Sitting at Will Rogers airport

[TUSooner]

saying farewell to OKC after a rather unpleasant 5 days with my dad who is slowly but surely slipping into dementia. I have never been happy to leave OK for New Orleans, but today I am. And there's a load off my conscience because Dad told my brother he was glad to see me go, no doubt because I made him go to the doctor to have his short-term memory tested (he failed), and because I was honest with him about how he has basically written off his children and grandkids for the last 30 years - until his wife died and left him lonely. I think I'll have a stiff drink or 2 in Dallas, probably for some wrong reasons. But I have to thank Dean for his recent post about his dad's passing. It kept me from being uncivil or disrespectful to my dad, even when things were dodgy.
All aboard!

[ADs_Agent]

He may be mad at you now bro, but he'll respect you for it. If he really wants to keep his legacy alive, he'll take what memory he has left and reconcile.

[olevetonahill]

Good Luck bro

[Mjcpr]

He may be mad at you now bro, but he'll respect you for it. If he really wants to keep his legacy alive, he'll take what memory he has left and reconcile.

The truth of the matter is, if he's facing dementia, he may never respect you for it and you may never be able to have a great relationship or one with his grandkids, unfortunately. You just have to know that they cease being themselves when they have dementia and you can't really hold what they say or do against them. It is a crappy disease for this and many other reasons.

I have no doubt that my grandmother loved me more than anyone in the world, but when I had to put her in a nursing home and when she had to be in the hospital, she said things to me that I would certainly never have expected to come out of her mouth. I just had to try and ignore it knowing that this was not the same person, through no fault of hers or mine or anyone elses.

Good luck, TU. Hopefully you have other siblings and family members to help you with this.....it is no fun to face it, it is much less fun to face it alone. :(

[SunnySooner]

Sorry to hear that, TU, hang in there.

[soonerboomer93]

Dementia is rough, but I hope things improve between you and your father

[Zbird]

saying farewell to OKC after a rather unpleasant 5 days with my dad who is slowly but surely slipping into dementia. I have never been happy to leave OK for New Orleans, but today I am. And there's a load off my conscience because Dad told my brother he was glad to see me go, no doubt because I made him go to the doctor to have his short-term memory tested (he failed), and because I was honest with him about how he has basically written off his children and grandkids for the last 30 years - until his wife died and left him lonely. I think I'll have a stiff drink or 2 in Dallas, probably for some wrong reasons. But I have to thank Dean for his recent post about his dad's passing. It kept me from being uncivil or disrespectful to my dad, even when things were dodgy.
All aboard!

Hoist em' high TU! I'll drink with you on doing the right thing. He's probably lashing out right now in fear if he understood and accepted the diagnosis, but depending on the speed of progression of the disease process, he may mellow some and be thankful it's out in the open because he's been suspecting the truth for a while. At any rate, I applaud your attempt to help.

[soonerbrat]

He may be mad at you now bro, but he'll respect you for it. If he really wants to keep his legacy alive, he'll take what memory he has left and reconcile.

no he won't. seriously. not for lack of want, but because he will be unable to, mentally. Dementia takes you little by little and it sucks. it makes you crazy, even while you are still lucid most of the time. It's hard for everyone around to deal with it.

[soonerbrat]

Sorry to be such a debbie downer, but I've been there, done that...my heart goes out to you and your family, TU

[AlbqSooner]

Sorry to hear this news TU. Hang tough. You will get through this. There may be times when you wonder if that is true, but you WILL get through this.

[BillyBall]

The truth of the matter is, if he's facing dementia, he may never respect you for it and you may never be able to have a great relationship or one with his grandkids, unfortunately. You just have to know that they cease being themselves when they have dementia and you can't really hold what they say or do against them. It is a crappy disease for this and many other reasons.

I have no doubt that my grandmother loved me more than anyone in the world, but when I had to put her in a nursing home and when she had to be in the hospital, she said things to me that I would certainly never have expected to come out of her mouth. I just had to try and ignore it knowing that this was not the same person, through no fault of hers or mine or anyone elses.

Good luck, TU. Hopefully you have other siblings and family members to help you with this.....it is no fun to face it, it is much less fun to face it alone. :(

Same here for both my grandfather and grandmother. It's really tough, but you need to try and have a thick filter on what is being said. Hang in there, it definitely isn't easy and it sucks.

[Oldnslo]

Sorry to hear this. You know my story, as well.

I tend to focus on the times that my Dad was still my Dad, instead of what he'd become.

[sooneron]

Sending postive thoughts your way, bro.
Have a Johnnie Walker Black on the rocks for me.

[TUSooner]

Thanks, folks. I shouldn't be mopey about the deal. Long story, but my dad has been spoiled and "precious" all his life, and as a result of that and his marrying a *****, he pissed away his closeest family relations 30 years ago, so I'm not in any kind of shock about it, and my bro & sis in OKC are the best at dealng with this. I don't require or expect any reconciliation because I know my dad isn't really capable of either rejection or reconciliation. Thanks for the thouoghts, just the same. You guys are OK (which I'll never admit again!) :)

[OUMallen]

My dad, when dying from cancer, said some pretty out-there things due to his pain...unfortunately, it's part of it. We're weak people, overall, TU. I'm sending positive vibes your way.

[Chuck Bao]

Thanks, folks. I shouldn't be mopey about the deal. Long story, but my dad has been spoiled and "precious" all his life, and as a result of that and his marrying a *****, he pissed away his closeest family relations 30 years ago, so I'm not in any kind of shock about it, and my bro & sis in OKC are the best at dealng with this. I don't require or expect any reconciliation because I know my dad isn't really capable of either rejection or reconciliation. Thanks for the thouoghts, just the same. You guys are OK (which I'll never admit again!) :)

I like and appreciate what you are saying here. You are a dutiful son and you did your best to offer advice and support. That is all you can do. You shouldn't feel obliged to move back and take care of him. He chose his lot in life and if he rejects the fact that you still want the best for him...there is nothing you can do. I understand your anguish and your feeling that drinking can ease the pain. I am, however, not so sure that works for very long. Get your drunk on and then get your mind straight that you did your best.

[Frozen Sooner]

Sorry to hear that TU. Both my maternal grandfather and paternal grandmother suffered from dementia. Grandma went unnoticed for years and years and just gradually got meaner as time went by. Grandpa kept his personality. I honestly don't know which one was scarier, as two of Grandpa's greatest qualities were his wit and amazing memory-both which were stolen from him by the end. He was still a great guy, just didn't know what was going on anymore.

Anyhow, I'm also sorry that your father didn't live up to his role in the family. You've turned out pretty well for all that.

You made the right choice, I think. Be well.