MR2-Sooner86
1/3/2010, 10:34 AM
10. Energy drinks
Before: You didn't work out.
After: You still don't work out, but you have the blood-sugar concentration of an Oompa-Loompa.
9. GPS
Before: Getting to a location entailed flipping through the street-finder's index, or resorting the less efficient, drive-around-until-you-find-it method.
After: Navigating has become so easy that the last thrill left in driving is deliberately missing the exit just to hear the GPS robot lady yell at you.
8. The iPod
Before: Occasionally, walking around or taking public transportation meant having to observe your surroundings or, God forbid, talking to someone.
After: All you have to do is put on those distinctive white headphones and you can blissfully tune out the entire world - and alert every thief in a 50-foot radius that you have $300 worth of electronics in your pocket.
7. High-definition
Before: As long as the field, the players and the ball were visible, very few people complained about the quality of football on TV.
After: Unless you can see the salt content in every bead of sweat on a player's face, the viewing experience is an utter failure.
6. Text-messaging
Before: "I'm sorry, but I don't think I can see you any more. I hope we can still be friends."
After: omg kevin u so dumpd k srry l8r :(
5. Wi-Fi and broadband Internet
Before: Waiting a few minutes for the web page to load was simply the small price you had to pay for the miraculous wonder of the Internet.
After: You want the streaming HD movie to run instantly. On your cell phone. In an airport washroom. In Angola.
4. The Blackberry
Before: If you felt a weird vibration in your thigh every 30 seconds, you went to a doctor.
After: You are surgically attached to a tool whose main function is to allow your boss to pester you about PowerPoint presentations at 2 in the morning, and you have no idea why you can't bring yourself to turn the thing off.
3. Wikipedia
Before: If you really wanted to know the optimum mating season for the Brazilian hopping turtle, you opened an encyclopedia, or simply made it up.
After: If you really want to know what Bart wrote on the chalkboard in the 175th episode of the Simpsons, you go to Wikipedia and hope someone hasn't made it up.
2. USB key
Before: Folks exchanged little more than business cards when they met, and nobody walked around with 64 gigabytes of digital information.
After: USB keys are so ubiquitous you can practically find them littering the sidewalks. It's now possible to give someone 300 hours of music - and every virus imaginable - in no time at all.
1. Free stuff
Before: It was considered perfectly normal to pay for movies, music, software and TV shows.
After: You still do this. Of course, you do. You've never even heard of BitTorrent.
Before: You didn't work out.
After: You still don't work out, but you have the blood-sugar concentration of an Oompa-Loompa.
9. GPS
Before: Getting to a location entailed flipping through the street-finder's index, or resorting the less efficient, drive-around-until-you-find-it method.
After: Navigating has become so easy that the last thrill left in driving is deliberately missing the exit just to hear the GPS robot lady yell at you.
8. The iPod
Before: Occasionally, walking around or taking public transportation meant having to observe your surroundings or, God forbid, talking to someone.
After: All you have to do is put on those distinctive white headphones and you can blissfully tune out the entire world - and alert every thief in a 50-foot radius that you have $300 worth of electronics in your pocket.
7. High-definition
Before: As long as the field, the players and the ball were visible, very few people complained about the quality of football on TV.
After: Unless you can see the salt content in every bead of sweat on a player's face, the viewing experience is an utter failure.
6. Text-messaging
Before: "I'm sorry, but I don't think I can see you any more. I hope we can still be friends."
After: omg kevin u so dumpd k srry l8r :(
5. Wi-Fi and broadband Internet
Before: Waiting a few minutes for the web page to load was simply the small price you had to pay for the miraculous wonder of the Internet.
After: You want the streaming HD movie to run instantly. On your cell phone. In an airport washroom. In Angola.
4. The Blackberry
Before: If you felt a weird vibration in your thigh every 30 seconds, you went to a doctor.
After: You are surgically attached to a tool whose main function is to allow your boss to pester you about PowerPoint presentations at 2 in the morning, and you have no idea why you can't bring yourself to turn the thing off.
3. Wikipedia
Before: If you really wanted to know the optimum mating season for the Brazilian hopping turtle, you opened an encyclopedia, or simply made it up.
After: If you really want to know what Bart wrote on the chalkboard in the 175th episode of the Simpsons, you go to Wikipedia and hope someone hasn't made it up.
2. USB key
Before: Folks exchanged little more than business cards when they met, and nobody walked around with 64 gigabytes of digital information.
After: USB keys are so ubiquitous you can practically find them littering the sidewalks. It's now possible to give someone 300 hours of music - and every virus imaginable - in no time at all.
1. Free stuff
Before: It was considered perfectly normal to pay for movies, music, software and TV shows.
After: You still do this. Of course, you do. You've never even heard of BitTorrent.