Help! Need MIL advice

[Chuck Bao]

Nope returned yesterday evening after spending his holiday at his mom’s house upcountry. He, unexpectedly, brought his mother with him for a visit.

I guess she’ll stay until Saturday when he takes her back home.

She didn’t bring any luggage that I can tell, but that could be in Nope’s pickup truck.

She did bring her leaves, the red paste she smears on the leaves and her spittoon, all carried daintily in a little whicker basket (think Easter egg basket) in the crook of her arm.

I don’t even know her name. I call her Khun Mae, which translates as Mrs. Mom.

I feel at ease being around her at her house because someone is going to tell me what to do. Well…except that one time that they had me bathe naked in front of their entire family.

At my house, nobody is willing to tell me what to do, unfortunately including Khun Nope, and I’m pretty lost on how to make her at ease. Only now, I realize that in Thai custom, I should have insisted that she bathe first thing.

We got her to watch her favorite night time soap operas on Thai TV. After that, Nope found Thai country music MTV type program on our cable TV. I didn’t even know we had that, but she liked it.

Nope made her Chinese tea.

I made microwave popcorn.

Shaddup, I would have cooked something, but they said that they’d already eaten and I didn’t have anything fresh to cook since I just returned from my US trip on Sunday.

Nope suggested she sleep on the couch. The guest bedroom is currently my computer room and I had work to do. I talked them into letting her sleep in our bed. The maid was over that morning and had changed the sheets and comforter. I slept on the couch.

In the morning, I find out that Khun Mae didn’t sleep at all. She is used to sleeping on a pallet on the floor and was too terrified of falling out of the high bed.

I’m not sure what we are going to do tonight. Nope should handle this and go out and buy a foam mat, if that is what we need. But, I think he’s doing his best to get Khun Mae to accept a western lifestyle.

Nope is a bit sensy about his mom. His self worth seems to be defined by his ability to give back. He is not a momma’s boy in the modern western sense. It is just that his father disappeared into Laos during the Vietnam War when he was a little kid and grew up poor, dependent on his mom and extended family.

I went out at 6am and bought fried rice for their breakfast. Khun Mae said that she doesn’t eat first thing after waking up. Oh well!

We don’t even speak the same language. Khun Mae speaks a Lao dialect. I speak Central Thai with an Okie drawl. I feel pretty sure that we were around each other for very long, we could easily understand each other.

I am thankful and touched that she does understand my life-long commitment to her son. That is something I’ve never managed to convey to my own family.

But, she may not understand that one of my few disagreements with her son was previously about the title of our home. I wasn’t so worried about him kicking me out, but inviting Khun Mae and other relatives to live with us in the typical multi-generational Asian living together thing.

Now that we are only four years away from paying off the condo under my name, we can buy his house in the suburbs and he’ll be able to invite as many people to live with him as he wants.

With all that being said, they were off early this morning to Nope’s market stalls. I waied Khun Mae, she walked over, looked me straight in the eyes, without saying a word she grabbed a hold of my upper arm and shook it. I waied again and she waied back.

I do think we mostly understand each other even without the language part.

[olevetonahill]

Good Luck Bro
Why didnt you call or Come By when you were here ?

[StoopTroup]

Man some fried rice sounds good right now. That and a good cup of coffee.

[Boomer_Sooner_sax]

I think you left the F off of the MIL ;)

[Chuck Bao]

Nevermind. She isn't coming back. Khun Mae didn't feel comfortable here.

[olevetonahill]

Nevermind. She isn't coming back. Khun Mae didn't feel comfortable here.

Bitches Man Bitches , In MY best BSG voice ;)

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

Heh.

Don't feel bad, Chuck. You didn't know she was coming. If you'd known you could have better prepared and did some investigation/research to find out how to make her feel at home. No way you could have known what to do.

It must be very difficult dealing with all those different barriers and differences. Surely Nope can educate you a bit so that you can invite her back for a do-over. I mean, I'd want another chance to make her feel like a welcome guest and to have a chance to get to know her.

Sucks, but it ain't the end of this deal if you don't want it to be. You can make it righter next time. Assuming you want to, that is...

[Chuck Bao]

Heh.

Don't feel bad, Chuck. You didn't know she was coming. If you'd known you could have better prepared and did some investigation/research to find out how to make her feel at home. No way you could have known what to do.

It must be very difficult dealing with all those different barriers and differences. Surely Nope can educate you a bit so that you can invite her back for a do-over. I mean, I'd want another chance to make her feel like a welcome guest and to have a chance to get to know her.

Sucks, but it ain't the end of this deal if you don't want it to be. You can make it righter next time. Assuming you want to, that is...

Thanks BSG. I did check with Nope about it and we are getting another chance later this week. Maybe, I'll try that bacon explosion thing. As long as I serve sticky rice, it qualifies as Northeastern Thai. Maybe, I'll kill her dead.

[StoopTroup]

Would one of those port-a-showers in the middle of the living room helped?

http://lifehackery.com/qimages/6/pocket_shower.jpg

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

Yeah. I wanna know, too...

What's up with the family public bathing thing?

:kelvin:

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

Maybe, I'll kill her dead.

Kill her with the deelishus.

I'm sure you already thought of it but making her feel as welcome as possible and going out of your way to make the food she likes, a guestroom she will be comfortable in with a little privacy - stuff like that will go a long way. Shows lots of respect and what-not.

Might take her to a nice place to eat that specializes in her favorite food.

And for The Right Reverend Tim T. Messiah's sake, make sure she has a place for her spittin' buckkit.

:mack:

[Chuck Bao]

Kill her with the deelishus.

I'm sure you already thought of it but making her feel as welcome as possible and going out of your way to make the food she likes, a guestroom she will be comfortable in with a little privacy - stuff like that will go a long way. Shows lots of respect and what-not.

Might take her to a nice place to eat that specializes in her favorite food.

And for The Right Reverend Tim T. Messiah's sake, make sure she has a place for her spittin' buckkit.

:mack:


I surely posting about that here 5 years ago when that unfortunate event happened.

Thais always ask if the visitor wants to bathe. In olden times, it would be necessary and civilized, given the long travel period and dusty, dirty roads. Thailand is nearly the size of Texas or France if any is counting.

Today, it is part of the culture. If you are visiting and polite: bathe first, then eat, drink and sleep.

I learned very early in my 20 years experience in Thailand to accept the invitation. Normally, it is a tin shed in the back of the house with a large cement pool of water and a large plastic bucket/ladle. Anyway, that is what I had expected at Khun Nope’s mom’s house.

No, they had a round cement stone off their back door step with a nearby big barrel of water. I stripped completely naked and was washing myself, only then did I look up and see their entire family watching me from the dinner table. That point surely shrunk with that.

I should have bathed under a towel.

Flash forward to the future. Khun Mae didn’t get how my shower works, at first. Karma? Khun Nope had to explain to her that right means water, forward means hot and backwards mean cold. I hope she was wearing a towel when Khun Nope had to intercede and give the instructions.

No, I don’t. They watched me and my pecker shrivel, as I did my best to fit in.

[StoopTroup]

I'm really glad you cleared that up again for us.

You must realize that many of us here understand that your trying to fit in over there...it's just not going to happen over here. You go bathing naked over here in public and your going to have to registrar as a Sex Offender.

I know...silly huh?

I even saw a gator peeing against the wall just inside the men's room at the game. I thought...there's one drunk *** sumbuck right there. Maybe he was a Thiagator?

[SicEmBaylor]

Not to sound racist or anything, but this thread makes me thank god for my solidly Western Ango-Saxon heritage.

[Viking Kitten]

Out of sheer curiosity, what are the leaves and red paste she's spitting? Is it red betel nut?

[OUHOMER]

Maybe I am reading this all wrong, but it seems Nope should have stepped up and filled in the missing pieces. So that all parties were comfortable.

[OUHOMER]

I think you left the F off of the MIL ;)

Oh, and i was thinking that too from the title, I thinking Chuck turned over a new leaf :D

[Chuck Bao]

Not to sound racist or anything, but this thread makes me thank god for my solidly Western Ango-Saxon heritage.

And why do you think that is superior to other heritages? If you like capitalism, Asian economies offer a much greater growth potential over the next 20-30 years. Better ingrained work ethic. More industrious labor force. Better opportunities for entrepreneurs. On average, better math and science scores for high school and univesity students.

[Viking Kitten]

Did her teeth look like this:

http://frank.itlab.us/thailand_2003/betel_nut_smile_tn.jpg

[Chuck Bao]

Out of sheer curiosity, what are the leaves and red paste she's spitting? Is it red betel nut?

I think that is it. It dyes the teeth red, right? I think this practice will die out with this generation. I don't know of anyone in my generation that would consider chewing these leaves with the red paste.

[NormanPride]

This kind of stuff fascinates me... How cultures can be so vastly different about the most basic of things like visiting a friend. If she's the type to open up about things like that, have Nope ask his mom what would make her next trip easier. If not, hand off the responsibility to Nope. :D Just make sure you learn from him! You can make it up to him later.

[Viking Kitten]

"Betel chewing has been claimed to produce a sense of well-being, euphoria, heightened alertness, sweating, salivation, a hot sensation in the body and increased capacity to work. Betel chewing also leads to habituation, addiction and withdrawal."

Nope's mom sounds kind of freaky.

[Chuck Bao]

Maybe I am reading this all wrong, but it seems Nope should have stepped up and filled in the missing pieces. So that all parties were comfortable.

You would be correct, sir. I think Nope is trying to blend his mom into a western culture.

As I stated before, I am getting my second chance. I have to plan for a dinner party this Friday. The bacon explosion is going to be tried. I may have to hire a cook, but we are going to do the best we can with some Lao food.

I am going to invite all of my northeastern friends to try to make her feel at home.

[Chuck Bao]

"Betel chewing has been claimed to produce a sense of well-being, euphoria, heightened alertness, sweating, salivation, a hot sensation in the body and increased capacity to work. Betel chewing also leads to habituation, addiction and withdrawal."

Nope's mom sounds kind of freaky.

I'm going to agree that it is probably a bad habit. But, you can say that about almost every Thai woman of her social class and generation.

This is Khun Mae's pic two years ago with Kitten Cat.

http://img5.ranchoweb.com/images/kanunu/khunmaeandmeow2resized.jpg

[Viking Kitten]

Just kiddin'. I've read where it's very common in that part of the world. Even encouraged, because it is supposed to make people work harder.

[Czar Soonerov]

http://img174.imageshack.us/img174/314/betalnutrj0.jpg

[Chuck Bao]

http://img174.imageshack.us/img174/314/betalnutrj0.jpg

Hehehehehhhh! You just know Kitten Cat is thinking that.

[TUSooner]

Chuck Bao- Promise you will NEVER STOP posting these gems. SRSLY!

[Viking Kitten]

Chuck Bao- Promise you will NEVER STOP posting these gems. SRSLY!

+1. I love Chuck's stories. He's one of my favorite posters.

[Chuck Bao]

Thanks for the support and all, but this did not end well.

Nope and Khun Mae returned tonight, again unannounced.

I had already started planning a major Friday dinner and asked Dang, the wife of my colleague, to help me make proper Thai food.

Nope knew this. He was supposed to call Dang and tell her his mom’s favorite foods so that we could prepare them. He didn’t.

I’m trying very hard here to make her feel at home. I remember spending a Chinese New Year with a traditional Chinese family in Hong Kong and the mother clearing saying that if rice isn’t served, then it’s just not human food. Make no mistake, Thais are equal food snobs: they call western food crocodile food because you don’t need to taste it, just manage to swallow it.

Back to the present, Nope and his mom changed plans and are returning upcountry tomorrow. At least, they thought about spending their last night in Bangkok with me.

Nope ordered home delivery pizza from a former Pizza Hut franchise that is now a very popular knockoff.

Khun Mae had never tried pizza.

I couldn’t bear to watch. I took two slices of pepperoni extra cheese thin crust and disappeared. They had a large pan super deluxe with sausage ring on the outside. Khun Mae didn’t even manage to eat one slice.

I’m not complaining. Nope is trying his best to make his mom accept western food.

But, I’m going to get the blame. That’s not fair. Okay, microwave popcorn was my fault. Not the pizza.

[stoops the eternal pimp]

Dang

[OUHOMER]

I think you need to slap a knot on Nopes head. I know hes trying but it comes down to. Look what that American has done to my boy. You will get all the blame fair or not.

Tell him, You want to experience the traditional ways and make his mother conformable, dont push her into news ways. My mom is almost 70 and I am not going to change her ways, No way , no how.

Can not teach an old dog new tricks.

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

Nope's kindof being a turd, dang.

Dang's being a turd? Nope.

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

:kelvin: