and ain't gettin' any instead of saying "let's talk about your youth, did your daddy molest you?" I'm more apt to say "get up off your fat *** and hit the gym. Put down the cheeseburger and fries and have yourself a nice salad. Who the hell would want to **** you anyhow? No **** you ain't gettin' any."

R. Lee Ermey approves. :D

3rdgensooner
10/28/2010, 03:15 PM
Oh I've counseled a few in my day.

I should correct myself. I am educated as a counselor. Problem is, nobody wants my type of advice. If you're fat, depressed, and ain't gettin' any instead of saying "let's talk about your youth, did your daddy molest you?" I'm more apt to say "get up off your fat *** and hit the gym. Put down the cheeseburger and fries and have yourself a nice salad. Who the hell would want to **** you anyhow? No **** you ain't gettin' any."
http://s3.amazonaws.com/img.veehd.com/4500634_l4.jpg

saucysoonergal
10/28/2010, 03:16 PM
Ah, the sensitivity counselor, gotcha. ;)

stoops the eternal pimp
10/28/2010, 03:16 PM
dean never hesitates to post something about some tossed salad

C&CDean
10/28/2010, 03:16 PM
R. Lee Ermey approves. :D

Heh. I saw that commercial with the guy laying on the couch today when I was at the gym. Couldn't get the sound, but I think he throws a box of kleenex at the guy for crying? Yeah, that'd be me.

saucysoonergal
10/28/2010, 03:18 PM
Dean, I think most folks need a swift kick in the butt more than a hug. I'm down with your counseling style.

sooneron
10/28/2010, 03:19 PM
heh.

Veritas
10/28/2010, 03:38 PM
Ugh. As I'm listening to the rotten little ****s in the apartment above us do laps while their slut mom vacuums, I'm thinking the world is better off with less procreation.

The
10/28/2010, 03:40 PM
Ugh. As I'm listening to the rotten little ****s in the apartment above us do laps while their slut mom vacuums, I'm thinking the world is better off with less procreation.

+1

SoonerBK
10/28/2010, 03:40 PM
Well thanks for the input. It actually did help, and made me laugh a little. I do love her, and believ that we are sposed to be together. However if it did go south, I guess I'd just have to move on. I hope it doesn't. I am a big believer in what does'nt kill you makes you stronger. In the mean time I think I'm just going to start ****ing the **** out of her as much as possible, I'm a bit of a stallion, so it'l be fun!:D

3rdgensooner
10/28/2010, 03:48 PM
I'm a bit of a stallion, Do you have many leather bound books and does your apartment smell of rich mahogany?

saucysoonergal
10/28/2010, 03:49 PM
I think he has a horse pig get up.

The
10/28/2010, 03:50 PM
I think he has a horse pig get up.

I'd go furry for that.

Scott D
10/28/2010, 03:51 PM
tell her you want to stay married to her but you re gonna bone other women until one of them gets preggers

no wonder step's the premier church counciling person ;)

GKeeper316
10/28/2010, 03:53 PM
dont have kids...

all they are is more debt to pay down.

SoonerBK
10/28/2010, 03:59 PM
Do you have many leather bound books and does your apartment smell of rich mahogany?

No but sharks do have a week dedicated to me, and my mom has a tatoo that says son...

StoopTroup
10/28/2010, 04:08 PM
I hate to be "that guy" again, but it sounds to me like she's gently pushing you outta the way. I know a couple who sounded just like you. It finally ended in divorce, and 10 months later, the bitch who would "never have kids" popped one out, and ended up popping out 4 more in the next 5 years with her new guy.

Smokin' hot is fine for looking at. If you really want kids, then you need to find someone to have them with. She sounds pretty damn selfish to me anyhow if one of the primary reasons she doesn't want them is to save her body. Guess what sugar? Your body is gonna go to **** anyhow. Then what do you have? Your "hotty" who ain't hot no more, and nary a child.

And yes, I AM a counselor.

BOOMER ! ! !

SunnySooner
10/28/2010, 05:34 PM
Hmmm. If she's that blase about losing you over this, then she may not be "The One". She is 27. Did you know a woman's fertility starts to decline at 27? Now ya do. If you want kids, especially if you want more than one, she needs to get busy. We started "letting nature take its course" when I was 25. Didn't complete the family til I was almost 34, and we only have 2 kids. See what I'm saying? Contrary to what you were told in high school, getting preggers doesn't necessarily happen on the first try. Unless you're 17 and in the backseat of a TransAm, but I digress.

My main point is she seems perfectly willing to lose you over this. So, not having kids is more important to her than you. Not good. Especially when I, and almost every girlfriend I've discussed this subject with, knew we'd found the right guy when we realized we wanted to have 10 kids with him. Something about fallling head over heels makes MOST chicks want to bear that dude's children. Really. Obviously, there are exceptions, but for a lot of us, its an instinct thing, and for us, loving someone deeply triggers a desire to reproduce.

For you, if you really want kids, you may need to move on. I hate to say that, because I hate divorce, but this is something you can't compromise on. You have to decide if the desire for children is greater than your desire to stay with her, knowing that she was perfectly willing to tell you "Buh-bye" if you had pressed the issue. That alone would stick in my craw. I like being with someone who can't imagine his life without me, not one who would willingly let me go for any reason.

Good luck, this is some tough ****, I hope you both find the happiness you seek, however that may be. And for the record, kids are the greatest thing ever, don't let anyone tell you different.

OUinFLA
10/28/2010, 08:48 PM
If you think "you" want kids now, just wait until you're 60 and you not only don't have kids, but you don't have grandkids.

grandkids are the best.

at some point in your ageing life, you will resent the woman who denied you something you so clearly wanted.

tcrb
10/28/2010, 09:20 PM
I read this entire thread with great interest. Primarily because I experienced a similar situation as yours some 30 years ago. And although I could probably write a short novel on my own experiences and how that turned out for me, I will instead suggest that you pay close attention to the posts in this thread submitted by Sunny, Dean, and 3rdgen. What I can say is, whatever decisions you may decide upon with this situation, do not allow yourself to have any regrets.

Leroy Lizard
10/29/2010, 12:23 AM
Go over your marriage vows. Did you mean them?

mgsooner
10/29/2010, 12:29 AM
If you think "you" want kids now, just wait until you're 60 and you not only don't have kids, but you don't have grandkids.

grandkids are the best.

at some point in your ageing life, you will resent the woman who denied you something you so clearly wanted.

Or when you're 70 and can't get around so well and you have absolutely no one to talk to or visit you. Seems like that would be a pretty miserable sad f*cking existence. I've never been rah rah on kids, but when you really think about down the line time, perhaps it will be nice to have some living family members to spend time with. Some of the gung ho "I'm never having kids" people that I know seem to think they're going to be 30 and going out to bars every weekend for the rest of their lives. Doesn't work that way.

SanJoaquinSooner
10/29/2010, 12:39 AM
Listen to this, she's a professional.

Listen to this, Chk knows professionals.

SanJoaquinSooner
10/29/2010, 12:40 AM
Go over your marriage vows. Did you mean them?


Leroy, I thought of you when I read this....

All of us are experts at practicing virtue at a distance. ~Theodore M. Hesburgh

SoonerBK
10/29/2010, 08:20 AM
Hmmm. If she's that blase about losing you over this, then she may not be "The One". She is 27. Did you know a woman's fertility starts to decline at 27? Now ya do. If you want kids, especially if you want more than one, she needs to get busy. We started "letting nature take its course" when I was 25. Didn't complete the family til I was almost 34, and we only have 2 kids. See what I'm saying? Contrary to what you were told in high school, getting preggers doesn't necessarily happen on the first try. Unless you're 17 and in the backseat of a TransAm, but I digress.

My main point is she seems perfectly willing to lose you over this. So, not having kids is more important to her than you. Not good. Especially when I, and almost every girlfriend I've discussed this subject with, knew we'd found the right guy when we realized we wanted to have 10 kids with him. Something about fallling head over heels makes MOST chicks want to bear that dude's children. Really. Obviously, there are exceptions, but for a lot of us, its an instinct thing, and for us, loving someone deeply triggers a desire to reproduce.

For you, if you really want kids, you may need to move on. I hate to say that, because I hate divorce, but this is something you can't compromise on. You have to decide if the desire for children is greater than your desire to stay with her, knowing that she was perfectly willing to tell you "Buh-bye" if you had pressed the issue. That alone would stick in my craw. I like being with someone who can't imagine his life without me, not one who would willingly let me go for any reason.

Good luck, this is some tough ****, I hope you both find the happiness you seek, however that may be. And for the record, kids are the greatest thing ever, don't let anyone tell you different.


Thanks for this post! This line of thinking had kinda been in my mind, but I hadn't been able to really articulate to well. I've learned a few things from this thread. Alot of what you all have brought up has gone through my mind already....time line down the road, all of Dean's stuff, and so on. I absolutley meant my wedding vows, and thus far we have made through some pretty tough times. We are still communicating, but are kinda walking through the house like a couple of gunslingers (if your're familiar with any of Dane Cook's stuff.) One thing in my favor it think is that I am REALLY slow to anger, so I wont be makig any rash decions. We go see a counslor in a couple of weeks. So we'll see, but I do still love her.