It has been 1 year today since my mother passed

[stoops the eternal pimp]

and its bothering me...I stayed so busy all day i didn't have a chance to think about it..

Now I'm sitting and thinking..I posted my story with her here a few months back so I won't re hack all of that...sometimes when I think of her, I wish I had a good memory

[XingTheRubicon]

Your story really reminded me of how incredibly lucky I am...and also how resilient you are. If everyone responded to adversity the way you have, the world would be a lot different. I wish you the best of luck with you and yours.

[StoopTroup]

The first Year anniversary of my Mom's passing was was 12/25/09. That Day was pretty rough for me...a lot of emotions. I know that your loss was pretty rough. Thinking of you Bro. God Bless.

[OUthunder]

and its bothering me...I stayed so busy all day i didn't have a chance to think about it..

Now I'm sitting and thinking..I posted my story with her here a few months back so I won't re hack all of that...sometimes when I think of her, I wish I had a good memory

I was 11 when my mother died suddenly and unexpectedly. I still remember EVERYTHING about that day 29 years later. It gets easier but you'll never forget, especially if she was a great mom.

My thoughts go out to you step.

[olevetonahill]

Dint realize it had been a year already, Praying fer ya bro .

[CrimsonJim]

Hang in there stepper! Thoughts and prayers to ya.

[Soonerus]

Sorry man, that is tough stuff...

[setem]

I know how hard it is man! I am sorry you don't have a good memory of her but you are a good man despite all you have had against you. I am sorry buddy, hang in there!

[Collier11]

My man, its been nearly 13 years since my Grandpa passed away and we had nothing but great memories, I cant imagine how hard it is for you brother

[Viking Kitten]

*hugs to my fellow Sooner fan*

So sorry for your loss. What you are going through sucks. Ain't no two ways about it. Some days are better than others, but sometimes it seems like everyday is the anniversary of something.

One bit of advice... If you like to read, pick up the book "Life's That Way" by author Jim Beaver. Jim is a fairly well known actor who was on Deadwood and is now on Supernatural, he went to college here in Oklahoma at CSU (UCO) in the 70s. He is also a fantastic writer and the book chronicles the year after he lost his wife to cancer. I also lost my mom this year, and his book helped me understand tremendously better the kinds of emotions I should expect and prepare for. I would recommend it to anyone dealing with grief and loss.

[GKeeper316]

hey step... i feel for ya. my mom was not quite as bad as yours growing up, but a couple years after i graduated high school and enlisted, she quit drinkin and turned herself into a pretty decent human being.

i'm sorry you never got to experience that.

[sooner59]

Hang in there man. We are all here for ya.

[Lott's Bandana]

STEP, the 1-year loss of my mother was Saturday.

Rode my mountain bike all over Palo Duro Canyon and thought of her from time to time.

[AlbqSooner]

Prayers for ya. It has been 9 years since I lost Mom and all I can tell you is it DOES get easier to deal with.

[C&CDean]

It doesn't seem like it's been a year. Hang tough brother.

My pop passed on December 31 last year. New Years Eve will never be the same.

[Mississippi Sooner]

Deaths of loved ones that happen at holiday times can be the toughest.

My dad passed away on December 26, 2006. His passing was actually just the end of a long process cardiac and respiratory arrests, kidney failures and seizures that went on for almost three years.

By the end, his mind was so far gone that he no longer knew the difference between reality and some bizarre fantasy world where he spent most of his time. Because of that, it became increasingly more difficult for me to visit him in the hospitals/hospice because he'd start demanding that I take him home. He couldn't understand why I couldn't do that, and I couldn't explain to him. In spite of this, my dreams were often tortured in those final weeks with my mind trying to tell my soul that I was letting him down, even though my heart knew there was nothing I could do.

I continued to live with that guilt, which I never shared with anyone, for a few months after his death, but then one night I had a completely different dream of him. In this one, he wasn't the sick and raving man who was shaking a finger at me for not delivering him from his living hell, but rather the strong and vibrant man that I knew as a kid. He was sitting in my living room like he owned the place, and he said he just wanted to assure me that he wasn't really gone and would always be around when I needed him the most. In the years that have followed, all dreams I've had where he has appeared have been comforting dreams when I really needed them.

There is no moral or higher purpose intended with this story. It's just my own experience that, in time, the good memories finally supplanted the bad, and the most indelible memory I have of him came back to chase away the hell that had resided in my mind. It also made it possible to get through the holiday season again. It was always important to my dad that his kids enjoy Christmastime.

[Oldnslo]

Dad stopped metabolizing about a year and a half ago. My brother and I met in New Orleans to scatter his ashes this past June.

But, even now, every so often, I'll think, "Gee, I should call Dad and tell him about"... whatever. And then I realize it would be a way long distance call.

I remember a lot of fun times with Dad. The not-so-fun times have faded. Mostly, because I've chosen to let them fade. It's a whole lot more fun to remember the laughter.

Happy thoughts to you, STEP.

[Veritas]

But, even now, every so often, I'll think, "Gee, I should call Dad and tell him about"... whatever. And then I realize it would be a way long distance call.
Effin a, 'slo. I lost my pops in May and the wanting to call and talk about stuff still hits hard.

Could someone link up STEPs post about his mom? Thankya.

[stoops the eternal pimp]

hey veritas..here ya go

http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=143273

[soonerboy_odanorth]

I really feel for you, step. I hope you come to comfort and peace in your grieving process.

[jkjsooner]

The first Year anniversary of my Mom's passing was was 12/25/09. That Day was pretty rough for me...a lot of emotions. I know that your loss was pretty rough. Thinking of you Bro. God Bless.


That is a rough day to deal with a death.

It was the week of Christmas in '08 that my mother found out she had terminal cancer. She died about six weeks later. Christmas will never be the same, but then again it would never be the same no matter when everything happened.

I'll keep both of you guys in my thoughts and prayers.

[jkjsooner]

One bit of advice... If you like to read, pick up the book "Life's That Way" by author Jim Beaver. Jim is a fairly well known actor who was on Deadwood and is now on Supernatural, he went to college here in Oklahoma at CSU (UCO) in the 70s. He is also a fantastic writer and the book chronicles the year after he lost his wife to cancer. I also lost my mom this year, and his book helped me understand tremendously better the kinds of emotions I should expect and prepare for. I would recommend it to anyone dealing with grief and loss.

One question, does that book talk about the feelings of guilt because the grieving process hasn't been exactly as you expect it?

I get sad about losing my mom and especially sad about how my mom (who was a great grandmother) never got to meet my only child. But in other ways I feel like my life kinda went on as normal and that's not supposed to happen.

[olevetonahill]

One question, does that book talk about the feelings of guilt because the grieving process hasn't been exactly as you expect it?

I get sad about losing my mom and especially sad about how my mom (who was a great grandmother) never got to meet my only child. But in other ways I feel like my life kinda went on as normal and that's not supposed to happen.

Its a form of Survivors Guilt. Very hard to deal with.
And Yes yer life is supposed to go on, Remember the Good times , put away the bad, And Try to make sure that yer Kid has some idea of who and what yer mother was.

[Viking Kitten]

That is EXACTLY what that book talks about jkj. One of the most important lessons I learned from it is that nobody's grieving process is the same, because we all have our own unique perceptions and experiences with the person who died. So even though STEP and I both lost our mothers, the way we each experience that loss is going to be totally different. So I can't say "I understand what you are going through" because frankly I don't. In fact the author shares some of his own guilt over remembering the times when his wife was less than perfect. I really can't recommend the book highly enough.

[stoops the eternal pimp]

I will definitely pick that book up...so many things to deal with

Wish I had made things better earlier...wish I had invited her to my wedding..wish she could have seen my kids more than twice..it goes on and on

[StoopTroup]

That is a rough day to deal with a death.

It was the week of Christmas in '08 that my mother found out she had terminal cancer. She died about six weeks later. Christmas will never be the same, but then again it would never be the same no matter when everything happened.

I'll keep both of you guys in my thoughts and prayers.

Thanks. My Mom Beat Malignant Ovarian Cancer 25 years ago...only to have a mastectomy because of pre-cancerous cells....two years later we found the pancreatic tumor. She fought for 13 months and then succumbed to it. Christmas evening I was with her when she took her last breath.

My life with my Mom is much different than STEP's I had good and bad times with my Mom and until I lost her...I didn't really understand just how sick she was and for how long. I think that's when I really came to terms with most of it. She was a tough Woman and I was lucky to have her for so many years. The Christmas evening death is just how God decided to give her and all of us who were looking out for her mercy. I look at it as a blessing now.

Like VK said...we all grieve differently

[jkjsooner]

VK, not only do we grieve differently but I think we change over time on how we handle a death. I remember being about five years old when I realized that my mom and dad wouldn't be around forever. I think it was right after going to a great grandparent's funeral and realizing that that was my grandpa's dad and my grandpa was a little boy once just like me. I'm sure I knew everyone dies before that point but it kind of hit me and seemed very real. I cried and cried and cried. I cried more that day than I've cried about my mom actually passing and that makes me feel like I'm a hardened person now. I know we all harden some as we get older - otherwise we wouldn't be able to handle the trials of life...

Another thing that makes me feel guilty is that there are times I get very angry with my mother. You see, she died of lung cancer. Growing up my mom did everything she could to be healthy. She ate right. She took good care of her body. She had that one bad habit - smoking. She did the right thing by quitting 20+ years ago but, well, I still get angry at her about it. And that's a really crappy thing to be angry about. She paid a heavier price for her decision than anyone ever deserves...

[stoopified]

I feel your pain brother.My mother passed on in January 2009.

[stoopified]

Oddly I don't think about Mom in January.My big day of remeberance is March 17,Saint Paddy's Day was my mothers birthday in 1938.

[Sooner Born Sooner Bred]

That is EXACTLY what that book talks about jkj. One of the most important lessons I learned from it is that nobody's grieving process is the same, because we all have our own unique perceptions and experiences with the person who died. So even though STEP and I both lost our mothers, the way we each experience that loss is going to be totally different. So I can't say "I understand what you are going through" because frankly I don't. In fact the author shares some of his own guilt over remembering the times when his wife was less than perfect. I really can't recommend the book highly enough.I haven't read the book, but I definitely agree that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. My Dad died four years ago. That first year was the worst. Every day seemed like a red letter day. Now those days of overwhelming grief are fewer. Every once in a while I will get pissed that he is not here anymore.

I try to be there for friends who are going through similar situations.

[Mississippi Sooner]

Just to follow along with the theme of there being no right or wrong way to grieve, in the weeks that followed my dad's death, I was having problems with wondering if it was wrong that I wasn't as sad as I should have been. Then one day I heard a woman on NPR talking about a book she'd written that dealt with how she felt following the loss of a loved one. She talked about how she had been feeling guilty because even more than grief, she felt relief, not because the person close to her was gone, but because that person had endured a long and painful struggle with a chronic illness, and he was no longer in pain.

It was then that I was able to put the pieces together. I was in no way glad that my dad was gone, and I wished that I still had him around more than anything, but I was glad that he didn't have to endure that pain anymore.

Anyway, I'm not trying to hijack the thread. I hope and believe that STEP will come to find peace in his own way.

[tulsaoilerfan]

Hang in there Step and if you need it professional help is there; it never hurts to talk about it cause i've been there and am currently going through some therapy

[Tailwind]

I lost my mom nine years ago, on New Years eve. I still feel the need to call her and get a recipe or advice, or just tell her I love her. I never celebrate New Years Eve anymore. That day and Mother's Day are my teary days. God bless every one of us who has lost a loved one. It does get easier to bear with time, but I believe we will always miss them and have some regrets.

[Sooner Born Sooner Bred]

In my family, we deal with grief with humor. People think we are crazy but it keeps us from going insane.