the_ouskull
10/11/2009, 12:03 PM
Guys, this year's OU / Tejas rant must first, start, with an explanation. See, lately some of my words and actions have earned the ire of some of the members of this board. Before I continue with my (more-or-less) annual rant, though, I want to clear up a few things in regards to explaining my behavior as of late...
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I'm an *sshole.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/MahaffeyMotivation.jpg
Enjoy the show...
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the_ouskull's Annual OU / tejas post, Circa 2009
Thank you, in advance, to T-to-the-Double-O-Dizzle, without whom many of my pics would have sucked, and, as always, remember to scroll slowly so the pics don't show up until you're done with the text...
---
There are very important distinctions to be made in this world.
Legal:
http://blogs.creativeloafing.com/vibes/files/2009/02/bikinis-girls1.jpg
(Sorry guys, there's bikini's in them thar hills, so you only get the URL...)
Not Legal:
http://prettyboring.com/files/images/miley-cyrus-pole-dancing-teen-choice-awards-01.preview.jpg
(Sorry guys, but it's Miley Cyrus, and you only get the URL 'cause if I ever actually posted a pic of her, I'd never be able to live with myself Besides, I'm not well-read on Satanic Contract Law. (Love ya, Charles; love ya, Mikey...)
At first glance, there were no distinctions to be made. Two pictures, five girls, all sl*ts; where's the issue? But, gentle readers, the issues are in the details. A night with any of the lovely ladies in the top pic will earn you the admiration of your friends. (Well, maybe not “any” of them. #4 may be burnt orange by the time you read this, and that's just gross... but more on that later...) A night with more than one of them at the same time, because sometimes, there's two special someones for one person...
..well, we like to call that “The Jackpot...”
http://www.thejay.com/wp-content/vincethreesome.jpg
Other equally important distinctions include:
toMAYto vs. toMAHto
poTAYto vs. PoTAHto
to vs. too vs. Two
your vs. you are vs. you're
when to use capital or lowercase letters
when to punctuate (try correctly and often)
And, of course, the reason that we're all here... OU vs. Tejas
But, before I can expound on the many distinctions between OU and Tejas, I must, first, explain one more subtle, but very important, difference...
Vo. Tech Mustache:
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_JAtlQGqPg_M/Sq-0FjfPYAI/AAAAAAAAB48/ApNazz85KTc/s400/landry-jones.jpg
When you see a guy with a Vo. Tech 'stache, you instantly think of the guys from your hometown, or your high school, who weren't necessarily bad at school... but they were a lot better with cars. Their social skills, while not limited, per se, may have been a bit outdated.. but, overall, they were good people. Maybe a little nerdy, but certainly not, dare I say, “dangerous...”
...at least not in a bad way.
Example:
http://www.zap2it.com/media/photo/2009-03/45897784.jpg
But, there are other types of mustaches out there... some of which can even be confused for the Vo-Tech Mustache; like this one:
http://phillyimprov.files.wordpress.com/2007/08/wooderson.jpg
Let this be a reminder that, liking and knowing a lot about what Melba Toast is packin' aside, anybody can be uber-creepy if they have the right mustache. Another example:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/ColtMcCoyTheTruth.jpg
This mustache, known as The Molester, much like the nubile young things I showed you earlier, has more to it than meets the eye... so it's like Transformers, except well-written, and well-acted... and there's no Megan Fox in this mustache, which is a big plus. But I digress...
This mustache isn't safe. It's the kind of facial growth that gets people talking. Landry's mustache makes people feel more safe around him. It's kind of inviting, and, if you break down, he can probably fix your car. But Colt...? Let's just say that his mustache has led him down a dark and desperate road... a road he continued upon, even after shaving the mustache.
http://img38.imageshack.us/img38/6899/candyvan1.jpg
l to r: McCoy, Tejas' “private” bus for “guests” of Heisman candidates
Sadly enough, this isn't the first time Tejas U. has seen a Heisman trophy candidate get involved in experimentation.
http://www.totalprosports.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/r-willaims-wedding-dress1.jpg
and
http://img33.imageshack.us/img33/4573/limpy1.jpg
(Seriously though, which hand do you even start with? The “fingers-splayed-out-like-a-shortbus” hand, or the “my-wrist-is-the-only-thing-more-limp-than...” hand?)
It's mind bottling...
Sin,
http://www.bladesofgloryquotes.com/will-ferrell/will-ferrell-blades-glory.jpg
-----
And now, I apologize, good people of the Sooner Nation, for these things that I have shown you today, but I want everybody to be able to fully understand the scope of this problem with which we are dealing. This is bigger than OU vs. Tejas. This is about the world.
In this economic climate, many people take on a second job
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/MackGreeter.jpg
which is honorable, to be sure. However, others go in the opposite direction of honorable, and take to a life of crime:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/WickyWeed.gif
and
http://rookery2.viary.com/storagev12/921500/921874_4fc2_625x1000.jpg
Such are the times in which we now live. Times that include the following:
National Championships:
OU: 7, none shared
Tejas: 4, 1 shared
Conference Championships:
Please.
Heisman Trophy Winners:
Please.
But, ya know, all of these comparisons don't matter. They don't matter to Tejas Fans, they certainly don't matter to ME, and they don't, and shouldn't, matter to YOU. What DOES matter is what you do on the field
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/TFRW04.jpg
and whether or not you remember to bring your helmet.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/WickyWeed.gif
Wait, that's not it...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/KnightsOfNatty.jpg
Crap... that's not it either.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/VinceCries.gif
Vince, don't cry. We'll find a way to get you on the field anyway... Just keep throwing the ball the way that you like to. Don't do what your coaches tell you.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/VinceYouncleRico.gif
Perfect. Now just take this test...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/VinceYoungSad.jpg
...and another one bites the dust. Your (whose? exactly. fix it.) You're welcome for the history lesson, b*tches...
-----
OU v. Tejas isn't just about winning and losing. It runs deeper than that. It's about perceptions. Oklahoma, as much as it pains me to say, has a “little brother” mentality in regards to Tejas, much like the one that Oklahoma State has in regards to OU. There is, however, one MAJOR difference...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/BobStoopsChampion.jpg
Sure, this Sooner team hasn't performed well in big games lately.
http://img198.imageshack.us/img198/9117/posterif.jpg
Sure, this Sooner team seems to have flip-flopped with the Tejas teams of the early 2000's, killing (almost) everybody but their Cotton Bowl and post-season bowl opponents. But, once again, there IS a difference... We are (mainly, before the debacle of 'aught nine) losing in BCS games and Championship Games. We are NOT losing in the f*cking Holiday Bowl. We are the same Oklahoma Sooners that produced this guy:
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/spt/colleges/redrivershootout/images/2000griffin_deluca_350.jpg
and this guy
http://atxsports.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/roy_williams_superman-224x300.jpg
and now, THIS guy...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/TruthAboutBoren.jpg
NO, NO, NO... THIS guy...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/StoopsAssBelong.jpg
It's finally time for him to get back to being “Big Game Bob.”
He tried in Miami. He did. His assistants couldn't get it done for him. Our defensive coordinator hasn't taught our defense, who I keep hearing is an All-World unit,
http://www.daemonstv.com/images/cbs/barney_stinson1.jpg
YEAH, he did!
how to f*cking tackle; our offensive coordinator didn't teach his players how to 1) stay healthy, and 2) ignore his play calls and audible into at least one goodd*mn play-action pass since they were only blitzing 12 on every play for most of the second half once they realized that we weren't going to do anything to try to slow that. God knows our line run blocked their *sses off in the second half until they fell apart from the constant battering of the winds created by defensive linemen running past them on passing downs.
ANYway...
It's time. Big Game Bob became Big Name Bob. He's placed too much trust in those around him, and, like all great men who placed too much trust in those around them, he got burned, like...
http://www.marcusplanet.com/images/samson%20CD2.gif
And...
http://blogs.rockymountainnews.com/bridget/RichardNixonFarewell.jpg
But, I think Stoops may be starting to realize the error of his ways. After all, Sampson stopped making phone calls, Nixon stopped taping them, and now Sammy Bradford is going to know to watch his blind side. (Yeah you, Trent Williams. “All-Conference” my pasty, white *ss. Try being All-Game first...)
And now Stoops has made quite possibly the best executive decision he's made since taking over the helm of our beloved Sooners that did not involve the painful death of Jordan Shipley. Sure, we didn't look great against Baylor. We often don't look too well against our opponent right before Tejas. It's because we hold out our “Secret Weapon” until it's absolutely time. Well, with a season to try to salvage on the line, and no NATIONAL Championship hopes in sight to speak of, this year's Sooner squad has to turn their eyes on a(nother) Conference Championship. That challenge begins in less than one week's time, at the Cotton Bowl.
Yes, THAT Cotton Bowl. The site of many, many embarassing moments throughout the 2000 decade for the (alleged) Longhorns of Tejas. It is a site where it used to be guaranteed that Mack would p*ss his pants as Stoops, well, you know... “gave it to him.”
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/stoopspunchmack.jpg
...a site where Sooner fans could show up hungover, because there wasn't any way that Mack was going to muster the testicular fortitude to beat Bob. And hungover, they DID show up...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/GodBlessOU.jpg
But, in the years since, the Cotton Bowl has become something else. It has become a place of amazement; a place of wonder, even.
Example: I wonder how these f*ckin' guys
http://www.dailytexanonline.com/polopoly_fs/1.1307446!image/419695300.jpg_gen/derivatives/landscape_260/419695300.jpg
have become one of the best batteries in the country.
Just remember, boys and girls, since Colt seems to have forgotten, as has Shipley, a d*uche bag is not a fashion accessory, no matter how many of them you surround yourself with.
In addition, I wonder how we're going to stop the short passing game against a team with good receivers, and a good offensive line. I wonder how our offensive line is going to block a good defensive front.
But, one thing that I do not wonder is how Sam Bradford is going to perform in what may well be his last trip to the Cotton Bowl. I don't have to wonder, because unlike Tejas, and, until now, you, I know that Sam Bradford has a “Secret Weapon...”
http://img190.imageshack.us/img190/4163/stashford.jpg
It's called “The Whoop-*ss,” and it'll be opening next weekend in Dallas. It's a limited engagement Sooner Fans, so get your tickets now. As for you Tejas fans...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/UpYourAss.jpg
l. to r. - OU, concerned fans, Tejas
...get used to it. We don't have to be a good team to beat you. We just have to be a better one.
the_ouskull, 2209806
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-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
I'm an *sshole.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/MahaffeyMotivation.jpg
Enjoy the show...
-----
the_ouskull's Annual OU / tejas post, Circa 2009
Thank you, in advance, to T-to-the-Double-O-Dizzle, without whom many of my pics would have sucked, and, as always, remember to scroll slowly so the pics don't show up until you're done with the text...
---
There are very important distinctions to be made in this world.
Legal:
http://blogs.creativeloafing.com/vibes/files/2009/02/bikinis-girls1.jpg
(Sorry guys, there's bikini's in them thar hills, so you only get the URL...)
Not Legal:
http://prettyboring.com/files/images/miley-cyrus-pole-dancing-teen-choice-awards-01.preview.jpg
(Sorry guys, but it's Miley Cyrus, and you only get the URL 'cause if I ever actually posted a pic of her, I'd never be able to live with myself Besides, I'm not well-read on Satanic Contract Law. (Love ya, Charles; love ya, Mikey...)
At first glance, there were no distinctions to be made. Two pictures, five girls, all sl*ts; where's the issue? But, gentle readers, the issues are in the details. A night with any of the lovely ladies in the top pic will earn you the admiration of your friends. (Well, maybe not “any” of them. #4 may be burnt orange by the time you read this, and that's just gross... but more on that later...) A night with more than one of them at the same time, because sometimes, there's two special someones for one person...
..well, we like to call that “The Jackpot...”
http://www.thejay.com/wp-content/vincethreesome.jpg
Other equally important distinctions include:
toMAYto vs. toMAHto
poTAYto vs. PoTAHto
to vs. too vs. Two
your vs. you are vs. you're
when to use capital or lowercase letters
when to punctuate (try correctly and often)
And, of course, the reason that we're all here... OU vs. Tejas
But, before I can expound on the many distinctions between OU and Tejas, I must, first, explain one more subtle, but very important, difference...
Vo. Tech Mustache:
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_JAtlQGqPg_M/Sq-0FjfPYAI/AAAAAAAAB48/ApNazz85KTc/s400/landry-jones.jpg
When you see a guy with a Vo. Tech 'stache, you instantly think of the guys from your hometown, or your high school, who weren't necessarily bad at school... but they were a lot better with cars. Their social skills, while not limited, per se, may have been a bit outdated.. but, overall, they were good people. Maybe a little nerdy, but certainly not, dare I say, “dangerous...”
...at least not in a bad way.
Example:
http://www.zap2it.com/media/photo/2009-03/45897784.jpg
But, there are other types of mustaches out there... some of which can even be confused for the Vo-Tech Mustache; like this one:
http://phillyimprov.files.wordpress.com/2007/08/wooderson.jpg
Let this be a reminder that, liking and knowing a lot about what Melba Toast is packin' aside, anybody can be uber-creepy if they have the right mustache. Another example:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/ColtMcCoyTheTruth.jpg
This mustache, known as The Molester, much like the nubile young things I showed you earlier, has more to it than meets the eye... so it's like Transformers, except well-written, and well-acted... and there's no Megan Fox in this mustache, which is a big plus. But I digress...
This mustache isn't safe. It's the kind of facial growth that gets people talking. Landry's mustache makes people feel more safe around him. It's kind of inviting, and, if you break down, he can probably fix your car. But Colt...? Let's just say that his mustache has led him down a dark and desperate road... a road he continued upon, even after shaving the mustache.
http://img38.imageshack.us/img38/6899/candyvan1.jpg
l to r: McCoy, Tejas' “private” bus for “guests” of Heisman candidates
Sadly enough, this isn't the first time Tejas U. has seen a Heisman trophy candidate get involved in experimentation.
http://www.totalprosports.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/r-willaims-wedding-dress1.jpg
and
http://img33.imageshack.us/img33/4573/limpy1.jpg
(Seriously though, which hand do you even start with? The “fingers-splayed-out-like-a-shortbus” hand, or the “my-wrist-is-the-only-thing-more-limp-than...” hand?)
It's mind bottling...
Sin,
http://www.bladesofgloryquotes.com/will-ferrell/will-ferrell-blades-glory.jpg
-----
And now, I apologize, good people of the Sooner Nation, for these things that I have shown you today, but I want everybody to be able to fully understand the scope of this problem with which we are dealing. This is bigger than OU vs. Tejas. This is about the world.
In this economic climate, many people take on a second job
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/MackGreeter.jpg
which is honorable, to be sure. However, others go in the opposite direction of honorable, and take to a life of crime:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/WickyWeed.gif
and
http://rookery2.viary.com/storagev12/921500/921874_4fc2_625x1000.jpg
Such are the times in which we now live. Times that include the following:
National Championships:
OU: 7, none shared
Tejas: 4, 1 shared
Conference Championships:
Please.
Heisman Trophy Winners:
Please.
But, ya know, all of these comparisons don't matter. They don't matter to Tejas Fans, they certainly don't matter to ME, and they don't, and shouldn't, matter to YOU. What DOES matter is what you do on the field
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/TFRW04.jpg
and whether or not you remember to bring your helmet.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/WickyWeed.gif
Wait, that's not it...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/KnightsOfNatty.jpg
Crap... that's not it either.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/VinceCries.gif
Vince, don't cry. We'll find a way to get you on the field anyway... Just keep throwing the ball the way that you like to. Don't do what your coaches tell you.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/VinceYouncleRico.gif
Perfect. Now just take this test...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/VinceYoungSad.jpg
...and another one bites the dust. Your (whose? exactly. fix it.) You're welcome for the history lesson, b*tches...
-----
OU v. Tejas isn't just about winning and losing. It runs deeper than that. It's about perceptions. Oklahoma, as much as it pains me to say, has a “little brother” mentality in regards to Tejas, much like the one that Oklahoma State has in regards to OU. There is, however, one MAJOR difference...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/BobStoopsChampion.jpg
Sure, this Sooner team hasn't performed well in big games lately.
http://img198.imageshack.us/img198/9117/posterif.jpg
Sure, this Sooner team seems to have flip-flopped with the Tejas teams of the early 2000's, killing (almost) everybody but their Cotton Bowl and post-season bowl opponents. But, once again, there IS a difference... We are (mainly, before the debacle of 'aught nine) losing in BCS games and Championship Games. We are NOT losing in the f*cking Holiday Bowl. We are the same Oklahoma Sooners that produced this guy:
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/spt/colleges/redrivershootout/images/2000griffin_deluca_350.jpg
and this guy
http://atxsports.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/roy_williams_superman-224x300.jpg
and now, THIS guy...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/TruthAboutBoren.jpg
NO, NO, NO... THIS guy...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/StoopsAssBelong.jpg
It's finally time for him to get back to being “Big Game Bob.”
He tried in Miami. He did. His assistants couldn't get it done for him. Our defensive coordinator hasn't taught our defense, who I keep hearing is an All-World unit,
http://www.daemonstv.com/images/cbs/barney_stinson1.jpg
YEAH, he did!
how to f*cking tackle; our offensive coordinator didn't teach his players how to 1) stay healthy, and 2) ignore his play calls and audible into at least one goodd*mn play-action pass since they were only blitzing 12 on every play for most of the second half once they realized that we weren't going to do anything to try to slow that. God knows our line run blocked their *sses off in the second half until they fell apart from the constant battering of the winds created by defensive linemen running past them on passing downs.
ANYway...
It's time. Big Game Bob became Big Name Bob. He's placed too much trust in those around him, and, like all great men who placed too much trust in those around them, he got burned, like...
http://www.marcusplanet.com/images/samson%20CD2.gif
And...
http://blogs.rockymountainnews.com/bridget/RichardNixonFarewell.jpg
But, I think Stoops may be starting to realize the error of his ways. After all, Sampson stopped making phone calls, Nixon stopped taping them, and now Sammy Bradford is going to know to watch his blind side. (Yeah you, Trent Williams. “All-Conference” my pasty, white *ss. Try being All-Game first...)
And now Stoops has made quite possibly the best executive decision he's made since taking over the helm of our beloved Sooners that did not involve the painful death of Jordan Shipley. Sure, we didn't look great against Baylor. We often don't look too well against our opponent right before Tejas. It's because we hold out our “Secret Weapon” until it's absolutely time. Well, with a season to try to salvage on the line, and no NATIONAL Championship hopes in sight to speak of, this year's Sooner squad has to turn their eyes on a(nother) Conference Championship. That challenge begins in less than one week's time, at the Cotton Bowl.
Yes, THAT Cotton Bowl. The site of many, many embarassing moments throughout the 2000 decade for the (alleged) Longhorns of Tejas. It is a site where it used to be guaranteed that Mack would p*ss his pants as Stoops, well, you know... “gave it to him.”
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/stoopspunchmack.jpg
...a site where Sooner fans could show up hungover, because there wasn't any way that Mack was going to muster the testicular fortitude to beat Bob. And hungover, they DID show up...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/GodBlessOU.jpg
But, in the years since, the Cotton Bowl has become something else. It has become a place of amazement; a place of wonder, even.
Example: I wonder how these f*ckin' guys
http://www.dailytexanonline.com/polopoly_fs/1.1307446!image/419695300.jpg_gen/derivatives/landscape_260/419695300.jpg
have become one of the best batteries in the country.
Just remember, boys and girls, since Colt seems to have forgotten, as has Shipley, a d*uche bag is not a fashion accessory, no matter how many of them you surround yourself with.
In addition, I wonder how we're going to stop the short passing game against a team with good receivers, and a good offensive line. I wonder how our offensive line is going to block a good defensive front.
But, one thing that I do not wonder is how Sam Bradford is going to perform in what may well be his last trip to the Cotton Bowl. I don't have to wonder, because unlike Tejas, and, until now, you, I know that Sam Bradford has a “Secret Weapon...”
http://img190.imageshack.us/img190/4163/stashford.jpg
It's called “The Whoop-*ss,” and it'll be opening next weekend in Dallas. It's a limited engagement Sooner Fans, so get your tickets now. As for you Tejas fans...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/UpYourAss.jpg
l. to r. - OU, concerned fans, Tejas
...get used to it. We don't have to be a good team to beat you. We just have to be a better one.
the_ouskull, 2209806