Great texas joke.........

[SOONER44EVER]

Head Coach Mack Brown was visiting a primary school one day, and he stopped in on one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the coach if he would like to lead the discussion on the word ‘tragedy’. So Mack (after asking the teacher what 'tragedy' meant) asked the class for an example of a ‘tragedy’.

One little boy stood up and offered: ‘If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field, and a tractor runs over him and kills him, then, would that be a tragedy?’

‘No,’ said Coach Brown, ‘that would be an accident.’

A little girl raised her hand: ‘If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, then, that would be a tragedy.’

‘I’m afraid not,’ explained Mack. ‘That’s what we would call a 'great loss'.’

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Coach Brown searched the room. ‘Isn’t there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?’

Finally at the back of the room, little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice, he said: ‘If the plane carrying you and the Longhorn football team was struck by a ‘friendly fire’ missile, and blown to smithereens, then, that would be a tragedy.’

‘Fantastic!’ exclaimed Coach Brown (after checking w/ the teacher, to be sure). ‘That’s right. And, can you tell me why that would be tragedy?’

‘Well,’ said Johnny, ‘it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly couldn’t be a great loss… and, it probably wouldn’t be a f*cking accident, either.’

[SoonerNate]

nice

[Sonner magic923]

funny funny haha

[SOONER44EVER]

A Texas Longhorn alumnus, an Oklahoma Sooner Alumnus, and a pig were sitting in the maternity ward waiting room. As they sat there waiting, the power went out for several hours. Finally the power came back on. Awhile later, the Head Nurse came into the waiting room.

“Gentlemen and Pig, I have good news and bad news. We successfully delivered all the babies during the power outage. The bad news is, we don’t know which baby is which. We’ve decided to let you gentlemen make the call. If you will draw lots, the person who wins will have first choice.”

The Sooner alum won the drawing and went into the nursery where there were three cribs with a piglet and two babies. After taking quite some time to look over the children, the Sooner picked up the pig and started to walk out.

“Sir!” the nurse cried. “Do you realize you’ve taken the piglet?”

“Yes” he replied. “I thought about it for a long time, and this is my decision. I just can’t take the chance of taking home the Texas kid!”

[SOONER44EVER]

A south Texas farmer dies, and, being a heathen, goes to Hell. When he gets there, it's 95 degrees with 90% humidity, but Satan notices he's kicked back on the brimstone relaxing comfortably.

Satan asks, "Why aren't you miserable like everyone else here?" The farmer replies, "Oh, this is like a warm spring day in southern Texas. I like it."

Angry, Satan turns up the thermostat until its 100F and 95% humidity. Still, the farmer's happy. "This is like a good June day on the farm. Not bad at all."

Furious, Satan turns it up to 105 F and 99% humidity. Everyone is even more miserable, except the southern Texas farmer, who's still resting.

"Hey, this is like a good August day on the farm, bailing hay. Feels good, the hotter the better."

In a total rage, Satan turns the thermostat down to minus 25 F. Within seconds, the air becomes chilly and frost appears, soon followed by solid ice everywhere. Satan smirks, watching the farmer.

The confused farmer kneels down, touching the frozen ground for a moment. He suddenly stands up excitedly, looks around everywhere, and begins to laugh, whoop, and jump up and down for joy.

"The University of Texas WON A BIG 12 CHAMPIONSHIP!”

[SOONER44EVER]

A fancy Texas attorney decked out in Longhorn garb was in Oklahoma doing a little duck hunting. He's sees a duck jumps out of his truck and shoots. The duck lands a few feet inside the pasture. As he's climbing over the fence to get his duck the Farmer decked out in Sooner attire pulls up on his tractor

What do you think you're doing asks the Sooner Fan. I shot that duck and I'm coming over to get it. Oh no you're not said the Sooner fan, especially dressed in Longhorn crap.

The longhorn fan says: I'm an attorney if you don't let me get that duck I'll take you to court and make your life miserable. The Sooner fan says how about we settle this the Oklahoma way? The Longhorn fan says how's that? Well, we kick each other in the crotch until one of us gives. The one that gives first loses.

That's fine by me says the Longhorn fan and climbs on over the fence. The Sooner fan says it's my property so I'll go first. The Longhorn fan agrees.

The Sooner fan hauls off and kicks the Longhorn fan right between the legs with hiss steel toe boots. The Texas fan falls to the ground crying like a little girl, he rolls around trying to catch his breath and finally makes it to his knees, still sweating and trying to breathe. He finally makes it back to his feet and says ok you S.O.B. now it's my turn.

The Sooner fan says: Nope, I give, you can have the Duck

[SOONER44EVER]

Dear Abby,

I am a 13 year old girl from Texas, and I am a huge LongHorn fan. The problem is that I am still a virgin. Do you think my brothers are gay?

[stoopified]

Dear Abby,

I am a 13 year old girl from Texas, and I am a huge LongHorn fan. The problem is that I am still a virgin. Do you think my brothers are gay?That would be a lot funnier if it wasn't based on a real letter.

[StoopTroup]

^LOL

[Flagstaffsooner]

What does a texass teenage girl say during sex?





















Git off me Pa, you're crushing my smokes.

[AlbqSooner]

A whorn fan went into the Cotton Bowl on October 17, 2009. He thought the whorns were going to win.:P :P :P

[StoopTroup]

A whorn fan went into the Cotton Bowl on October 17, 2009. He thought the whorns were going to win.:P :P :P

Later he was caught in a restroom stall with Lid.