stoops the eternal pimp
1/26/2010, 10:53 PM
AWWWWW YEAHHHHH!!!!! I'm back baby. Timmy thought he could play without me, but no way. After sitting out the SEC Championship Game (I'm still pissed at Timmy for that), I'm back and ready to pour Bushmills all over the NFL. What's that? Scouts Inc. thought I looked awkward Monday in Mobile? You know what will look awkward? Me throwing a line drive through Todd McShay's face. Yeah, how's that for a Coors Light Cold Hard Fact; Tim Tebow kills talking head with football. Mel Kiper would probably say it wobbled and then I'd hit him with a pass too!
And don't listen to those people who say I struggled. The Senior Bowl struggled with me! Those fumbles under center was because I wasn't working with a flat butt center. Seriously. Have you tried taking a snap from a guy with a lumpy ***? It is almost as impossible as spending a church lock-in without getting any sleeping bag action, if you know what I mean! LAUGHING! No, but seriously. It was one day. And I'm getting tired of people talking about my release. Brett Favre throws the same way and that's never been a problem. Ok, that's a bad example. But at least I know to keep feeding the ball to Percy Harvin!
And you know what, I don't really care what anyone thinks about how I throw or my feet or how awesome I looked at weigh-in. Good Timmy Tebow is retired, back on the family farm, where he can run free with a sled dragging behind him. It's all Evil Tim Tebow now, 24/7. I know what I have to do to. Anyway, that pro-style system stuff is crap. The SEC has better defenses than anyone in the NFC. I don't understand how I'm supposed to be scared of a league that can't figure out the Wildcat.
Oh, and the people who think I shouldn't have my commercial on during the Super Bowl? BRING IT. Yeah, that's right. And now you definitely won't change the channel when I come on talking about loving life and crap, because no one wants to be the jerk who turns off one of the most exciting Super Bowls ever. Don't be that guy, America. And for those of you who don't like it, you better keep cool, otherwise I'll start chasing Bristol Palin and then your heads will really explode. Just like Todd McShay's when I get drafted in the top ten! Again, if you complain about my commercial, I start hitting on Bristol Palin. Look, I don't want that and you don't want that, so let's all be cool about this. Also, I'm a Meghan McCain guy. [Evil Tebow and your editor prefer blondes.]
Anyway, Mobile is ok. It's like the Baltimore of Alabama. But Riley Cooper is here too, so that's not bad. Sunday night, we had my bro Robby drive us around town and Coop smashed car windows with his hand, now that he's not playing baseball anymore. You want to know why he chose the NFL? Not the cash, it is the chicks. Why screw around with girls in the Carolina League when you can hook up with the Carolina Panthers Cheerleaders! WOOOOO!!!!!
Got to get going. Everyone is going down to the pool to see if Cody can knock all the water out with a cannonball. It's the only fun we can have here. I'd much rather be drinking at Gasparilla. Peace man.
And don't listen to those people who say I struggled. The Senior Bowl struggled with me! Those fumbles under center was because I wasn't working with a flat butt center. Seriously. Have you tried taking a snap from a guy with a lumpy ***? It is almost as impossible as spending a church lock-in without getting any sleeping bag action, if you know what I mean! LAUGHING! No, but seriously. It was one day. And I'm getting tired of people talking about my release. Brett Favre throws the same way and that's never been a problem. Ok, that's a bad example. But at least I know to keep feeding the ball to Percy Harvin!
And you know what, I don't really care what anyone thinks about how I throw or my feet or how awesome I looked at weigh-in. Good Timmy Tebow is retired, back on the family farm, where he can run free with a sled dragging behind him. It's all Evil Tim Tebow now, 24/7. I know what I have to do to. Anyway, that pro-style system stuff is crap. The SEC has better defenses than anyone in the NFC. I don't understand how I'm supposed to be scared of a league that can't figure out the Wildcat.
Oh, and the people who think I shouldn't have my commercial on during the Super Bowl? BRING IT. Yeah, that's right. And now you definitely won't change the channel when I come on talking about loving life and crap, because no one wants to be the jerk who turns off one of the most exciting Super Bowls ever. Don't be that guy, America. And for those of you who don't like it, you better keep cool, otherwise I'll start chasing Bristol Palin and then your heads will really explode. Just like Todd McShay's when I get drafted in the top ten! Again, if you complain about my commercial, I start hitting on Bristol Palin. Look, I don't want that and you don't want that, so let's all be cool about this. Also, I'm a Meghan McCain guy. [Evil Tebow and your editor prefer blondes.]
Anyway, Mobile is ok. It's like the Baltimore of Alabama. But Riley Cooper is here too, so that's not bad. Sunday night, we had my bro Robby drive us around town and Coop smashed car windows with his hand, now that he's not playing baseball anymore. You want to know why he chose the NFL? Not the cash, it is the chicks. Why screw around with girls in the Carolina League when you can hook up with the Carolina Panthers Cheerleaders! WOOOOO!!!!!
Got to get going. Everyone is going down to the pool to see if Cody can knock all the water out with a cannonball. It's the only fun we can have here. I'd much rather be drinking at Gasparilla. Peace man.