The Male Sensitivity Test

[Howzit]

THE OFFICIAL MALE SENSITIVITY TEST

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking.
B. Screwing.
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.


2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.


3. You time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously
C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Center.

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about.


5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.


6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym
C. A conservative estimate


7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A. A myth.
B. An oxymoron.
C. A moron.


8. Foreplay is to sex as:
A. An appetizer is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C . A long line is to an amusement park ride.


9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
A. "I hope we can still be friends."
B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
C. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU."


10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

[Scott D]

sensitivity is for dating...once you're married and she's less inclined to give it up, I'm less inclined to be sensitive to her needs. :D

[saucysoonergal]

Pervert.

[Leroy Lizard]

[COLOR=black]THE OFFICIAL MALE SENSITIVITY TEST

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking.
B. Screwing.
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.

D. You don't talk about intercourse among females.



2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.


D. Wedding vows.


3. You time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously
C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Center.

D. You don't time your orgasm. That's unnatural.



skipping ahead




7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A. A myth.
B. An oxymoron.
C. A moron.


D. Gay.

[3rdgensooner]

3. You time your orgasm so that:
C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Center.
I will neither confirm nor deny that I've done this.

[StoopTroup]

If I'd have taken that test prior to any date I'd have been a virgin until I got married.

Question Number 2...clearly it's C.

[Howzit]

D. You don't talk about intercourse among females.





How do you know? You've never met me.

[stoops the eternal pimp]

yeah leroy your wrong....he does talk about it amongst females..and males...really whoever will listen

[StoopTroup]

How do you know? You've never met me.

He's psychic.

[Leroy Lizard]

yeah leroy your wrong....he does talk about it amongst females..and males...really whoever will listen

My gut feeling is that they are really not listening.

[StoopTroup]

Opps...I meant Psycho....:D

[soonerchk]

Never date a man who cries more than you do.

[StoopTroup]

Never date a man who cries more than you do. Sincerely SicEmEx

FIFY :D

[soonerchk]

I couldn't have written that since I don't know the story. But now I want to.

[tommieharris91]

I couldn't have written that since I don't know the story. But now I want to.

Where is that thread when you need it...?

[StoopTroup]

You'll need to research any SicEm thread that is around 1-2 years old and is 30+ pages in length. That should help you a bit. :D

[soonerchk]

Where is that thread when you need it...?

I'm hoping someone will step up and help the n00b!!!! Otherwise I'm liable to go all sensitive and cry because everyone knows but me.:(

[Scott D]

just do a search for SicEmEx.

[tommieharris91]

I'm holing someone will step up and help the n00b!!!! Otherwise I'm liable to go all sensitive and cry because everyone knows but me.:(

Sadly, the search thing here is broken. If it wasn't, I'd help ya. It's a great read.

EDIT: Found it. (http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=121499&highlight=sicemex)

[soonerchk]

okay, there's one about him trying to ask some girl out. Is that what I'm looking for?

[StoopTroup]

okay, there's one about him trying to ask some girl out. Is that what I'm looking for?

That might be to recent but it's a good one.

[Scott D]

is that the redhead who was into pot?

[soonerchk]

For the love of cheesus, I don't have time to read 85 pages!!! Can I get the cliff notes?

[StoopTroup]

Maybe...I mostly remember the tales of him being asked to be her Brides Maid and the tales of the breakup that led to it.

[Scott D]

Cliffnotes?

SicEm would drop life at the first sign of the SicEm signal from SicEmEx. Her request usually was something that required his continual emasculation at her hands. The crowning achievement of this process was when SicEm stood up by not being a bridesmaid for her wedding to the dude she dumped him for.

[saucysoonergal]

And remember he was getting mixed signals when her husband was overseas and she wanted him to come over and braid her hair or something?

[soonerchk]

Cliffnotes?

SicEm would drop life at the first sign of the SicEm signal from SicEmEx. Her request usually was something that required his continual emasculation at her hands. The crowning achievement of this process was when SicEm stood up by not being a bridesmaid for her wedding to the dude she dumped him for.

Are you effing kidding me???? Did she think he was ghey? Not that there's anything wrong with that, but still!

SicEm, sweetie, we need to talk.

[tommieharris91]

Are you effing kidding me???? Did she think he was ghey? Not that there's anything wrong with that, but still!

SicEm, sweetie, we need to talk.

You might wanna read the 85 page thread first.

[soonerchk]

I'm not sure i can without laughing until I pee. Still at the office, that wouldn't go over so well.

[stoops the eternal pimp]

oh lord...we'll lose her back OUI if she reads it

[soonerchk]

Okay, thanks to those of you sending me summaries. You know who you are. :D

So she's done the dirty with SicEm and still thinks it would be perfectly appropriate to ask him to be a bridesmaid?

She seems nice.

[saucysoonergal]

That says a lot about their relationship dontchathink?

[soonerchk]

And the marriage. I wonder if he's allowed to pee before asking permission?

[GKeeper316]

THE OFFICIAL MALE SENSITIVITY TEST

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking.
B. Screwing.
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.


2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.


3. You time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously
C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Center.

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about.


5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.


6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym
C. A conservative estimate


7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A. A myth.
B. An oxymoron.
C. A moron.


8. Foreplay is to sex as:
A. An appetizer is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C . A long line is to an amusement park ride.


9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
A. "I hope we can still be friends."
B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
C. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU."


10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.


1. c
2. c
3. c
4. a
5. c
6. c
7. c
8. c
9. c
10. c

im an *******.

[olevetonahill]

Back on topic, Any right thinkin MAN knows the answers are C straight thru;)

[OUthunder]

sensitivity is for dating...once you're married and she's less inclined to give it up, I'm less inclined to be sensitive to her needs. :D

BINGO! Marriage is a give and take relationship. She gives the pootunanny, and I give her some sensitivity.

No pootunanny, no sensitivity. :D

[soonerchk]

It's a good thing I went to OU.
I told her we were both single and both in college and we should just hook up and have fun with it.
seems more like a reasonable suggestion than a proposition. Or at least it would have way back when I was in college.

[soonerboomer93]

is that the redhead who was into pot?

once again, he lost the chance to piitb

[soonerboomer93]

Cliffnotes?

SicEm would drop life at the first sign of the SicEm signal from SicEmEx. Her request usually was something that required his continual emasculation at her hands. The crowning achievement of this process was when SicEm stood up by not being a bridesmaid for her wedding to the dude she dumped him for.

not just a brides maid, the Maid of Honor as I recall

[GKeeper316]

SicEm's Patrick Dempsey?

[soonerchk]

Just because Patrick Dempsey has nice hair doesn't mean he's anyone's bitch.


But he's probably not manly enough to deal with me on a daily basis.

[3rdgensooner]

Doesn't KY claim that their new product enhances male sensitivity?

[The]

Doesn't KY claim that their new product enhances male sensitivity?

No, it just burns. BURNS!!!!

[soonerchk]

Maybe it burns because it's trying to create some sensitivity?

[Scott D]

SicEm's Patrick Dempsey?

without the looks, charm, hair, paycheck, popularity, appearance, hair, hair, hair, paycheck, and hair. :D :D

[The]

Maybe it burns because it's trying to create some sensitivity?

True Story:

I once completed the Buffalo Wild Wings Blazing challenge. Of course, I was drinking beer, and thus had to go squeeze the hose a few times. Thought nothing of it.

Returned home after several hours of drinking, and the lovely lady I was with wanted the old in and out. After about about 10 seconds, she starts making these weird, painful cries. Now, I think I'm just doing a hell of a job, and go from the slow, tender drunken lovemaking to full bore Spasmatic Bull Moose on her. She starts screaming, and I'm like "oh hell yeah..." Meanwhile, she's like "GET THE **** OFF!! STOP STOP STOP!!!, etc" I'm all confused and whatnot, most probably due to the Jager, and she sprints from the bed into the bathroom.

She starts screaming in there, furiously demanding to know what I did to her, all the while sticking her nether regions under the faucet which is set at full blast.

Come to find out, BWW's blazin sauce a good lubricant does not make.

Moral: Wash your hands. Unless you're pissed at your girl.

[StoopTroup]

not just a brides maid, the Maid of Honor as I recall

yep

[Lott's Bandana]

True Story:

I once completed the Buffalo Wild Wings Blazing challenge. Of course, I was drinking beer, and thus had to go squeeze the hose a few times. Thought nothing of it.

Returned home after several hours of drinking, and the lovely lady I was with wanted the old in and out. After about about 10 seconds, she starts making these weird, painful cries. Now, I think I'm just doing a hell of a job, and go from the slow, tender drunken lovemaking to full bore Spasmatic Bull Moose on her. She starts screaming, and I'm like "oh hell yeah..." Meanwhile, she's like "GET THE **** OFF!! STOP STOP STOP!!!, etc" I'm all confused and whatnot, most probably due to the Jager, and she sprints from the bed into the bathroom.

She starts screaming in there, furiously demanding to know what I did to her, all the while sticking her nether regions under the faucet which is set at full blast.

Come to find out, BWW's blazin sauce a good lubricant does not make.

Moral: Wash your hands. Unless you're pissed at your girl.

Altoids.

Different approach, same effect...curiously strong.

[The]

Altoids.

Different approach, same effect...curiously strong.


Altoid Mouth Hugs are insanely lovely.

[Howzit]

Altoids.

Different approach, same effect...curiously strong.

Exactly how long would one need to wait to test the maximum Altoids effect?

Hypothetically, of course.

[StoopTroup]

Did someone light their *** on fire with Altoids?

I'm confused a bit here?

[TUSooner]

3. You time your orgasm so that:
C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Center.


Well, I once shifted positions so I could see the Sooners on the TV.

[SicEmBaylor]

without the looks, charm, hair, paycheck, popularity, appearance, hair, hair, hair, paycheck, and hair. :D :D

All of this.....plus the hair.

It was the Maid err Man of Honor, but all of this happened well before the movie came out. I was a trendsetter.

[soonerchk]

Well, I once shifted positions so I could see the Sooners on the TV.

Pfft, what kind of idiot can't wait until halftime?

[OUinFLA]

Where is that thread when you need it...?

do a search for SicEm Ex

[OUinFLA]

Dear Howzit:

**** off dip ****

signed:
Mrs. OUinFLA

[SicEmBaylor]

do a search for SicEm Ex

You may have to narrow it down a bit more than that.

[goingoneight]

I knew there was a reason people always told me C was the best choice on multiple choice tests. :D