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olevetonahill
12/31/2008, 01:49 AM
This Is How to Make a Happy marriage ;)

Without further ado.....
Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.

Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.

Be happy to see him.

Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

Your goal: To try and make sure your home is a place of peace, order, and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

A good wife always knows her place.


Ya got that Bitch ?:cool:

SanJoaquinSooner
12/31/2008, 01:55 AM
Well, if you're helping her get a green card, it seems only reasonable.

olevetonahill
12/31/2008, 02:01 AM
Well, if you're helping her get a green card, it seems only reasonable.

Thats yer jorb jaun .:rolleyes:

Tulsa_Fireman
12/31/2008, 02:05 AM
Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about!

I need some hawt lesbian day lifting!

olevetonahill
12/31/2008, 02:15 AM
Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about!

I need some hawt lesbian day lifting!

Dayum Wimmens Need to get this shat right !

Tailwind
12/31/2008, 03:55 AM
That is the funniest thing I have ever read!

olevetonahill
12/31/2008, 05:34 AM
That is the funniest thing I have ever read!

Truth Is Funny ? :confused:

OUAlumni1990
12/31/2008, 09:13 AM
Sounds reasonable to me!

Tailwind
12/31/2008, 10:03 AM
Truth Is Funny ? :confused:
If you live in pre-Leave it to Beaver land, that **** might work. In the real world that will not fly. I'm sure there are many ways to make a happy marriage, but that way, only the husband is happy, and not for long.:D :D :D

OUAlumni1990
12/31/2008, 10:11 AM
I would settle for just a muzzle and a fridge always stocked with beer.

I would be set then.

olevetonahill
12/31/2008, 10:48 AM
If you live in pre-Leave it to Beaver land, that **** might work. In the real world that will not fly. I'm sure there are many ways to make a happy marriage, but that way, only the husband is happy, and not for long.:D :D :D

Would to , Yall Dayum Wimmens need to Get Back in yer Place :P

boomersooner28
12/31/2008, 10:53 AM
Vet, if you would have only posted this 7 years ago I would still be single. Too late now. I'm screwed.

frankensooner
12/31/2008, 11:59 AM
I would just settle for:

Be happy to see him.

;)

Skysooner
12/31/2008, 12:22 PM
Ode to My Woman

When a man meets the woman he loves, everything changes. His heart races, his head spins, and suddenly all the dozens and dozens of women he's sleeping with no longer matter. A few years ago, I found the woman I love, and I've put some of my feelings into this little ode.

Every man needs a woman, and I need you --
to lift me when I am sad,
to comfort me when I am down,
to clean me when I am drunk,
to walk beside me when I want to look like I'm not gay,
to walk in front of me when I need someone to act as a human windbreak,
to kiss me when I am horny,
to massage me when I am tense and/or horny,
to make me horny when I am not horny, and then to watch me fall asleep.

I need you darling to clean between my toes when they are not cleaned to my satisfaction,
to pick the nits out of my hair when I have head lice,
to try milk for me when I am not sure of the expiration date,
to be there when I need you to be there, and to be out of town the rest of the time.

My darling, although it may seem sentimental, I want to take this moment to tell you I love you -- because I don't want to lose half my stuff. And even though you are far away across the ocean, I always have this [pointing to ring finger where there is no wedding ring] to remind me --[realizes the ring is not there] sorry [and hides hand].

Goodnight, my love.

tommieharris91
12/31/2008, 12:51 PM
I didn't see the line that said "S his D."

1890MilesToNorman
12/31/2008, 12:59 PM
When I get home I just want her to shut up! Blah, blah blah about stuff I don't care about. I've been talking to nimrods most of the day and I don't need any salt in the wound when I get home! Quiet Please!!!!! :D

How in the world women find all that stuff to talk about is beyond me? 30 minute conversations about nothing.

VeeJay
12/31/2008, 07:41 PM
I didn't see the line that said "S his D."

That's because it never happens.

olevetonahill
12/31/2008, 07:57 PM
I didn't see the line that said "S his D."

Thats the Only Time shes Allowed to Open her Mouth .:D

badger
12/31/2008, 07:58 PM
Olevet, it appears your wife is being defiant behind your back and one-starring all of your threads. You better put her in her place immediately. ;)

olevetonahill
12/31/2008, 07:59 PM
When I get home I just want her to shut up! Blah, blah blah about stuff I don't care about. I've been talking to nimrods most of the day and I don't need any salt in the wound when I get home! Quiet Please!!!!! :D

How in the world women find all that stuff to talk about is beyond me? 30 minute conversations about nothing.

Did you Miss this Line ?

Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

olevetonahill
12/31/2008, 08:00 PM
Olevet, it appears your wife is being defiant behind your back and one-starring all of your threads. You better put her in her place immediately. ;)

Bitches Man Bitches. :D

Preservation Parcels
12/31/2008, 09:06 PM
The Worth Of Womanly Cheerfulness

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Godey's Lady's Book
Date: April, 1862

THE WORTH OF WOMANLY CHEERFULNESS.

WE come in contact with a most singular fact, which at first is not easy of analysis, that people are intent on playing the miserable, as if there were a virtue in it. The real solution is that it is an exhibition of selfishness, for no one is habitually cheerful who does not think more of others than himself. Multitudes appear to be studious of something which makes them unhappy; for unhappiness excites attention, and attention is supposed to inspire interest, and interest comparison. You have seen a person of very robust and corpulent habits, so robust as ought to excite perpetual gratitude for joyous health, sometimes putting on the airs of an invalid, for no reason in the world but to draw out towards him some expression of affectionate concern, and so gratify his self conceit. That very mood which in children is called being "naughty," for which they are whipped and sent to bed, in young people is dignified with the name of "low spirits," for which they are to be petted and pitied; whilst in elderly people it is known as "nervousness," for which it is expected they should be humored to the full tension of moral patience.

If we speak of the mistakes of good and pious men, what shall we say by way of commending that sweet cheerfulness by which a good and sensible woman diffuses the oil of gladness in the proper sphere of home. The best specimens of heroism in the world were never gazetted. They play their role in common life, and their reward is not in the admiration of spectators, but in the deep joy of their own conscious thoughts. It is easy for a housewife to make arrangements for an occasional feast; but let me tell you what is greater and better amid the weariness and cares of life; the troubles, real and imaginary, of a family; the many thoughts and toils which are requisite to make the family home of thrift, order, and comfort; the varieties of temper and crosslines of taste and inclination which are to be found in a large householdto maintain a heart full of good nature and a face always bright with cheerfulness, this is a perpetual festivity.

We do not mean a mere superficial simper, which has no more character in it than the flow of a brook, but that exhaustless patience, and selfcontrol, and kindness, and tact which spring from good sense and brave purposes. Neither is it the mere reflection of prosperity, for cheerfulness, then, is no virtue. Its best exhibition is in the dark background of real adversity. Affairs assume a gloomy aspect, poverty is hovering about the door, sickness has already entered, days of hardship and nights of watching go slowly by, and now you see the triumphs of which we speak.

When the strong man has bowed himself, and his brow is knit and creased, you will see how the whole life of a household seems to hang on the frailer form, which, with solicitudes of her own, passing, it may be, under the "sacred primal sorrow of her sex," has an eye and an ear for every one but herself, suggestive of expedients, hopeful in extremities, helpful in kind words and affectionate smiles, morning, noon, and night, the medicine, the light, the heart of a whole household.

God bless that bright, sunny face! says many a heart before me, as he recalls that one of mother, wife, sister, daughter, which has been to him all that my words have described.


Some things are timeless.;)


Happy, Cheerful New Year!

FirstandGoal
1/3/2009, 05:03 AM
See, this is why I have to marry tatoo man next and not you vet.


Too much to remember and I'm not so good at paying tention :P