Christ Turns Down 3-Year, Multimillion Dollar Deal To Coach Notre Dame

[Fraggle145]

Christ Turns Down 3-Year, Multimillion Dollar Deal To Coach Notre Dame (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/christ_turns_down_3_year?utm_source=slate_rss_1)


December 5, 2009 | Issue 45•49 | Onion Sports

SOUTH BEND, IN—Jesus Christ, the Son of God, Savior of All Mankind, and current defensive coordinator at Middle Tennessee State, said Monday that He would not accept Notre Dame's 3-year, $5.6 million offer to coach the Fighting Irish. "I love Notre Dame and respect their football legacy, but no matter what you've accomplished before coaching there, once you're a Golden Domer, the expectations, frankly, are unrealistic," said Christ, whose family has been involved with the university since its founding. "I've had people turn on Me before, and it really put Me through hell. But even more importantly, I've made a commitment to stay with the Blue Raiders through 2015." Christ denied asking Notre Dame to remove His likeness from the building overlooking their stadium, saying He liked a good joke as much as anybody.

[sooner59]

WIN!

[batonrougesooner]

must be the Onion

[SoonerLB]

Dayum! And here I was thinking he was quarterbacking Florida, how silly of me! ;)

[sooneredaco]

I really did think this was a Tebag thread

[yermom]

yeah, i guess i know where he will be a GA now

[soonerborn30]

That's funny stuff right there.

[oudivesherpa]

Christ has decided to give the Notre Dame job to St. Jude. The patron saint of lost causes. :D

[SoonerShark]

Christ refuses to serve in a state that supports the death penalty, which includes states where road games are plaid, although He sometimes waivers in his willingness when stated that leprosy is more of a mental affliction rather than a physical malady today and He needs to counsel those who cast stones. He has experience with the death penalty, having endured it Himself, and states merely, "It is un-Christlike. No follower of Me can inflict it upon another one of My Father's creatures, which includes imposing it as a juror. To judge is tabloid-like. To forgive is divine. And I know divine."

[Fraggle145]

Christ refuses to serve in a state that supports the death penalty, which includes states where road games are plaid, although He sometimes waivers in his willingness when stated that leprosy is more of a mental affliction rather than a physical malady today and He needs to counsel those who cast stones. He has experience with the death penalty, having endured it Himself, and states merely, "It is un-Christlike. No follower of Me can inflict it upon another one of My Father's creatures, which includes imposing it as a juror. To judge is tabloid-like. To forgive is divine. And I know divine."

I know hair gel. [hairGel]