The Football Fan from Hell

[lexsooner]

I went to the U. of Kentucky vs. Arkansas game last night in Lexington, KY. My friend had tickets for alums of the UK law school. We got there a few minutes before kickoff, some not so great seats in the endzone right by the Arkansas fans. Right around kickoff, some middle-aged guy shows up with his friend and sits right behind us, next to some Arkansas fans. Within seconds, I hear the middle-aged guy say in a voice loud enough for the entire section to hear:

"So, where are you guys from . . . . I've done a deposition in Fayettville, AR [so he's a lawyer and UK alum, we got it]. . . . Man, me and my Dad went bass fishing there back in . . . . . So, they got any women with teeth in Arkansas [har har]. . . . S---, I'm from Western Ky, and my law practice . . . . . . .

For the entire first half, this guy has an on-going, non-stop, drunken, super-loud conversation with all the Arkansas fans around him. He sipped bourbon constantly and was so loud he could be heard for many rows. He was not distracted by football or anything. During the plays he kept talking:

"That f--- Sabin is f---- good. . . . Yeah, he can coach but he's a f---- dirtbag . . . . Your coach is the real deal. . . You know I remember how you had to buy out that black basketball coach. Boy, that f--- sucks, you know his raisin all that racial stuff. . . . You say the women is Arkansas got teeth? . . . What does ARK- Kansas mean anyway [UA fans says it means "River people in tribal language]. . . You mean like them Vietnamese boat people? Hell, I heard Arkansas is nuthin more than Northern Mexico! Of course Western Ky ain't exactly f---- diverse or nuthin. . . . . I got a law practice out there . . . . .

"You know I went bass fishin and s--- with my Dad in Arkansas, and we also went shark fishin in Florida and s---- . . . . . I know I might be gettin in f--- trouble tonight, but you know I am good buddies with the County Attorney Larry Roberts. . . . He will f--- take care of me. . . . . My first game I saw here we played that f--- Barry Switzer and OU. [AU fan: "Who won"] "Oklahoma won - can you believe we lost to THEM???" That Switzer ain't no f---- good. You know I like to go fishin with my Dad? S---, I'm an alum and they give me these f---- seats? Way to take care of us, UK!" . . . . . . blah, blah, blah. . . .

Loud mouth lawyer finally left right before halftime, as we did. We went to quiet restaurant and even though we missed the UK comeback in the fourth quarter, we decided our second half beat anything back at Commonwealth Stadium. I don't mind loud cheering, even cursing, but I could not stand an on-going, drunken, self-centered conversation. He even drove away another guy in front of him in the first quarter.

Feel free to share your fans from Hell stories.

[VeeJay]

Lawyer guy needed some teeth knocked out so he could match up with some of those Ark-KANSAS women he was checking out.

Nobody should have to suffer through a drunken clusterf--- like that.

If he wanted to yammer like that he could have taken his schtick to a nursing home and left football fans alone.

Just sayin'

[VeeJay]

In the SEC, LSU fans are known as some of the most vile, vicious drunken hooligans on the planet.

A buddy of mine and an Ole Miss fan (granted, OM has their share of obnoxious louts) was at an OM-LSU game. A spirited, shall we say, LSU fan was sitting behind him and kept bellering "Nah nah nah nah nah, our n----rs are better than your n----rs."

Long time ago, at a Miss State-Southern Miss game, two drunks sitting next to me were boozing it pretty hard and started with the F bombs not long after the kickoff. A couple of people with kids asked them to knock it off. They ended up picking a fight with some opposing fans who were just as drunk as they were. Of course, the pile of drunken humanity came over on top of me and my girlfriend. When the cops got there it was pretty much a group consensus about who got escorted out.