Actual parental diatribe overheard today

[Frozen Sooner]

First, let me make it clear I have no problem with spanking a child when deserved. However, this particular piece of parenting left me in stitches...

"We don't hit people."
"We don't hit people."
"Do you want me to give you a spanking?"

[XingTheRubicon]

I do that all the time...and yes, I feel that what the he11 am I saying as I contradict myself.

[Frozen Sooner]

Well, at least you recognize it. :P

[sooner_born_1960]

Stupid parent. Should have worded it; "You don't hit people."

[OUDoc]

I don't see spanking and hitting as the same thing (although I see your point).
Honestly, I don't recall if I've ever spanked my kids or not.

[Harry Beanbag]

We'll see what Mike has to say when he has kids. :)

[NormanPride]

That is a frightening thought.

[47straight]

Why do we imprison people to teach them that false imprisonment is wrong?

[C&CDean]

I don't see spanking and hitting as the same thing (although I see your point).
Honestly, I don't recall if I've ever spanked my kids or not.

Are you really old, or have you been taking some of those amnesiac drugs you guys prescribe? How can you not remember if you've ever spanked your kids or not?

I don't remember every spanking, but I do remember a few that made me feel terrible afterward. Of course when the kid came and nuzzled up on my lap 10 minutes later and fell asleep with his arms around my neck it took away most of the terrible.

The problem with Froze's scenario is that it should have went "stop it, now." The next time the kid did it, bam.

Parents spend entirely too much time warning their kids, negotiating with their kids, threatening their kids, waffleing and cowtowing to their kids, etc. You do not negotiate with terrorists, and make no mistake about it, kids are just little mini-terrorists. Selfish, close-minded, mean, simple, all about me little thugs.

[sooner_born_1960]

I am pretty sure my kids aren't "all about Dean" little thugs.

[C&CDean]

I am pretty sure my kids aren't "all about Dean" little thugs.

If they knew me they would be. To know me is to love me...

[sooner_born_1960]

That's the word around town.

[OUDoc]

Are you really old, or have you been taking some of those amnesiac drugs you guys prescribe? How can you not remember if you've ever spanked your kids or not?


I'm 41. Yes, I'm really old.
I meant that I don't think I've ever had to spank my kids, but I'm not against it.

[C&CDean]

I'm 41. Yes, I'm really old.
I meant that I don't think I've ever had to spank my kids, but I'm not against it.

41? You're a pup.

I spanked the older 2 boys, but the younger 3 haven't ever needed it. Funny how kids knowing that when there are actual consequences for their bad behavior they magically do the right thing. The younger ones pretty much went "I don't want none of that ****" for sure.

I took a ton of beatings (many that by today's standards my dad would be jailed for child abuse) and my younger brother might have gotten the belt once or twice in his life. Why? Cause my brother knew dad wasn't ****ing around when he said "you better not let me catch you boy."

I get nauseated in the grocery stores these days when screaming kids are telling their fat mommas to shut up, hitting them, demanding candy and crap, and the fat momma is just "stop it jonny, stop it jonny, mommy is not going to get you any candy if you don't stop it jonny, you're embarrassing mommy jonny...." Meh.

[crawfish]

There are two classes of people who know how to parent best: those that have never had any kids, and those who had kids but are too old to remember when they were young. The rest of us are complete idiots who are lucky that our kids live to adulthood, much less become responsible adults. :)

Example, me at 22, sneering at the neighbor kids: "When I have kids they won't run around outside in nothing but a diaper".

Reality, me at 30 with two young kids: they are both running around, buck naked, in the back yard, and I'm just happy to have a few moments of quiet.

[Frozen Sooner]

Some of you people really need to unclench.

It was a funny combination of words to me. Thought I'd share it and some of you would get a chuckle. Nobody said you were a bad parent if you spanked your child-and in fact I even prefaced the post with that just to make sure nobody thought they were being attacked.

[NormanPride]

Froz, your attitude towards child discipline insults and enrages me.

[badger]

Froz, your attitude towards child discipline insults and enrages me.

Our youngin's get the choke chains around their neck yanked at the first sign of trouble :D

Their older brother gets tossed several feet if he steps outta line.

[crawfish]

Some of you people really need to unclench.

It was a funny combination of words to me. Thought I'd share it and some of you would get a chuckle. Nobody said you were a bad parent if you spanked your child-and in fact I even prefaced the post with that just to make sure nobody thought they were being attacked.


I don't feel attacked, but I do want to point out that Bill Cosby was absolutely right when he says that kids make you brain-damaged. You tend to say things that make you seem like a babbling idiot. I still can't believe these words ever came out of my mouth: "Matthew, stop putting cheese on your brother's head!"

[NYC Poke]

No fighting in the War Room!

[soonerboomer93]

Froz, your attitude towards child discipline insults and enrages me.

If you were truly outraged, you would have threatened to spank him

[Okla-homey]

Because she was a girl, the Mrs. did the spanking of my Blonde Daughter.

She is 23 years old on this very day, and since hitting puberty, she's not given us any trouble. Much of which I ascribe to the fact her mother wore that little a$$ out on numerous occasions before she reached the age of ten.

There is absolutely no substitue for whipping kids when they deserve it. It should not be the default option, nor necessarily even a secondary option, but it is a critical part of a responsible parent's toolkit. And that is not simply my opinion. That is a fact.

[TUSooner]

Parents spend entirely too much time warning their kids, negotiating with their kids, threatening their kids, waffleing and cowtowing to their kids, etc. You do not negotiate with terrorists, and make no mistake about it, kids are just little mini-terrorists. Selfish, close-minded, mean, simple, all about me little thugs.

Blow THAT out yer silly old dead @ss, Dr. Spock! :D

[olevetonahill]

Beat Dat ***
:D

[SoonerJack]

This thread was laden with unexpected laughs. Crawfish gets first place for the cheese on your brother's head comment. Second place goes to Soonerborn for pointing out the correct phrase that the parent should have used, "you don't hit people." Priceless.

[Okla-homey]

Blow THAT out yer silly old dead @ss, Dr. Spock! :D

Bro. TU,

I wonder how many prisoners' appeals you've read that were drafted by convicts whose mommies were Dr. Spock disciples?;)

[TUSooner]

Bro. TU,

I wonder how many prisoners' appeals you've read that were drafted by convicts whose mommies were Dr. Spock disciples?;)
Srsly, I don't know.
I doubt many of their mommies had ever heard of Dr. Spock. Mr Spock, maybe. Most of them seem to have had hard childhoods, and they made many very bad choices as teenagers. But some others report that they had "good" or "normal" childhoods. 'course, a good many of my 'customers' are from poor families in Mexico.

To be honest, I'm not even 100% exactly sure what Dr Spock's deal was. I just have an impression that it was something like "coddle and spoil and give." (The anti-Dean.)

[LoyalFan]

To continue the parental "Did you just say what I thought you said?" idea I offer this:

When I was a lad of age Nine we were stationed in the Paradise (now Paradise Lost, ) that was the Panama Canal Zone of the 1950's.
One day, I loaded fishing gear, machete, BB gun, some few meagre rations, some water, waterproofed matches, and one-man naval aviator's life raft aboard my groaning 26" Schwinn (Crimson!) and announced that I was sallying forth on a five mile pedal to Fort Kobbe Beach. My intent, as stated, was to leave my bike at the life guard's post, inflate the raft (Thank God for C02 cartridges,) and paddle to a tiny island perhaps a mile offshore. I was to spend two days and nights alone on that uninhabited dot in the Pacific, fishing for my food and defending against any pirates left over from the past.
In my young imagination I was a downed Navy pilot (mechanical failure in my F4U Corsair; NOT bested by some little son of The Emperor, several of whom I'd sent spiraling to a watery grave.) awaiting rescue by a sub or PBY Catalina flying boat, preferably with all-female crew.
My mom said "OK, if you simply must, but if you drown or are eaten by a shark I'll KILL you!" Dad looked at her and just shook his head.
The trip, the first of many such over the next couple of years, was a success. I even made the newspapers...but not the obits.

L

[TUSooner]

To continue the parental "Did you just say what I thought you said?" idea I offer this:

When I was a lad of age Nine we were stationed in the Paradise (now Paradise Lost, ) that was the Panama Canal Zone of the 1950's.
One day, I loaded fishing gear, machete, BB gun, some few meagre rations, some water, waterproofed matches, and one-man naval aviator's life raft aboard my groaning 26" Schwinn (Crimson!) and announced that I was sallying forth on a five mile pedal to Fort Kobbe Beach. My intent, as stated, was to leave my bike at the life guard's post, inflate the raft (Thank God for C02 cartridges,) and paddle to a tiny island perhaps a mile offshore. I was to spend two days and nights alone on that uninhabited dot in the Pacific, fishing for my food and defending against any pirates left over from the past.
In my young imagination I was a downed Navy pilot (mechanical failure in my F4U Corsair; NOT bested by some little son of The Emperor, several of whom I'd sent spiraling to a watery grave.) awaiting rescue by a sub or PBY Catalina flying boat, preferably with all-female crew.
My mom said "OK, if you simply must, but if you drown or are eaten by a shark I'll KILL you!" Dad looked at her and just shook his head.
The trip, the first of many such over the next couple of years, was a success. I even made the newspapers...but not the obits.

L

Great story.

[Okla-homey]

To be honest, I'm not even 100% exactly sure what Dr Spock's deal was. I just have an impression that it was something like "coddle and spoil and give." (The anti-Dean.)

He is considered the "Father of Permissive Parenting;" generally meaning he advocated permitting a child, like water, to seek his or her own level.

[TUSooner]

He is considered the "Father of Permissive Parenting;" generally meaning he advocated permitting a child, like water, to seek his or her own level.

Ah, so.

[goodonya]

It's really as simple as pay now or pay later.

We've got three boys. When the oldest was about 11 or so he had been spanked only a couple of times. Both times he exceed the allowed and acknowledged behavior limits with malice aforethought.

During the early stages of his "yearning to be free" & "parental resentment" tour he blatantly comitted two acts that fell outside the inviolable 3-rules in our household. After his lame attempts of "_________ gets to do this, why can't I?" and "__________'s Mom and Dad let him do this" we had to move into the secondary phase of parental acknowledgment.

I took said son down to the lumber yard and we picked out a nice piece of 1" walnut with some beautiful grain. We returned home and I got him some graph paper and requested that he sketch a board with a handle indention on each side at one end exactly 1.5" in. He quickly deduced his situation and his meek attempt at an argument was quashed. I told him to make sure it maintained my dimensions then to cut it out with the jig saw and then to sand it down well with rough and then fine paper. I told him it was his butt and whatever level of smoothness he felt sufficient was fine with me.

Since that day I believe he and I only had to "go upstairs" 2-other times. More importantly his two little brothers witnessed one incident and heard the others. As such, they have only had to "go upstairs" a couple of times total.

Today my boys are 23, 16 & 13 and at the risk of boasting can say that they are consumate gentlemen, well mannered and are in constant receipt of compliments from adults. I'm not saying my way is the only way but I will say my way has the shortest distance to good behavior and respect for one's elders.

Like I said, pay now or pay later (with interest)

[StoopTroup]

Why hit your kids when water boarding is so much more effective?

Also....Loyal...Was there any chance you might have been swept out to sea there? I wouldn't have tried that in Barbados.

[LoyalFan]

Why hit your kids when water boarding is so much more effective?

Also....Loyal...Was there any chance you might have been swept out to sea there? I wouldn't have tried that in Barbados.


Well, one had to judge the tides, which I learned to do from one of the guys assigned to patrol the beach. He was one of those grizzled old NCOs that had been posted to The Zone in 1935 with the old 33d Infantry Regiment (which was formed in the Zone, stayed in the Zone, and was deactivated in the Zone decades later. The Regimental Motto was a rather chilling "Smiling We Come" (in Latin on the unit heraldics.) He'd bribed enough personnel types over the ensuing 20 years to assure the Army'd forgotten all about him, pretty much. I heard years later that he retired there after 40 yrs service, stayed, died, and was planted there.
There were times when I paddled like a crazed duck in order to get back to the beach after an island sojourn. Still, it was the sharks that shadowed me that were the major spook factor; Those were enhanced by rather largish rays that erupted from the water and landed at random.
Once, while fishing from my wee dab of a raft, I hooked a hefty tuna and it was off to the races...whatta ride! When the beast finally died of boredom there was a fancy fishing cruiser nearby. When they spotted me and motored over, mistaking me for a pygmy aviator in distress (I had a perpetual tan reminiscent of fine mahogany), they took a look at my fish and offered me 50 bux for it AND my silence when I saw the fish in the papers, one of them smiling next to it as it hung on the dock of the fabled Balboa Yacht Club.
I upped the deal to include a ride back to home waters. some soda pop w/sammich and the bargain was struck. According to their skipper's charts I had been towed for over eight miles out. Had they not appeared I'd have been alone in the dark within two hours and Dad would have triggered a search so he could kick my *** for not cutting the line early in the fight.
They took pictures, of course, and two weeks later prints were delivered to our quarters by courier. He also delivered a Marmite(TM?) container containing several pounds of frozen tuna. As well, there was a case of my favorite tipple...Ginger Ale. Nice folks. Dad went to his grave still puzzled as to who and why such gifts were bestowed.
If anyone requests I'll share a tale proving that sometimes getting to the beach via bike was equally so hazardous as the maritime adventures.
Title: "Johnny and The Jaguar" (NOT an XK120, either!)

LF

[Crucifax Autumn]

I thought we were beating the **** outta kids in here? Friggin' threadjackers!

[StoopTroup]

Great Story Loyal.

[OU_Sooners75]

I get nauseated in the grocery stores these days when screaming kids are telling their fat mommas to shut up, hitting them, demanding candy and crap, and the fat momma is just "stop it jonny, stop it jonny, mommy is not going to get you any candy if you don't stop it jonny, you're embarrassing mommy jonny...." Meh.


Im not a fat momma, justa fat daddy.

However, I son learned real quick that his tantrums were not meant for the store or public venues.

I remember one time we were shopping at Target. My son, I believe he was 5 at the time, started his little tirade, "I want this, I want that."

Anyway, after telling him twice to STFU about it, that he is not getting it...he did it again. I spanked his *** right there in front of god and everyone.

The best part of the situation was the fat momma of a different child coming up to me in disgust. Telling me I cannot do that.

I looked at her and said, bitch, I paid over $4500 for this child to be born. I think I earned the right to raise my son as I well pleased.

She started to say something else....I turned to her and said, "Woman, do you want me to put my foot up your ***? If not mind your own damn business."

She went and told on me to the Manager.....LMFAO....The manager came up to me and asked me to not threaten the other customers. I told him I did not threaten anyone. I was simply making a point that the woman needs to mind her own ****ing business!

That was that and my son never acted that way in any public venue since.

[LoyalFan]

I thought we were beating the **** outta kids in here? Friggin' threadjackers!


Sorry. No more happy memories from me.

PS: Pherkawf

[picasso]

cigar burns. that's what my kids are gonna get.

[OUDoc]

Only if they spill paint in the garage.

[C&CDean]

What'd you get for Christmas in your house? I got a carton of smokes. Merry Christmas Johnny, smoke up."