PDXsooner
6/16/2010, 01:43 PM
> 1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to
> immediately clear your computer history if you die.
>
> 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when
> you realize you're wrong.
>
> 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap
> when I was younger.
>
> 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
>
> 5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
>
> 6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
>
> 7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm
> pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
>
> 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you
> how the person died.
>
> 9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
>
> 10. Bad decisions make good stories.
>
> 11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a
> moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything
> productive for the rest of the day.
>
> 12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue
> Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
>
> 13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and
> it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper
> that I swear I did not make any changes to.
>
> 14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never
> wash this - ever.
>
> 15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello?
> Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times
> and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the
> phone and run away?
>
> 16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and
> then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
>
> 17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I
> know not to answer when they call.
>
> 18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
>
> 19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given
> Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
>
> 21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was
> younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on
> when I first saw it.
>
> 22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in
> each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
>
> 23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm
> trying to finish a text.
>
> 24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between
> boredom and hunger.
>
> 25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you
> just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word
> they said?
>
> 26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of
> cars team up to prevent an A-hole from cutting in at the front. Stay
> strong, brothers and sisters!
>
> 27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never
> get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
>
> 28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber
> every year?
>
> 29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure
> you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
>
> 30. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times
> and still not know what time it is.
>
> 31. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating
> their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the
> Tail on the Donkey - but I'll bet everyone can find and push the
> snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first
> time, every time!
> immediately clear your computer history if you die.
>
> 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when
> you realize you're wrong.
>
> 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap
> when I was younger.
>
> 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
>
> 5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
>
> 6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
>
> 7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm
> pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
>
> 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you
> how the person died.
>
> 9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
>
> 10. Bad decisions make good stories.
>
> 11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a
> moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything
> productive for the rest of the day.
>
> 12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue
> Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
>
> 13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and
> it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper
> that I swear I did not make any changes to.
>
> 14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never
> wash this - ever.
>
> 15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello?
> Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times
> and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the
> phone and run away?
>
> 16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and
> then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
>
> 17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I
> know not to answer when they call.
>
> 18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
>
> 19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given
> Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
>
> 21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was
> younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on
> when I first saw it.
>
> 22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in
> each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
>
> 23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm
> trying to finish a text.
>
> 24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between
> boredom and hunger.
>
> 25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you
> just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word
> they said?
>
> 26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of
> cars team up to prevent an A-hole from cutting in at the front. Stay
> strong, brothers and sisters!
>
> 27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never
> get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
>
> 28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber
> every year?
>
> 29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure
> you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
>
> 30. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times
> and still not know what time it is.
>
> 31. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating
> their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the
> Tail on the Donkey - but I'll bet everyone can find and push the
> snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first
> time, every time!