Mack Brown dies and goes to Heaven

[Crimson_Balls]

Coach Mack Brown, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven,
God showed him around. They came to a nice little house with a small Longhorn
flag in the window.

"This house is yours for eternity, Mack," said God. "This is very
special; not everyone gets such a cozy house up here."

Mack felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the
porch, he noticed another house towering above the others just down the
street. It was a multi-story mansion with a Crimson and Cream sidewalk, a 50 foot tall flagpole with an enormous OU Sooner flag, and in every window
he could see Sooner fans laughing and watching replays of past OU games.

Mack looked at God and said, "God, I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I
have a question. I was a good coach, I went to 7 consecutive bowl games, won
a national championship, and turned around the Texas program."

God asked, "So what do you want to know, Mack?"

"Well, why does Bob Stoops get a better house than me?"

God chuckled, and said "Mack, that's not Bob's house, it's mine."

:D

[Knippz]

Owned

[A-M]

Now this is great. I'll have to pass it on to my old pastor as I have always told him that God is a Sooner.

[Suppressor]

LOL, awesome joke. I'm going to send this to my buddy who's a huge Texass crony

[badger]

I have a joke too - the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor!

:( Oh wait, that's incredibly sad and my timing couldn't have been worse given the 12-7 memorial anniversary of this sad, tragic event that shaped the entire course of human history for the past 67 years by bringing the U.S. into World War 2. This was very, very in poor taste on my part and I do apologize.

...I am sorry. :(

...that you all had to hear that joke again ;)

[1890MilesToNorman]

Did he receive his 72 neked offensive lineman for being a Martyr?

[JLEW1818]

good joke

[BanjoCharley]

Old

Fixed it for you.

[Crimson_Balls]

The joke was new to me.
Sorry if its already been posted.

I'm just happy God's a Soonerfan!! :D

[All_Day_28]

It was new to me too.. thanks for sharing.

[htownsooner7]

Excellent

[meoveryouxinfinity]

<n00b.

new to me.

[47straight]

Not new to me. A good one as far as generic football jokes go.


I much prefer ones that cut right to specific issues with the horns.

[badger]

It's not a big deal, but as long as we're in the mood for jokes, I am going to revise EVERY. FOOTBALL. JOKE. KNOWN. IN. COLLEGE. right now :D

Q: Why did Texas change their field from grass to artificial turf?

A: To keep the Texas cheerleaders from grazing at half time.

One day in an elementary school in Austin, Texas, a teacher asks her class if the Texas Longwhorns are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Oklahoma Sooners."

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Sooner fan, my mom is a Sooner fan, I guess that makes me a Sooner fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Texas fan."

One foggy night, a Sooner fan was heading south from Norman and a Texas fan was driving north from Austin. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Texas fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Sooner fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Whorn fan walks over to the Sooner fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Sooner fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Sooner fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Whorn, "I think this is another sign--we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Whorn fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Whorn fan hands it back to the Sooner fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Sooner fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

Q: What do Texas and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q: What's the difference between a University of Texas fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the University of Texas campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

Q: Why don't University of Texas fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Q: Why do University of Texas fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Texas campus?

A: A visitor.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Texas library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Why should the University of Texas change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: What does the average University of Texas student get on his SAT?

A: Drool

Q: What do you get when you cross a groundhog and a Whorn?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish." The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have University of Texas win a bowl game this year?"

After a moment, the genie says, "Let me see that map again."

Q: How do you make University of Texas cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours

Q: What do you get when you cross a University of Texas fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

Q: How many University of Texas freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Austin News Report: Football practice in Austin was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field.

The head coach, Smacky Macky, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line.

Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Q. What did the Texas graduate say to the Oklahoma graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

It was reported that Texas head football coach Mack Mack will only be dressing twenty players for the Oklahoma game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q: How do you get a Texas grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Austin?

A: Oklahoma: 187 Miles

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: an Oklahoma grad, a Texas grad, a Poke State grad, and a Tech grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they reached the top, the Tech grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is the for Texas Tech Goooooooooooo, Raiders!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Poke State grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for Oklahoma State University! I'm a man! I'm 40!"

Seeing this the OU grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Sooners!" and pushed the Whorn off the side of the mountain.

Hope you enjoyed :)

[Boomer38Sooner]

WOW!!!!!!! Thats a lot of jokes!!!!! Pretty funny too. The only one that is kind of ironic is the one about pot and how they get smoked in bowls.......I thought that was us hahah

[SPuL]

^LOL beat me to it. All those bowl jokes seem more like us haha


It's not a big deal, but as long as we're in the mood for jokes, I am going to revise EVERY. FOOTBALL. JOKE. KNOWN. IN. COLLEGE. right now :D

Q: Why did Texas change their field from grass to artificial turf?

A: To keep the Texas cheerleaders from grazing at half time.

One day in an elementary school in Austin, Texas, a teacher asks her class if the Texas Longwhorns are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Oklahoma Sooners."

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Sooner fan, my mom is a Sooner fan, I guess that makes me a Sooner fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Texas fan."

One foggy night, a Sooner fan was heading south from Norman and a Texas fan was driving north from Austin. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Texas fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Sooner fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Whorn fan walks over to the Sooner fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Sooner fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Sooner fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Whorn, "I think this is another sign--we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Whorn fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Whorn fan hands it back to the Sooner fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Sooner fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

Q: What do Texas and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q: What's the difference between a University of Texas fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the University of Texas campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

Q: Why don't University of Texas fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Q: Why do University of Texas fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Texas campus?

A: A visitor.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Texas library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Why should the University of Texas change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: What does the average University of Texas student get on his SAT?

A: Drool

Q: What do you get when you cross a groundhog and a Whorn?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish." The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have University of Texas win a bowl game this year?"

After a moment, the genie says, "Let me see that map again."

Q: How do you make University of Texas cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours

Q: What do you get when you cross a University of Texas fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

Q: How many University of Texas freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Austin News Report: Football practice in Austin was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field.

The head coach, Smacky Macky, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line.

Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Q. What did the Texas graduate say to the Oklahoma graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

It was reported that Texas head football coach Mack Mack will only be dressing twenty players for the Oklahoma game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q: How do you get a Texas grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Austin?

A: Oklahoma: 187 Miles

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: an Oklahoma grad, a Texas grad, a Poke State grad, and a Tech grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they reached the top, the Tech grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is the for Texas Tech Goooooooooooo, Raiders!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Poke State grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for Oklahoma State University! I'm a man! I'm 40!"

Seeing this the OU grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Sooners!" and pushed the Whorn off the side of the mountain.

Hope you enjoyed :)

lmao tho a lot of those made me laugh. My favorite was the car accident with the alcohol. LOL

that last one was on some Jamie Fox comedy tour with Oklahoma being black people, Texas being white people, and Tech as the spanish people.

Where you get these? good stuff

[badger]

truth time:

those were all Michigan jokes usually told by Ohio State fans :P

[OUAlumni1990]

While we are telling jokes, this is one of my favorites:

A Texas A&M graduate took his son to A&M to see if he would be accepted. They measured his IQ, and it was too high (180). They told the father, "We only accept students with a maximum of 100 IQ. Luckily we have invented a machine that lowers IQ". The father said, "Let's get him qualified". The A&m scientists hooked the son up to the machine and slowly his IQ lowered. 170....160....150 when the machine went wild. Before anyone thought to pull the plug, his IQ was at -210, and he went into a coma.
Several weeks later in the hospital, the son started to show signs of stirring. The media gathered around his bed to see what the stupidest person in history had to say. The son woke up, and the first words out of his mouth were: "Go Horns" !!!!

[MyT Oklahoma]

While we are telling jokes, this is one of my favorites:

A Texas A&M graduate took his son to A&M to see if he would be accepted. They measured his IQ, and it was too high (180). They told the father, "We only accept students with a maximum of 100 IQ. Luckily we have invented a machine that lowers IQ". The father said, "Let's get him qualified". The A&m scientists hooked the son up to the machine and slowly his IQ lowered. 170....160....150 when the machine went wild. Before anyone thought to pull the plug, his IQ was at -210, and he went into a coma.
Several weeks later in the hospital, the son started to show signs of stirring. The media gathered around his bed to see what the stupidest person in history had to say. The son woke up, and the first words out of his mouth were: "Go Horns" !!!!

Oh heck.. I thought the kid said.. "I'm a Jay.. Jay.. Jay.. Jay.. Jayhawk.."

[Crucifax Autumn]

These are classic and funny, but there has to be someone on this site or elsewhere in the Sooner Nation who can come up with some new ones. I'm sick of hunting down jokes only to find the same ones I found years ago with a variant for every team in the NCAA.

[Tulsa_Fireman]

Q: Why don't University of Texas fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

http://i50.photobucket.com/albums/f312/Tonito44/ThatsRacist.gif

[humblesooner]

A favorite of mine.
While I heard it a few years back, I rarely hear it repeated, so maybe it will be new to you guys.

A family goes Christmas shopping at the mall.
The little boy sees an OU hat and likes it. he puts the hat on and tells the sister that he really likes the hat and wants one for Christmas.
The sister whacks him in the head and says "We're Horns. You can't have an OU hat. Go see your mother".
The boy goes to see his mother and tells her that he really likes the OU hat and wants it for Christmas. The mohter whacks him in the head and says "We're Horns. You can't have an OU hat. Go see your father".
The boy goes to see his father and tells him that he really likes the OU hat and wants it for Christmas. The father goes ballistic. He whacks the kid and whacks the kid. He curses him over and over again. Finally he grabs the hat from the bos's head and throws it in the trash.
As they are driving home from the mall, the father asks the boy if he learned anything today.
The boy replies "Yes".
"What did you learn?" asks the father.
"Well" said the boy, "I've only been a Sooner fan for an hour and I already hate you Texas bastards!!"

[humblesooner]

Double post

[frankensooner]

First time I heard that one, it was Darrell Royal and Barry Switzer. ;)

[goingoneight]

Mack Brown gets down 14 points late in the 4th quarter against OU... he calls a timeout and calls for Colt McCoy.

"Bail your teammates out, Colt." said the coach.

Colt replied, "not even Joe Jamail has enough to bail all those guys out, coach."

[Crucifax Autumn]

my favorite one of all time...

45-35!

[cheezyq]

Coach Mack Brown, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven,
God showed him around. They came to a nice little house with a small Longhorn
flag in the window.

"This house is yours for eternity, Mack," said God. "This is very
special; not everyone gets such a cozy house up here."

Mack felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the
porch, he noticed another house towering above the others just down the
street. It was a multi-story mansion with a Crimson and Cream sidewalk, a 50 foot tall flagpole with an enormous OU Sooner flag, and in every window
he could see Sooner fans laughing and watching replays of past OU games.

Mack looked at God and said, "God, I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I
have a question. I was a good coach, I went to 7 consecutive bowl games, won
a national championship, and turned around the Texas program."

God asked, "So what do you want to know, Mack?"

"Well, why does Bob Stoops get a better house than me?"

God chuckled, and said "Mack, that's not Bob's house, it's mine."

:D

Dude, you forgot the punchline to that joke...

"Mack, clearly full of frustration, frantically shouts, "BUT WE BEAT THEM HEAD-TO-HEAD!!!"

[Judge Smails]

Three graduates from Texas A&M, Texas, and Oklahoma are sitting around the
campfire.

The graduate from A&M said "I'm so tuff I can rope two dozen cattle in the
morning, shoe a dozen horses, and dig a well all in the same day."

"That's nothin", says the graduate from Texas, I'm so tuff I can rope three dozen cattle, raise-up a barn, and dig two wells all in the same day.

The Oklahoma graduate sat there looking down into the campfire, saying nothing, slowing stirring the coals with his penis.

[LesNessman]

What's the difference between DKR stadium and a porcupine?

A porcupine has 80,000 pr!@ks on the outside.