Marriage and Finances

[BillyBall]

So I never post any thing personal on this site, for pretty obvious reasons...

However I do have a question to those married out there. I got married last October and I decided to have my paycheck deposited into our joint account. My thought was that after rent/bills/etc., that the remaining money I contribute could be used for bull**** and saving a portion. My wife kept her deposits going into her separate account with the understanding that she would make deposits to cover her share of the bills/rent/etc.

The only time we fight is when it involves finances, and usually because our joint account gets drained even though I keep MORE than enough to cover everything I do.

Question, should I A) Change my deposit to a personal checking account and just transfer over enough to cover bills/etc. B) Keep it as it currently is or C) Shoot her.

Just want some ideas from successfully married people that may have some insight on the best way to handle this.

And I know, This should have been a pole!!!!

[sooner_born_1960]

Why do we only hear this crap when people keep separate accounts. Both of you should deposit your money to the joint account.
What is this "her share" crap?

[Collier11]

Id say both put in the equal amounts to cover bills unless one of you makes a lot more than the other...if you put it all in there then who is to determine who gets to spend what on extra BS?

[BillyBall]

Why do we only hear this crap when people keep separate accounts. Both of you should deposit your money to the joint account.
What is this "her share" crap?

I agree, I don't understand why she has had such a problem with it. But when she starts to basically tell me what my "allowance" is, fights tend to start.

[Collier11]

You have to figure this out, finances are the cause of more marriages ending than anything else and its retarded.

[TheHumanAlphabet]

IMO,

You are married, it should all be pooled into one account as you and wife are one. If not, why get married? Most divorces are over money. I would question why your wife won't comingle money. It is both your money, not his and hers...

[Boomer.....]

Why do we only hear this crap when people keep separate accounts. Both of you should deposit your money to the joint account.
What is this "her share" crap?

This.

[C&CDean]

Sorry to be so blunt, but your wife is a **** and you oughta dump her *** now before she gets real deep into your pockets/retirement/saving/etc. Seriously, what she's doing will eventually end your marriage anyhow. I know of what I speak.

Technically finances cause most divorces. However, it's not really the money. It's the lack of trust (or violation of trust) that comes when money is kept in separate accounts. You get married, you're a team. 100%. All the money goes in one kitty and not a dime of it is mine or yours. It's OURS. If you ain't doing this, you're pretty much ****ed.

On the upside, we've got several lawyers on this site who would probably be interested in domestics. Or not.

[Oldnslo]

Women tend to think of the man's income as belonging to the couple, but think of their own income as "theirs".

I don't believe that your marriage is doomed, but you may wish to get some joint counseling. It doesn't matter WHAT the wedge is, it only matters that there IS a wedge.

Also, it doesn't matter what solution you choose, all that matters is that it works for the two of you.

[C&CDean]

Don't listen to him ^^. He's one of them.

In the end run, he's the only one who wins.

[sooner_born_1960]

And Billy, keep in mind that those pockets/retirement/saving/etc the Dean referred are both of yours, also. You both need to be of the "we", "us", and "our" mindset.

[soonerboomer93]

Don't listen to him ^^. He's one of them.

In the end run, he's the only one who wins.

heh

[soonervegas]

I'm with CCDean and option D:

Run

Your toast and you don't even know it yet. Don't waste the next 3 years figuring it out.

[soonerscuba]

I agree, I don't understand why she has had such a problem with it. But when she starts to basically tell me what my "allowance" is, fights tend to start.Because she either A) doesn't want you to know what she is doing with it or B) doesn't trust you to control either your or her "share". I would listen to some of what Dean says and all of what Oldnslo says.

Good luck, bro.

[NormanPride]

Yup. All boils down to trust. baj and I have one big account that stuff goes to, and we both have our own tiny accounts to do things like lunch and gifts. Nothing is big enough to cause any tension because they're both the same size, and it's more of a formality than anything.

[olevetonahill]

Shoot the bitch
yer welcome

[sooner ngintunr]

I'm with CCDean and option D:

Run

Your toast and you don't even know it yet. Don't waste the next 3 years figuring it out.

I'm with Dean as well..

Either you both have separate accounts or 1 joint account. If she has a separate account, so should you. I've seen the separate work but it takes a strong couple because what will usually happen is someone will run up debt behind the others back.

Me and the wifey have a joint account. I tell her if she is going to spend more than $100 on something (besides grocerys and necessities) just let me know. I do the same with her.


Dang I just reread your post. It hasn't even been a year yet. Not looking good bro. It will only get worse.

[OUMallen]

So I never post any thing personal on this site, for pretty obvious reasons...

However I do have a question to those married out there. I got married last October and I decided to have my paycheck deposited into our joint account. My thought was that after rent/bills/etc., that the remaining money I contribute could be used for bull**** and saving a portion. My wife kept her deposits going into her separate account with the understanding that she would make deposits to cover her share of the bills/rent/etc.

The only time we fight is when it involves finances, and usually because our joint account gets drained even though I keep MORE than enough to cover everything I do.

Question, should I A) Change my deposit to a personal checking account and just transfer over enough to cover bills/etc. B) Keep it as it currently is or C) Shoot her.

Just want some ideas from successfully married people that may have some insight on the best way to handle this.

And I know, This should have been a pole!!!!

So she's not making any deposits?

You guys aren't roommates. You're a unit. There's no "splitting" of the bills. It's just y'all's bills.

[achiro]

Sorry to be so blunt, but your wife is a **** and you oughta dump her *** now before she gets real deep into your pockets/retirement/saving/etc. Seriously, what she's doing will eventually end your marriage anyhow. I know of what I speak.

Technically finances cause most divorces. However, it's not really the money. It's the lack of trust (or violation of trust) that comes when money is kept in separate accounts. You get married, you're a team. 100%. All the money goes in one kitty and not a dime of it is mine or yours. It's OURS. If you ain't doing this, you're pretty much ****ed.

On the upside, we've got several lawyers on this site who would probably be interested in domestics. Or not.

Yep.

[SoonerAtKU]

I've always had a joint account, and we consult each other on big purchases. She normally manages the account, just because she's more anal about stuff like that than I am, and it comforts her to be the one who checks balances, balances our budget for the month, etc. I'm involved in all of the decisions, but she keeps up with it far more often than I do.

The only downside is that it makes it harder to buy surprise presents. I have to either take out cash or tell her not to look for a while. Maybe I should look into getting us each side accounts to avoid that issue.

[JohnnyMack]

Sorry to be so blunt, but your wife is a **** and you oughta dump her *** now before she gets real deep into your pockets/retirement/saving/etc. Seriously, what she's doing will eventually end your marriage anyhow. I know of what I speak.

Technically finances cause most divorces. However, it's not really the money. It's the lack of trust (or violation of trust) that comes when money is kept in separate accounts. You get married, you're a team. 100%. All the money goes in one kitty and not a dime of it is mine or yours. It's OURS. If you ain't doing this, you're pretty much ****ed.

On the upside, we've got several lawyers on this site who would probably be interested in domestics. Or not.

This x 100.

I too have an ex-wife who is an ex-wife primarily because of trust issues such as these. It may sound like a minor inconvenience, but it'll fester into something nasty.

[C&CDean]

I could tell a thousand stories about people I know who've done the separate account thing and had their relationships fall apart.

I know several guys that I've worked with over the years who have "secret" credit cards. They have the bill sent to work so the spousal unit doesn't know about them. I've asked these guys WTF? They go "I use it at the titty bar and when I go out partying." I go "your wife doesn't know you go out to titty bars?" They go "oh hell no, she'd kill me."

I know guys who've hidden work bonuses from their wives (although it's harder to do now with everything being direct deposit). I know a guy who tells his wife that the government won't allow him to keep his airline miles and hotel points. He uses them to take vacations with his on-the-side skank ho and tells his wife he's on business travel.

Nothing good will ever come from having separate finances in a marriage. It doesn't matter who controls the bucket; as long as there's only one bucket to worry about.

[Oldnslo]

I could tell a thousand stories about people I know who've done the separate account thing and had their relationships fall apart.
******
Nothing good will ever come from having separate finances in a marriage. It doesn't matter who controls the bucket; as long as there's only one bucket to worry about.

OTOH, both my wife and I have separate accounts for splurging. Money doesn't have to be a problem. All that has to happen is that both you and the spousal unit are happy with the arrangement.

We have a "house" account that our paychecks go into. But when I get extra dough, from a plaintiff's case or whatnot, I divide it and make deposits into our respective "slush funds". I put my mileage and expense checks into my slush fund. Ain't no thang. Hell, half the time, those accounts just end up paying for stuff for the kids or house anyway. But I'll take Vegas money out of mine. She's bought clothes with hers.

If you're going to cheat, you don't need a secret account. You'd find a way to do whatever.

[badger]

Women tend to think of the man's income as belonging to the couple, but think of their own income as "theirs".

Real, live chick here. I think the reason for this belief stems from the fact that traditionally, dudes do the work and chicks maintain the house, and the fact that the chick works to the point of having her own career is a fairly new phenomenon, something that our parents, but perhaps not our grandparents did more of.

Alas, any chickies out there that still feel this way need to step back and read that, taking it all at face value. "Women tend to think of the man's income as belonging to the couple, but think of their own income as "theirs"." Women do this without realizing it, but just thinking about it, it's selfish and not to the benefit of the marriage at all.

As soon as NP and I got married (March 10, 2007, the day OU beat Iowa State to take the Big 12 tourney!), the separate account that I had closed.... and subsequently overdrawn because a few things hadn't cleared for several weeks (grrrrrr, but that's already another thread) and the new job and new paycheck went to NP's old account, which became our joint account. There are a few annoyances with this that need to be worked through...

Me: Hi, Bank of Oklahoma. I kind of screwed up online banking and now it locked me out of our joint account.

BOK: What is your secret activation number that you gave when you opened the account?

Me: Um... my husband opened the account a few years before we were married... um... can't you just unlock the account and I'll put in the username and password and all again?

BOK: We cannot do that without your secret activation number.

Me: You're useless.

BOK: Secret activation number now plzkthx?

Me: It's a joint account! Can't I give you my SSN or something?! My name is ON THE ACCOUNT!!!!

Some angry soon-to-be-divorcees that cleared their soon-to-be-exes money out ruined it for me, I know. So yes, it might not be easier and you'll have a few things to work through, but that's marriage. I recommend not only a joint account, but also having your paychecks direct-deposited. It's a few less secrets to keep.

[C&CDean]

OTOH, both my wife and I have separate accounts for splurging. Money doesn't have to be a problem. All that has to happen is that both you and the spousal unit are happy with the arrangement.

We have a "house" account that our paychecks go into. But when I get extra dough, from a plaintiff's case or whatnot, I divide it and make deposits into our respective "slush funds". I put my mileage and expense checks into my slush fund. Ain't no thang. Hell, half the time, those accounts just end up paying for stuff for the kids or house anyway. But I'll take Vegas money out of mine. She's bought clothes with hers.

If you're going to cheat, you don't need a secret account. You'd find a way to do whatever.

So basically you have one bucket of money that BOTH of your paychecks go into - with a couple of siphon cups for cheesing around. No problem. I don't think that's the case with BillyBall.

Besides, you're Jewish. You mother****ers can handle you some $$$.

[soonerhubs]

From my own research and experience regarding this matter, there needs to be a time to CALMLY discuss this problem with your partner.

It's definitely something that can be resolved, but when emotions are high it's not very productive. I'll see if I can find some articles with more tips.

However, my first tip would be to accept the fact that you're in a normal situation. Hell! You've only been married a year, and if you didn't have differences like this you're unique.

Secondly, the counseling tip is a great route, or a family finances class taken together maybe helpful. (Some of us marrieds have very different communication styles that can clash and get ugly if not recognized and adjusted for.)

I would need a bit more info to give you much more advice, but most problems in marriages stem from boundary issues such as these so it may be time to readjust and discuss these boundaries.

Peem me if you like. I study couples as a student fulltime.

[Bourbon St Sooner]

As everyone else has said, if it's bothering you enough to come on here and talk about it, you better address it.

My wife and I keep seperate checking accounts and I pay most of the bills (since I make most of the money) and she has a couple of bills she pays. But we keep a joint money market account that holds the bulk of our money and we use for any large purchases.

In the end, sure you each have some of your own money to do some of your things with but the bulk of the money/assets need to be both of yours. I don't see how it works any way else.

[stoops the eternal pimp]

PIITB..

End of Discussion

[yermom]

reason #65793 not to get married ;)

[StoopTroup]

If you are going to use Dean's advice....I would say to start cashing your paycheck every time you get paid and keep $100 bills wrapped around your penis. The rest keep in a safe deposit box and also...quit paying the bills. Tell her that she needs to pay that **** from now on. Start hanging out at strip clubs and buy yourself an old Harley. Don't argue, don't worry about anything, FTW! Be free and be cool. About a week before you start doing this tell her the Doc says you have Cancer and that you have 6 months to live.

YWIA :D

[Condescending Sooner]

We keep seperate accounts. We both make about the same money, and split the bills. This way I can't bitch about all the shoes she buys, and she doesn't bitch about my golf. We never fight over money.

[badger]

We keep seperate accounts. We both make about the same money, and split the bills. This way I can't bitch about all the shoes she buys, and she doesn't bitch about my golf. We never fight over money.

Bad omen: Your post was #666 :D

If your wife has never had money before really, it might be a sore discussion spot for her, so it might be best to get a third-party that's neutral involved (family friend or financial planner). That way, you're not a bad guy in the discussion. For people that have spent a majority of their lives flat broke (not me), questioning money habits can be as bad as questioning a fat person's eating habits for some people. It might be necessary, but it will not be pleasant.

Again, consider direct deposit and a single account... and if you don't think it will go over well, get a third (neutral!) party involved in the discussion. For couples that never fight over money, it's not necessary, but considering your original post, that is not your situation.

[Collier11]

We keep seperate accounts. We both make about the same money, and split the bills. This way I can't bitch about all the shoes she buys, and she doesn't bitch about my golf. We never fight over money.

This can work if there is trust, as long as bills are paid it shouldnt be an issue but too often it is unfortunately

[StoopTroup]

I'm telling you....go with Cancer. Don't cheat on her or anything just quit giving a ****. She'll come round.

[Jacie]

As soons as a guy says, "I do", whats her is hers, and what's his is hers.

Get used to it or get single.

[Breadburner]

Looks like that you have figured out the term ...."Her money and Our Money"

[bluedogok]

Women tend to think of the man's income as belonging to the couple, but think of their own income as "theirs".
It isn't always gender based...as my sister found out with her ex-husband.


I've always had a joint account, and we consult each other on big purchases. She normally manages the account, just because she's more anal about stuff like that than I am, and it comforts her to be the one who checks balances, balances our budget for the month, etc. I'm involved in all of the decisions, but she keeps up with it far more often than I do.

The only downside is that it makes it harder to buy surprise presents. I have to either take out cash or tell her not to look for a while. Maybe I should look into getting us each side accounts to avoid that issue.
Pretty much the same with us, if it's a big enough surprise I just take cash out in smaller increments to build up the present fund but we don't do big surprises too often. Typically I buy what I want but purchases over 300 is about my threshold (I set for myself) before I check to make sure it's OK, she may need to move some money from savings to checking before I buy. It hasn't been an issue for us.

[XFollower]

When you got married the context of "individual" went away, therefore individual accounts are a really bad idea. If you want to improve the whole situation, look up a local Financial Peace class by Dave Ramsey. It greatly improved our marriage and finances.

[1890MilesToNorman]

Call the divorce lawyer and never do that again.

YWIA

[SunnySooner]

Gotta chime in and agree with everyone saying what's yours is hers and what's hers is yours. Maybe she needs to get used to this, maybe it is a trust thing, but when you're married, everything should be "ours", not his and hers.

When we got married, I was working and my check went into the joint account, and hubby paid the bills, it's still like that today. It never entered my head to put my check into an account of my own and then make contributions to the joint pot. That sounds like a recipe for disaster. Dean is right about the trust--if she doesn't trust you with "her" money, she doesn't trust you very much at all.

What happens when you have kids? Which account pays for the 5,000 Pampers you'll go thru? What if you both decide it's best for her to stay home, so now she no longer has an income (like me, I've been happily unemployed for 12 years. :D). Do you then give her an "allowance"?

This is probably all just "adjusting to marriage" crap, I wouldn't run for a lawyer just yet, but it does need to be addressed, you both have to get used to the idea that you are now a single unit, not two, and all money that comes into the house belongs to both of you and you should both have a say in how it's spent. Good luck!!

[1890MilesToNorman]

And I thought you was gonna agree with me Sunny? :D

[badger]

This is probably all just "adjusting to marriage" crap, I wouldn't run for a lawyer just yet, but it does need to be addressed, you both have to get used to the idea that you are now a single unit, not two, and all money that comes into the house belongs to both of you and you should both have a say in how it's spent. Good luck!!

I think even more important than me-money and you-money is me-time and you-time when you first get married, as you likely haven't been living together for very long, or just got a new place, a new job, new town, etc., and aren't used to putting up with the new roommate nuances yet.

[gaylordfan1]

I've been married for 2 years now. We decided to keep our own accounts and keep things the same as before we were married. Has worked out great for us. We discuss big purchases of coarse. For me, this is the only way to go. I mean your married and you have to realize.... her money is her money and your money is her money. Get used to it brotha.

[RacerX]

Have her read this thread. That should take care of it.

[1890MilesToNorman]

Tiger shoots a 6 under 65 in his first round after his divorce, need I say more? LOL

[StoopTroup]

Tomorrow...cash your check. Then go get the Harley. Drive out to Wister, OK with a Sooner Shirt on. A support group will be along to help you with further instructions. Be patient. Get a beer. Relax. Polish your new bike. You're gonna have a great weekend. :D

[SoonerJack]

One account for paying bills and stuff. Second account for savings/rainy day stuff. Both of you need to know what your bills are each month and where you're money's going each month.

Being successfully married (24 years in my case) means that both of you understand that marriage is a partnership. The only yours and mine in our house is toothbrushes, shampoo, and deodorant. Oh, and underwear.

Sit down, make some compromises, and work it out.

[BillyBall]

Thanks for all of the advice, I think I know what needs to be done and I think the sooner I take this on the better for all involved.

I agree with the "our money" strategy and I need to get her to get on the same page.

But I still need some sort of blow/hooker slush fund, so I have to figure that part out.

[badger]

The only yours and mine in our house is toothbrushes, shampoo, and deodorant. Oh, and underwear.

Sit down, make some compromises, and work it out.
I will occasionally steal one of NP's shirts to snuggle with when he's not around.

He also has a bad habit of stealing my blankets to snuggle with when I'm not around.

Ahh, marriage, where you even love your spouses' scent :P

[Pricetag]

Thanks for all of the advice, I think I know what needs to be done and I think the sooner I take this on the better for all involved.

I agree with the "our money" strategy and I need to get her to get on the same page.

But I still need some sort of blow/hooker slush fund, so I have to figure that part out.
There's nothing wrong with budgeting a little blow money for each of you. My wife and I favor that method, because we don't tend to agree what money should be blown on.

[AMSooner]

We keep seperate accounts. We both make about the same money, and split the bills. This way I can't bitch about all the shoes she buys, and she doesn't bitch about my golf. We never fight over money.

Same here, and we've been married 12 years. Mr. AM pays the mortgage and I pay the rest of the bills. We have a joint savings account, and we have access to each other's separate checking accounts. If one of us is short, the other one transfers money from their account. Neither one of us is a "spender" though. We both know that the other isn't going to go out and blow money on something stupid and expensive.

[soonerborn30]

So basically you have one bucket of money that BOTH of your paychecks go into - with a couple of siphon cups for cheesing around. No problem. I don't think that's the case with BillyBall.

Besides, you're Jewish. You mother****ers can handle you some $$$.


Oh my God. I literally just LOL'd at work. Now people think I'm crazy. Awesome.

[olevetonahill]

Thanks for all of the advice, I think I know what needs to be done and I think the sooner I take this on the better for all involved.

I agree with the "our money" strategy and I need to get her to get on the same page.

But I still need some sort of blow/hooker slush fund, so I have to figure that part out.

So You went ahead and shot the bitch huh ?
Good jorb

[soonerborn30]

I guess I'm in the minority here. My wife and I have seperate accounts, but each can access the other. Before, when we had a joint account, she would spend money in ways that I disagreed with, and it caused fights on a near daily basis. Since the seperate accounts? Not one fight about money, and it's been two years. But not to worry, we've come up with other **** to fight about instead. :P

[btk108]

Tomorrow...cash your check. Then go get the Harley. Drive out to Wister, OK with a Sooner Shirt on. A support group will be along to help you with further instructions. Be patient. Get a beer. Relax. Polish your new bike. You're gonna have a great weekend. :D

I'm not riding the bike...but I will be polishin'......off several beers :D

[Oldnslo]

So basically you have one bucket of money that BOTH of your paychecks go into - with a couple of siphon cups for cheesing around. No problem. I don't think that's the case with BillyBall.

Besides, you're Jewish. You mother****ers can handle you some $$$.


Oh my God. I literally just LOL'd at work. Now people think I'm crazy. Awesome.

Yeah, I laughed. The Wife Unit converted!

[Scott D]

I rule the bank account with an iron fist....that's how that **** works.

[SteelPanz]

Oddly, my wife trusts me with our finances. So I manage all of our accounts.

[TUSooner]

Yup. All boils down to trust. baj and I have one big account that stuff goes to, and we both have our own tiny accounts to do things like lunch and gifts. Nothing is big enough to cause any tension because they're both the same size, and it's more of a formality than anything.

I'm down with that. A joint account for everything important, with maybe small separate credit union accounts or something, always available for family emergencies & stuff.

[SoonerKnight]

Why do we only hear this crap when people keep separate accounts. Both of you should deposit your money to the joint account.
What is this "her share" crap?

diddo. Deposit both checks in the joint account and give her an allowance. That should work better. :D

[SoonerKnight]

I'm down with that. A joint account for everything important, with maybe small separate credit union accounts or something, always available for family emergencies & stuff.

Give her an allowance and she can use that for her "small account" Oh and be sure to have your own "secret account" you'll need sooner or later.

[StoopTroup]

Billy....Sounds like you are on your way to figuring it out. Talk to her and like most people here have said....keep talking to her until you both decide how to handle it. Don't give in either. Find common ground. Good Luck Bro.

[BillyBall]

Well unfortunately the talk didn't go well. I guess she is leaving me... Good times.

[Collier11]

If thats true then there are probably other issues which she isnt telling you about, that or she is really selfish...although im sure it sucks it would appear you will be better off now...from an outsiders perspective

[badger]

Well unfortunately the talk didn't go well. I guess she is leaving me... Good times.

I'm sorry Billy. Perhaps "the talk" will get her talking to family and friends on the issue and they can reason with her better than us South Ovalers advisories/knoower aboouters.

[Tulsa_Fireman]

Two words.

Revenge buttsecks.

You can thank me later.

[Frozen Sooner]

OTOH, both my wife and I have separate accounts for splurging. Money doesn't have to be a problem. All that has to happen is that both you and the spousal unit are happy with the arrangement.

We have a "house" account that our paychecks go into. But when I get extra dough, from a plaintiff's case or whatnot, I divide it and make deposits into our respective "slush funds". I put my mileage and expense checks into my slush fund. Ain't no thang. Hell, half the time, those accounts just end up paying for stuff for the kids or house anyway. But I'll take Vegas money out of mine. She's bought clothes with hers.

If you're going to cheat, you don't need a secret account. You'd find a way to do whatever.

12 years in the banking industry and a stepfather who had a fairly lucrative family law practice tells me that this is the right way to do things. I've seen several marriages founder because people didn't tell each other about purchases and their account got hundreds or thousands of dollars overdrawn.

Plus, if you don't have side accounts, how the hell do you buy your wife gifts without her knowing?

[OklahomaTuba]

Two words.

Revenge buttsecks.

You can thank me later.That's your answer to everything.

[badger]

Plus, if you don't have side accounts, how the hell do you buy your wife gifts without her knowing?

Word. I've had to be creative about gift purchases for NP cuz of this :D

[Tulsa_Fireman]

That's your answer to everything.

I know.

[olevetonahill]

Well unfortunately the talk didn't go well. I guess she is leaving me... Good times.

If she got all pissy over that then Be dayum glad you dint invest moren 8 months in the bitch.

Next time , and I kinda figure yer young so that means yer dumb so there will be a NEXT time
Talk this kinda **** out in advance, Know what yer gettin into ;)

[BillyBall]

If she got all pissy over that then Be dayum glad you dint invest moren 8 months in the bitch.

Next time , and I kinda figure yer young so that means yer dumb so there will be a NEXT time
Talk this kinda **** out in advance, Know what yer gettin into ;)

Well the talk led to a fight which led to bad ****...

[olevetonahill]

Well the talk led to a fight which led to bad ****...

Heh , Then do what I did with tha last Live i n
Haul that bitch off in the back of yer truck ;)

[SunnySooner]

Really sorry BB. Boy/Girl crap sucks. I hope it works out to your best benefit, whatever that may be.

[NormanPride]

Yeah, if she got that mad about this stuff then most likely there were some shenanigans going on.

[C&CDean]

I'll be blunt. She's out hosing some other dude on the side, or at the very least, she's fixin' to. Get yourself outta there ASAP. You're young and have a life to live. Living with a non-trusting, non-trustworthy person ain't worth it. Trust me.

[SoonerAtKU]

You should probably also stop having your check direct-deposited into the communal account.

[stoops the eternal pimp]

Two words.

Revenge buttsecks.

You can thank me later.

I mentioned that back on page 2....dont think it helped though

[C&CDean]

I mentioned that back on page 2....dont think it helped though

Oh I don't know. Sounds like she's been getting some for a while now.

[olevetonahill]

You should probably also stop having your check direct-deposited into the communal account.

THIS
The bitch can and WILL clean you out and leave YOU stuck with all the charges

[GKeeper316]

Sorry to be so blunt, but your wife is a **** and you oughta dump her *** now before she gets real deep into your pockets/retirement/saving/etc. Seriously, what she's doing will eventually end your marriage anyhow. I know of what I speak.

Technically finances cause most divorces. However, it's not really the money. It's the lack of trust (or violation of trust) that comes when money is kept in separate accounts. You get married, you're a team. 100%. All the money goes in one kitty and not a dime of it is mine or yours. It's OURS. If you ain't doing this, you're pretty much ****ed.

On the upside, we've got several lawyers on this site who would probably be interested in domestics. Or not.

i dont agree with dean very much, but this is the best advice you're gonna get from anyone about this situation.

[A Sooner in Texas]

BB, that's really awful, and I'm very sorry. I do think Dean may be right...she's either already got someone on the side or will soon. Trust me, I've been there. This sounds harsh, but if trying to work out the finances on a basis of trust, compromise and understanding led to a fight, it would have been only the first of many on that and probably other issues.
It sounds like she's far from ready for marriage, but it sounds like you have tried to do the right things.
Good luck with everything.

[Tulsa_Fireman]

You should totally burn her koran.

[XingTheRubicon]

Why do we only hear this crap when people keep separate accounts. Both of you should deposit your money to the joint account.
What is this "her share" crap?


Didn't you hear? That's the new, progressive marriage. For the rich, the divorce decree is drafted and paid out in installments before, during and after the actual wedding date. For everyone else, separate accounts...your share, my share, etc.

IMO, for a marriage to truly work, the man and the woman has to equally put themselves second, and their marriage first. It's not easy. Most people have a 20+ year selfish streak in tact when they wed. IOW, marriage is the opposite of "separate" and "mine."

[pilobolus]

Don't get married.

[badger]

Yeah, if she got that mad about this stuff then most likely there were some shenanigans going on.

btw, NP, I've decided that I am going to direct deposit my paycheck in a private account that you do not have access to, but I will continue accessing our "joint" account that you deposit your paycheck into, and you better continue depositing it into... the FULL amount, or else I'm gonna be angry, and you aren't allowed to be angry or protest what I do with MY paycheck.










...see, I don't get how anyone can consider that reasonable. :confused:


:P and yes, I was joking.

[BillyBall]

Thanks everyone, looking for an apartment is not cool...

[sooner_born_1960]

Good luck, BillyBall. Not knowing your financial situation at all, I'm not going to say it'll be easy, or you'll get by. But, good luck.

[soonerborn30]

Damn man. Sorry to hear that. I think I agree with the majority here. If that conversation brought about a fight of that magnitude, it's probably for the best.

P.S. There's always the "get wasted and sleep with her friends" option. Just sayin'

[OklahomaTuba]

If you are so inclined, Dave Ramsey (http://www.daveramsey.com/article/marriage-money-and-secrets/lifeandmoney_relationshipsandmoney/) is quite insightful in this type of thing. He's helped a lot of people rebuild their financial lives. Here's hoping that God's plan will reveal itself in short order and bring peace to both of you.

[Tulsa_Fireman]

Or you have buttsecks with her hot friend.

[Tulsa_Fireman]

Either way, God is gonna be happy.

[Oldnslo]

Hang in there, BB.

[JohnnyMack]

Either way, God is gonna be happy.

http://www.insidesocal.com/tv/Jesus%20Christ%20Thumbs%20up.jpg

[royalfan5]

Good luck.

[yermom]

Thanks everyone, looking for an apartment is not cool...

you are finding her a place? that's nice of you ;)

[Boomer.....]

Sorry to hear this BB. It will all work out better in the end.

[OUthunder]

So I never post any thing personal on this site, for pretty obvious reasons...

However I do have a question to those married out there. I got married last October and I decided to have my paycheck deposited into our joint account. My thought was that after rent/bills/etc., that the remaining money I contribute could be used for bull**** and saving a portion. My wife kept her deposits going into her separate account with the understanding that she would make deposits to cover her share of the bills/rent/etc.

The only time we fight is when it involves finances, and usually because our joint account gets drained even though I keep MORE than enough to cover everything I do.

Question, should I A) Change my deposit to a personal checking account and just transfer over enough to cover bills/etc. B) Keep it as it currently is or C) Shoot her.

Just want some ideas from successfully married people that may have some insight on the best way to handle this.

And I know, This should have been a pole!!!!

If it were me I'd sit down and talk to her and tell her how you feel. My wife and I have only been married for 17 years, but in that time, the money in our marriage has always been ours, never hers or mine. We have never had individual accounts and the thought of that for a married couple seems somewhat questionable to me.

[OUthunder]

OK, I see now that my advice sucks. Is it to late to agree with Dean?

[badger]

you are finding her a place? that's nice of you ;)

Homer Simpson talking to Marge after screwing up: If you want to sleep on the couch tonight, I will understand (shuts master bedroom door)

[TUSooner]

Gee, Beebs, this thing took a turn for the worst that I never expected. Hope things get better. But if she can't trust you over "mere money," then you'll be way better off without her and with someone you can trust.

[TUSooner]

nm

[StoopTroup]

Well unfortunately the talk didn't go well. I guess she is leaving me... Good times.

You did the right thing. It takes two to have a good relationship.

It might be hard....but stop doing stuff for her and start doing stuff for you. Canel any credit you have in both of your names. Don't let her use you.

I wouldn't start any relationships until 6 months down the road other than just hanging with friends. Give it time and if she wants back seek couseling and stay separated. You don't want to have to go through this again with her ever.

[JohnnyMack]

Don't listen to him.

You need strip-club-therapy. Now!

[Tulsa_Fireman]

CODE BOOB!

STAT!

[BillyBall]

Found an apartment, paying much more than I wanted to but it's in a good location close to the L. Really looking forward to liking myself again, it's been a while since that was the case.

[rawlingsHOH]

Why do we only hear this crap when people keep separate accounts. Both of you should deposit your money to the joint account.
What is this "her share" crap?

this

[badger]

Found an apartment, paying much more than I wanted to but it's in a good location close to the L. Really looking forward to liking myself again, it's been a while since that was the case.

Visit Norman this Saturday and you'll be among friends

If you don't like people, just cozy up to the free beer :)

[ouflak]

I pay all the bills, my wife pays for the groceries. It works.

[tator]

You should totally burn her koran.
What does her korean have anything to do with this?

[NormanPride]

Visit Norman this Saturday and you'll be among friends

If you don't like people, just cozy up to the free beer :)

This. And I'm thinking when it's time in November you'll need a Football/Basketball double feature. :D

[yukonsooner]

I pay all the bills, my wife pays for the groceries. It works.

Basically this is what we do too. I pay the groceries and the insurance on the cars and he pays the other bills. This leaves us both with $ in our respective accounts. I buy what I want, he buys what he wants and we take turns paying for things like eating out and gas. It has worked out great for 40k+ years and 2 kids.

[PrideTrombone]

Basically this is what we do too. I pay the groceries and the insurance on the cars and he pays the other bills. This leaves us both with $ in our respective accounts. I buy what I want, he buys what he wants and we take turns paying for things like eating out and gas. It has worked out great for 40k+ years and 2 kids.

You've been married for 40,000 years? Daaaamn! :)

[proud gonzo]

I'm getting married in 5 weeks and won't have this problem. Neither of us have any money.

[btk108]

I'm getting married in 5 weeks and won't have this problem. Neither of us have any money.

You didn't plan this on a gameday, did you?

[Sooner_Havok]

I'm getting married in 5 weeks and won't have this problem. Neither of us have any money.

Nice! :D

[proud gonzo]

You didn't plan this on a gameday, did you?What, you think i'm crazy? 10-10-10

[Sooner_Havok]

What, you think i'm crazy? 10-10-10

Well, it's an easy save the date to remember, huh?

[badger]

This. And I'm thinking when it's time in November you'll need a Football/Basketball double feature. :D

I recommend women's basketball this season ;)

[TUSooner]

I'm getting married in 5 weeks and won't have this problem. Neither of us have any money.

Ladies & Gentlemen, THIS is looking at the bright side. :)

[C&CDean]

Found an apartment, paying much more than I wanted to but it's in a good location close to the L. Really looking forward to liking myself again, it's been a while since that was the case.

Going through the pity party is all a part of the healing process. Here's my advice:

Go ahead and feel sorry for yourself for about a day, two tops. Then forget about it. Join a new gym and start a workout program. Go find a new neighborhood bar and have a beer or 6. Completely stay away from all the things that involve her or remind you of her. Absolutely do NOT have sex with the yainch. She'll just keep you on a string and toy with you like a cat does a mouse. Quit smoking (if you smoke). Do not run out and hook up with the first yainch that gives you the time of day. Do not discuss your problems/relationship with the first yainch you chat it up with. Nothing turns them off more than conversation about an ex. Smile. Be happy. Remember that you're not losing a yainch, you're gaining your mother****ing life back!! Come to Norman and party with the good folks.

[olevetonahill]

Dean is wise ;)

[olevetonahill]

Oh Ill just add , Never ever Own another one , Just rent ya one every now and then,its cheaper that way :D

[Sooner04]

Going through the pity party is all a part of the healing process. Here's my advice:

Go ahead and feel sorry for yourself for about a day, two tops. Then forget about it. Join a new gym and start a workout program. Go find a new neighborhood bar and have a beer or 6. Completely stay away from all the things that involve her or remind you of her. Absolutely do NOT have sex with the yainch. She'll just keep you on a string and toy with you like a cat does a mouse. Quit smoking (if you smoke). Do not run out and hook up with the first yainch that gives you the time of day. Do not discuss your problems/relationship with the first yainch you chat it up with. Nothing turns them off more than conversation about an ex. Smile. Be happy. Remember that you're not losing a yainch, you're gaining your mother****ing life back!! Come to Norman and party with the good folks.
This is very good advice.

But I do suggest you have sex. Lots of sex with whomever comes around. Even if the first couple of ones are fat and unattractive.

But, for all that is holy, DO NOT have sex with your ex. That's certain death.

[Fraggle145]

My wife and I keep our accounts separate and have no joint account... We have no problems with it. It saves us the hassle of this whole joint thing.

[C&CDean]

My wife and I keep our accounts separate and have no joint account... We have no problems with it. It saves us the hassle of this whole joint thing.

Says Mr. Been married for 2 weeks now.

Give it some time my friend. If either of you makes substantially more than the other, and/or you run into a very important financial decision that you disagree on (you know like you wanna buy that Harley and she thinks you're ****ing stupid?) or either of you start to wander in your fidelity or a thousand other "ors" and you'll see.

Your statement reminds me of the guy that jumps off the Empire State Building and as he passes the 84th floor he goes "it's all good, no problems..."

[Fraggle145]

We have been living in sin for 6 years before this... Its not like its a new situation. I can see how problems would develop. I am just saying it hasnt been a problem for us. Its probably because we are both poor anyway, although she makes more than me.

[C&CDean]

Well for whatever reason, saying "I do" changes things. You'll see.

Also, being poor is usually good for a relationship. Makes you appreciate each other and whatever it is you've got.

[Sooner04]

The wife and I have several different accounts, but we also have absolute trust in one another.

FOR INSTANCE!

1. We have a joint account. All bills are paid out of that. All of my paycheck goes into it.

2. I have a splurge account. Any money that I make on other stuff outside of salary (drugs, guns, oil and gas deals) goes into that. It pays for all our vacations and unexpected stuff.

3. She has a splurge account. All her money goes in there, and that's where she buys her clothes. If we ever have a baby, all of it gets dumped into that process.

4. I have a bowling account. All money I make in bowling stays in bowling and pays for bowling.

We get along very well. We make it work, and the ship sails smoothly. I'm not going to say how we do it would work for everybody, but we're two smart people who trust each other absolutely. If I find out she's banging some other dude on the side I'll just let her have half and I'll go pick up the pieces of my life.

No threat of me banging somebody on the side. Still not sure how I got her to stay with me in the first place as I'm quite unattractive.

Oh well. Life is good. :)

[sooner_born_1960]

Yeah, the six years you were shacked up, don't count once you get married.

[Mongo]

Going through the pity party is all a part of the healing process. Here's my advice:

Go ahead and feel sorry for yourself for about a day, two tops. Then forget about it. Join a new gym and start a workout program. Go find a new neighborhood bar and have a beer or 6. Completely stay away from all the things that involve her or remind you of her. Absolutely do NOT have sex with the yainch. She'll just keep you on a string and toy with you like a cat does a mouse. Quit smoking (if you smoke). Do not run out and hook up with the first yainch that gives you the time of day. Do not discuss your problems/relationship with the first yainch you chat it up with. Nothing turns them off more than conversation about an ex. Smile. Be happy. Remember that you're not losing a yainch, you're gaining your mother****ing life back!! Come to Norman and party with the good folks.

exactly what I am doing now. I hit the gym hard, and I can finally kick the **** out of you:D

[Fraggle145]

Also, being poor is usually good for a relationship. Makes you appreciate each other and whatever it is you've got.

Yep. You cant afford to do anything stupid. :D

[stoops the eternal pimp]

I think Saturday would be a great time to do it

[C&CDean]

exactly what I am doing now. I hit the gym hard, and I can finally kick the **** out of you:D

Dude, you're the size of a ****ing baby elephant. You oughta be able to kick my *** - but be careful about that old man strength. We're mean and ****.

[Fraggle145]

Everyday is a good time to do it.

[BillyBall]

This thread has gotten a lot cooler...

[stoops the eternal pimp]

Everyday is a good time to do it.

not when your married..that'll change too along with your finances

[stoops the eternal pimp]

Dude, you're the size of a ****ing baby elephant. You oughta be able to kick my *** - but be careful about that old man strength. We're mean and ****.

oilfield trash over mail man

[OUMallen]

Says Mr. Been married for 2 weeks now.

Give it some time my friend. If either of you makes substantially more than the other, and/or you run into a very important financial decision that you disagree on (you know like you wanna buy that Harley and she thinks you're ****ing stupid?) or either of you start to wander in your fidelity or a thousand other "ors" and you'll see.

Your statement reminds me of the guy that jumps off the Empire State Building and as he passes the 84th floor he goes "it's all good, no problems..."

I think you're generally correct Dean, but not every situation is the 84th floor analogy.

I'm about to commence living in sin myself. She's finishing up her advanced degree and moving here. I make a decent living, so I'm fronting the living costs. She's paying for the move ($2000ish) and has a decent amount in the bank from her fellowship and scholarship money to last the semester. We split things about 70/30 right now, which is fair in my world. I will maintain the house like I have been anyway before I met her, so no real big change for me.

We are in agreement she'll begin looking for full-time, gainful employment around October. We haven't worked out exactly who will pay what at that point, but I'm happy if she takes on the bills while I do the house. (~1000 mo for me, ~400 mo for her) The only additional costs she brings to the household are her student loans which haven't kicked in yet and her health insurance.

We don't have a joint account, and I don't plan to until after we're married. That's as much to protect me as anything, but honestly, we trust each other implicitly and don't care much about money. More than anything, the hassle of having all my auto-payments changed will suck.

Granted, Deano, that can change quickly. But we are awesome for now and in the mid-term. And honestly, what more can you ask for?

[btk108]

oilfield trash over mail man

Bets?

[C&CDean]

oilfield trash over mail man

When people ask me what I teach out here I say "marksmanship."

.45 over 16" guns. Bangfoo over kungfoo.

[Mongo]

This thread has gotten a lot cooler...

I will share the same advice I got from a roughneck on a rig I was on:

You know what would make you feel better? Go out and run through about ten fat chicks. That will make you feel better about yourself

[stoops the eternal pimp]

1tC?

[Mongo]

1tC?


too skinny for my liking

[C&CDean]

And too tall. And he has poor taste in socks.

[IB4OU2]

Basically this is what we do too. I pay the groceries and the insurance on the cars and he pays the other bills. This leaves us both with $ in our respective accounts. I buy what I want, he buys what he wants and we take turns paying for things like eating out and gas. It has worked out great for 40k+ years and 2 kids.

40k+ years? is that in biblical years? wow!

we eat out and get gas too...

[SouthFortySooner]

Sounds like the 'seperate money' was a load of straw. Along with some others which broke the camel's back.

'Seperate money', will always be a load of straw.

[Fraggle145]

not when your married..that'll change too along with your finances

Just because it is a good day to do it, doesnt mean that it will happen. But its still a good day to do it.

[CtheB]

Money isn't the reason relationships break down. It's just the place where the two of you are most affected, and generally if you don't meet the minds in this area, you aren't communicating in other areas either. Money gets the blame.

16 years of happiness for the missus and I. Granted, we've had our valleys as we all do, but still, 16 years later, with more income than we could ever imagine, and we still get together once a week to discuss finances. Never miss.

Make it a point to communicate with your spouse about money, and the two of you should be able to communicate about anything.

[SoonerBorn68]

My wife & I have a joint account & my check gets DD in it. She's a full time mom so there's no my/her money, it's all ours. I have an account I use for all my expenses while I'm out on the road. She can look at all the transactions anytime she wants. It's all about trust.

[JohnnyMack]

My wife & I have a joint account & my check gets DD in it. She's a full time mom so there's no my/her money, it's all ours. I have an account I use for all my expenses while I'm out on the road. She can look at all the transactions anytime she wants. It's all about trust.

This is us.

[olevetonahill]

To hell with the Money, I just wish me and any of my exes could have agreed on the sexen :mad:

[yermom]

i just can't see ever completely sharing money.

as romantic as it may sound, i don't know many marriages that lasted more than 10 years, let alone until death did them part. the ones that did last that long weren't the first for either party.

[C&CDean]

i just can't see ever completely sharing money.

as romantic as it may sound, i don't know many marriages that lasted more than 10 years, let alone until death did them part. the ones that did last that long weren't the first for either party.

Dude, romance has nothing to do with it. It's simply a trust issue. It's also a commitment issue. If you don't trust her enough to share everything you've got with her and vise versa, you're headed down the road to doom. Maybe this explains why you're still single...:P

[OklahomaTuba]

And if you really want to keep the bitch away from your funds, offshore it.

[BillyBall]

Divorce got finalized today, can't express how good it feels... Next time I find a girl I want to marry, Im just going to give her half of everything I own to expedite the process.

[royalfan5]

Divorce got finalized today, can't express how good it feels... Next time I find a girl I want to marry, Im just going to give her half of everything I own to expedite the process.

or you could just hire day labor as needed.

[NormanPride]

Don't let it jade you forever, man. Look at Dean. First one was hell apparently, but Mrs. Dean now is an angel and WAY too good for him. :D

[DIB]

Mother ****ing prenup. Learn it, love it.

[olevetonahill]

Grats
If ya ever try again =Pre nup
Yup Dean got a Great one , Vet on the other hand had 3 that wernt worth a **** . so PRE NUP ;)

[SunnySooner]

She's out there, keep looking, it's worth it. Just discuss all this stuff up front. ;)

[Oldnslo]

Congratulations, BB! Good for you!

You know why lawyers charge so much for divorce?

Because it's worth it.

[sooner_born_1960]

I'm not that high on the whole prenup thing. It's sounds a whole lot like agreeing on the divorce settlement before you even said "i do". Like you're expecting it not to last.

[C&CDean]

Sorry to be so blunt, but your wife is a **** and you oughta dump her *** now before she gets real deep into your pockets/retirement/saving/etc. Seriously, what she's doing will eventually end your marriage anyhow. I know of what I speak.

Technically finances cause most divorces. However, it's not really the money. It's the lack of trust (or violation of trust) that comes when money is kept in separate accounts. You get married, you're a team. 100%. All the money goes in one kitty and not a dime of it is mine or yours. It's OURS. If you ain't doing this, you're pretty much ****ed.

On the upside, we've got several lawyers on this site who would probably be interested in domestics. Or not.

That dang Dean is a wise old fool...

Congrats on your divorce. You'll have up days and down days. Don't fall in love with the first girl that looks at you. Enjoy yourself and your freedom and let a relationship come to you. You've earned it.

[C&CDean]

PIITB..

End of Discussion

STEP, on the other hand...

[C&CDean]

I'm not that high on the whole prenup thing. It's sounds a whole lot like agreeing on the divorce settlement before you even said "i do". Like you're expecting it not to last.

Ditto.

The only way I'd advise a pre-nup is if you've got tons of $$ and the yainch is broke. And if that was the case, I'd advise against marriage altogether. Look what it did to Tiger Woods.

[3rdgensooner]

You'll have up days and down days. The good news is that eventually the down days are fewer and farther between.

[stoops the eternal pimp]

STEP, on the other hand...

I don't care which hand of yours I am "on"

[Mississippi Sooner]

I guess this proves it. Spending too much time on internet message boards leads to divorce.

[badger]

Divorce got finalized today, can't express how good it feels... Next time I find a girl I want to marry, Im just going to give her half of everything I own to expedite the process.

*hug* hope it all works out for you.

[Sooner_Bob]

Why do we only hear this crap when people keep separate accounts. Both of you should deposit your money to the joint account.
What is this "her share" crap?

I'm late to the thread, but this is my first reaction too. :confused:

[WichitaSooner]

This is the first time I've read ANY of this thread... and all I can say is.... This all happened SO FAST....

[Sooner_Bob]

not when your married..that'll change too along with your finances

:D

[Soonerson1975]

Wow, what a thread. Best of luck to you.

[Sooner_Bob]

Wow is right.

[olevetonahill]

Shoot the bitch
yer welcome


That dang Dean is a wise old fool...

Congrats on your divorce. You'll have up days and down days. Don't fall in love with the first girl that looks at you. Enjoy yourself and your freedom and let a relationship come to you. You've earned it.

Yea well My advice would've been cheaper if he did it right :P

[rekamrettuB]

I'm late to the thread, but this is my first reaction too. :confused:

The wife and I keep separate accounts. I make the lion's share of the income for the house and I also pay every bill outside of a couple small ones and her car. We've had it for 4+ years and have never had a problem. Basically we kept it this way because of some auto payments that, even tho it would take one phone call per payments, come from each of our accounts (her student loan payments, our house and rent house payments, etc). Was easier and has caused zero problems.

Now my wife isn't an overspender either nor would she be if we had a joint account. That's where most problems arise no matter if you have 1 joint or 7 separate accounts...at least in my opinion.

[2121Sooner]

I agree, I don't understand why she has had such a problem with it. But when she starts to basically tell me what my "allowance" is, fights tend to start.


**on edit....read more of the thread instead of the first three post.....

Good job Billy. And this still applies......

http://militantlibertarian.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/Pimp_Hand.jpg

[Pricetag]

I like the one that says something like, "You, too, can enjoy this look of satisfaction."

[Ctina]

When my hubby and I got married, we combined finances. We separated for a while and split the bank accounts back up and kept it that way after our time-out. It has been several years now and the separate has worked for us. For one thing, when I let him take over the $, I stopped paying attention to what I was spending and ran up my credit card. I like keeping it separate to ensure I pay attention to it. We worked out the household bills by my paying everything, keeping track of it in a spreadsheet, and figuring out how much he owed at the end of the month. I was making more than he was at the time so we split it based on percentages. He had access to all the accounts and was free to get on my computer to look at what I was spending at any time. If something came up that was questionable, we discussed it and figured out what we both considered fair.

Now he's the one about to be on the hook for everything as my unemployment is about finally run out and my minimum monetary goal for the next several months is to make enough each month for my car payment and spending $. Just until I graduate and start making regular money. We both seem happy with this arrangement but it took a while to figure it out. First thing on the list of things to buy when I'm working full time and we knock out the debt is a new truck for him.

[Sooner_Bob]

The wife and I keep separate accounts. I make the lion's share of the income for the house and I also pay every bill outside of a couple small ones and her car. We've had it for 4+ years and have never had a problem. Basically we kept it this way because of some auto payments that, even tho it would take one phone call per payments, come from each of our accounts (her student loan payments, our house and rent house payments, etc). Was easier and has caused zero problems.

Now my wife isn't an overspender either nor would she be if we had a joint account. That's where most problems arise no matter if you have 1 joint or 7 separate accounts...at least in my opinion.

Joint account for over 18 years . . . . both checks DD into the same account.

Money problems will be there with either type of account IMO.

Someone can wipe out an account whether it is joint or not . . .

[Midtowner]

We keep our finances separate. I pay the major bills, she pays for her car and the groceries and the health insurance. I make the lion's share of the income, so occasionally, I'll pay off her credit cards if she's having trouble. We considered putting accounts together, but it really didn't make much sense. I don't ever need money from her, and if she needs money from me, I write a check, but that only happens 2-3 times per year.

[SanJoaquinSooner]

We keep our finances separate. I pay the major bills, she pays for her car and the groceries and the health insurance. I make the lion's share of the income, so occasionally, I'll pay off her credit cards if she's having trouble. We considered putting accounts together, but it really didn't make much sense. I don't ever need money from her, and if she needs money from me, I write a check, but that only happens 2-3 times per year.

She takes checks?

[C&CDean]

We keep our finances separate. I pay the major bills, she pays for her car and the groceries and the health insurance. I make the lion's share of the income, so occasionally, I'll pay off her credit cards if she's having trouble. We considered putting accounts together, but it really didn't make much sense. I don't ever need money from her, and if she needs money from me, I write a check, but that only happens 2-3 times per year.

You'll be the next to start a "the yainch dumped me" thread.

[OutlandTrophy]

do you people that keep seperate accounts have to make 2 budgets each month?

I'm glad it works for you but most of you seem to be detailing a financial arrangement with a college roommate, not a spouse.

[BillyBall]

I had no idea this ****ing thing would go 5 pages...

[rekamrettuB]

do you people that keep seperate accounts have to make 2 budgets each month?

I'm glad it works for you but most of you seem to be detailing a financial arrangement with a college roommate, not a spouse.

Budget??? Pffff. Our budget is "don't spend more than you got".

The wife is pregnant with twins and we are about to combine our checking since she is only going to be selling real estate and quitting her other job. I don't expect any problems since, like I said above, she isn't a typical shopper like some of our friend's wives seem to be. Maybe that will change after kids but we'll see.

[OutlandTrophy]

Budget??? Pffff. Our budget is "don't spend more than you got".

good luck with that!

[Sooner_Bob]

Budget??? Pffff. Our budget is "don't spend more than you got".

The wife is pregnant with twins and we are about to combine our checking since she is only going to be selling real estate and quitting her other job. I don't expect any problems since, like I said above, she isn't a typical shopper like some of our friend's wives seem to be. Maybe that will change after kids but we'll see.

That will definitely change after the kids . . . ;)

[rekamrettuB]

That will definitely change after the kids . . . ;)

I figured. Thanks for verifying my fears. :D

[3rdgensooner]

Separate accounts work fine for a lot of people. It doesn't signal the eminent demise of a marriage anymore than any other choices couples make.

[C&CDean]

I've never been able to do a "budget" in my life.

We throw all our money in one bucket (except for the farm income which goes into another bucket). I write all the checks (bills).

We're financially solid enough to move to a credit card system for most of our finances. We purchase almost everything on either an American Airlines Mastercard, or a Marriott Visa. I pay the entire bill at the end of the month so there's no interest. We both monitor the accounts on-line and make sure we don't spend more than we can pay off. Of course she isn't like the average wife who shops every time she's depressed or PMSing so I don't have to worry about her overspending. Any large purchases we discuss before we pull the trigger. I cannot even imagine living with separate accounts. To me, it's just inviting problems to happen. Might work for a while, but eventually somebody is gonna **** it up.

[C&CDean]

Separate accounts work fine for a lot of people. It doesn't signal the eminent demise of a marriage anymore than any other choices couples make.

Does too.

Sure some folks can handle it, but if there's any other trust issues happening in that marriage, having separate accounts is like throwing gas on a fire. Especially if hubby or wife goes a little stupid (you know like withdrawing $300 at the strip joint when the wife didn't know he even went to strip joints) or when one of them starts hiding their account transactions from the other, etc. Marriage is about sharing everything. EVERYTHING. Well except underwear. Unless you're STEP or JohnnyMack.

[3rdgensooner]

but if there's any other trust issues happening in that marriage, That's the source of the problem, not the separate accounts.

[OutlandTrophy]

how do you plan for anything in the distant future without a budget or written plan?

Do you just cash flow large purchases?

not saying your way is right or mine is better, just asking.

[C&CDean]

how do you plan for anything in the distant future without a budget or written plan?

Do you just cash flow large purchases?

not saying your way is right or mine is better, just asking.

Good question. I'm at a stage in my life where I don't really need to plan for distant purchases. If I want something, I go buy it. There's not a lot I want for in all honesty. I mean I'll probably upgrade from my 54" LCD to a large LED one of these days, but I'm in no hurry. If I don't have the money, I wait until I do then I go buy it.

Very large purchases (like my 2 newest John Deere's) I wait until JD has a 0% interest sale and then I go purchase them. Yes, I have to plan it out a little (not on paper but in my head) since payments on a $78K tractor on a 48-month loan are more than the average person pays for a mortgage.

The key is to get the damn kids outta the house and off the payroll. Then, live within your means for a few years where you're not just barely scraping by paycheck to paycheck. Do NOT carry ANY credit card debt month-to-month. If you absolutely have to charge something (like say your heater or AC goes out in the house and you're broke) pay it off as quickly as you can even if you have to eat bologna on cheap white bread for a couple months.

If you HAVE to pay interest on something make sure you've researched the best route for your loan. Credit unions typically offer the best rates. It ain't easy, but it can be done. You don't have to make a ton of $$ to become financially set.

[rekamrettuB]

how do you plan for anything in the distant future without a budget or written plan?

Do you just cash flow large purchases?

not saying your way is right or mine is better, just asking.

Don't overspend and put plenty away in savings. Have a few months set back in case anything major occurs.

Let me ask you this: Do you actually run like spreadsheets, etc and make actual budgets each month?

I ask this because I'm an accountant and most accountants probably do exactly this but I really don't care all that much as to the specifics of where everything goes. I don't even keep a check register balanced. Pretty much run it in my head.

[Midtowner]

She takes checks?

We use different banks. Her mother's an officer or something at one bank, I have another bank which is located closer to the courthouse, so it's more convenient for me to use.

[OutlandTrophy]

Don't overspend and put plenty away in savings. Have a few months set back in case anything major occurs.

Let me ask you this: Do you actually run like spreadsheets, etc and make actual budgets each month?

I ask this because I'm an accountant and most accountants probably do exactly this but I really don't care all that much as to the specifics of where everything goes. I don't even keep a check register balanced. Pretty much run it in my head.

we don't use the computer but we do make an actual budget for each month. It took a few months to get it right but we know how much we can spend on groceries, restaurants, savings, etc. We use a sinking fund method for large purchases in the future.

The budget has mainly helped us get on the same page about everything.

[2121Sooner]

We're financially solid enough to move to a credit card system for most of our finances. We purchase almost everything on either an American Airlines Mastercard, or a Marriott Visa.

Do you buy all your weed on credit card?

[Sooner_Bob]

Do you buy all your weed on credit card?

He likes the ganja reward points . . .

[C&CDean]

Do you buy all your weed on credit card?

Do you buy all your boyfriend's butt floss on credit card?

[C&CDean]

He likes the ganja reward points . . .

10,000 point bonus and I can get a lid.

I'll bet none of these young whippersnapper potheads even know what a lid is.

[3rdgensooner]

10,000 point bonus and I can get a lid.

I'll bet none of these young whippersnapper potheads even know what a lid is.lid is that one longhorn humper that posted here.

[C&CDean]

Well yeah, and I think he's not posting cause he's in the middle of smoking himself.

[2121Sooner]

Do you buy all your boyfriend's butt floss on credit card?

Of course not, I buy all out butt floss out of a joint checking account.

[C&CDean]

And my dealer won't accept plastic.

[2121Sooner]

You could get high and frequent flyer miles at the same time.


There really is a beatiful symetry to that if you think about it.....

[boomersooner001]

My wife and I have a joint account. Both of our paychecks are deposited into the account. Any living expenses that we have come out of that one particular account. We both carry separate individual accounts for misc expenses eating out and what not. We agreed on an allowance per pay check that is the exact same for both of us that is deposited in our separate accounts each pay period.

I run all of the finances b/c I am the anal one and we make any major financial decisions together. She has access to all accounts we carry, so that if she wanted to look at things at anytime she can and also just in case I should ever die.

This method has worked great for us and there's never an argument about money. Definitely talk about it with your significant other to see what you two can agree on that best works for your situation. Good luck!

[2121Sooner]

My wife and I have a joint account. Both of our paychecks are deposited into the account. Any living expenses that we have come out of that one particular account. We both carry separate individual accounts for misc expenses eating out and what not. We agreed on an allowance per pay check that is the exact same for both of us that is deposited in our separate accounts each pay period.

I run all of the finances b/c I am the anal one and we make any major financial decisions together. She has access to all accounts we carry, so that if she wanted to look at things at anytime she can and also just in case I should ever die.

This method has worked great for us and there's never an argument about money. Definitely talk about it with your significant other to see what you two can agree on that best works for your situation. Good luck!

Chk does the anal in our relationship......

[DIB]

Chk does the anal in our relationship......

What kind of strap on does she use?

[2121Sooner]

What kind of strap on does she use?


The kind that hurt.........

[Midtowner]

Pegging?

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pegging

[DIB]

Pegging?

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pegging

Bjorn pegs rom, gently

[2121Sooner]

Bjorn also tagged rom......

[Ctina]

Bjorn also tagged rom......

Who hasn't? Those glistening abs are hard to resist.

[SanJoaquinSooner]

Good question. I'm at a stage in my life where I don't really need to plan for distant purchases. If I want something, I go buy it. There's not a lot I want for in all honesty. I mean I'll probably upgrade from my 54" LCD to a large LED one of these days, but I'm in no hurry. If I don't have the money, I wait until I do then I go buy it.

Very large purchases (like my 2 newest John Deere's) I wait until JD has a 0% interest sale and then I go purchase them. Yes, I have to plan it out a little (not on paper but in my head) since payments on a $78K tractor on a 48-month loan are more than the average person pays for a mortgage.

The key is to get the damn kids outta the house and off the payroll. Then, live within your means for a few years where you're not just barely scraping by paycheck to paycheck. Do NOT carry ANY credit card debt month-to-month. If you absolutely have to charge something (like say your heater or AC goes out in the house and you're broke) pay it off as quickly as you can even if you have to eat bologna on cheap white bread for a couple months.

If you HAVE to pay interest on something make sure you've researched the best route for your loan. Credit unions typically offer the best rates. It ain't easy, but it can be done. You don't have to make a ton of $$ to become financially set.


Do you purchase crop insurance, and if so, have you ever collected for a failed crop?

[olevetonahill]

Do you purchase crop insurance, and if so, have you ever collected for a failed crop?

I dont think he worries to much about the hay :D

[OUthunder]

Well yeah, and I think he's not posting cause he's in the middle of smoking himself.

I doubt he's that big, better ask STPEP

[SanJoaquinSooner]

I dont think he worries to much about the hay :D

You mean Dean's farming is just a hobby?

[olevetonahill]

You mean Dean's farming is just a hobby?

Nope he was raising Cattle till that last Ice storm tore up all his fences, said he sold the cows and went to just selling hay . Guess if ya can pay fer a 78K tractor in just a few years it aint Just a hobby .

[sperry]

I will not be getting married without a pre-nup. That'll be a deal breaker.

[SanJoaquinSooner]

...Guess if ya can pay fer a 78K tractor in just a few years it aint Just a hobby .

That's what I was thinking.

[rekamrettuB]

I will not be getting married without a pre-nup. That'll be a deal breaker.

Doesn't Oklahoma pretty much have a built in pre-nup? I had to do some work for an attorney going through a divorce and basically we looked at what he had going into the marriage, then looked at what he had coming out. Took the difference and split it down the middle.

[C&CDean]

That's what I was thinking.

No, I am not a hobby farmer.

The lion's share of my farm income comes from custom baling hay for other people. I have 2 very large customers that I cut/rake/bale hay for every year. One has about 640 acres in prairie hay that he fertilizes with chicken ****, and the other has about 300 acres of prime bermuda fertilized with anhydrous.

I used to have about 20 customers, but it's more profitable to do just a couple of large farms. I can park equipment there, haul my 500-gallon fuel tank there and drop it, and cut and bale after work and on weekends.

Since I've sold the cattle, I cut/bale my own pastures now too. It's very good money, but hauling the hay is a bummer. We sell our hay to locals and some big operators out of Texas. We're going to go back to some steers, or maybe some cow/calf pairs whenever I finish the fences, but with the hours/location I'm working these days (DC) it's a little tough to get the fence done. 18 months, 19 days and I will be retired and farming full time.

When I go full-time I'm going to have to hire a hand or two since momma still has another 9-10 years to work before she can retire. However, the increase in income from going full-time will more than compensate for the hired hands. We hire pretty much kids right now to haul hay and help with the firewood operation we've got and I'll probably keep doing that.

Anyhow, the way you pay off $78K tractors (and since that one I've bought momma a $50K tractor and another $35K baler) is by working your ****ing *** off and taking care of your customers. Simple concept that the average liberal hasn't grasped. They'd rather get their $523 monthly check for nada.

[olevetonahill]

See jaun, I told ya. Now get back to the lettuce fields .:P

[SanJoaquinSooner]

No, I am not a hobby farmer.

The lion's share of my farm income comes from custom baling hay for other people. I have 2 very large customers that I cut/rake/bale hay for every year. One has about 640 acres in prairie hay that he fertilizes with chicken ****, and the other has about 300 acres of prime bermuda fertilized with anhydrous.

I used to have about 20 customers, but it's more profitable to do just a couple of large farms. I can park equipment there, haul my 500-gallon fuel tank there and drop it, and cut and bale after work and on weekends.

Since I've sold the cattle, I cut/bale my own pastures now too. It's very good money, but hauling the hay is a bummer. We sell our hay to locals and some big operators out of Texas. We're going to go back to some steers, or maybe some cow/calf pairs whenever I finish the fences, but with the hours/location I'm working these days (DC) it's a little tough to get the fence done. 18 months, 19 days and I will be retired and farming full time.

When I go full-time I'm going to have to hire a hand or two since momma still has another 9-10 years to work before she can retire. However, the increase in income from going full-time will more than compensate for the hired hands. We hire pretty much kids right now to haul hay and help with the firewood operation we've got and I'll probably keep doing that.

Anyhow, the way you pay off $78K tractors (and since that one I've bought momma a $50K tractor and another $35K baler) is by working your ****ing *** off and taking care of your customers. Simple concept that the average liberal hasn't grasped. They'd rather get their $523 monthly check for nada.

My original question which vet answered on your behalf, was, Do you ever purchase crop insurance? or maybe better asked, do your customers purchase crop insurance?

[C&CDean]

My original question which vet answered on your behalf, was, Do you ever purchase crop insurance? or maybe better asked, do your customers purchase crop insurance?

Me? No. My "crop" is Oklahoma gold - bermuda grass. As long as it rains a few times in the spring/summer I'm golden.

My customers? Only the pecan guys. I do pecans too, but I learned a long time ago to not spend a dime insuring them POS trees.

[SanJoaquinSooner]

Anyhow, the way you pay off $78K tractors (and since that one I've bought momma a $50K tractor and another $35K baler) is by working your ****ing *** off and taking care of your customers. Simple concept that the average liberal hasn't grasped. They'd rather get their $523 monthly check for nada.

I couldn't agree more with the sentiment, although I don't know what an average liberal is.

[C&CDean]

I couldn't agree more with the sentiment, although I don't know what an average liberal is.

New invention. It's called "a mirror."

[olevetonahill]

Dean >jaun :D

[olevetonahill]

Me? No. My "crop" is Oklahoma gold - bermuda grass. As long as it rains a few times in the spring/summer I'm golden.

My customers? Only the pecan guys. I do pecans too, but I learned a long time ago to not spend a dime insuring them POS trees.

What I were thinkin bro . Why insure Grass? Dont ya have Fire insurance in case some sets yer pasture on fire and burns up what ya already cut an baled?

[C&CDean]

What I were thinkin bro . Why insure Grass? Dont ya have Fire insurance in case some sets yer pasture on fire and burns up what ya already cut an baled?

I pay $100 per year to the Lexington FD. It covers everything. Cheap insurance, but better yet, GOOD insurance.

[olevetonahill]

I pay $100 per year to the Lexington FD. It covers everything. Cheap insurance, but better yet, GOOD insurance.

Im on the Rural Fire thingy also , But that just covers the cost of a fire run .
Ya mean yers will pay ya fer the Hay ya lose?

[SanJoaquinSooner]

New invention. It's called "a mirror."

I'm an average liberal? Don't think of myself as an average liberal. I do like liberal republicans like Bill Clinton, however.


I haven't drawn a gov't check since the 80's, as a teacher for Norman Public Schools.... and never one for nada -- my students actually learned important ****.

[C&CDean]

I'm an average liberal? Don't think of myself as an average liberal. I do like liberal republicans like Bill Clinton, however.


I haven't drawn a gov't check since the 80's, as a teacher for Norman Public Schools.... and never one for nada -- my students actually learned important ****.

I ain't buying what you're selling Juan.

[Turd_Ferguson]

I ain't buying what you're selling Juan.

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTh1cHu1o2DXAdpq8pezGOlDOzDBfJ-iw9NxBpAqUuXXP3NLzOrgA



WTF is up with post'n pics up in the MF'r?

[C&CDean]

Tacos? Hell, I'd buy them. I just ain't buyin' his bull****.

[olevetonahill]

Tacos? Hell, I'd buy them. I just ain't buyin' his bull****.

:D :D :D ;)