Wanda Sykes Cracks Me Up

[KC//CRIMSON]

"Rush Limbaugh said he hopes this administration fails, so you're saying, 'I hope America fails,' you're like, 'I don't care about people losing their homes, their jobs, our soldiers in Iraq.' He just wants the country to fail. To me, that's treason," Sykes said.

"He's not saying anything differently than what Osama bin Laden is saying," she continued, before addressing the guest of honor, President Obama. "You know, you might want to look into this, sir, because I think maybe Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker. But he was just so strung out on OxyContin he missed his flight."

The crowd groaned, Obama smiled and Sykes may have noticed a little discomfort in the room.

"Too much?" she asked.

But then she piled it on:

"Rush Limbaugh, 'I hope the country fails' -- I hope his kidneys fail, how about that? ... He needs a good waterboarding, that's what he needs."

http://pattieparsnips.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/laughing20smiley1.gif

[KC//CRIMSON]

Dick Chaney! Now there's a character, I told my kids if two cars pull up in front of the house and one is a stranger and the other is Dick Chaney, get in the car with the stranger!



One star from Curly Bill! Awesome!

[OhU1]

Is Limbaugh the 400 pound man who left a turd in the back seat of Wanda's car?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Y6dGwfNVZg&feature=related

[KC//CRIMSON]

Is Limbaugh the 400 pound man who left a turd in the back seat of Wanda's car?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Y6dGwfNVZg&feature=related


I remember hearing that the night it aired. Hilarious.

[Curly Bill]

Dick Chaney! Now there's a character, I told my kids if two cars pull up in front of the house and one is a stranger and the other is Dick Chaney, get in the car with the stranger!



One star from Curly Bill! Awesome!

Oh, like I'd do such a thing! ;)

[theresonly1OU]

Wanda Who?

[Curly Bill]

I think she's one of Brack's distant cousins.

[Curly Bill]

...only thing is, he's funnier than she is. ;)

[KC//CRIMSON]

Wanda Who?


Sykes. Get out much?

[Crucifax Autumn]

Wanda's actually pretty hilarious. This isn't the best example of that granted, but some of her stuff is truly great.

Her appearances on Curb Your Enthusiasm are some of the best "uncomfortable, foot in mouth" Larry scenes in the entire series.

As with all comedians though, treading on political territory is both a blessing and a curse. Look what happened to Dennis Miller when he went all right wing in his comedy...his overall popularity plummeted. Same thing happens to the lefties in comedy, though by it's very nature they tend to do a bit better in their careers.

Of course we all know KC posted this one to rile up the very people he is and I suppose he did a good job of that.

Personally I enjoy it here in the middle where I can think this is funny, but also giggle my *** off when it comes from the other side too.

[KC//CRIMSON]

Governor Palin is not here tonight, she pulled out at the last minute. Hey, somebody should tell her that's not how you really practice abstinence.

[KC//CRIMSON]

And for the record, Monday Night Football killed Dennis Miller.

[JLEW1818]

And for the record, Monday Night Football killed Dennis Miller.

I can agree with that.

[Sooner04]

Governor Palin is not here tonight, she pulled out at the last minute. Hey, somebody should tell her that's not how you really practice abstinence.
That's a good line, but Wanda really annoys me for some reason. I just don't find her all that funny.

[picasso]

how is that any different than every liberal in America hoping Bush failed? hmmmmmmmmmm?

[picasso]

and still pulling out Cheney hunting jokes? how about some new **** Wanda?

btw, she's funny in Curb Your Enthusiasms.

[TheHumanAlphabet]

I think she's one of Brack's distant cousins.

One of Brack's distant non-male-liking (NTTAWWT) cousins.

[DoubleD]

http://www.dallasvoice.com/artman/publish/article_9841.php

Wanda Sykes — out and proud lesbian


By Daniel A. Kusner - Life+Style Editor
Sep 25, 2008 - 6:57:52 PM Email this article
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SHINING THROUGH: On Sunday, June 22, Wanda Sykes performed in Big D at the Superpages.com Center for the True Colors 2008 tour. BRYAN AMANN/Dallas Voice
World’s funniest comedian wants Dallas’ Pride parade to stop in front of George and Laura’s new home. And she says Obama needs to get with the program on same-sex marriage

What an incredible week: On Sunday, Dallas celebrated 25 years of Pride; on Monday night, Lindsay Lohan confirmed that she’s dating Samantha Ronson; and on Tuesday afternoon, Clay Aiken announced he’s an openly gay dad.

Earlier on Tuesday afternoon, comedian Wanda Sykes called the Dallas Voice offices to herald her Friday night gig at Southern Methodist University’s McFarlin Auditorium.

Earlier this summer, Sykes stopped in Dallas on the True Colors tour. Joan Jett was on the same tour. I know Jett has never revealed whether or not she’s lesbian. In fact, Dallas Voice recently had to print a retraction because we once described Jett as “queer.”

But what about Wanda Sykes?

She certainly makes gaydar needles bounce, but Sykes has never made a huge “coming out” announcement.

Before our interview, I listened to Skyes’ hilarious “Crank Yankers” prank calls: I loved the one where she informs an unsuspecting housewife about her husband’s butt-plug order.

And there was my hook. Sykes couldn’t possibly get angry over a few funny and intrusive questions about her sexual identity.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FUNNY GIRL: On Tuesday, Sykes appeared on “The Tonight Show” where Leno asked her feminist opinion on Sarah Palin. “Jay, I’m a feminist, but that woman’s crazy — gun totin’, shooting carabao ...”
Did you hear? Last night, Lindsay Lohan came out of the closet. She acknowledged that she’s dating Samantha Ronson. She did? Awww, they’re so cute.

We should send her a toaster. A toaster?

Yeah, like when Ellen finally came out on TV, Melissa Etheridge … Oh, yeah. She gave Ellen a toaster.

When can we send Wanda Sykes a toaster? I got my own toaster.

What kind is it? It can do four slices at one time. I love toast.

Do you burn the raisin bread? You have to keep an eye on that because if you let the toast in too long, the raisins burn on you.

Real butter or margarine? Oh, come on. Real butter.

On the Ellen show, you talked about going snowboarding with your girlfriend. By “girlfriend,” do you mean your sexual, romantic partner? Why are you all up in my business like that?

Because your Dallas concert is on the same campus where George Bush will have his presidential library. And after this interview, I want your loyal gay fans knifing each other in the back to get tickets to your Dallas show. His presidential library?

Yep. Are you guys going to allow that?

I was going to ask you for advice: When George and Laura move to here, how should gay Dallasites recognize the auspicious event? It should be gay Pride every day in Dallas. Have a parade every day. And make sure the route stops in front of his new house.

Maybe Heather and Mary Cheney could lead the parade, and they could get George to join in? There you go.

Wanda, when was the last time you went out on a romantic date with a dude? Sweet Jesus, when was that? Maybe the Nixon administration? Actually, I cannot remember. Even when I was married, I don’t think I went on a romantic date.

You were married? Yeah.

I didn’t catch that yet. I must have gotten distracted because you claim to have graduated from college with a science major and a marketing major. No. I got a bachelor of science degree in marketing.

Oh, ok. Well, how was the divorce? It worked out for me.

What year did you get liberated? Oh, lord. Jesus, that was 1998-99? I didn’t want to carry any baggage into the new millennium. So no baggage — I needed to be able to run because of that scary Y2K thing.

What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever seen while standing in your closet? (Laughs)

Maybe you’ve seen R. Kelly brandishing a beretta writing hip-hopera lyrics in your closet? (Laughs) Oh, lord. My closet is very dark. I should call my contractor and have him put a light in there or something. I need to get one of those touch lamps that you seen advertised on late-night TV.

When the True Colors tour stopped in Dallas this summer, you left everyone in stitches. Gay people think that song is about coming out. What do you think “Let your true colors shine through” means? It’s being yourself — being who are and being very comfortable with who you are.

One of your best routines from your 2006 show “Sick and Tired” is about same-sex marriage. Let’s say you got face time with Obama about expanding his definition of marriage, what would you tell Barack? I would say that all people have the right to marry whomever they want, be it male or female. It’s part of our civil liberties. I would tell him, “Come on, man. Get with the program.”

Would I be coloring him wrong if I said he was a president who wanted to make sure gays don’t drink out of the straight marriage water fountain? You can’t color him any more because he’s already been colored. And I think you will be wrong to say that. I think if you got Obama off the record, he would say, “Yeah, I’m for gay marriage.” But he can’t say that because he’s got to get some votes.

So it’s about having equal privilege — and they have a problem with calling it “marriage.” But look in California: Everybody is getting married. We all getting married in California.

I love that you just used the collective “we” referencing gay people. (Laughs)

As an editor of a gay paper, I’ve been told that black people don’t really like word “queer” — that’s it a white person’s word. Yeah, it is kinda white.

Black people use cool terms, like and “in the life” and “same gender lovin’.” “In the life” sounds like something you’d hear in prison, like ex-convict talk. Like, “I was in the life for armed robbery.” What was the other one?

“Same gender lovin’,” which I think sounds like the name of a sitcom on Logo. It does. It’d go on right after “Noah’s Arc.”

Do you know if the word “wigga” is offensive? Like an Eminem type of person? Yeah, it is offensive. It’s basically white people trying to be sneaky and say the N word. I’m not buying it.

Would you take, not the hard R but “nigga” away from Snoop Dog? I’m gonna hang up on you just for saying it. See, we’re allowed to say it. Not you.

So there’s no way someone like Eminem could be an out and proud wigga and celebrate the fact? Not buying it.

I love that you are holding my feet to the fire over that word. Now what if someone described you as an out and proud lesbian, would you be offended? Why would I?

Just wondering if you knew.

PS. Wanda Sykes is a man hating beeeatch!

[OklahomaTuba]

Next time they should get someone who is, you know, funny.

[47straight]

I thought that the golf commentator's crack on Pelosi was funnier.

[StoopTroup]

I'd like to see the Palin crack.

[OklahomaTuba]

So would Wanda Sykes it appears.

[KC//CRIMSON]

I'd like to see the Palin crack.


All you have to do is put her in front of any reporter and let them ask her elementary questions....

[OklahomaTuba]

Its like Obama when the telepromter is off.

All of a sudden you start hearing **** about the 57th state.

[stoops the eternal pimp]

locked..unlocked...looks like its headed back to locked..

I like Wanda Sykes myself...

[yermom]

she was funny in Clerks 2 :D

[NYC Poke]

Heh.


Comedian Wanda Sykes roasted the President, the press and politicos at Saturday night's White House Correspondents' Association Dinner -- and told "Extra" she was warned to keep it clean!

"They told me not so say the F word or the N word... I'm offended they even told me that," Sykes told "Extra" moments before taking the stage. "What do they think? I'm some ignorant a**. Like I'm going to go in there, 'What's up n*****. Like what the f*** they think I'm going to do?"

The "New Adventures of Old Christine" star continued, "They really think I was going to say that to the President... like they had to tell me that?"


http://extratv.warnerbros.com/2009/05/wanda_sykes_warned_dont_get_di.php

[KC//CRIMSON]

People complain that you didn't get a rescue dog. Can you believe this? That you didn't get a rescue dog! Look people, he has to rescue a country that was abused by it's former owner!

[SoonerTroll]

Please just post the entire script, clearly you like it. It's a little funny, I don't really like the wishing death part though..... Do you think comedians will continue to make fun of the Bush terms all through Husseins?

[SoonerTroll]

awwwwwwwwww i'm all red, that's what i get for going to the south oval lately...... Atleast part of its crimsony, i could do without the burnt orange....

[KC//CRIMSON]

John McCain sure was angry about those new helicopters. I told McCain, Hey, I bet if you ask really really nicely, your wife will buy you one!

[Sooner04]

John McCain sure was angry about those new helicopters. I told McCain, Hey, I bet if you ask really really nicely, your wife will buy you one!
I don't get it.

[Ardmore_Sooner]

The ONLY thing Wanda Sykes was ever in that was funny was the "porch-monkey" scene of Clerks 2. That's it.

[KC//CRIMSON]

The ONLY thing Wanda Sykes was ever in that was funny was the "porch-monkey" scene of Clerks 2. That's it.

I'm gonna go with Crank Yankers, Clerks 2, and 2009 White House Correspondents' Association dinner.

[Ardmore_Sooner]

Meh, Crank Yankers was ok. When I think of the funniest shows on Comedy Central, Crank Yankers really doesn't come to mind.

[soonerscuba]

I doubt there is a person on earth that will ever top Stephen Colbert at the correspondent's dinner a few years ago.

[SoonerTroll]

I'm gonna go with Crank Yankers, Clerks 2, and 2009 White House Correspondents' Association dinner.

No way, Crank Yankers was lame. Clerks 2 and she is alright in the new adventures of old christine. Can't say i have seen much stand-up which I can only assume means it's not that funny or surely i would have at some point.

[yermom]

I doubt there is a person on earth that will ever top Stephen Colbert at the correspondent's dinner a few years ago.

the fact that he was invited is just classic

[OUstud]

Wanda Sykes is incredibly unfunny.

[DeadSolidPerfect]

Good thing she's black, female, and a lesbian or she's be headlining at River Spirit.

[KC//CRIMSON]

Good thing she's black, female, and a lesbian or she's be headlining at River Spirit.

Somewhere, Rush Limbaugh just wiped a proud tear from his eye....

[Curly Bill]

Somewhere, Rush Limbaugh just wiped a proud tear from his eye....

Why, because Wanda Sykes isn't funny? Rush may be aware of the fact, but I don't know that he takes any pride in it.

[CrimsonJim]

Please just post the entire script, clearly you like it. It's a little funny, I don't really like the wishing death part though.....

Oh, I have a feeling we're going to see the full script before it's all over. Just likes teasing us with bits an pieces, ya know, like we haven't already seen it on YouTube. ;)

[olevetonahill]

Maybe I just dont have a sense of Humor , either that or its just warped
I dont think the Yainch is funny at all .:rolleyes:

[KC//CRIMSON]

Why, because Wanda Sykes isn't funny? Rush may be aware of the fact, but I don't know that he takes any pride in it.


I'm sure by now he's aware that he got face planted by a female comedian though.....

[Curly Bill]

I'm sure by now he's aware that he got face planted by a female comedian though.....


...and does that make you shed a tear of pride? ;)





:D

[BoonesFarmSooner]

I thought that the golf commentator's crack on Pelosi was funnier.


Agreed


The only thing funny about the Sykes dyke is her voice.

[C&CDean]

I'm sure by now he's aware that he got face planted by a female comedian though.....

If by "face planted" you mean he could buy and sell her ignorant coochie lovin' *** 10-thousand times over then yes, she face planted him.

[picasso]

I'm sure by now he's aware that he got face planted by a female comedian though.....

Yeah but didn't she misquote him in the process?

I'm no Rushbo but he does have the #1 radio program in the country. Air America couldn't sniff his jock.

[Veritas]

Sounds as if humor, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. I find Wanda Sykes to be almost as hilarious as terminal cancer.

[Sooner04]

She's annoyed me everywhere I've noticed her. She was on some NFL show, and she wasn't funny. She single-handedly drags down Elaine's new show. And it appears she had one decent line at the Correspondent's Dinner.

Some people are rich and famous and I have no clue how they are deserving of it. Andy Dick is one. Wanda Sykes is another.

And I love black people.

[soonerscuba]

She's annoyed me everywhere I've noticed her. She was on some NFL show, and she wasn't funny. She single-handedly drags down Elaine's new show. And it appears she had one decent line at the Correspondent's Dinner.

Some people are rich and famous and I have no clue how they are deserving of it. Andy Dick is one. Wanda Sykes is another.

And I love black people.You don't headline as a comic for years if there isn't at least a market for your abilities, I think the comparison to Andy Dick is a bit unfair. I don't think Dane Cook is funny, but you won't hear me say that I am confused as to how he has amassed his wealth, there is a market for his comedy, the same is true of Sykes.

[Sooner04]

I think Dane Cook's popularity is the purest evidence I've found that this country is going into the ****ter.

[OklahomaTuba]

Makes you wonder, did she get to entertain the squanderer in chief because of her remarkable talents in the art of comedy, or was it more because she was an angry black lesbian??

[NormanPride]

Well, I thought it was funny.

[Veritas]

Some people are rich and famous and I have no clue how they are deserving of it. Andy Dick is one. Wanda Sykes is another.
I'll add Whoopi Goldberg to that list. When has she ever been funny?

Carlos Mencia and Dane Cook need to board a plane piloted by Louis CK. Louis can take that sucker up to 5,000 ft and hit the silk. He can then enjoy a peaceful drift to the earth while he watches two d-bags that have made careers of ripping off his (and others) jokes die a screaming death. And if we're lucky, the plane will crash into a frat house, making a symbolic but insignificant dent in the legions of retards that thought those two *******s were funny.

[picasso]

oh Sykes is way funnier than Dane Cook.

[Crucifax Autumn]

Louis ain't the only one those 2 idiots steal from, but yeah...

[BarryBnds]

I think Dane Cook's popularity is the purest evidence I've found that this country is going into the ****ter.

Completely agree. Dane Cook is about as funny as cancer.

[OklahomaRed]

Wanda Sykes' crack is up? Or, Wanda Sykes ups her crack? However, Wanda Sykes does not crack me up. She was terrible in Evan Almighty.

[nighttrain12]

Not only is Wanda gay as a 3 dollar bill, she also just became the mother of twins .... with her wife!?! My dad told me the birds and the bees quite a few years ago but I don't think he mentioned anything about how this works. :eek:

http://celebrity-babies.com/2009/05/13/wanda-sykes-welcomes-twins-olivia-lucas/


Wanda Sykes Welcomes Twins Olivia and Lucas

It’s a boy and a girl for comedian Wanda Sykes and her wife Alex!

Alex delivered fraternal twins on Monday, April 27th, Wanda’s rep tells PEOPLE exclusively. Daughter Olivia Lou weighed in at 6 lbs., 7 oz and was 19″ long, while son Lucas Claude debuted at 7 lbs., 9 oz and 20″ long. “All are happy and healthy and at home,” the rep shares.

The New Adventures of Old Christine star, 45, and Alex were married on October 25th, 2008. The twins are the first children for the couple.

Source: PEOPLE

– Julie Jordan

Posted on May 13, 09 at 5:25PM