soonerloyal
1/7/2009, 02:34 PM
All trash talk aside, Gators are simply better
David Whitley | SPORTS COMMENTARY
January 7, 2009
MIAMI
In keeping with the theme of this year's BCS title game, let me sum up why Florida will beat Oklahoma:
The Big 12 is actually the Dinky Dozen, Bob Stoops has bad breath and Mike Bianchi would be the fourth-best columnist in a Three Stooges reunion.
This year's game has set the BCS record for trash talk, which is not fine by me. I would prefer this be a sober and thoughtful discussion of statistics, depth charts and historical trends.
Since my counterpart knows nothing about football and cannot defend his pick, he'd rather hurl cheap shots and turn what should be a serious journalistic enterprise into a joke.
Florida will win 527-16.
But first, let me stress that predictions do not mean we want a team to win or lose. In fact, I can unequivocally state that Bianchi wants every team to lose every game.
He's been a tad bitter since being cut from the Interlachen High School chess team for being too short. While Bianchi is picking the Sooners, it's only because he wants Florida fans to hate him as much as those at FSU, Miami, UCF and the Hair Club For Men.
Me? I love every team. It especially pains me to pick against Oklahoma, which I consider one of Rodgers and Hammerstein's finer plays. But as they say on the prairie, facts is facts. Here are a few pertinent ones:
Oklahoma scored something like 4.2 million points this season. Whoopee. Big 12 defenses couldn't stop a broken-down dump truck with six flat tires from rolling uphill.
How is Oklahoma going to stop Florida's semi-tractor of a quarterback? It seems the strategy is to insult him into submission.
Playing the part of Don Rickles has been cornerback Dominique Franks, who uttered the now-famous words, " Tim Tebow wears lace panty hose."
Actually, he said our beloved Timmy would be the fourth-best quarterback in the Big 12. That sent hundreds of reporters stampeding to Tebow for a reaction.
He basically just grinned.
"You don't want to wake a sleeping giant," Percy Harvin said.
I normally don't put much stock in such things, but history has shown Tebow really does have a vengeful streak. If Tebow was the fourth-best mountain climber in Tibet, he would be on top of Mt. Everest doing the Gator Chomp by sundown.
I fully expect Tebow to personally account for about 11 scores Thursday night while cleaning bits of Dominique Franks from between his cleats. Then there's Oklahoma's annual January funk.
This group of Sooners seniors have lost to USC, Boise State, West Virginia, East Virginia, Notre Dame, Akron A&M and the University of Phoenix. I know that's seven year's worth of bowls, but it usually takes that long for an OU player to graduate or be hauled off by the local sheriff.
Sorry, I couldn't help throwing in at least one completely gratuitous insult. Honestly, I have nothing against the Sooners. It's just that on top of all the sober, objective reasons to believe they'll lose, there's this:
Bianchi is 1-0 against me in picking BCS title games. Yes, who could forget two years ago when Mikey stood up, though it was hard to tell, and boldly predicted Florida would beat Ohio State?
He certainly hasn't, and neither have many of the millions of Gators fans who wanted to have me stripped naked and left for dead in Paines Prairie.
I'm not trying to get back in their good graces. My prediction is simply based on two factors.
Florida is a better team. And there's no way Bianchi can go 2-0 in these things.
I just hope I haven't again awakened a sleeping midget.
--- David Whitley can be reached at [email protected].
David Whitley | SPORTS COMMENTARY
January 7, 2009
MIAMI
In keeping with the theme of this year's BCS title game, let me sum up why Florida will beat Oklahoma:
The Big 12 is actually the Dinky Dozen, Bob Stoops has bad breath and Mike Bianchi would be the fourth-best columnist in a Three Stooges reunion.
This year's game has set the BCS record for trash talk, which is not fine by me. I would prefer this be a sober and thoughtful discussion of statistics, depth charts and historical trends.
Since my counterpart knows nothing about football and cannot defend his pick, he'd rather hurl cheap shots and turn what should be a serious journalistic enterprise into a joke.
Florida will win 527-16.
But first, let me stress that predictions do not mean we want a team to win or lose. In fact, I can unequivocally state that Bianchi wants every team to lose every game.
He's been a tad bitter since being cut from the Interlachen High School chess team for being too short. While Bianchi is picking the Sooners, it's only because he wants Florida fans to hate him as much as those at FSU, Miami, UCF and the Hair Club For Men.
Me? I love every team. It especially pains me to pick against Oklahoma, which I consider one of Rodgers and Hammerstein's finer plays. But as they say on the prairie, facts is facts. Here are a few pertinent ones:
Oklahoma scored something like 4.2 million points this season. Whoopee. Big 12 defenses couldn't stop a broken-down dump truck with six flat tires from rolling uphill.
How is Oklahoma going to stop Florida's semi-tractor of a quarterback? It seems the strategy is to insult him into submission.
Playing the part of Don Rickles has been cornerback Dominique Franks, who uttered the now-famous words, " Tim Tebow wears lace panty hose."
Actually, he said our beloved Timmy would be the fourth-best quarterback in the Big 12. That sent hundreds of reporters stampeding to Tebow for a reaction.
He basically just grinned.
"You don't want to wake a sleeping giant," Percy Harvin said.
I normally don't put much stock in such things, but history has shown Tebow really does have a vengeful streak. If Tebow was the fourth-best mountain climber in Tibet, he would be on top of Mt. Everest doing the Gator Chomp by sundown.
I fully expect Tebow to personally account for about 11 scores Thursday night while cleaning bits of Dominique Franks from between his cleats. Then there's Oklahoma's annual January funk.
This group of Sooners seniors have lost to USC, Boise State, West Virginia, East Virginia, Notre Dame, Akron A&M and the University of Phoenix. I know that's seven year's worth of bowls, but it usually takes that long for an OU player to graduate or be hauled off by the local sheriff.
Sorry, I couldn't help throwing in at least one completely gratuitous insult. Honestly, I have nothing against the Sooners. It's just that on top of all the sober, objective reasons to believe they'll lose, there's this:
Bianchi is 1-0 against me in picking BCS title games. Yes, who could forget two years ago when Mikey stood up, though it was hard to tell, and boldly predicted Florida would beat Ohio State?
He certainly hasn't, and neither have many of the millions of Gators fans who wanted to have me stripped naked and left for dead in Paines Prairie.
I'm not trying to get back in their good graces. My prediction is simply based on two factors.
Florida is a better team. And there's no way Bianchi can go 2-0 in these things.
I just hope I haven't again awakened a sleeping midget.
--- David Whitley can be reached at [email protected].