It's my mother's birthday today...

[stoops the eternal pimp]

Its been 9 months since she left this world...I feel like talking or typing now..

My mother and father separated while she was pregnant with me and they were divorced soon..My mother struggled to make good decisions with her life and found herself in one bad relationship after another..moving in with men in nasty hotels, my grandparents would have to find me and my brother and take us out of those places frequently...one place my grandma found me, I was covered with roaches...luckily i only remember a little of that..

She tried to trade me for a couch and a loveseat to some people...she tried once to trade me for a blue chevette...I guess those people didnt find it to be a fair trade.

she met and married a man who hated me...throw me into brick walls, lock me in the closets.When I would wake up in the morning, she would place me and my brother outside and not let us back into the house until it was dark...Some nights I wasn't let back in and had to sleep in the cellar....when I was 4 he beat me with a trash can and a boot because I couldnt put my shoes on the right feet...all the while she let it happen..they would only cook foods my brother and i hated or were allergic to..and then abuse me for not eating..

he stabbed me in my side and later tried to suffocate me with a pillow...pushed me out of a car going down a paved road once..His sisters children would give me what they told me was candy and it would turn out to be their mother's drugs...and then I would get beat for taking them..

at the age of 6, I was rescued out of the home after my mother had hid me in a boarding school at Ardmore for a few months...I went to live with my grandparents who adopted me and my brother..The only time I saw her after that was a couple of years ago I was in a gas station in another town and she happened to walk in..I went into the bathroom and hid until she left...

February of last year, my mother calls me to me she has brain tumors and she wanted to see me...she had never seen my wife or kids so I felt like I needed to let her meet and see them..we met and talked some, even though she was still married to the man who did that stuff...we began to talk once in a while and we formed somewhat of a civil relationship...as things got better between us, her health got worse quickly...After only 8 months, she was gone..

Today it hurts...badly..I still get mad at her..most of the time im not...But the bible verse I read when I spoke at her funeral is true

Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.

[SunnySooner]

Rough day, Steppie, prayers for you, Psalms 10:14 You have seen it; for Your eyes are on sorrow and grief, to take it into Your hand: the poor man puts his faith in You;You have been the helper of the child who has no father. I'm sorry you had such a rough start, glad you turned out so well. God bless.

[olevetonahill]

Praying fer ya bro. I wonder did she know how Fine a man you turned out to be?

[stoops the eternal pimp]

I found out before I passed she had a scrap book filled with all my high school sports clippings, academic stuff and knew everything about me including the work I did....

she knew all about me

[olevetonahill]

I hope you find peace over this Bro

[Boomer.....]

May God be with you STEP. What a horrible upbringing. I could not imagine what you went through. You are a strong man.

[XFollower]

Thanks for sharing. A great verse to live by.

[Soonersince57]

You open a window into a life most of us cannot see without your own courage to share it. My mother too made many unfortunate decisions in her life, but never to purposefully hurt me. She has been gone nine years and I miss her every day. All my best to you.

[C&CDean]

Good on you Nolen for finally sharing. It'll do you a lot of good.

What's always weird to me is how some people are raised like this and turn out fine and others are raised in perfect homes and turn out to be Ted Bundy kinda guys. Strange.

[XingTheRubicon]

I wish everyone could overcome horrific conditions half as well as you seem to have. The fact that you could even consider forgiveness is almost miraculous. Best of luck...

[AlbqSooner]

God Bless you STEP. To have endured that and have the faith that you have is a great testimony.

[Frozen Sooner]

Geez, man. Best of wishes to you and yours.

[swardboy]

I already had great respect for you as a poster here. Now I know you are a great man.

[sooneron]

step, you are a better man than I. Positive thoughts/prayers your way.

[Chuck Bao]

It really is a great testimony and a credit to you STEP. Thanks for sharing that.

I find it hard to bring up memories of a very unpleasant childhood. I was so afraid and frightened as a kid. I am still bitter at the mental abuse, which can be more difficult to deal with than physical abuse. But, aren't grandparents the greatest thing ever?

I was afraid of my own shadow as a kid and lacked confidence and then somehow overcompensated by moving on my own to the other side of the world and landing a job as head of research that required me to be confident enough to put my opinions out there every day and stake my job on being more right than wrong.

You may also be overcompensating for such a lousy childhood. You are a big man by what you posted. It must have taken a lot of courage and a wonderful spirit. You are a much bigger man than I am. It is encouraging to see someone rise up above the hardship, succeed and forgive. No excuses.

[Ardmore_Sooner]

I know a lot of us take our lives, family, upbringings for granted sometimes. This made me tear up for so many reasons. I have nothing to complain about my childhood but I still acted like a brat and was such a disrespectful snot. Thanks for sharing this and thanks for being a blessing.

[Collier11]

STEP, even though its only been a handful of times that weve actually met, I often feel like weve known each other for a long time. Alot of the pain you have gone through is similiar to that in which I have delt with although mine is on a much lesser level, because of this your story brings tears to my eyes and pain to my heart everytime I hear it.

Youre a good dude and the best thing you coulda ever done was forgive your mom and give her peace when she died, she has had her judgment and hopefully she begged for forgiveness and changed her heart before she passed.

Good on you for sharing

[Collier11]

It really is a great testimony and a credit to you STEP. Thanks for sharing that.

I find it hard to bring up memories of a very unpleasant childhood. I was so afraid and frightened as a kid. I am still bitter at the mental abuse, which can be more difficult to deal with than physical abuse. But, aren't grandparents the greatest thing ever?

Absolutely Chuck, my Grandparents were the biggest Angels in my life and though my Grandfather passed some time ago my Grandmother is still the most special person in my life. My Mom was a good Mom but she struggled because of bad marriage and it took her a long time to realize how bad the marriage was and how it affected me, because of that I was very angry with her for a long time. My Grandparents taught me to be a good and forgiving person and made me realize that the things my Mom messed up with in parenting were likely because she was scared and confused just like I was.

I was afraid of my own shadow as a kid and lacked confidence and then somehow overcompensated by moving on my own to the other side of the world and landing a job as head of research that required me to be confident enough to put my opinions out there every day and stake my job on being more right than wrong.

You may also be overcompensating for such a lousy childhood. You are a big man by what you posted. It must have taken a lot of courage and a wonderful spirit. You are a much bigger man than I am. It is encouraging to see someone rise up above the hardship, succeed and forgive. No excuses.

God is good, all I can really say when it comes to this type of stuff

[SanJoaquinSooner]

Thanks for sharing. You're one resilient SOB.